I write my part of NBFamilies blog on Fridays. This Friday just happens to be Black Friday. Say it out loud, slowly, in a low voice, “Black Friday.” In Black Fridays past, Thanksgiving Thursdays were interrupted with an insidious strategic war plan to out smart the weaker greedy consumers.
Some of us are facing a type of affection schizophrenia due to our love for Thanksgiving Day being splintered in between our love for family, our genuine thankfulness for God’s blessings, our love of a good sale, and purchasing gifts for our loved ones.
Instead of me ranting about how sinister is the insatiable consumer appetite, and admit it, you and me are unsettled about some major retailers starting Black Friday as early as Thanksgiving Thursday. AND it isn’t hard to envision all the best deals being snatched up by the ungrateful early buyers? I thought I would spend more time with my family and encourage you to read another blog about a families attempt to stem the rising tide of ungrateful kids.
On this Thanksgiving Day, knowing that I will be sitting down with my family soon to have an amazing dinner and probably leftovers the next day, I am reminded of a missions trip a few summers ago to Malawi, Africa.
Malawi is one of the poorest countries in the world. According to the World Bank 2009 data, of the 15 million people living in Malawi, 50.7% live in poverty and the life expectancy is 52.2 years of age.
We took lots of pictures while we were there. This picture below show the results of their harvest of corn still on the cob and in the husk, which was all picked from the field by hand. Remember this was only a couple of summers ago.
In America we have an abundance of corn harvested by a small number of men. Using huge machines, that pick the corn off the stalk, shell it from the cob, and pour the kernels into these huge wagons, this is ALL accomplished without one human hand touching the corn on the cob from the stalk to the wagon.
They pump their water by hand from a well into a large bucket that is then transported on top of the head of usually a woman or a child to their home. Sometimes they will walk over a mile or two, just to get fresh water, every day.
And in America we have not one faucet, but usually multiple faucets, in our homes. with both hot and cold water at our finger tips and within a short number of steps.Our water is purified for us. We don't have to boil it before we drink it. We have no worries about bacteria that will cause disease or may cost us our life.
We went to Malawi to share the Gospel with as many who would listen. There is no possible way we could help change their environment with one week in Malawi. According to Jesus' own words in the Gospel of John, He said this: “I am the breadoflife,” Jesus told them. “No one who comes to Me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in Me will ever be thirsty again." (John 6:35)
I am thankful we had the opportunity to share the Gospel with so many in Malawi who were hungering to hear the "truth" about Jesus Christ. I am also thankful for the reminder this Thanksgiving Day, that every time I get a drink of fresh water, it should remind me that we truly live in a rich country. We are a rich people, who need to understand perspective. We live in a land of plenty. How are we blessing others with the blessings we have been given? I pray that we don't take our blessings for granted and that we can teach our children and grand-children to be thankful for the opportunity to live in this great country and to share those blessings with those in need. Happy Thanksgiving everyone:)
I'm not sure about your family but mine loves the movies. In fact, many of my close friends know that the Academy Awards are as big a deal in my family as most folks treat the Super Bowl. Case in point: my mom and oldest sister get together each year and watch all the 'best picture nominations' the night before the "Oscars"... I told you it was a big deal!! Needless to say I was way pumped when during our first Thanksgiving with Courtney's family I heard about one of their biggest "Little Traditions": Going to the movies Thanksgiving Day!! Since we have a large family we are typically nailed down to a family film and most of the time I've been able to steer us in a positive direction. Thus, I'm assuming tomorrow we are going to Disney's 'Frozen' (which opened today)... And I have a plan to take it up a notch!!
So here's what I was thinking and where this ties into the point of this blog. Over the last several weeks I have been spending time with over a dozen families and discussing the different hopes and dreams of the New Beginnings' Faith Map. One of these steps is called the Faith Talk. This is where you as a family set a goal to meet for just a couple handful of minutes each week. In this time you shoot to be intentional in talking about the Bible and asking questions to engage your family. What I've personally seen recently is how easy this can be when you have kids in elementary school (See some examples of "Berg Family Fun Nights" click here) and how much more challenging it becomes when they become teenagers. One of the tools we've been equipping parents with recently is a combination of reviews from Plugged-In and The Source for Parents of new and upcoming movies. One of the coolest things even most recently by Plugged-In has be a specific resource they call "Movie Nights" which is a catalogue of movies with detailed reviews AND not only great discussion questions but biblical teaching points tied to the movie. Just to give you an example I attached a great one from 'The Count of Monte Cristo' (not a new movie but it is dynamite).
So this week (and really this month) I have a Holiday Challenge... Will you take 10-20 minutes and have a faith talk with your family (get the aunts, uncles and cousins in on it!!)? I've given you a really easy way to start this tradition: take something you probably already do, watching movies, and just prep for a couple minutes to discuss what faith principles you saw in the film.
Please comment below if you are committing to The Holiday Challenge:
Two Faith Talks over the Holidays (Thanksgiving & Christmas)!!
*Also, we as the NBFamily Pastors' have been working on a 15-week Faith Talk series to walk you through the major events of the Bible from cover to cover. Each 'Week' has a: theme, bible reading (or Action Bible reading), key verse, teaching points, discussion questions, a prayer and an activity to tie it all together!! So what's your excuse :) Click here for those
May God give us the discipline to do the hard thing this holiday season... May the Spirit direct our conversations and lead us to the cross... May You continue to work in each of our hearts to be your hands and feet in our families and communities... May You forgive us for being passive in this part of our lives but give us the courage to go for it this week... May we learn to love you more this season!!
The Berg's
*Follow Jeff (Family Pastor of High School), also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram
Last week, I started a four week series on “Faithfulness.” The four weeks focus on faithfulness in four areas of life: to Christ, to spouse, to children, to mission or personal ministry. For me, that is the order I believe we need to be careful in observing. If we begin to put ministry in front of our own relationship with Christ—things fall apart. If we begin to put our children before our spouse we disrupt God’s design of marriage and make children the center of the marriage instead of Christ. It should be an overflow from our relationship with Christ that flows to other areas in our lives.
I remember being immersed in ministry, trying to build relationships, having our second little boy, and being loaded down with seminary books and papers. My wife and I were talking about how quick time flashes by and your little baby has turned into a toddler. And then the fun toddler years, with all the funny expressions and sayings, pass on to the preschool years. We wanted to make sure we were living each day to its fullest. We didn’t want to get through the years with small children in merely “maintain” or “survival” mode. We wanted to take the time to listen to them and enjoy them and treasure the moments with them.
In some cases, that is much easier said than done. After our third one arrived it meant re-assessing our time and expectations. I wanted to learn to be faithful with the small things that I knew God had placed right in front of me. This week, we'll look at faithfulness to children.
As I stated last week, we must learn to live 120%—right now!
5 AREAS OF FAITHFULNESS TO CHILDREN 1. Faithfulness means pausing, engaging, and enjoying them in the moment—right now—instead of tolerating their silly behavior as you look over them to finish the current task.
I remember going for several weeks being frustrated because of the noise level and the seemingly unending chaos of all three boys swirling around the living room floor as I tried to talk to Jamie or finish some homework or enjoy a game on tv. I kept wondering why they couldn’t just sit still and quiet and let me finish what I was trying to do. And then it hit me. Life wasn’t about the next task being accomplished. Life wasn’t about putting a checkmark beside something we were working on. Life was right there in front of me—those three little lives—wanting me to join them and get down on their level. My expectation was that they needed to allow for my enjoyment of peace and quiet. But they weren’t supposed to sit still—they were little boys playing in a living room floor. My expectation was what was off.
Life was about engaging with them and enjoying them “in process.” Life is not about the next step or the next big event. It is all the moments in between the milestones that they will remember. If I’m always just hurried to complete the next task at home or even the next ministry event that includes them—if I miss out on THEM in the process—I’ve really missed out. They begin to learn that the events and tasks are the important things—not life in process between the events. They begin to be hurried and stressed by the stuff instead of learning to enjoy relationships. We began to fight the urge to “look over” their noise and instead to enjoy them in what they were doing. We only get a short period of time to do this with them. Before we know it, this season of life will have passed. We want to enjoy it and not just survive it.
2. Faithfulness requires action—having a spiritual plan for their hearts—not just good intentions.
We had to think through how costly it will be in truly trying to raise them up in the fear of the Lord. That doesn’t happen by merely requiring them to attend church once a week.
We want to have a simple, workable plan with intentional times each week where we are spending time looking at God’s word and the implications it has on our lives. We also want to have milestones along the way to strive for that become markers of continued growth and maturity. These are not an equation. This is not an attempt at legalistic “doing,” but instead, in response to what Christ has already accomplished for us—“being” a person captivated in Christ.
3. Faithfulness means to explain the gospel to them when you correct them—don’t aim at behavior modification.
Disobedience is an opportunity to show them sin in their heart as well as Christ being their only hope. Compare that to “be still…stop playing around…behave yourself!” We want to be faithful in using correction times to point to Jesus as what they need—not better moral behavior for my approval.
4. Faithfulness means to be intentional and purposeful in using the Scriptures.
We have to trust that God’s word is what their hearts need for regeneration (salvation) and maturity (sanctification). Deuteronomy 6:6 says, “the commands I am commanding you today shall be on your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your sons…” In the New Testament Paul tells Timothy “from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith, which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, reproof, correcting, and training in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:15-16).
This reveals that the expectation is that we should be teaching our children at young ages that the Scriptures are where we find solid teaching, rebuke, correction, and training towards righteousness. This means that we must learn to not only be familiar ourselves with what Scripture teaches, but that we must learn to use the Scriptures in guiding our children. Sending them to church and reciting John 3:16 does not equate with diligently teaching them.
Am I “teaching” my children the Scriptures and implications of God’s word? Am I “reproving” my children with “no-no’s” or am I pointing them to what is correct and true? Am I “correcting” (restoring/straightening) my children using the Scriptures? Am I “training” my children using the Scriptures? Many parents take their children to church every time the doors are open and provide them with the best schooling around—but cannot understand why attitudes and behaviors go on unchecked and unchanged. What if the Scriptures, in the power of the Holy Spirit, are the only lasting change we can really look to? Do I know where to turn in the Scriptures to correct attitudes and behaviors my child is dealing with? Do I know how to point my child’s thoughts and heart towards Christ in the Scriptures to see lasting change from sin? 5. Faithfulness means to be intentional and purposeful in guiding their hearts to live for eternal matters—not fleeting pursuits of pride, position, and possessions.
As parents, we do not realize that our emphasis in pushing them heavily towards academics, sports, entertainment, image, and worldly success—with no emphasis on gospel mission—is guiding their hearts more than we realize towards living for temporal versus eternal things. Sometimes, we are implicitly teaching them that the things of this world are what really matter in life—at the cost of marginalizing eternal matters. We would never say that—but it might be what our time and our priorities are actually revealing about what we treasure.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. There’s
time to relax with friends and family, always plenty of food, football games on
the tube, tryptophan induced naps, desserts, and plenty of leftovers for the
next week or so. I mean, what's not to love? I also enjoy this holiday because
its very title reminds me to pause and consider all I have to be grateful for.
And as I count my blessings this year, I recognize God’s abundant grace and
favor. I'm married to my best friend that just so happens to be extremely
attractive and a lot of fun to spend time with (see picture below). We have three healthy children
that daily bring genuine joy and laughter to our home. We also just moved into
a new house with the help of many friends that put in some late nights of heavy
lifting and unloading to help us make the transition smoothly. Meanwhile we had
numerous others that offered to be available and would have been there had we
asked. We are relationally rich! We are also fortunate to minister and belong to a
church that seeks to make much of Jesus by proclaiming the hope of the gospel to
families and individuals. Additionally, I’m grateful to serve alongside a staff and group of volunteers that not only care for each other, but also long to make a kingdom impact within our community. And that's just the tip of the iceberg
(or for those who read last week, the visible part of the Easter Island heads).
I could go on and on but the bottom line is this: The Lord has been so gracious!
And while I am beyond grateful for all I just mentioned, I feel it is
imperative that I express one more thing that I'm particularly thankful for
this year… I am thankful for the ability to be moved.
My wife being exaggeratedly excited about my superb parking job.
A couple more inches and we would have lost our security deposit.
Earlier this month we were able to spend a week
in Haiti. While we were there, we had some firsthand experiences of the raw
realities of life. Of course, we saw entire towns and villages filled with
people far less privileged than us. We saw poverty and sickness and a way of
life that is far different from our cozy comforts here in the states. Unfortunately
we also witnessed tragedy strike the community where we were staying, as a five
year-old boy passed away with complications from an illness. Of all we
observed, I’m not sure any was more impactful. As the parents mourned, we were
blessed to see this particular village pull together to love and surround the
grieving family. Look, I know that stories such as this happen here every day.
In fact, I’ve had similar heartache visit some of my loved ones too. I hear sad
stories like this far too often, but there was something about being pulled
away from my responsibilities and routine that allowed me to slow down and take
a special notice. The sorrowful news didn’t just pass by like so many others.
It affected me. I was able to see and feel and soak up the emotion of the entire
experience and it deeply moved me.
Honestly, I am grateful to be able to feel such
empathy – to identify the value in others and see hurt in a way that produces a
sense of compassion. Simply put, it was grace extended to me that allowed me to
feel for those individuals. Lord knows there are far too many times that I’m
indifferent or so consumed with myself that I have no real time to be concerned
for others. My heart has been hard and distant for seasons, but God has been merciful to
not let me remain in such a sad condition. He has closed the gap. He has drawn
near and softened my spirit. This type of grace is so often overlooked, but in
this season I’m extremely grateful for it. My prayer for us this week is that
we may be moved. If we are in a rut, may the Lord bring us out! If we’ve been
too hectic and busy to process His goodness, may He slow our pace that we might
contemplate more deeply on Him. Perhaps as we consider the Lord's presence and
provision, we might ultimately look to the cross and be reminded of the hope that’s
found in the empty tomb. May we think on God and have our affections for Christ
stirred. Might we see His favor that helps us to capture life’s significant moments
and may we be moved.
“God's solution is a prayer away! Prayer is the window that God has placed in the walls of our world. Leave it shut and the world is a cold, dark house. But throw back the curtains and see His light. Open the window and hear His voice. Open the window of prayer and invoke the presence of God in your world.
There are so many promises is the bible about the power of prayer (Philippians 4:6-7; Matthew 7:7; Matthew 18:19; 21:22; Mark 11:24; Luke 11:13; John 14:13-14; 16:23; Romans 10:12; Hebrews 4:16; 1 John 5:14-15).
So, why don’t I pray more?
I may not be able to explain how prayer works but I can explain that prayer was modeled for me in scripture over and over again. Think for a minute about praying people in the Bible.
Abraham prayed for a city (Gen. 18:20-33).
Moses prayed for God’s people (Exod. 32:11-13).
Joshua prayed for guidance (Josh. 7:1-26).
Hannah prayed for a child (1 Sam. 1:1-20).
Solomon prayed for wisdom (1 Kings 3:1-15).
The prophets of God prayed, too (1 Kings 18:36-39; Jer. 20:7-18).
The early church prayed fervently (Acts 1:14, 3:1, 4:31, 6:4, 10:9, 12:5, 13:3, 14:23, 16:25, 20:36, 28:8).
The apostle Paul prayed for believers (e.g., Rom. 1:8, 1 Cor. 1:4).
Jesus, of course, modeled a life of prayer (e.g., Matt. 26:36-46; Mark 1:35; Luke 4:42; John 17).
The point is that God’s people have prayed and God’s Word recorded it for us. There must be a reason for this.
So, why don’t I pray more?
So prayer matters, and God’s people must be a praying people.
Too often, though, we don’t pray until we feel like we have to – that is, until we face a situation we can’t handle on our own. There is a better way.
God is up to something very special at New Beginnings Church. But I can’t help but think He want to do more. Something powerful. Something inexplicable. I believe that the future will be even more powerful if we would bathe each day in genuine heartfelt prayer.
Join me in this simply and strategic 10 days of prayer? Find time each of the next ten days to pray these ways for New Beginnings Church.
Day 1 – Pray for your church staff and leaders. If you are the only staff member, pray for yourself and the other spiritual leaders (e.g., deacons, elders). Pray that all will be holy, passionate, and evangelistic.
Day 2 – Pray for our D Group leaders. Ask God to give them a caring heart, a teaching ability, and a prayerful spirit. Pray they will willingly reproduce themselves and multiply their groups.
Day 3 – Pray for the children in your church. Pray your church will give them such grounding in the gospel they will always think about Christian faithfulness when confronted with the world’s options. Ask God to raise up a next generation of missionaries from your children.
Day 4 – Pray for the students in your church. In particular, pray for those whose parents do not attend. Then, pray the students will be vibrant witnesses in their schools. Ask the Lord to give them strength in temptation.
Day 5 – Pray for the couples in your church. Lift them up by name, and pray for their marriages. Pray that each husband will love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Intercede especially for those couples you know are struggling.
Day 6 – Pray Ephesians 6:18-20 and Colossians 4:2-4 for ten leaders in your church. Ask God to give them boldness in sharing, clarity in message, and others ready to hear. A few members with a thirst for evangelism can spark an awakening.
Day 7 – Pray for new believers in your church. Ask the Lord to raise up leaders who would led them to become disciples. Pray that they would find a redemptive, missional community (D Group) to pattern vibrant faith for them.
Day 8 – Pray for your church to be a Great Commission-minded church. Commit to pray for an unreached people group [http://media1.imbresources.org/files/167/16709/16709-93098.pdf]around the world. If your congregation is already going to the nations, pray for more members to go.
Day 9 – Pray for more laborers in your church (Matt. 9:35-38). Jesus told us to pray that way, so be obedient to His command. You may find you seldom struggle in finding workers when you pray this way.
Day 10 – Pray for our next Sunday service. Ask God to make Himself known in such a powerful way in response to your prayers that your members recognize a difference.
Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the One who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.
This thanksgiving season lets make our voices be heard to God.
Never under estimate the impact siblings can have on one another.
I played basketball in high school. I never got the opportunity to be in the starting five, but our coach played a "run and gun" style of offense and a pressing defense. We played about ten guys pretty regularly to keep up with that kind of running style of both offense and defense. My senior year I worked extremely hard for the opportunity of more playing time. I was much better at defense than offense. It earned me the right to be the first player off the bench. Some may call that the proverbial "sixth man" and I was usually called on to defend the other opponents' better shooters, even if they were 6 inches taller than me. I was content with being "that guy" on a team that fell just two games short of making the state tournament my senior year.
My brother was a year younger than me and also played basketball. He was an inch taller and a much better shooter. He actually got to start a few games, which didn't bother me much, because I knew he was a better shooter and deserved a starting spot.
My brother went on to play basketball at a junior college. He wasn't recruited there to play. He just wanted to play in college and so he tried out and made the team. I never got to see him play in college because he went to a California college and I was living in Iowa and was never able to travel to see him play.
And now for my favorite question. What's the point? Why I am telling you this story?
Because a few years later, I was talking to my mom and we happened to be talking about my brother and the influence I had on him. I told her I didn't think I had much influence on him at all. I thought we were pretty different from each other. I was in business and he chose to be a graphic artist. She told me that he specifically chose the basketball jersey number I wore in high school when he made the junior college team. She told me that he told her the reason he chose that number was because he had watched me work my tail off in practice and in the games when I was a senior, just to get playing time and never getting the opportunity to start in a game.He knew that he was going to have to work that hard to make the team and to get playing time himself.
My brother never told me that story. I would have never known about it had my mom not shared it with me.I will never forget that story. I had no idea he was watching me to see how hard I was working and that it would make that kind of impact on him.
I used that story to remind my oldest daughter, Larissa that your two year younger sister, Bridgette is watching you. You can have an influence on her for the positive or the negative. She is looking up to you and watching everything you do. Be the role model for her that God would want for you to be. I told the same thing to older step son Karis about his four year younger brother Kenny. Your little brother is looking up to you. You may never hear from them what kind of impact you are making on them and in what way, but you can make a difference in their life for good.
I have seen the influence that both Larissa and Karis have had on their younger siblings, in their faith, academics, athletics and their social behavior. Monica and I are SO blessed they both chose to listen to those directions and to lead their sister and brother well. It has and it will continue to be a blessing to both of them to have made that commitment and then to follow through with it.
Several years ago Dove (yes, the soap) started a campaign called "Real Beauty" in which they wanted to point out the problems in our culture in the way we view 'beauty' and communicate that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Though I'm not trying to sell you Dove products (and no, I do not own stock) or saying their company does everything right, I love this campaign and the videos they have made to address it. One of their newest is called "Beauty Sketches" and is getting a lot of traffic this week via social media and I wanted to ask if you'd watch it with me (posted below)?
What about you? How do you feel about yourself? Do you think you are Beautiful?
I'm unsure of what you thought of this video but for me it strikes my core (like yes, I cried watching this). No... I'm not a girl and though that seemed to be the audience for this video, it still got to me. I'm a man with a calling to love people (students to be even more specific) and there's nothing that tears my heart more than seeing kids beat up emotionally (and physically) by culture, their peers and even themselves. Thus, telling teens that they are special and loved (often I use "Awesome") is one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world!!
There are lots of reasons we get down on ourselves... What is your reason?
- Bad relationship with your Mom/Dad growing up?
- Did you have a rough middle school experience?
- Has the divorce caused you to think you are unlovable?
- Are you ashamed of some past 'sin' that makes you feel ugly?
- Do you just not feel as "successful" as the family next door?
Let me shift for a second and talk about our kids:
Did you know that 1 out of 3 girls are sexually abused before they reach 18 (1 out of 6 for boys)? Did you know that it raises to 2 out of 3 girls if you throw in their freshmen year of college? Let that sink in...
With all of what we talked about in our own lives and then echoed with our own children... No wonder we feel "ugly"!! No wonder we search for affection and love "in all the wrong places"!! No wonder really bad things are happening in our culture and schools every day!!
BUT there's Good News... There's Hope!!
In a love letter written by a boy named Solomon he states: "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no blemish in you." This is the same way Jesus sees you!! That was too fast... Go back and read that again!! In Genesis Moses states that God thinks you're "very good"... In Zephaniah it states that the Lord "delights in you", as well as rejoicing and singing over you!!
I love the saying pictured below...
God is so in love with you AND HE LIKES YOU!!! If you've grown up in the "Bible Belt" you've probably been told that God loves you more times than you can count but did you know that God likes you!! He loves hearing from you, spending time with you, watching you, holding you!! God is crazy about you because you are exactly the way He created you... BEAUTIFUL!!
May you feel His love a little more today... May we pass that love on to others... May Jesus become as precious to you as you are to Him... May our kids know that we not only love them but like them... May the Spirit prompt us in taking opportunities to tell others how beautiful they are... May you rest in the loving arms of the Creator today... May you believe!!
Click on the links below to see more of Dove's Real Beauty Campaign videos:
- Camera Shy(showing how as we get older we become ashamed)
- Self-Esteem(showing the way we tear ourselves down)
- Onslaught(showing the assault from media & culture on our kids)
- Will Quit(showing the effects of how we feel has on our activities)
- Evolution(showing how far photoshop takes modeling)
The Berg's
*Follow Jeff (Family Pastor of High School), also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram
For the next four weeks, I wanted to explore four areas in life where faithfulness is essential. I hope you join in for the connected blogs. The first and most important area of faithfulness is my relationship with Christ Himself. Second is my relationship with my wife, Jamie. Third is my relationship with the three little boys on loan to me by their Creator. And fourth are the relationshipsand ministry opportunities outside of my family.
I’m going to leave the first area, relationship with Christ, for the last of the four weeks. It will be getting close to Christmas and a great time to focus our thoughts on Him. So I’ll start this week with faithfulness in marriage.
WEEK 1 — FAITHFUL IN YOUR MARRIAGE
She wears the hat only on Tuesdays.
Are you living your life for that “next” big thing? Are you merely getting through everyday life while anticipating that “next big step” for you or your family?
We need to learn to “Live…120%…Right Now!” Concerning faithfulness to your wife that means pursuing, engaging, and enjoying her more than getting caught up in the next step or next big success in life. It means living with her in focus and not marginalized. That means allowing the gospel to shape my thoughts to "love her the way Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5).
As I taught college students for years, I relayed to them how I used to live life thinking about that next big step or next stage of life event. For some people that next step is graduation, then the promising degree, then the excitement of a spouse and marriage, then the opportunistic career, then the new home, then children, then stabilizing and securing your career, then the vacations, then planning well for retirement. And the list goes on.
The next big step is what we’re pursuing. And if we’re not careful, we miss out on the real moments of life that God has given us by focusing our eyes only on the larger events.
The tragedy many times is that the list of “next big steps” in life becomes so much of a focus that they steal the enjoyment and pleasure out of the mundane moments of everyday life. We don't have time to stop and enjoy the little things with those closest to us because we're so nervously in pursuit of that next successful step. I want to be faithful in leading and loving my wife in the mundane of life. That means taking time each day to enjoy her and talk with her even when other things press in for my time and attention.
I’m not the best at great gifts and well-planned surprises when it comes to my wife’s birthday. I have friends that amaze me in their creative ability to surprise their spouse with a trip or a great gift. I’m also not going to win any awards for wowing Jamie with an anniversary surprise to some beautiful island. I would probably ruin the trip for her. I’m not that great of a traveler either.
Birthdays, anniversaries, and special events are not what define our marriage. Being intentional in having great conversations the other 364 days of the year may actually go farther than a trip to Spain. Being intentional in pursuing her and letting her know she’s still my dream girl consistently each week of the year may mean more than a new shiny gift or a week’s vacation. And please don't misunderstand me. We love nice trips and family vacations. But the point is that the important stuff happens in day-to-day interactions.
She thrives in uninterrupted conversation and face-to-face quality time. Having three little boys all trying to get out of going to bed adds tension to those things taking place. But we have to draw the line each night to be able to have our own time together without interruption. Our best times of deeper communication are from nine to midnight. That means we’re up late talking when we could be sleeping. But it’s a sacrifice well worth it over time.
The daily habits of pursuing her and finding out what she’s thinking about are a lifelong intriguing pursuit. I want to know her thoughts about our own relationship, where our boy's hearts are in their faith journey, and how well we’re truly living out the Great Commandment (Matt. 22:37-40) and Great Commission (Matt: 28:18-20).
Romance on Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, and the Anniversary is three days out of the year. I don’t know about the other wives out there, but true romance to Jamie isn’t measured by three days on a calendar.
Again, that means that I want to live…120%…right now...leading and loving my wife.
I want to get better at surprising her and making special dates with her this next year. But I want her to know day in and day out that she’s just as special to me now as she was when I pursued her while dating. I want her to know that she’s just as interesting and intriguing even fifteen years into marriage. There’s still lots to learn and find amazing about this woman that God brought into my life.
What does focused faithfulness look like with your wife?
Are you pursuing your wife or simply passing time with her?
Are you leading and loving your wife by communicating with her well each week?
Does she feel valued and treasured or does she feel marginalized?
So
there is this simple thought I’ve been mulling over for a while now. It is one
of those things I find myself contemplating quite often. As I ponder its
implications this morning, I’m quite certain it will not strike everyone as
profoundly insightful, yet I think it might offer all of us a sense of hope.
Perhaps it might even serve as an encouragement as we enter the new week. The
simple thought I can’t seem to escape here lately is this: We just may not know… Now let me spend the next few paragraphs explaining
what I mean.
Sometimes
it seems we are only privy to the bad news. I know this isn’t the case but it
sure feels that way at times. We often
hear of a tragic accident or incident and find our hearts and minds immediately
flooded with thoughts of regret. We participate in that which has yet to
produce a single winner, though it has defeated many of folk. We play the
dreaded “What if?” game. “What if we
had done something different? What if we had said something? What if we had
been more available? What if we hadn’t (fill in the blank)...? What if?
The
problem with the “What if?” game is
that we just can’t know the outcome to such scenarios. It is perfectly normal
to go to that place of thinking, but since there is no way of going back in
time, staying there can become futile and even harmful. It is for this reason
that I’d like to suggest a different way of looking at our day-to-day
interactions. Often it seems that we must wait to see the fruit of our labor.
We invest in people and relationships, and the like, only to wait and see what
may come of such intentional deposits. So as we are inundated with stories of
heartache and “failure”, we just patiently long for a time that we can see what
our efforts and strivings have wrought.
Well,
what if our attitudes and behaviors are actually more impactful than we
realize? What if we are actively preventing tragedies and heartaches and hurt
each day we follow after our Savior and pursue loving one another as He
commanded? Consider each time we acknowledge a stranger as a fellow image-bearer
of God. Each time we look them in the eye and graciously esteem them as
valuable, we may be doing more good than we ever know. Our phone call to
check-up in on a buddy, may offer encouragement for him to hang in there a bit
longer. We may be giving a sense of belonging and hope that saves a marriage.
We might be the ones that spur others to keep the faith, simply by following-up
with someone we’ve been praying for. We may be a conduit of comfort that
literally keeps one from stepping off the ledge. As a parent, think of what we
are doing when we follow through with discipline. We may keep our child from
playing in the street and safe from physical harm. Just as importantly, we may be instilling the truth and values that save our children from poisonous relationships and unhealthy
ways of seeing themselves. Yes, our influence may be far greater than we ever
imagined.
I take
none of this lightly. It is a serious thing to facilitate thoughts of life and
death and tragedy and all that is between. When tough times strike, we are
often prone to blame ourselves. It is in such times one must trust that God is
bigger and His understanding is greater. We are forced to rely on Him in those
seasons. And if that is indeed what we find, perhaps we ought to look to Him
today as well. Just maybe this Monday’s absence of such trials is a reminder of
God’s goodness and grace extended to us. Maybe there is more that meets the eye
– far more than we can see. Perhaps our faithfulness is invited to team with His
divine purposes to not only save lives and avoid suffering, but just maybe, to
also impact souls for eternity. There is a way of living in the hope of Christ
that constantly keeps the big picture in mind. Today offers us a unique
opportunity to make an impact for His kingdom. The specifics of how deep this
will go and how it will take place and what it will look like exactly, well, those
are facts that we just may not know…
