For the next four weeks, I wanted to explore four areas in life where faithfulness is essential. I hope you join in for the connected blogs. The first and most important area of faithfulness is my relationship with Christ Himself. Second is my relationship with my wife, Jamie. Third is my relationship with the three little boys on loan to me by their Creator. And fourth are the relationships and ministry opportunities outside of my family.
I’m going to leave the first area, relationship with Christ, for the last of the four weeks. It will be getting close to Christmas and a great time to focus our thoughts on Him. So I’ll start this week with faithfulness in marriage.
WEEK 1 — FAITHFUL IN YOUR MARRIAGE
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| She wears the hat only on Tuesdays. |
Are you living your life for that “next” big thing? Are you merely getting through everyday life while anticipating that “next big step” for you or your family?
We need to learn to “Live…120%…Right Now!” Concerning faithfulness to your wife that means pursuing, engaging, and enjoying her more than getting caught up in the next step or next big success in life. It means living with her in focus and not marginalized. That means allowing the gospel to shape my thoughts to "love her the way Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5).
As I taught college students for years, I relayed to them how I used to live life thinking about that next big step or next stage of life event. For some people that next step is graduation, then the promising degree, then the excitement of a spouse and marriage, then the opportunistic career, then the new home, then children, then stabilizing and securing your career, then the vacations, then planning well for retirement. And the list goes on.
The next big step is what we’re pursuing. And if we’re not careful, we miss out on the real moments of life that God has given us by focusing our eyes only on the larger events.
The tragedy many times is that the list of “next big steps” in life becomes so much of a focus that they steal the enjoyment and pleasure out of the mundane moments of everyday life. We don't have time to stop and enjoy the little things with those closest to us because we're so nervously in pursuit of that next successful step. I want to be faithful in leading and loving my wife in the mundane of life. That means taking time each day to enjoy her and talk with her even when other things press in for my time and attention.
I’m not the best at great gifts and well-planned surprises when it comes to my wife’s birthday. I have friends that amaze me in their creative ability to surprise their spouse with a trip or a great gift. I’m also not going to win any awards for wowing Jamie with an anniversary surprise to some beautiful island. I would probably ruin the trip for her. I’m not that great of a traveler either.
- Birthdays, anniversaries, and special events are not what define our marriage. Being intentional in having great conversations the other 364 days of the year may actually go farther than a trip to Spain. Being intentional in pursuing her and letting her know she’s still my dream girl consistently each week of the year may mean more than a new shiny gift or a week’s vacation. And please don't misunderstand me. We love nice trips and family vacations. But the point is that the important stuff happens in day-to-day interactions.
- She thrives in uninterrupted conversation and face-to-face quality time. Having three little boys all trying to get out of going to bed adds tension to those things taking place. But we have to draw the line each night to be able to have our own time together without interruption. Our best times of deeper communication are from nine to midnight. That means we’re up late talking when we could be sleeping. But it’s a sacrifice well worth it over time.
- The daily habits of pursuing her and finding out what she’s thinking about are a lifelong intriguing pursuit. I want to know her thoughts about our own relationship, where our boy's hearts are in their faith journey, and how well we’re truly living out the Great Commandment (Matt. 22:37-40) and Great Commission (Matt: 28:18-20).
- Romance on Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, and the Anniversary is three days out of the year. I don’t know about the other wives out there, but true romance to Jamie isn’t measured by three days on a calendar.
I want to get better at surprising her and making special dates with her this next year. But I want her to know day in and day out that she’s just as special to me now as she was when I pursued her while dating. I want her to know that she’s just as interesting and intriguing even fifteen years into marriage. There’s still lots to learn and find amazing about this woman that God brought into my life.
- What does focused faithfulness look like with your wife?
- Are you pursuing your wife or simply passing time with her?
- Are you leading and loving your wife by communicating with her well each week?
- Does she feel valued and treasured or does she feel marginalized?
- Are you living 120%...right now?
Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Families
sankie@nbchurch.info
nbchurch.info
nbfamilies.info
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