I grew up with an alcoholic father. He was never physically abusive and wasn't constantly drunk, but he was definitely an alcoholic. This didn't prevent him from doing things sober, like working every day, running a business, coaching me in little league baseball, teaching me how to shoot a jump shot, or to shoot a gun, or to drive a car.
In Iowa, where I grew up, you could get a drivers permit when you turned 14. Prior to me turning 14, my dad and mom began allowing me to start the car to allow it to warm up in the winter time. So, I had done this many times for my mother before she would take us to school. One Sunday morning, I got up early to attend church with my dad. As my dad got ready, I asked him if I could start the van to warm it up(my dad owned a Ford Van which he used for a TV and Appliance business he owned). He said, "sure, do you know how to start it?" I said, "yes, it's no problem. I start mom's car all of the time". He said, "this is different though, just be careful." "Ya, ya dad no problem, I got this."
This is not the actual company van pictured below. Our van was red, but this one is similar in style.
So, I stuck the key in the ignition of the van and turned it forward and the van revved up, lurched forward a little bit and then stalled. Hmmm, that was weird, I thought to myself. So, I turned the key again. The van revved up and this time lurched forward and kept going right into the garage.The house pictured below was the house I lived in and this is not the exact garage, because it was remodeled in 2008, but I think you get the picture, pun intended.
Well, I almost caused the roof of the garage to collapse, took out the garage door, cracked the windshield of the van and did some damage to the front end. Strangely enough my dad never heard it happen and my mom, sister and brother were still sleeping. So, I went back into the house and stood in front of the bathroom door where my dad was brushing his teeth and told him what happened. I was pretty upset as you could imagine and I had no idea how my dad was going to respond. Especially since this was his one and only delivery van for work.
My dad was extremely calm. He didn't get upset with me. He asked me if I was hurt in any way, which I was not. He even went out to the van and backed it out of the garage and then we drove it to church! I was amazed at how calm he was and then he even joked a little with me on the way to church about thinking how mom was going to react when she got up that morning and looked out the window to see the garage.
I can give you other examples, of mistakes I made like that when my dad reacted in a similar way. When I was 19, I pulled out onto a 4 lane street(two lanes going North and two going South) and there was a small car in a blind spot that I didn't see. The car basically drove straight into my driver side door, busted out my window and threw me across the other side of the car. My car looked like the one below, before I totaled it.
I called my dad, who was at work, to tell him about my accident and the first thing out of his mouth was "are you OK?" I was very understanding. He had compassion for me.
I learned from my dad how to respond to my children when accidents happen. I learned from him, by how he treated me. Despite his own issues with alcohol, my dad demonstrated his love for me by showing kindness and compassion in my failures.
Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg
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