Valentine's Day is 15 days away!

Positive Marriage is New Beginnings Church's Marriage Class. It meets on Wednesday Nights at 6:30 Starting February 18, 2015. Sign up here.

On Fridays I have started a series that is addressing the importance of modeling gospel driven marriages. God is the Architect of the brilliant plan to capture the hearts of the generations through His families (Malachi 4:6). God has designed the family to be the channel to pass on His plan for redemption to the next generation (Genesis 12:1-3; Psalm 78:3-8).
NBFamilies are working to discover providential opportunities where - traditional parents, single parents, grand parents, step parents, foster parents - can experience God’s life changing presence in their homes.

Let this sink in:

• Our kid’s hearts are being shaped by observing our marriages.
• Our kid’s faith is being influenced by observing how we treat each other as husband and wife.
• Our kid’s faith, their ability to trust, their sense of safety and security, is either being bolstered or being destroyed every day, as they watch us.
• Since marriage is a metaphor for God’s love for His church, (Ephesians 5:25-32) what are our kids learning as they study how we relate to one another?

For the past 13 weeks I have written about how to improve you marriage and why it is so vital to your family.

1. Week #1: - Our Kids Study Us!
2. Week #2 - Don’t Raise Your Voice With Me!
3. Week #3 - Don’t Shut Me Out!
4. Week #4 - Befriending My Spouse
5. Week #5 - 10 Tips for a Successful Conversation
6. Week #6 – “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,” but a Lack of Intimacy Will Hurt Me Too!
7. Week #7 – I’m Sorry. I’m not listening!
8. Week #8 - "I can't get him to open up." "She won't hush!"
9. Week #9 - "Something is Wrong in My Marriage." "She won't hush!"
10. Week #10 - Marriage is Under Attack!
11. Week #11 - Please Help My Marriage!
12. Week #12 - What I Like About You!

The bible expresses the highest value of marriage in both the Old and New Testaments, Yet modern marriage patterns place mounting stressors and, left unchanged, ultimate failure on the future :

• How do have a marriage that honors God?
• How do have a marriage where both spouses feel valued and appreciated?
• How do have a marriage that raises godly children who fear the Lord?

---

NEW CONTENT

---

Creating a marriage that honors God, builds up both spouses, and raises godly children is actually very uncomplicated. Successfully married couples have stumbled upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming positive thoughts and feelings about each other.

Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

As the apostle Paul describes in Ephesians 5:25-28 , it is the simple truth that healthy marriages are based on a deep and unshakable love alliance. This deep and unshakable love alliance will result in ascribing worth, honor, and value to your spouse:

• Both spouses experience a mutual respect and enjoyment for time with each other.
• Both spouses are deliberately inclined to know each other through and through.
• Both spouses accurately understand each other’s preferences, aversions, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams.
• Both spouses have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in big ways but a little ways each and every day.
• Both spouses manage their schedules so that they can spend time with one another. When they are together they are invested in one another.

Focusing on minor details, managing schedules, and intentionally paying attention may not seem like romance. However, it is attention to these small things that help build the foundation for a deep and unshakable love alliance. As a result these couples have a marriages that are far more passionate than couples who only take expensive romantic vacations and lavish one another with anniversary gifts but have fallen out of touch with one another in their day-to-day lives. Fun and friendship are the firewood that stokes the flame of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling angry and lonely toward your spouse.
As Valentine Day approaches the pressure and expectation of expressing amorous thoughts begins to build. Couples who have not attributed worth, honor, and value to one another may suffer from believing any gestures of romance are selfish or insincere. This is a dangerous marriage dynamic. But the dynamic can be reversed though daily, deliberate expressions of fondness.

• Say please and thank you.
• Be complementary and flirt.
• Plan something fun and share laughter.
• Listen to your spouse’s stories without being distracted.
• Watch what they like to watch on television and discuss it with them.
• Send fun and clever text messages for no apparent reason.
• Leave brief voicemails that dispense importance and attraction rather than annoyance and frustration.
• Make time for one another.
• Be polite, respectful, kind, and playful.

These intentional expressions of affection are not difficult but they are important. And they bring credibility to your gestures of romance.
Jesus doesn't promise you will always have perfect marriage, but He promises you can have an eternal anchor for your soul: THE GOSPEL (John 16:33). Our kids need to see what it looks like to follow Christ more than they need to hear what we say it is like to follow Christ. Parents are the models of following Christ. This is no easy task. Yet there is no better way to teach them than to show them. Our kids need to see us struggle, mess up, yet reply with gospel centered reconciliation.
Our responses to one another, must be Christ-like, God focused, and gospel centered!

1. Mistakes are made,
2. Grace is offered,
3. Forgiveness is experienced,
4. Repentance causes change and
5. Mercy is enjoyed!

The gospel response is always the best response and this is how our kid’s faith will be influenced. Is it time to have a conversation with you spouse and begin living a gospel centered marriage? That is my prayer for you. God bless our marriages!

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
nbchurch.info
nbfamilies.info

A Friend from the Past

I had a major surprise come to church last night at about 8pm. A roommate from my old college days was in town from Iowa. He works for a company based in here Tulsa. There is a church member from New Beginnings that works for the same company. Both men were riding on a plane together to Tulsa and our church member found out my old roommate was from Iowa and asked if he knew me.

So the church member gave my old roommate my e-mail address and he contacted me to see if we could meet after their business dinner last night. I told him that I would be at church until after 8pm and would give him a call to see if we could connect, but he decided to drive out to the church to meet me. We sat in my office and talked until after 10pm. I haven't seen him in about 25 years, but it was like we had never been apart, except that he was different and I was different. He was a believer now. A born again Christian. When I knew him back in college, neither of us were believers. In fact, if you were to ask my friend, he would tell you just how far he was from the Lord back then and so was I.

So, I asked him to share his testimony with me. He became born again when he was 40, which puts him in a really small percentage of adults who become born again after the age of 18. It just doesn't happen very often to adults, especially the older they get. He told me that he finally came to an end of himself. He started to attend church, but found out that was not the answer. He was challenged by a pastor about having a real faith and relationship in Jesus Christ, that the bible from cover to cover was the true Word of God, without error. This pastor discipled him. My friend is now a volunteer lay leader in his church for middle school boys. We started talking about some ministry conferences he as attended as a lay leader. I couldn't believe I was having this "faith" discussion with my friend from the past. If there was one guy that I thought would never be sitting in my office telling me about his testimony it would have been him. Sadly, he probably thought the same about me. So, I was able to share my testimony with him.

The conversation we had was SO uplifting. I was so filled up when I left the church I drove all of the way home with a huge smile on my face. Why? Because I had seen an old friend from the past that I hadn't seen in 25 years? Yes, but more so, because I know that my former lost friend has been found.

 "But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." Luke 15:32

This was the reason to celebrate! Praise GOD!....and thank you Lord, for allowing me to get to see my friend from the past last night.

Man, I love Brad.

I almost titled this, “Things We Can All Learn From Brad." But the first line was this:

Man, I love Brad. 

At the end, after writing all of this, I still went with "Man, I love Brad."

NB Story: Brad from New Beginnings Church on Vimeo.

And man, I love the living Person, Jesus Christ, who arrogantly, rudely, and inconveniently grabbed a hold of Brad as if to say, “Enough! Your life is done. It is ended. Your life will now be all about ME!” 

Brad may have more understanding of rich theology and perpetual repentance in his pinky than many people have in all their years of church attendance. Here are some things I can learn and contemplate from a small glimpse of Brad’s story. 

1.    August 9th, 1999 —Jamie and I were enjoying the warmth of the beach and ocean two days into our honeymoon—Brad was dead—spiritually dead—unknowingly about to be interrupted and assaulted by the Missional God—as Brad says later “the call of the cross is the end of us.” 

2.     “I thought that God would have no use for a dog like me.” (See Ephesians 2:1-3; 1 Timothy 1:15;) What is amazing about God is that somehow, with guys like me and Brad, through an abundant outpouring of grace, he does still have redeemed plans and purposes in His Kingdom. 

3.     “I ran with a bad group of guys…” 

• Some may come from a more “cleaned up” background, some may have a better “pedigree” and family tree. But the truth is everyone of us are a “bad group of guys.” (See Isaiah 53:6; Romans 3:10-12, 23; Romans 5:12-14; Ephesians 2:1-3) We’re all much worse than we’d like to think. 

4.     “When you live in darkness, you don’t realize that all that is is the absence of light.”

• Beautiful...beautiful statement! Read it again. Oh, that each one of us could start each day realizing we have hearts formerly controlled by darkness. And that the only light that changes that is sufficient to completely re-create all things. (1 John 1:5-10)

5.     “The decision to commit suicide was an emotional decision, I think, that contradicted what I had gained in knowledge. And so when I went out there, the thing that stopped me was that God caught my heart up to my mind."

• Many people struggle with allowing emotions/feelings to dictate truth. They allow feelings and emotions to stir up thoughts that are contrary to truth—especially God’s truth. 

• Things change for people when they start allowing God’s truth, found in His word, to dictate their feelings and emotions. 

• For example: “My life is horrible(feeling inside). Everything is miserable (feeling inside). There is nothing to live for (thoughts not based off of truth).  Therefore, based off of those feelings—I decide (thoughts disconnected with actual truth) to jump off a bridge.” You see where emotions have dictated and influenced thinking. Let’s look at the opposite where God’s truth influences our feelings and see the result.

• For example: “My life is horrible (feeling inside). Everything is miserable (feeling inside). There is nothing to live for (thoughts based not off of truth). But in actuality, no matter how bad I’ve screwed up my life. No matter how bad I’ve hurt others. No matter how horrible I feel or think about myself—I know that even in all my sin and pain—God has forgiveness and mercy for me (truth from God’s word). The Bible tells me not to dwell in anxious, miserable, fearful thoughts (Philippians 4:6-7), but to instead dwell on truth and things worthy of praise (Phil. 4:8). There is something to live for—I was created by God and redeemed and forgiven by Christ no matter how long and how horrible my list of sins could ever be! (Ephesians 4:14-21 truth from God’s word that begins to shift and transform our thinking and the emotions begin to follow) Therefore, since I deserved wrath from God, but was forgiven much, I am brought low. I am humbled. I am amazed at this God and this Savior Jesus Christ! (feelings change from horrible/miserable to humility, awe, and gratitude) Since Christ accomplished salvation for me on the cross—even though I could have done nothing to earn it—I am filled with praise and look forward to living for Him and His Kingdom! (feelings of thankfulness, hope, and love have emerged from God’s truth). 

• So we see how God’s absolute truth—must dictate our emotions/feelings—not the other way around. (See 2 Cor. 3:18-20; Romans 12:1-2)

6.   “Kind of now that I’ve matured I can look back and kind of smile at the whole thing, because the result of that night was still death. I’m a firm believer that the call of the cross is the end of us. Anything less, and we haven’t really surrendered to the gospel.” 

• Wow. Does he teach theology at a seminary near here? Does he speak to every single person’s need in understanding what it means to be “Christian.” 

• In an American culture where we’re taught and told that God saved us because we were so special—here’s a statement that says that in saving us—it was not all about us—it is the death of us. That being a Christian is NOT making God a “useful tool” for my own health, wealth, and prosperity. It is a call to die to self and live for King Jesus. 

• Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “When Jesus calls a man, He bids him, ‘Come and die.’” Death to self and our old life is a matter of learning to love and trust God. That is the essence of faith. From the outside looking in—friends and family don’t understand the change that happens internally in a person. People think it is a matter of external rules (don’t cuss, don’t get drunk, don’t do drugs, don’t steal, don’t be mean, just be a better you!). Nothing is farther from the truth. Most people think that a person starts going to church because they want to be a “better person.” 

• There is an assumption that once a person “finds God,” that they now look down on “sinners” or people who still partake of practices that this person formerly did. The truth that Brad understands is that if we have understood God’s salvation provided by Jesus’ death on the cross where He, the perfect innocent Lamb, was slaughtered for all MY SINS as a substitute—that it should ONLY produce immeasurable humility in their own person and awe as they are captivated by Jesus Christ. 

• From the outside looking in, people often wonder why their friend become, in their opinion, such a radical. “Sure, I think it’s fine if a person wants to better their life and start going to church, but you don’t have to become one of those extremist Christians.” What this thinking misses is their friend’s amazement and worship of of Jesus Christ. They don’t do churchy stuff in order to be better—they don’t abstain from things to earn closeness to God—but instead, in response to what Christ has accomplished for them—a heart of captivation occurs. He becomes everything. This is the surrender Brad now lives out day-to-day. 

7.     “And a year into marriage…and all that fun stuff, I was diagnosed with the same disease that had caused me to rebel, somewhat, from my father. And as I look at it today I think it’s been one of the greatest points of my personal worship. Um, because it made me ask questions that I honestly hadn't really asked. Like, if today is the last time that I’m able to speak, what are the last words I’m gonna say? If today is the last day I’m able to use my hands, what am I using them for? Is it an offering or a consumption? If today is the last day that my brain functions clearly, what am I thinking about? 

• Not in the plans. This is not what you want to hear your first year of marriage. Notice that Brad says it has brought about worship. That doesn’t mean it was easy. That doesn’t mean it was a light blow. It means that in the midst of weighty news—there is something more luminous and weighty. 

8.     “Um, and it really caused me to focus on that kind of stuff…let’s look at it just black and white, right. The cross didn’t cost us anything right? Nothing. And at the same time if the cross becomes a reality to us…if the resurrection of Christ becomes a reality…if that birth in a manger becomes more than a fairy tale story and becomes a bloody baby being brought into the world that would lead to a bloody cross that would lead to an empty tomb…then I think the cross cost everything.” 

• It is by grace alone that Jesus came and sought Brad as a young man more dead in his sins and transgressions than he could imagine. So that Brad’s boast could be only in Christ and what He had done. That part is a payment that we could never pay. Like Brad said, the cross cost us nothing initially. Salvation, redemption, reconciliation, atonement, forgiveness of sins was completely and comprehensively bought by the slaughter of Jesus on the cross. The innocent, perfect One, took on the guilt of mankind. Brad is broken knowing he was undeservingly atoned for. Yet, after Jesus gets our captivation, He begins to show us the cost. Salvation free, truly and totally. But sanctification costly and difficult. And both salvation and sanctification supplied by Jesus’ life, death, resurrection, and soon return. 

9.     “So, you know, initially, the fair is pretty cheap. At first, you know, that night that I accepted Christ, it felt like He had paid it all. And as I have become a disciple of Christ, whose desires now lines up with my Father’s desires, it causes me to groan even deeper for my sin. Because to truly follow Christ, and to worship our Father in heaven, I believe it cost everything. It’s not a song. It’s not a poem. It’s not a video interview. It’s…It is about God’s glory. The end.” 

• Following Christ is increasingly costly. And He is increasingly more glorious. The deeper a person understands these truths—the greater their insight into the contrast between true holiness and righteousness—and the vast gap to their heart’s corruption and depravity. We are wired to want to hear how great we are and how wonderful we are—and there are truly times where words of affirmation, appreciation, gratitude, and encouragement are needed. But our hope lies not in greater view of ourselves nor greater self-esteem. Those lead to pride. Instead, we need a smaller few of ourselves and a greater, higher, more glorious view of Christ! It truly is all about His glory, in the end. Not ours. 

Sankie P. Lynch

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info

Another 52 Weeks, Another Big Takeaway

Another year of blogging is in the books and another lesson has been learned. But before I share this year’s big takeaway, let’s take a look back at the past 52 weeks.

Happy Campers (blog #9)

“To drink or not to drink?” was this year’s most read #MattMondays blog. The fact that it received the most traffic says a lot more about you, the audience, than the me, the writer, doesn't it? Many were disappointed to learn that the post was about coffee. I apologize. Perhaps we can attack the topic of alcohol later this year.

As you know, most blogs are accompanied with a picture or two. Of my two faves from this past year, one had me posing with the Prince of Preachers, while the other placed my mug on Mount Rushmore. Oddly enough, the blog that showed Sir Paul with his fly wide open was also among the most highly viewed. Readers, I am starting to see a trend here.

Last January

I neglected to cover as many holidays in year number two as I did in year number one, but of the special days I wrote about, Groundhog Day was the most popular. Maybe people wanted to do it over and over again… No?! Ok. Anyway, while some things changed others remained the same. I continued to conclude most blogs with an ellipsis (the dot, dot, dot thing). However, I made more punny attempts, such as “My “but” looks different” and “Thyme, to check the list…”  (of course, even there I used an ellipsis). I also referred to myself as MattGyver and tried to be clever with that one Seder-ade line (not my best work). I probably most enjoyed taking my hack at horseracing. I may or may not have been overheard in the office exclaiming the phrase, “And down the stretch they come!!”

Last May

While my first year gave me the opportunity to blog from 35,000 feet in the air on our way to Haiti, this past year actually allowed me to send my weekly writing out from the Haitian village of Neply. My earliest post ever (12:45am) was accomplished from this summer’s Mancation trip, and it also had a rather unique setting as I blogged from outside of a Buena Vista gas station just hours before attempting a couple 14ers.

I have been privileged to share some special moments about each of our kiddos, Brooks, Chan, and Mati. And as I look back at their stories and the pictures that go along with them, I’m blown away by how much life has changed, by how much our children have grown, by the many seasons and various trials that are now in our rearview.

Last October

Here is the big takeaway: a lot of the time when we are growing, we do so completely unaware that it’s happening. Let’s think back to our childhood for a moment… Daily we would get up, get dressed, and check ourselves out in the mirror (at least most of us). Never did we notice that we were growing, yet occasionally we would need new clothing, new shoes, and not solely because our other options were worn out, but because they no longer fit. Growth was happening but so subtly that we failed to notice it in the moment.

As I’ve gone back and skimmed the previous 104 blogs, I’ve seen lots of change. Of course our kiddos are bigger now, but there is more to it than just that. I remember the personal challenges and hard-taught lessons that prompted various blogs. I’m reminded of the battles and struggles my wife and I have fought in pursuing obedience – in our parenting, scheduling, and trusting of God. And while many of these obstacles still remain, they are different. My wife and I have discovered some new ways of handing certain issues; we are more experienced in our communication; we are surrounded by a deeper community of friends; yes, by God’s grace there is more balance and a better rhythm to life. Essentially, there has been growth, but not until reflecting on these matters recently, was it even noticed.

Christmas 2014 (blog #100)

And friend, this is my encouragement to you today. Reflect on your life for just a bit. Consider where you were six months ago, a year ago, five years ago. Though there is always an infinite amount of growth for us to pursue, seeing God’s grace and mercy, His faithfulness to sanctify His people, well, it leads us to a place of genuine gratitude and praise. Despite the above-recorded highlights (or lowlights), this blog is not about me or my family. This is a reminder that He who began a good work in you is faithful, and He will bring that work to completion. Might we think on His goodness toward us on this day, for the glory of His Name.

Matt Fowler

NBC Family Pastor of HS

matt@nbchurch.info

@fattmowler

What I Like About You?

On Fridays I have started a series that is addressing the importance of modeling gospel driven marriages.

God is the Architect of the brilliant plan to capture the hearts of the generations through His families (Malachi 4:6). God has designed the family to be the channel to pass on His plan for redemption to the next generation (Genesis 12:1-3; Psalm 78:3-8).

NBFamilies are working to discover providential opportunities where - traditional parents, single parents, grand parents, step parents, foster parents - can experience God’s life changing presence in their homes.

Let this sink in:

• Our kid’s hearts are being shaped by observing our marriages.
• Our kid’s faith is being influenced by observing how we treat each other as husband and wife.
• Our kid’s faith, their ability to trust, their sense of safety and security, is either being bolstered or being destroyed every day, as they watch us.
• Since marriage is a metaphor for God’s love for His church, (Ephesians 5:25-32) what are our kids learning as they study how we relate to one another?

• Week #1: - Our Kids Study Us!
• Week #2 - Don’t Raise Your Voice With Me!
• Week #3 - Don’t Shut Me Out!
• Week #4 - Befriending My Spouse
• Week #5 - 10 Tips for a Successful Conversation
• Week #6 – “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,” but a Lack of Intimacy Will Hurt Me Too!
• Week #7 – I’m Sorry. I’m not listening!
• Week #8 - "I can't get him to open up." "She won't hush!"
• Week #9 - "Something is Wrong in My Marriage." "She won't hush!"
• Week #10 - Marriage is Under Attack!
Week #11 - Please Help My Marriage!

---

NEW CONTENT

---

Last week we studied about the dynamic, between husband and wife, that keeps marriage is growing stronger. Successfully married couples have stumbled upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming positive thoughts and feelings about each other. In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians he demonstrates the correlation between actual worth and expressing that worth in a practical and meaningful way. Most couples actually value their marriage but they have a hard time demonstrating it..

Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:25-28 demonstrates the relationship between spouses. When we love, respond, respect, and honor one another properly, we instill value, love, and worth. This is how Jesus honored His bride. For this reason, Jesus' bride is forever grateful in Him. When married couples love one another like Jesus loves His bride – with grace, mercy, longsuffering, forgiveness, sacrifice, and unconditional love – then both will be forever grateful as well.

Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Couples will look past their partner’s flaws if they still feel that person is worthy of honor and respect. Both spouses need clear evidence that there is some hope for their marriage. If a couple still has a means of expressing fondness and admiration system, their marriage can be salvaged.

Defensiveness, antagonism, and contempt will metastasize like cancer and erase all positive feelings of fondness and adoration. Feelings are so corrosive that, over time they break down the bond between husband-and-wife.

Positive feelings like fondness admiration can be fragile. These qualities are as crucial so that both spouses find their relationship rewarding. Both spouses must intentionally and regularly make time to express specifically why they appreciate the other spouse. Let them know specifically what it is about them that is so highly valued.

Jesus doesn't promise you will always have perfect marriage, but He promises you can have an eternal anchor for your soul: THE GOSPEL (John 16:33). Our kids need to see what it looks like to follow Christ more than they need to hear what we say it is like to follow Christ. Parents are the models of following Christ. This is no easy task. Yet there is no better way to teach them than to show them. Our kids need to see us struggle, mess up, yet reply with gospel centered reconciliation.
Our responses to one another, must be Christ-like, God focused, and gospel centered!

1. Mistakes are made,
2. Grace is offered,
3. Forgiveness is experienced,
4. Repentance causes change and
5. Mercy is enjoyed!

The gospel response is always the best response and this is how our kid’s faith will be influenced. Is it time to have a conversation with you spouse and begin living a gospel centered marriage? That is my prayer for you. God bless our marriages!

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
nbchurch.info
nbfamilies.info

Lessons From Disappointment

This past weekend Monica and I were able to visit our daughters and their families, which means our three grand-children. Due to everyone's busy schedules, we were unable to get together to celebrate our family Christmas this year in December, so we decided to do it in January. We were able to celebrate that on Saturday afternoon, with kids and grand kids opening presents.

The same weekend also coincided with the NFC Championship game that Sunday. Since both of my daughters and my wife and I are Green Bay Packer fans we were able to watch the game together. Of course, our grand children have all been given Green Bay gear at one time or another and so it made for a fun afternoon to get our Green Bay jerseys and t-shirts on to watch the game. Monica and I have all three grand children in the picture below.

Unfortunately, the game ended with probably one of the worst, if not the worst endings of a Packer game in my 48 years of being a Packer fan. I think most everyone in the world watching the game had thought the Packers had the game clinched for the win and a spot in the Super Bowl, but for lots of strange reasons, things fell apart and they lost the game in overtime.

Now, in the past, that might have ruined the rest of my day. I probably would have moped around the rest of the evening. Maybe it's my competitive nature. I played sports all of my life.(at least until I got too old and starting pulling hamstrings) For me, it's not fun when your favorite team loses. Period.

Something was different though on this day. We had a great morning worshiping together as a family. The church we attend, that my daughters are members, is the church where I became born again. During one of the worship songs, the thought of that moment, the thought of my daughters and their families being right there too, made me so emotional I began to cry and couldn't sing. It was a good cry.

We had so much fun getting dressed up to watch the game and to cheer for the Pack. Look at the picture again. You can see the joy on our faces. And even though they lost the game, it took less than a few minutes of sadness and then I looked around to watch my grand children playing with their toys and then getting to hold them and those feelings pretty much vanished.
WHY?

There is just something about children in general, but even more importantly, your own flesh and blood....that just brings a smile to your face. Especially when they call you Papa:) And that morning of being reminded of my own redemption, my daughters redemption, and the hope for my grandchildren to accept their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ was the only thing of real importance that day. Not a football game on TV.

I wonder if Jesus had a smile on his face when people wanted to bring their children to see him? I pray that my grandchildren can come to Him with a "child like faith".

"Some people were even bringing infants to Him so He might touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. Jesus, however, invited them: “Let the little children come to Me, and don’t stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you: Whoever does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Luke 18:15-17

LOVE GOD & LOVE PEOPLE MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOUR “IDEAL CHURCH”

{ I wrote this blog a few months ago considering how we need to be careful NOT to love an "Ideal Church" more than we love the actual people God has surrounded us with. Then I saw a similar blog on The Gospel Coalition--so I decided to share this as well. }

I’ve noticed a couple of strong patterns over the last fifteen years. 

FOR PASTORS & LEADERS

• The first pattern I’ve observed has to do with pastors and leaders in churches. It is the tendency to love the “Ideal Church” (out there in the future) instead of the present church—“as is”—meaning the people that make up your church.

{ Check out this other blog: Love the Church More Than Its Health }

Many pastors and leaders have been exposed to the different views of what makes up a “healthy church,” or what makes up a “Biblical church.” Most pastors desire to see their congregation grow in knowledge of Christ and into maturity through solid Biblical teaching and methods. There is nothing wrong with that. 

Where things go wrong is when pastors stop loving the people God has placed around them to become so frustrated with their lack of knowledge or understanding of what makes a church healthy. 

At that point, the pastor has begun to love his “Ideal Church” more than the actual church he’s in. 

Many pastors find it easier to lock themselves away in their study chamber in order to read more and more while never engaging with the actual people in their congregation—much less lost people in their community. This focus on being so “right” or “doctrinal” in their teaching can lead to a disconnect in their own loving engagement with others. 

That leader’s influence can also create a congregation that comes to listen and take notes—but just like their pastor—with no intentions or plan for actually lovingly engaging with lost people or even immature believers. 

That church has become too doctrinal. Not loving. Not growing. Not mature. Not producing disciples who know how to produce other disciples. 

But because of their doctrine—they measure spiritual maturity in head knowledge. This is common in many churches who start off desiring to have that rich Biblical teaching. 

If you’re a church-goer, you may not know this, but pastors get to hear, all the time, their congregants giving their own suggestions and preferences of how the pastor should run the church. 

Sometimes that’s ideas the church member has heard from some detached television preacher or from a sermon they’ve heard online. “Why don’t we just do it like they do, Pastor?”  

Sometimes pastors hear opinions being handed down from any number of pastors or authors who have horrible theology and overwhelmingly unhealthy church practices. But it seems like such a good idea until you do some research and study. 

Pastors deal with people in their congregation who have never read two paragraphs—much less— thirty books on what the church’s purpose and practices should be. Hopefully, pastors are trusting that God’s word will always be the authority for all life and growth of the church. 

Yet people have their personal preferences. Pastors deal with Christians who would consider themselves mature, but their immaturity shows up in incredible ways when something doesn’t go their way. They deal with people who listen to various dangerous, if not false prophets, on a daily basis. They deal with people who love the emotional rush of shallow worship songs with man-centered theology. They deal with people who don’t realize they’re serving an emotional need in their own heart and not Christ when they serve in their position. 

And many churches have pastors doing the same things! 

But for those who’ve been exposed to rich doctrinal stances and the reasons those are so significant—it is easy to become frustrated with the congregational make up they presently serve and become fixated and in love the Ideal Church they want to transform their people into. 

Now, in expressing the danger of loving that ideal of the “healthy, Biblical church” to the detriment of loving your actual people—I do not mean to imply that we should not strive to grow our churches in solid Biblical teaching exposing them to the whole counsel of God and the rich doctrines that guide our message and methods. We must strive for those kinds of churches! But we do not become disdained, indifferent, or unengaged with the people who make up our current landscape. 

“CAN’T WE ALL JUST LOVE JESUS AND GET ALONG?”

Sadly, many people would cry, “Can’t we all just love Jesus and get along!” Some of that crowd thinks that drawing lines in doctrine or practices is a negative thing that wastes time. It only takes a few paragraphs of church history (I would suggest Historical Theology by Dr. Gregg Allison) to see WHY doctrine and practices do matter. 

• But, our theology and doctrines should lead us to more loving lives of grace and truth. 

• That grace and truth and love should be what people run into when they come across us both in the public square and our local assemblies. 

• Can’t we have churches that are filled simultaneously with rich Biblical teaching and doctrine that leads to immeasurably loving expressions seen clearly in missional endeavors? Can we not be churches characterized by that? 

I say this first because I’ve spent so much time around other pastors and leaders in many various churches, seminary classes, conferences and ministries. The tendency is to love that “Ideal Church” we would all like to see formed (sometime in the future) while looking right past the very people God has placed directly in front of us. 

When it comes to discipleship, this danger of loving the “Ideal Disciple” will immobilize you!

I’ve had many guys come up to me who desire to truly start discipling other men. Often, they ask how to know which guys they’re supposed to disciple. That usually means they are looking for that sharp, intelligent, mature, impressive, no-messiness, got-it-all-together person, right! Well who doesn’t want a church full of those disciples! 

Thankfully, Jesus didn’t have that perspective. His select few screw-ups set the world on fire! All Jesus had to work with were people like us. 

Many times I ask men which guys God has placed right in front of them on a weekly basis. Many times, people want to disciple someone who has it all together or at least doesn’t have such rough edges. God usually has different plans. 

So, whether it’s a “healthy church,” or a “missional church,” or a more “Biblically-minded church,” that we’re after—we need slow down and evaluate whether we love that Ideal Church or the actual people we see face to face each week. Do you love your Ideal Church or do you love the people surrounding you? 

FOR CHURCH MEMBERS & THE FLOCK

• The second pattern I’ve observed is from the perspective of the church member.      Many times people look for a church that meets all their ideas of what makes a perfect church FOR THEM.

The difficulty is that human, flawed, sinful, opinionated, imperfect people are all that makes up a church. Jesus knew this. 

For some people—they focus on their “Ideal Church” and miss out on the lives and relationships of the church God has placed them in. It’s so much easier to love the “ideal church” than the actual people around us who have strong opinions and rough edges. 

This pattern is expressed in many ways. We’ve all heard them. 

“Well, we like the preaching, but we want worship that is __________ (fill in blank).” 

“We love the style of worship of your church, but I want preaching that is _________ (fill in blank).”

In both of these cases, I would love to awkwardly and confrontationally, yet lovingly, remind them that the entire setting for Sunday “Worship Services” should all be expressions of worship:  the excited, expectant arrival to hear God’s very own words to us, 

the gathering as God’s family, 

the fellowship of the redeemed, 

the singing of songs TO GOD (not unto us), 

the preaching of God’s word, 

the tithes and offerings, 

the Lord’s Supper and Baptism, 

the reading of God’s word,

the prayers of the saints, 

the teaching of lessons, 

and the response of God’s people

—all of it—expressions of worship TO GOD (not to us).

So we have people who are either uneducated on the purpose of people gathering as local assemblies, immaturity in faith, and naivety in the structures and forms of churches. But in all those cases, it is easy for people at all levels of maturity to have their own preferences and falling in love with that “Ideal Church” out there instead of plugging in and trying to see their current church take steps at becoming better in those areas. 

I think that teaching people to love “the church” means teaching them to love and engage with the people around them—looking past their opinions and shortcomings. It means to look past their own preferences of style or format or preaching or song lists to actually focus our minds on what God has done and what Christ has accomplished in our place. It means to worship the Trinity for enabling former rebels to gather together in unity to worship. All that we have in common is our sin and His provided reconciliation. 

• So, we need to LOVE GOD MORE—instead of our “Ideal Church.” 

• And we need to LOVE PEOPLE MORE—instead of our “Ideal Church.” 

We do desire to see growth and further Christlike transformation occur to become more Biblical and healthier local assemblies of Christ followers. 

But most importantly, we want love for God, overflowing from the very heart of God, to spill into love for others that creates an environment of true Christlike love. 

• Again, our theology and doctrines should lead us to faithful love for God and for one another filled with good deeds. 

I appreciate immensely a team of pastors at New Beginnings who, behind closed doors, truly care for, pray for, and strive to shepherd the flock under their care as “those who will give an account” one day to the Chief Shepherd. 

I appreciate also the beautiful arrangement of people God has placed us among over the last fifteen years. Whether it was a discipleship-oriented church plant in NW Arkansas, a large number of twentysomethings and young marrieds in Tahlequah, or the parents and families we work with at NB.

Thanks Phil, Terry, Matt, Mike, John (and Todd) for loving the church we know as New Beginnings!  

Sankie P. Lynch

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info