We need your help with the Preacher's Kids!

My 3 kids at Josh's CA concert!

I raised 3 kid’s. They are each one successful adults now. If you have read this blog on Fridays, you know I am very proud of each of them. They are not perfect, but they are really pretty amazing and you don’t need to tell me that I am biased. I am biased about my kids! Every parent should be.

QUESTIONS::

• Why do pastor’s kids have such a difficult reputation in the church?
• Why do pastor’s kids often quit the church after they grow up?
• Why do people in the community feel they have the right to manipulate the pastor’s kids through their father’s calling?
• If you could pick your father’s career, would you wish he was a pastor?
• How would you react if…
  • Everyone else in the church were able to not attend church when they wanted but not you?
  • Everyone else in the church were able to not choose to attend another church if things weren’t just like you wanted?
  • No one else in the church was used as an example in the sermon, both good and bad, but you were?

Here is a quick slide show showing you some of the many issues that pastor’s kids face.

You know you’re a pastor’s kid when from Kathryn Castro

I was adding up the number of preacher’s kids at New Beginnings Church. There are 20 preacher’s kids whose father’s serve at New Beginnings Church. Five of the preacher’s kids are adults now and don’t attend NBC. Two attend when they are home from college. The rest are here every time their father says they must attend.

New Beginnings Church is a Family Ministry Church. I’m certain that there are some new found expectations for Family Pastor’s, fair and unfair. Please be careful with these little ones. They have all the potential to rise and fall based upon the experience of their faith community. When you see them at church make an effort to let them know that when they are at church, they are at a safe place where they see friends who celebrate the good news of Jesus Christ.

Thom Rainier recently conducted a Twitter poll of pastors and their spouses about this very issue. Though the poll was informal and not scientific, the responses were nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top seven responses in order of frequency. Thom gives a representative comment or combined some of the comments are given with each of the seven.

1. Don’t expect more out of pastors’ kids (PKs) than any other kids. “My children need to have the same expectations as the other children in the church. They are not some kind of spiritual superstars because their dad’s a pastor.”
2. Please offer encouragement to my children. “It’s not always easy to be a PK. The glass house thing is real. I am so thankful for the church members who go out of their way to encourage my children.”
3. Realize that they are kids. “I know a few church members who seem to think my kids are miniature adults. They expect them to act like a 40 year old instead of a 4 year old.”
4. Please don’t call them “PKs. “Their identities should not be based on their father’s vocation. They have their own unique and special identities.”
5. Please pray for my children. “I am blessed to have this one lady in my church who prays for my three children every day. She knows the special challenges of being a PK.”
6. Our kids see and hear more than you may think. “After one particularly tough church business meeting, my seven-year-old boy asked me if I was going to get fired.”
7. Don’t make me choose between my kids and the church. “Too many PKs have grown up bitter and disillusioned about the church. Dad gave more attention to church members than his own children.”

Finally, this comment was left by a 60 year old daughter of an 84 year old pastor. I though it was priceless! I didn’t correct any of the grammar or misspellings. May New Beginnings become the type of church that nurtures daughters and sons of pastors who reflect the gospel like this sweet lady.

I am 60 yrs. old & have been a Preachers Daughter everyday of my life & proud to be one. My Daddy is one of Gods most special Preachers. And has lived at home what he preaches from the pulpit everyday of his life. He’s 84, still pasturing & has been preaching this August will be 65 yrs. Through the years many members have felt the need to correct, speak harshly, spank etc.. I had to always be respectful, respect in earned, there is a difference in the two. My comment was JUDGE LESS YE BE JUDGED. But as I got older there were people who really got out of line. Preachers – Christians, just because some claims to be a Christian DON’T let them be with your children. Know who, what. when & where with your children. Don’t let them out of you site. I was never molested in any way but only because I stood my ground. There were times it could have been a lot different outcome had I not been so strong willed. My advise for PK’s don’t trust anyone just because they say they are Christians & always tell Daddy & Mommy everything. If somebody says something or does something in your presents that doesn’t seem right go to Daddy or Mommy. Preachers & your wife listen your Childs version of any problem they bring to you no matter how small it seems. Let them know they matter & what they have to say matters whether your dealing with other children or adults. Adults WILL lie
right in the church house on your child especially if their children are involved. Don’t be quick to judge. There is always two sides to the story & believe it or not they can sometimes both be right or both be wrong. What I’m trying to say is no child should have to always give in to others just because they are a PK. Being a PK is one of Gods special honors in life. I knew a Preacher that was called to the bedside of a member that was dieing & he told the family I will pray for your family but I’m holding my little girl in my arms with a 105 temperature & I can’t leave my baby. I Love that man so for putting his family 1st. I tell my Preachers, Don’t come see me please, because every minute your with me your away from your Family. All I need is your prayers. I’ve vented a lot & thank you for listening BUT all I ask is pray for our Preachers & their families & remember they are mere humans just like you.

Thank you! God Bless! Phil

My 3 kids with their young pastor father.