Dear New 13 Year Old Boy,

This week a man asked me to write a letter (email) to his son who was turning 13 this week. He ask that I encourage him and offer something with wisdom. I was honored that he asked. I thought about it. I looked at a few examples. And this is what I sent him.

Dear Tommy (Names was changed to stay confidential),

Your dad told me you’re going to be 13 years old, and that’s a little hard to believe. It seems like you were running around New Beginnings Church, about 3 foot tall, just yesterday. Your mom and dad are so very proud to see the young man that you’re becoming. That says a lot, Tommy. I believe you will always have the tools you need to build your life - regardless of what the evil one throws at you - and he will throw some big ugly stuff at you sometimes – because you have God and parents that honor Him.

Here are a few things I wish someone told me when I was becoming a teenager.

1. Don’t worry so much about what other people think. God created you just like He wanted. You are an original. There is no one else in the world exactly like you. God has a unique design and plan that only you can accomplish. Live your life in the way you feel comfortable, motivated, and happy living it. If you do what’s best for God, in your heart, you will find that your heart is right almost every time, if you quiet your mind long enough to listen to it. Don’t let other voices cloud that. (1 Samuel 16:7)
2. Never forget the Gospel is good news. Jesus is the answer. It does matter what the question is. He not only save you from you sins, He gives you power to live for Him now and in the future. You don’t have to be perfect, nor do you have to be even very good at anything. Jesus came to earth (lived a perfect life, died instead of me, and rose winning over sin and death) to make people like me and you - broken, weak, confused, bumbling - perfect before God. Never forget that. That IS Good News! (Luke 2:10)
3. Try your best act like Jesus. If you act like Jesus you will always take the high road in life. Don’t let your teenaged anger, sadness, emotions make a decision for you. Do your best to not become cynical. Even to someone who seems awful to you, it never hurts to be like Jesus. You will always walk away feeling better about yourself. And, God get the glory when you get it right. (2 Corinthians 3:18; Romans 8:29)
4. Find your sense of humor and share it. I cannot tell you how many times this particular piece of advice has saved me. There’s a reason your dad is always joking with you. Try finding something to laugh about, even when nothing is funny. If you take life too seriously it will eat you alive. Find a way to laugh and make others laugh– at yourself, at circumstances, at difficulties, at life.

   You’re going to come across many situations in high school and beyond where you’re going to feel uneasy because the crowd is doing something you’re not comfortable with. Pay attention to that gnawing in your gut. That is the Holy Spirit. Pay attention! God’s biblical standards, morals, and beliefs - they mean something. Standing up for what’s right is so hard sometimes, but it makes you a stronger person, and it’s so important. If you don’t stand up, who will? (Proverbs 17:22)

5. Show me your choices and I’ll show you your future. Most of the time, life is a direct result of the choices you’ve made, good and bad, no matter what. If you don’t like it, change it. If you’re around people who are jerks, you have the ability to change your group of friends. If you get a D on a test, it’s probably because you came into it unprepared. If you’re miserable, it’s usually because you choose to be. Choose to honor God with your choices! Even when life throws stuff at you that is super difficult, do your best to find the humor, find your support system, find the silver lining and choose to focus on the awesome. Life’s too short to live otherwise. (Joshua 24:15)
6. Know and practice what it means to be a man. Being a man is acting like Jesus (see #3). You can read the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) so see what He was like. Jesus is your ultimate example! What makes you a man is Jesus living in you and through you. If you can do and say what Jesus would do and say, the rest will come to you naturally.
   • You will then be dedicated to doing what’s right.
   • You will then treat women – your mother, your sisters, your friends and, eventually, your girlfriends with respect, always.
   • You will then be kind, loving, gentle, strong – just like Jesus. being generous.
   • You will then be responsible and dependable and take care of what’s yours, work hard, taking pride in your work, and doing the best job you can do every time – these are the things that make you a man.
   Because there is so much confusion in the culture, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean to be a man.
   • Money does not make you a man.
   • Strength, sex appeal, how many girlfriends you have
   • Athletics, how many points you’ve scored, does not make you a man.
   • Things, the type of car you drive, your material successes in life, what other people think…none of these things make you a man.
   • Pop culture, society, and even your friends will make you believe otherwise, but they’re all ridiculously off-base.

   The world needs more people who will commit themselves to being like Jesus. Philippians 2:5-18

Raising children into adults can be a very trying time requiring much patience and wisdom. Pray though these biblical suggestions I made to a new 13 year old. If you can share any of these truths with you children please do. If you need to hear them for yourself, please do that also. May God shine in and through us and our children.

God Bless,
Phil