"You've Got A Friend"

I bet when you saw the title of this blog, you began to sing the song by James Taylor, "You've Got A Friend", right? Oh, you didn't? Well then, here are some of the lyrics to the song just to help you out:

"When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend."

How important are friends? or maybe a better question is, "in times of trouble, when you need a helping hand", do you have someone who you can call, "that will be there, yeah, yeah, yeah" because then "you've got a friend."

I remember our youngest son, my step-son Kenny, when he was his 7, 8 and 9 age range, he struggled with keeping friends. Kenny was a very strong willed child, with a high energy level. He was very active and most of the time, boys his age just didn't want to keep up with him. Sometimes Kenny was just too rough with them. He liked to wrestle and not every boy likes to do that.

Kenny was sad one day and my wife Monica was trying to figure out why and he said that he never had any friends to play with. So she began to ask him about all of the friends he had invited over. He said that none of them ever want to do what he wants to do. Monica then did a great job of explaining to Kenny that if you want to have friends, you have to "be a friend." It can't always be about you and what you want to do.You need to also do what they like to do for fun too. This was a great opportunity to explain "sacrifice" and that it's "selfish" to always do what you want to do and to make your friends always do what you want to do and not be interested in what they like to do.

Eventually, Kenny began to figure that his mother was right and as we continued to parent him, we continued to reinforce what characteristics make up a good friend. We also had to reinforce what are the characteristics of bad friends or kids that you should not seek to be friends with. I know Monica had plenty of those discussions(faith walks) in the car on the way to take him to visit his dad.

Fast forward to a lunch I had one on one with him a few weeks ago. Kenny is now 15. I asked him about the guys who he has been hanging out with lately. He was able to articulate why he would hang out with so and so and why he would not hang out with so and so. It was a blessing to hear him talk about the characteristics of those he would hang out with versus those he would not and the reasons for each.

Monica and I are also hoping that by modeling in front of them, the friends that we have chosen over the years to hang out with, that they have seen those good qualities or characteristics that make up good friends in our friends as well. We have been very blessed that all of our children have done a great job, for the most part, of selecting their friends.

So what are some of the characteristics of a good friend? The bible has plenty of examples to follow when it comes to the characteristics of both a good friend and those you should not be friends with.
Proverbs 13:20 " The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm."
Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times"
Proverbs 22:11 "The one who loves a pure heart and gracious lips—the king is his friend.
John 15:14 Jesus said "You are My friends if you do what I command you."
John 15:13 Jesus said " No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends"
1 John 4:7 " Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."
1 John 4:11 "Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another."

These are the some of the characteristics of poor choices for friends::
3 John 1:11 " Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. The one who does good is of God; the one who does evil has not seen God."
1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

The right friends can have a great influence on your children's lives. The wrong friends can be a great hindrance to your children's lives. This is the same for adults, not just children.

What kind of friends do you have as parents? Do they model the same kind of friendships that you would want for your children?

 "Winter, spring, summer or fall", do you have someone you can call, that "will be there, yeah, yeah, yeah"? Count it a blessing, "you've got a friend."



Terry Langenberg
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