In our D-group (discipleship group at New Beginnings) yesterday, our leader was extremely transparent, honest, and raw. That’s one of the things my wife and I love about our group. He began to share about the tension the gospel demands between pointing our children to work hard and strive towards excellence (glorifying God in all we do) and still holding to what Jesus teaches us, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all” (Mark 9:35). We continued to discuss the lesson that came from the sermon previously that morning at New Beginnings.
This is what gospel-driven community is all about. We first must get to the place of being real and transparent with how the gospel is driving us to think through the complex implications on very real matters in our daily lives (here it was what we drive our kids towards). The fact that we have this tension between what our hearts desire and what the gospel demands is part of the beauty. We get into danger when we don’t even struggle with the tension—or worse—don’t even feel or notice the tension.
It is not a bad thing to admit to the tension. That is the reality of gospel-driven growth. We never graduate the gospel. It is what drives us to further Christlikeness (sanctification) and maturity (Eph. 4:11-13). Our pride wants us to keep silent and keep up appearances. We like to keep up the image that we’ve got it all together and got this Christian thing down. We must readily and progressively understand and admit to our need for more of the gospel. The Person and work of Christ are our only hope as we grow towards deeper maturity as well.
How do we teach our children that they should work hard and strive to excel in matters—while at the same time thinking of others more significantly than ourselves? I think most of us, if honest, would admit that we desire for our children to do well and excel in different areas.
I brought up a point from a book1 I’ve been going through that has made me re-evaluate many things we are doing with our boys. In the book the author writes,“What is it you want for your children?” Later he goes on to ask, “What are your hopes for your children? A good career? A comfortable lifestyle? Safety and good health? Their own home? A happy marriage? Grandchildren?”
Well, those all sound good to me! Sign me up. Right?
He then writes, “Our true values are often revealed in the expectations we have for our children.” He goes on to suggest that if we’re not careful, “our priorities and hopes for our children suggest that what matters most in life is educational development, career development, social development, and skills development.”
So how about you? Would you say that eternal matters of salvation and Godliness are the chief goals for your children? Does your schedule and emphasis at home reveal that? Or do your priorities suggest something else matters most in life?
What are you actually showing them that you value? What are you actually showing them that you treasure? Is there the chance that they see that we treasure morals, behavior, image, education, success, athletic or artistic achievement more than eternal matters?
In another section he writes,
“My wife’s an elementary teacher. She has parents asking for extra homework. My friend coaches a boys’ football sam. The worst thing about it, he says, are the parents pushing their children to win at all costs. The guy a few doors away from me gets his son to wash the car three times a week. It’s clear what matters most to these parents. And that’s what your children are learning is important in life.”
You can see what these parents are desiring to see in their children. A drive for success and achievement. And it is not wrong to have success and achievement. Unless it is success without service for the Kingdom (Great Commission-Matt.28:18-20). Or if it is achievement for self without affections for God and others (Great Commandment-Matt. 22:36-40).
What if we, unknowingly, while pushing them to personal gains and success, are leading and breeding disdain and indifference for the lost into our children? If they are constantly urged to think through how successful they are in measuring up or keeping up a good image for the family, yet throughout the week are never taught how to contemplate the depth of the gospel in regards to the lostness of mankind, then what are we really teaching them is a priority? That was not God’s plan of redemption that He pursued us with in hopes of us being image-bearers for His glory in all the earth.
Would being poor(er) and disappearing to a remote part of the majority world that is void of the gospel be success for your child?
Do you have a plan for trying to see your children trained up in the ways of the Lord?
Have you thought through the ways you might become the primary disciple-makers of your children at home every week? For me, I have to question whether the 30-45 minutes per week (15 mins @ 3 times per week) of teaching at church would take care of the other 10,050 minutes away from the church building each week?
Are there mixed messages we’re sending our children on what really matters in life?
Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Families
sankie@nbchurch.info
1 Tim Chester and Ed Moll Gospel-Centered Family (The Good Book Co., 2011)
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