It Don't Have to Change!

Kyle, Julie, and C.C. Partin

This is a photo of the Partins. The beautiful brown-haired girl, is my oldest daughter, Julie. The absolutely gorgeous little girl is my granddaughter, C.C.. The dude is Kyle my son-in-law. I give Kyle a hard time. I tease him continuously. I joke with him constantly. Incessant teasing and joking is a generational family flaw. I inherited this genetic defect from my father. It is our familial misguided way.

Over the years, Kyle has transitioned from level to level in my family - from Julie’s college friend, to Julie’s boyfriend, to Julie’s fiancée, to Julie’s husband, to the father of my granddaughter. I have pulled Kyle’s leg every step of the transition. I wanted to tell you a story about a Sallee family Christmas tradition. Maybe this Christmas time story will take an edge off the stifling summer heat. Maybe you will decide to start a Christmas family tradition.

Both of these options are good.

When our kids were younger we had a set of Christmas traditions that were better for young kids (icing sugar cookies, tree decorating, singing carols, etc.). As our kids aged our traditions became more mature. Carol and I agreed to start a new Christmas tradition. It was Carol’s idea. Each Christmas one member of the family would take their turn to design and make a homemade Christmas ornament. The ornament would come with a devotional which that year’s family member would present. We started that tradition from the oldest to the youngest then we would start the rotation over again.

As our daughters met and married really good Christian men, we decided that they would present the ornaments and devotionals as family units. We didn’t want to put any new in-laws on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable their first Christmas at our house. Kyle was the first outsider to participate in the Sallee family tradition. It would have been expected for him to watch at allow Julie to take the lead. She had experienced this Christmas tradition many times. As a biological family member and oldest daughter, our artistic daughter Julie had created ornaments and led devotionals. Why would Kyle want to subject himself to the scrutiny and teasing of the Sallee family?

I must admit I was surprised when Kyle jumped at the opportunity to create an ornament and lead the devotional. The ornament he made was a beautiful display of a baby bird leaving the nest. He hung the ornament on the Christmas tree. He explained how he felt honored to be trusted to lead his new family in California. He agreed that he knew how difficult it must be for us to watch our little bird fly to California. Then he jumped up and ran upstairs. I was thinking to myself. “Where was he going? Did he exit prematurely out of fear and embarrassment? Is the devotional over? It was going so well.” Just then Kyle returned with a guitar. He asked us to sing with him a song we had never heard. Our part was “Ooh.” He nailed it! We weren’t too bad either. You can hear the song Kyle led in the video below. You can read the lyrics too.

"It Don't Have To Change"

John Legend and the Stephens Family

Oh do you remember (ooh)
When the family was everything? (ooh)
Oh do you remember? (ooh)
It was so long ago and so much has changed (ooh)
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
Wanna go back to those simple days (ooh)
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
But now we've grown and gone our separate ways

Times is hard (times is hard)
And things are a changin'
I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

Do you remember (ooh)
Back at Grannie's house on Christmas Day? (ooh)
Help me sing...
Do you remember (ooh)
How we'd gather 'round and sing all day? (ooh)
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
To playing basketball and football games
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
To yesterday but it's not the same

Times is hard (times is hard)
And things are a changin'
I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

Times is hard (times is hard)
And things are a changin'
So I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

Needless to say tears followed the devotional. The tears were mixed. Some were sad tears because we love these little birds so much and they have flown to another nest far away. Some were tears of joy because our little birds have found godly husbands to lead them to become godly families. Some were tears of worship because, no matter how far away these little birds live, “our love don't have to change.”

Kyle did that Christmas day what every father must one day do. He swallowed his pride, he took a risk, he climbed out on a limb, and focused our hearts where they belong. The ornament is hung in the tree each and every Christmas. I will never forget that devotional.

Thank you Kyle for leading my daughter well. Thank you for being a great example to me. Thank you for tolerating my teasing and jokes. I am thankful for you more everyday.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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The Curse of the Blue Icing

Kyle, Julie, and C.C. Partin

This is a photo of the Partins. The beautiful brown-haired girl, is my oldest daughter, Julie. The absolutely gorgeous little girl is my granddaughter, C.C.. The dude is Kyle my son-in-law. I give Kyle a hard time. I tease him continuously. I joke with him constantly. Incessant teasing and joking is a generational family flaw. I inherited this genetic defect from my father. It is our familial misguided way.

Over the years, Kyle has transitioned from level to level in my family - from Julie’s college friend, to Julie’s boyfriend, to Julie’s fiancée, to Julie’s husband, to the father of my granddaughter. I have pulled Kyle’s leg every step of the transition. I wanted to tell you a story about a Sallee family Christmas tradition. Maybe this Christmas time story will take an edge off the stifling summer heat. Maybe you will decide to start a Christmas family tradition. Both of these options are good.

When our kids were younger we had a set of Christmas traditions that were better for young kids (icing sugar cookies, tree decorating, singing carols, etc.). As our kids aged our traditions became more mature. Carol and I agreed to start a new Christmas tradition. It was Carol’s idea. Each Christmas one member of the family would take their turn to design and make a homemade Christmas ornament. The ornament would come with a devotional which that year’s family member would present. We started that tradition from the oldest to the youngest then we would start the rotation over again.

As our daughters met and married really good Christian men, we decided that they would present the ornaments and devotionals as family units. We didn’t want to put any new in-laws on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable their first Christmas at out house. Kyle was the first outsider to participate in the Sallee family tradition. It would have been expected for him to watch at allow Julie to take the lead. She had experienced this Christmas tradition many times. As a biological family member and oldest daughter, our artistic daughter Julie had created ornaments and led devotionals. Why would Kyle want to subject himself to the scrutiny and teasing of the Sallee family?

I must admit I was surprised when Kyle jumped at the opportunity to create an ornament and lead the devotional. The ornament he made was a beautiful display of a baby bird leaving the nest. He hung the ornament on the Christmas tree. He explained how he felt honored to be trusted to lead his new family in California. He agreed that he knew how difficult it must be for us to watch our little bird fly to California. Then he jumped up and ran upstairs. I was thinking to myself. “Where was he going? Did he exit prematurely out of fear and embarrassment? Is the devotional over? It was going so well.” Just then Kyle returned with a guitar. He asked us to sing with him a song we had never heard. Our part was “Ooh.” He nailed it! We weren’t too bad either. You can hear the song Kyle led in the video below. You can read the lyrics too.

"It Don't Have To Change" John Legend and the Stephens Family

Oh do you remember (ooh) When the family was everything? (ooh) Oh do you remember? (ooh) It was so long ago and so much has changed (ooh) I wanna go back (go back...ooh) Wanna go back to those simple days (ooh) I wanna go back (go back...ooh) But now we've grown and gone our separate ways

(aah) Times is hard (times is hard) And things are a changin' I pray to God That we can remain the same All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change No it don't have to change

Do you remember (ooh) Back at Grannie's house on Christmas Day? (ooh) Help me sing... Do you remember (ooh) How we'd gather 'round and sing all day? (ooh) I wanna go back (go back...ooh) To playing basketball and football games I wanna go back (go back...ooh) To yesterday but it's not the same

Times is hard (times is hard) And things are a changin' I pray to God That we can remain the same All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change No it don't have to change

Times is hard (times is hard) And things are a changin' So I pray to God That we can remain the same All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change No it don't have to change

Needless to say tears followed the devotional. The tears were mixed. Some were sad tears because we love these little birds so much and they have flown to another nest. Some were tears of joy because our little birds have found godly husbands to lead them to become godly families. Some were tears of worship because, no matter how far away these little birds live, “our love don't have to change.”

Kyle did that Christmas day what every father must one day do. He swallowed his pride, he took a risk, he climbed out on a limb and focused our hearts where they belong. The ornament is hung in the tree each and every Christmas. I will never forget that devotional.

Thank you Kyle for leading my daughter well. Thank you for being a great example to me. Thank you for tolerating my teasing and jokes. I am thankful for you more everyday.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
nbchurch.info
nbfamilies.info

Leaving a Legacy: Molly Fox Gregory

Today I will preach the funeral service for one of my aunts – Molly Gregory. I wanted to print my sermon for two reasons: first, I wanted to do something memory of her and, secondly, I wanted her life and the Gospel to inspire you.

We turn to the bible to find hope and comfort in times like these. In the passage I am going to read first, the Apostle Paul was writing to a young pastor named Timothy. Paul was facing death, and in this letter he summed up his life and spoke of what was next.

2 Timothy 6:6 For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time for my departure is close.

The word "departure" is a word with many meanings in the bible.

Paul is using it to describe his own death.

It was a term that sailors used when their ship would set sail and set out.

It was a term that soldiers used when they would fold up their tent and move on according to their commander’s orders.

It was a term that political leaders would use for the setting a prisoner free.

It was a term that farmer would use when they would take the yoke from off the oxen, when he would lay aside their burden. So,

• Like a ship, Molly has sailed into another port.
• Like a soldier, Molly has folded her tent.
• Like a prisoner, Molly has been set free.
• And like a beast of burden, Molly has laid her burden down.

What is next for Molly?

2 Timothy 6:7-8 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 There is reserved for me in the future the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me, but to all those who have loved His appearing.

• Molly fought the good fight,
• Molly finished the race,
• Molly kept the faith,
• Molly longed for, looked for, and loved the coming appearing of Jesus.
• AND NOW, I believe Molly is receiving her crown of righteousness, as was given to her by the Righteous Judge, the Lord Jesus Christ!

The 2nd passage I want to read to you is Philippians 1:20-24. When the Apostle Paul originally wrote this letter to the church in the town of Phillipi, the circumstances of his life were tough. He was in prison. Paul was a prisoner, chained to a Roman Guard and yet almost this entire letter it sounds like a pep rally. A form of the word "joy or rejoicing" is found 15 times in the 104 verses of this short 4 chapter letter.

Paul is telling us, in this letter, what Molly showed us. Our faith experience is meant to honor the life and purpose of Jesus Christ. Jesus is to be working in our lives, whatever our circumstances might be.

Molly lived the last 6 months of her life a prisoner in a sickly body, she was in pain a lot of the time and she was unconscious a lot of the time. Yet she seemed to show joy whenever someone would come for a visit.

Listen to these words…

Philippians 1:20-24 My eager expectation and hope is that I will not be ashamed about anything, but that now as always, with all boldness, Christ will be highly honored in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For me, living is Christ and dying is gain. 22 Now if I live on in the flesh, this means fruitful work for me; and I don’t know which one I should choose. 23 I am pressured by both. I have the desire to depart and be with Christ—which is far better— 24 but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you.

I just want to spend a few minutes today looking verse 21: “For me, living is Christ and dying is gain”

You see Paul understood and I think that Molly also understood, God fulfilled His purpose for the world through Jesus. God fulfills His purpose for us through Jesus. God has a purpose for our lives – for His glory. “Living is Christ!”

• For Paul, life was not about getting or doing things to acquire happiness, Life was not about finding joy in circumstances.
• For Paul, life was about pointing others to God- living for God’s glory. Life was all about Jesus. It was about giving God the glory for everything.
  • For good times, because they are a blessing.
  • For hard times, too, because God uses them to make him stronger.
  • God has a purpose for each of us. We are not drifting on a rubber raft in the ocean. We are not wandering in the dark. We are created in Christ Jesus for good works, which has God prepared for us. “Living is Christ!”

God has a purpose for each of us, and Molly seemed to tap into that purpose.

• Because Molly knew Jesus and followed His example, she was one the most generous people I have ever known.
• When she retired from being a public school principle.
• She helped others through her leadership.
• She helped others through teaching school,
• She helped others in her family: (in fact she spoiled many of us – Progress report) by being a good wife, a good mother, helping her sisters.

And, just as God has a purpose for life – that is, for His glory – God has a purpose for death – for our gain.

For the Christian, death is gain. For Molly, leaving behind this old world and trading it for a new one was a serious upgrade. In heaven we gain so many things. What do we gain?

1. We gain a better body – a glorified, immortal, resurrected body.

   In this present body we’re subject to all the sorrows and tears that life deals out. (Cerebral palsy, Back pain, Fibromyalgia, M.S., Parkison’s disease, Dementia, Kidney Disease and eventually failure) Old age, sickness, and finally death are the inevitable. But in death and the resurrection we gain a better body, one that can never grow old, know disease, suffer pain, and can never die. In heaven there are no prescriptions, no canes, walkers, or wheel chairs, no doctors, nurses or hospice, to disability parking spots, hospitals or nursing homes. We gain a better body.

2. We gain a better home.

   However beautiful your earthly house maybe, it is nothing compared with our mansion in heaven.

   Look at the promise of Jesus

   John 14:1-3 “Your heart must not be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if not, I would have told you. I am going away to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.

   Jesus promised that He would prepare our heavenly home. WE will live in His presence forever.

3. We gain a better inheritance.

   Our final reward is not here – it is in Heaven. Living for God on earth for His glory has its advantages - purpose, meaning, hope, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control – to name a few.

   But the full value of “the future the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give us” will be ours for eternity.

4. We gain a better fellowship with Jesus.

The Christian life on earth was one of faith, believing before seeing. But heaven works different from that. We will see the Lord face to face.

“What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see, when I look upon His face, the One who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand, and leads me through the promised land, what a day, glorious day, that will be.”

• As God had a purpose for Jesus, God has a purpose for our lives right now God’s purpose is His glory.
• As God had a purpose for Jesus’ death, God has a purpose for our deaths Dying is gain.
• Saved by God’s grace, following the example of Jesus, Molly lived for God on earth, and she is experiencing His glory in her death.

I will never forget what Molly said to me as we sat outside of the rehabilitation center in Broken Arrow. She said four times in our brief visit. “Lets go home.”

The Apostle Paul had a vision of heaven. He wrote down this vision in his letter, “The Revelation.”

Revelation 21:3-4 Then I heard a loud voice from the throne: Look! God’s dwelling is with humanity, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will no longer exist; grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, …

Revelation 21:22-23 I did not see a sanctuary in it, because the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb are its sanctuary. 23 The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, because God’s glory illuminates it, and its lamp is the Lamb.

Molly has gone home. To God be the Glory!

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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10 Proven Ways to Disciple Your Children

The authority behind these 10 things is the Hebrew Shema. The Shema is the oldest fixed daily prayer in Judaism. It has been recited morning and night in faithful Jewish homes since ancient times. The Shema has been a significant part of traditional Jewish prayer books.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. 7 Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

But is important to understand that if we repeat a memorized phrase without engaging our minds and actions, then the phrase can develop into a tired, meaningless routine. This is not how to make disciples of adults or children. There mustn’t be anything tired and meaningless about our faith in God. In fact, our faith must be daring, courageous, and contagious. This is the spirit that we must embrace when considering effective ways to disciple our children. Ground central in the Shema is the home. The home is where faith is discussed, demonstrated and experienced.

Inside the "Tefillin" are handwritten
 parchments with Biblical texts

1. These words… are to be in your heart - This first thing is perhaps the most important thing to do of all 10 things. Before you can disciple your kids, you must first be a disciple yourself. At New Beginnings Church we define a disciples lie this: A disciple of Jesus is someone who is following Jesus, is being transformed by Jesus, and is dedicated to the mission of Jesus: obediently making disciples of Jesus. Your kids learn discernment. They can spot a phony from a mile away. If they experience hypocrisy from their parents or if they watch their parent demonstrate a split personality (holy church persona vs. hellish home persona), then they are being discipled to become spiritually schizophrenic hypocrites themselves. Discipleship is more caught than taught. Kids can’t hear their parents words if their actions are screaming something else. If you stumble (and you will stumble) your kids will experience the gospel if you will – authentically and transparently – apologize, ask forgiveness, and repent from involvement in that area of stumbling. There is no better way to teach them than to show them. Our kids need to see us struggle, mess up, yet reply with gospel centered reconciliation. Our responses to one another, must be Christ-like, God focused, and gospel centered! • Mistakes are made, • Grace is offered, • Forgiveness is experienced, • Repentance causes change, and • Mercy is enjoyed! The gospel response is always the best response and this is how our kid’s faith will be best influenced.
2. Repeat them to your children - There should be regular, intentional conversations about all kinds of matters of faith in your home. There are countless ways to do this - share bible stories, tell life stories where the presence and power of God was experienced, ask about what happened at church, share your concerns about what is happening (during reality TV shows, during the news, when media values contrary to the scripture is expressed on tall forms of media, inappropriate jokes, etc.). Take time to be heard and to listen to your family. Repeat, say it again, reiterate, go over it another time, recap! Just don’t stay quiet, uninvolved, and disconnected to the things of God and His Word.
3. Talk about them when you sit in your house - Last week I wrote about family dinner time. Planned and intentional discussions with your kids about spiritual things are essential to making disciples. Deuteronomy 6:7 remind parent that when their children “lie down and get up,” are prime times for having spiritual discussions. 
4. Talk about them when you walk along the road- Admittedly, families don’t do as much walking as did families before there were automobiles and highways. However, transportation time is prime time for having Faith Talks and Faith Walks. Sadly, transportation time can also be a time for arguing, lecturing, and ignoring one another. But this time in the car can be redeemed for the gospel. We did a lot of singing with our kids. My wife is an expert at asking  questions. The solution is to not allow this precious transportation time opportunity to escape. As soon as your kids are old enough to drive, the days of the family car ride are rare. 
5. Talk about them when you lie down- I have cherished the times when I prayed with my kids before bed. That is when we taught them to pray. Bed time is when we prayed - out loud - together.
6. Talk about them when you get up- Mornings can be hectic. Some kids (and parents for that matter) are not “morning people.” But this is the best time to prepare for the day. A habit of “starting off the day” with prayer or a quiet time can be modeled in the morning. How would your day have changed if you and your family would have been awakened by gentle praise music this morning?
7. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead - Orthodox Jews observe this command literally. “Tefillin” are two black leather boxes and straps to hold them on. One is worn on the biceps, and its strap, which is tied with a special knot, is wound by the wearer seven times around the forearm and hand. The second box is worn on the forehead at the hairline, with its straps going around the back of the head, connected at the top of the neck with a special knot, and hanging in front on each side. But I think this phrase should remind us to have the scripture displayed in places that are regularly seen and visited (refrigerator door, bathroom mirror, notes in a lunch box or backpack, etc.). This phrase can also symbolize the concept that the Word of God should be on your mind/thoughts and close to your hands/actions.
8. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates - Are there places where you can display important bible passages or words of encouragement that your entire family will see when they are going out or coming home? Perhaps you could make a note on back door to the garage, or on the out side of the door for your family to read and be encouraged.

Click on the picture to read
 this father's encouraging note.

.
Maybe the task of changing these messages could be share between all family members. This phrase can also symbolize the concept that the Word of God should be with you when you leave the safety of home and there for you at home to remind you of your blessings.

Making disciples in your family is not rocket science. It is happening accidently every day. However, some parents are making lazy, disinterested disciples. Other parents are unintentionally making hypocritical, fake disciples. We must be intentional to make vibrant, growing disciples in the home.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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The Blessing from A Trip to Nowhere

Monica's parents planned a 5 day ski trip to Colorado for our two boys and Monica and leaving the day after Christmas. So we took two vehicles with Monica's parents in one and the two boys and Monica and I in the other and we headed to Colorado.

Our trip was going well for the first seven hours. Unfortunately, we ran in to a snow storm in western Kansas late that day. This was not too bad of snow storm. I have driven in much worse, but it was blowing across the interstate, which made the road slick. Our car tires were having trouble gripping the road. At first I thought this was just the way it was going to be, just slow down and keep it on the road. But after awhile of watching traffic pass us by, I began to wonder why it was just our car having so much trouble, while others were able to continue on at higher speeds without trouble.

We exited to get some gas and my father-in-law told me that his car was not having near the problems as ours was and that he could see from behind that we were sliding all over the place. We attempted to continue, but things did not get better, in fact it got worse. We pulled off at a town called Burlington, right across the border in Colorado. We got a couple of hotel rooms and talked about the car issues. It was decided that the car did not have the right tires for snow. After discussing a few different options we decided that our car could not go any further into Colorado, especially into the mountains with those tires.

The final decision: I would drive the car back to Oklahoma with Kenny. Our youngest son Kenny, a few weeks before the ski trip was diagnosed with a tendon issue in his ankle. He was on crutches with an air cast on his foot.

So, Kenny wasn't going to get to ski anyway, and I do not ski either. So as far as skiing goes, we were the two of the six of us that were not going to being skiing, so we would take our car back home. We got up the next day. Monica and our oldest son, Karis moved their luggage into Monica's parents car, they went on to their destination in Colorado and Kenny and I drove back home. Our "Ski Trip" has now officially changed to Kenny and my "trip to nowhere" :)

We got on the road back to Oklahoma about 9am and got home around 5:30pm. We drove 16 hours in a 24 hour period of time. You would think that this was a total waste of time and gas money for a trip to nowhere? Not a chance.THIS is where the blessing begins!

I was able to spend 8 1/2 hours in the car together alone with Kenny. We talked the entire way home! I asked him, at one point, if he was tired that he could lay the seat back and sleep. He was not interested in that. He had his cell phone with him and with a 16 year old boy, it would have been very easy for him to spend time texting friends or playing games on his phone and not engage in conversation with me, but he didn't choose to do that either. We got to talk about all kinds of things from sports, to his girl friend, to hunting, to his ankle injury. We talked about character and Godliness and obedience versus consequences of disobedience, and his upcoming decisions for college and future career ideas he had. It was a huge blessing for me! I told Monica that Kenny may have felt like it was abuse or punishment to him, having to ride all that way and listen to me, but it was definitely not a one sided conversation. What could have been considered a waste of time and caused us to have a poor attitude, turned into a really enjoyable short trip that was a blessing from God.

Lesson Learned
We make choices everyday. I could have chosen to be upset about a wasted trip. I could have been quiet and turned up the car radio. Kenny could have chosen to put on his head phones and listen to music for 8 1/2 hours and not engage in conversation with his step-dad. Thankfully, we both chose to engage each other in the conversation. You could call this an 8 1/2 hour "Faith Walk".  I believe we were both blessed by it.

Take the time to "see" how God is working through your circumstances and try to make the right choices that allow for His blessings along the way.

Is Character Building an "Event' or a "Process"?

This is another great read by Tim Elmore that talks about character building. As you read his blog below, think about being the spiritual leader of your home, and what role you play in the character building of your son(s) and/or daughter(s). What will Jesus say about your spiritual leadership as you help mold them with the character of Christ? Will he say "well done, my good and faithful servant"?

 

How Athletes Hide Behind Their Talent

photo credit: Huskie Outsider via photopin cc

During this time of year, professional sports teams say they care deeply about a draft prospect’s character. They tell us it matters to them if a player has a history of arrests, suspensions or violations, like smoking pot or abusing a girlfriend. But soon, all this talk evaporates as teams in the NBA, MLB and NFL search for players who will help them win games and make money. As one AFC general manager said:

“Talent always trumps character.”

Another NFC general manager echoed this sentiment: “Understand the sliding scale of all of this when you’re dealing with some of the top talent in the nation. That’s the contradiction… If you have a very, very talented individual who has a character issue, you’re a lot more apt to accept them than someone who is more of a midline talent. That’s just the way it is.”

Unfortunately, this happens in athletic programs all across the nation—recruiters focus on ability and results over character, and as a result, athletes with questionable integrity find their way onto major teams. It shouldn’t be this way.

“In the draft, teams rarely miss when it comes to talent,” writes ESPN reporter Ashley Fox. “Everything is quantifiable, from the basics of height, weight, wingspan and hand size to 40-yard dash time, vertical jump and bench press… There are statistics and measurables. It is hard to miss on skill.

“No… teams make mistakes on character. It happens all the time. Character is more than an arrest record. It is more than work ethic. It is more than any psychological test can reveal, because you can’t test a player’s heart. You can’t test his will. And you can’t test how he will react to suddenly having more money in his pocket than he ever imagined. Character is what teams miss on. Some accept the risk of taking a player with a questionable background, either because the head coach has ultimate power and wants to win now or because they believe they have the structure and the locker room to handle it.”

How Players Hide

The story of Aaron Hernandez is a perfect example of this situation. No doubt, there were several questions about Hernandez when he came out of Florida. He dropped to a fourth round draft pick because teams questioned his behavior off the field and whether they’d be able to babysit him as a pro. Eventually, New England took a calculated risk and recruited him. They could not have been more mistaken.

Just like we’ve always heard “love is blind,” I believe “lust is blind.” When we lust after talent, wins or money, we don’t see straight as coaches and staff. We hear the stories that should give us pause, but somehow, we can’t think clearly. We somehow think this player will be an exception, that we can handle him.

Really coach? Will you handle him? Can you spend extra time mentoring this young man who may have never had a healthy male role model? Will you help this gifted young player begin a “process” of discipline that may be foreign to his lifestyle? Will you help him fall in love with the process, not just the glamour of a game?

Analogy: In 2002, a 19-year old garbage collector won $15 million dollars. He spent it on gambling, drugs and prostitutes. Today, he’s now a garbage collector again. He may have been a millionaire, but he never learned the lifestyle it takes to earn a million dollars, which would have enabled him to manage it and increase it. It was an “event,” not a “process,” that put him on top.

In a sense, possessing a big talent is a little like winning millions of dollars in the lottery. This “event” cannot replace the “process” of growth one must experience in order to live up to it. Truth be told, many American’s have won the lottery and gone broke within two years of winning millions of dollars. Why? The “win” never built discipline inside of them. It gave them the illusion that they were untouchable and invincible. But we all know that’s not true. Money runs out. Talent runs out.

How We Discover What’s Inside

I love meeting coaches and athletic staff that understand this issue. They offer second chances to athletes who need them, but they never compromise on building the process of discipline inside the athlete.

At Growing Leaders, we use Habitudes® for Athletes for this process. Each Habitude is a distinctive image that communicates a timeless character ideal in a way that’s relevant to athletes. Here are a few important Habitudes to keep in mind as you work to develop the character of your athletes:

1. Talk about the price tag before you hop into the “taxi cab.”
   The Taxi Principle reminds us: we must never get into a taxicab without first asking how much the ride will cost. Good coaches count the cost before taking on players who may be trouble. Do you have extra time to develop their hearts as well as their talents?

2. Be sure you have enough “thermostats” in the locker room.
   Never take on questionable character without strong, character-filled leaders in the locker room who influence the team. Are your leaders “thermostats” for the team… players that can turn the temperature up?

3. Be willing to play “chess” not “checkers” with your players.
   Chess and Checkers reminds us that each team member is like a chess piece. You must treat them differently, based on their strengths, weaknesses and personalities, in order to enable them to be their best. Will you give them this effort?

4. Work on the portion of the “iceberg” below the surface.
   You understand an iceberg, right? 10% is visible, just like talent. But 90% is invisible, just like character. Spend time working on your team’s disciplines and values below the surface. It will make or break them.

“I look at character first,” one head coach said. “If I’m leaning toward a guy that is borderline character, then I look at the strength of my leaders that will be returning to the team that particular year. Bad character guys off the field I normally would take off my board.”

What are your thoughts? How do you encourage strong character on your team?

Faith and Family

My level of faith continues to grow as I get older. I have seen more, experienced more, learned more about how God is working in my life, in and through my children, my wife, my family and friends. Now that I have turned 50 years old  and having more grandchildren come into the family, I seem to be spending more time reflecting on the past. However, I am also looking forward to the future. In the past, I was looking forward to the future and trying to forget the past. You can't do anything about the past anyway, so why dwell on it, right?

I see the direction of the Family Ministry model at New Beginnings and I have my own regrets about the things that I could have or should have done with my children as they were growing up. Now they are adults and some are now having their own children. So in this reflecting process I am reminded about what kind of parent I was when I was their age.

Here is one of the things that I have learned that I wish I would have known early on in my parenting. Parenting is a life long process. It doesn't end when the children turn 18.The little things that you may not think are making a difference will make a difference over time.

Some examples of those "little things" are having Faith Talks and Faith Walks with your children and creating milestone events that make memorable moments for you and them, that they want to pass down to their children, with hope that those things will get passed on to their children, etc. The hard part in the process is that we parents get busy. Busy with life, job pressures, relationship pressures, time pressures and then time slips away and before you know it, your children are now teenagers and then adults. Will you stay the course? Do you believe it will make a difference? You may not see immediate changes in your children. You may not see immediate changes in your teenagers. But will you have enough faith, that God will help you in the process, IF you remain faithful in doing your part too?

Most Christians know this verse that defines the word "faith"  from Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen."

But not many may know the "why" explained in the very next verse in Hebrews 11:2   "For our ancestors won God’s approval by it."

 Will our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren be saying the same thing about their ancestors?

  

 

Encouragement: Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint

I received a phone call this past week from my oldest daughter. She wanted to thank me for some advice I had given in regard to some things she is working on with her career. I thoroughly enjoy being able to help any of my adult children at their request. It's something that I treasure more than I ever thought I would, especially now, since our children are adults and don't really "need" us parents any more.

After the conversation on the career stuff, she began to talk about her last meeting with her small group from church. She said they were having a discussion about the difference in teaching and lecturing your children. Their small group consists of young parents and I know they are all searching for how best to do this "parent thing" the Godly way. She has a two year old son and a 4 month old daughter. Below is a picture of Urijah's baby dedication, which is a great "first step" in leading their son to becoming a believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

She said, "Dad, I just want to thank you for the way you taught us and lectured us. You seemed to know how to do it in a way that got the point across, in both situations. You knew when to teach the bible and when to lecture about God's Word and you did them both in a good way, so that we "got it". She said, "we kid around with you a lot about when you used to "lecture" us and we give you a hard time about them, but they really did make a difference."

I will treasure that "thank you", for the rest of my life. I told her that it's very cool to see one of your adult children, who now is a parent herself, looking back to see how her dad parented her in this way and how she appreciated and respected it enough to want to say "thank you" for that investment. Our children don't really "see" parenting as clearly, as when they begin to parent themselves, and then, they start to see 20/20 the weight and responsibility of Christian parenting. She gets that now.

We will continue to pray for her and Brian and the rest of our adult children, that they can see just how important those "Faith Walks", ie my lectures in some cases and "Faith Talks" ie. those bible teaching times in my case, became in the life of our children, so that they now can pass those along to their children in their own way.

I just recently turned 50 years old. My oldest daughter will turn 29 in another 6 weeks or so. Those lectures and those teaching times happened over the course of 21 years or so. This was after I became a born-again Christian and saw the need and my God given responsibility to raise and to disciple my children in the Way of the Lord. It didn't happen over night. It wasn't one lecture and one teaching time and "well, I hope that does it". Christian parenting is not a sprint. There has to be time and effort spent and yet I would say that it was more of the quality of time for me, that was spent, versus the quantity of time that made the most impact. Because for all of those 21 years I was a divorced, part-time dad, who could only be with his daughters every other weekend or sometimes every third weekend as they got older. So, only because of God's grace and mercy, did He help me to guide my children under those circumstances, which is why you can see how I deeply I treasure that "thank you" from my daughter. If God can do this through me for my children, surely God can and will help guide you through your circumstances. You just need to be willing and stay the course. Just keep on trying even when you don't think it's making a difference or you aren't getting "thanked" for it. They will thank you at some point in their lives, but what IF you never received one thank you? You still have that God-given responsibility. You will still stand in front of God one day and will be held accountable for your parenting efforts.

Be intentional about the moments in your children's lives that become teaching and lecture times and do that over a long period of time. I have no doubt God will bless that investment.





Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg

Desirable Difficulties

I am reading a book called "David & Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, And The Art of Battling Giants" by Malcolm Gladwell. The book begins with this, "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of this stature, because I have rejected him;for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

In the Introduction, Gladwell writes"David & Goliath is a book about what happens when ordinary people confront giants. By "giants", I mean powerful opponents of all kinds-from armies and mighty warriors to disability, misfortune and oppression. Each chapter tells the story of a different person-famous or unknown, ordinary or brilliant-who has faced an outsize challenge and been forced to respond. Should I play by the rules or follow my own instincts? Shall I persevere or give up? Should I strike back or forgive?"

"the fact of being an underdog can change people in ways we often fail to appreciate: it can open doors and create opportunities to educate and enlighten and make possible what might otherwise have seemed unthinkable."

I could go on and on with quotes from this book. How we respond to difficulties can determine our future.Gladwell would call these "desirable difficulties".

So as we approach this school year, our children will inevitably come across some form of difficulty. These things could be some less difficult issues, such as, getting picked on while riding the bus, teased because they have braces or because they just started to wear glasses, or picked on because of the clothes they wear, or the way they fix their hair, or because they got a bad grade, or maybe its because they are a Christian and they were seen reading their bible at lunch OR more serious and permanent difficulties, like having to deal with dyslexia, a learning disability, a physical disability, a serious illness, a tragic loss of a family member, a self destructive behavior like cutting or a drug or alcohol abuse or addiction issue, an unplanned pregnancy.

Trials and difficulties will come in life. Now how do we choose to handle them? Where do we turn for guidance, comfort and direction.

We parents want to try and protect our children from these things happening to them, but unfortunately we can't protect them forever from the difficulties they will face in life. But what great opportunities to have Faith Walk discussions during these times when difficult things happen to them either by their choice or not. Think about how can you bring the Word of God and our Christian walk into a discussion like that.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

You can talk about these verses with your children and ask them why would the bible, the Word of God, would say in James to "consider it pure joy whenever you experience various trials", how is that possible? How can you have JOY in times of trials!?!?!? You could have a great discussion on wondering what it is that God is trying to work through in them, because the answer is in the Word, these trials test our faith, but this testing produces in us endurance....endurance why? so that we can grow and become mature in our faith....and this must happen so that we can be mature and complete in our faith, not lacking anything.

We also know that just because we are a Christian, does not prevent us from having trials. In fact, because we are Christians, Jesus says in Matthew 5:10-11 "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness, because the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of Me. Be glad and rejoice, because your reward is great in heaven. For that is how they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

There we go again, "Be glad and rejoice". These are great scriptures to have those Faith Walk discussions during difficult times and don't be afraid to be transparent with your children and talk about how hard it is to be joyful, glad, and rejoicing during those times. It's not easy. But you can also talk about how you have grown in your faith from those difficult times and you can remind them that God has a plan through all of these difficulties in life we face, that through them, he promises we will be blessed, we will become mature in our faith, and we will be complete, not lacking anything. What a great foundation you will be giving your children as they grow up and learn how to handle those "desirable difficulties" that will come their way in life We have no idea just how God will use those trials in their lives in the future to benefit His Kingdom, for His Glory.



Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg