Miley Cyrus Kills Hanna Montana!

The view from my missionary daughter and her church planter husband's apartment - Kyle and Julie Partin in DTLA.

Hello from sunny California. I am writing this post from downtown LA. Or, as we cool west coasterners call it, the DTLA. I was out of town during the MTV’s Video Music Awards. It didn’t matter that I was out of town because I most likely wouldn’t have watched the MTV VMAs anyway. I am 53 years old and the current trendsetters in the music industry don’t set any trends for me. Rather, I find the pretentiousness, the snarkiness, and the posing really irritating.

I had MTV electronically blocked from our cable menu when I had kids at home. It was the right thing to do. Blocking MTV these days has limited benefit because the most shocking stunts are repeated online in social media the next day. Although MTV is a non issue for me personally because I don’t watch it and I am marginally indifferent about the impact MTV is having on the culture.

That all changed this week with the murder of Hannah Montana. Hanna Montana was a fictional character played by Miley Cyrus on the Disney channel. The murder of a ficticious character is a metaphor for the birth of a new career and away from an old one. As the LA Times described her performance, “ [Miley] successfully shocked the audience of the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - stripping to her underwear, grinding on a foam finger and twerking with giant teddy bears. Cyrus left jaws on the floor (though not in a good way.)”

Below are several reactions that might be helpful if you were going to have a faith conversation with your preteen or teen-ager. (Click on the Grey link to read it)

I winced at this angry rant from the perspective of a mother who pities Miley Cyrus’ plea for attention from Chicks on the Right. I don’t think you have to be angry, pious, and threatening to make a point about poor behavior.

If you like sarcasm you will enjoy this pensive letter from the perspective of a father to a son. I enjoyed hearing another father encourage his son to be a real man through solid biblical virtues.

I prayed after I read this brief article about the gradual slide toward worldliness in the Christian life from a book called –“ A Hole in Our Holiness: Chapter 8: Saints and Sexual Immorality”

But my favorite response that I read was this wise and gentle call for prayer. I wish I had thought of this.

Before I became a pastor, I was a Youth Minister. At that time I understood MTV, its culture, its aim, and its agenda. I had conversations with students about what they were watching, learning, and how they may have been influenced. I would hear many of the same feeling coming from teens 30 years ago when another diva (in those days it was Cher and Madonna) tried to shock the audience of the 1980-1990 MTV Video Music Awards.

• Disgust • Indignation • Shock • Anger • • Mercy • Compassion • Sympathy • Grace • • Admiration • Pride • Smugness •

Like it or not these types of outbursts provide Christian parents with an excellent opportunity for a Faith Walk conversation. If you need help finding bible verses about modesty and purity. I have included a few for you.

1 Timothy 2:9-10	1 Corinthians 6:19-20	1 Peter 3:3-4
Proverbs 31:30	Proverbs 11:22	1 Samuel 16:7
Deuteronomy 22:5	John 7:24	Matthew 5:28
2 Timothy 2:22	2 Corinthians 6:17-18	1 Corinthians 10:31

Finally, I learned that Sunday night, the same night Miley Cyrus murdered Hanna Montana, was Billy Ray Cyrus’ birthday. Billy Ray Cyrus played Hanna Montana’s TV father on the same Disney comedy. He is also the biological father of Miley Cyrus. What was he feeling. Any loss? Any pride? I’m sure he been instructed not to say anything that might interfere with this emerging career and the choice that his daughter made to capture the attention of the stunned nation.

Billy Ray Cyrus was 52. One year younger than me. He doesn’t have the same opportunity as me to ignore MTV and the poison that is seems to inject in the culture.

I guess I have another hurting father for which to pray. Join me?

• We must not forget the grace we’ve been given and replace it with rancor and disgust.
• We must not ignore the slide of this culture toward worldliness, specifically in our own lives.
• We must love like Jesus loves, with others best in mind with grace as our means!

A Special Gift from a Son

Monica and I purchased the movie "Home Run" this past weekend. It's about a baseball player. We bought it to watch with our son Kenny, who is 15 and a pretty gifted baseball player.I love the game of baseball too and began playing from a very early age as Kenny did. If you haven't already seen the movie, here is a little description from their web site. If you have seen it, you can skip the next paragraph.

"Baseball all-star Cory Brand knows what it takes to win in the big leagues. But off the field, with memories of his past haunting him, his life is spiraling out of control.Hoping to save her client's career and reputation after a DUI and a team suspension, Cory's agent sends him back to the small town where he grew up. Forced to coach the local youth baseball team and spend eight weeks in the only recovery program in town, Cory can't wait to return to his old life as quickly as possible.As his young players help him experience the joy of the game, Cory discovers his need to find freedom from his past and hope for his future … and win back the love he left behind. With this unexpected second chance, Cory finds himself on a powerful journey of transformation and redemption. Based on thousands of true stories, HOME RUN is a powerful reminder that with God, it's never too late … freedom is possible."

The movie hit especially close to home for me personally, because the star, Cory Brand, grew up with an alcoholic father, just like I did. I also grew up in a small town just as Cory did. My dad coached me in Little League. He was a big baseball fan and taught me a great deal about the game, but he was also an alcoholic for most of my childhood into my mid-twenties. At the end of the movie, Cory shares his testimony. When I heard him begin his testimony, I had to get up out of my chair and walk into the kitchen. An emotional nerve inside was uncovered. The movie ended shortly thereafter.

Fast forward to a couple of days later. Monica, Kenny and I were traveling in the car to take him back to his dad's house in Shawnee. Kenny lives with his dad and one of the reasons is because he loves baseball, he love's his dad and his dad get's to coach him at the Varsity level in the high school he attends. Somehow we got to talking about the movie and Monica asked me if it was hard for me to watch. I told her that is was uncomfortable, but wasn't too bad until Cory gave his testimony and that is when I needed to get up and go to the kitchen.(A faith walk had just begun)

I proceeded to talk about my childhood, living with an alcoholic father and my parents eventual divorce. I talked about how my young adulthood was not a great time for me because of some of the mistakes I made and some of those, I realize, came from the result of a dad with alcoholism. One of the  tragic results of my mistakes was a divorce of my own and a selfish lifestyle similar to Cory's selfish lifestyle in the movie. But I also talked about how God had saved me. Thankfully, I too have experienced the amazing transformation and redemption God has worked through my life, just as Cory did in the movie.

Kenny was sitting in the front seat of the car, listening the whole time and not saying much. He must have heard the pain in my story. Then he said these encouraging words, "Terry, thanks for being such a great dad." He didn't say anything else, but he didn't have to. I'm his step dad. He was 5 years old when Monica and I were married. Step dad or biological father, there is no greater gift, that he could have ever given me, than to say those words. I'm not perfect.I have never thought of myself as a great dad/step dad. In fact, I have often wondered, as a step dad, if I am making a difference in my step sons lives, but those unsolicited words from Kenny, affirmed that I may have done some things right.

Kenny has a huge heart. He has always been that way. It's something both Monica and I talk about often; how blessed we are by his soft heart. I know that he loves the Lord. It shows in his Spirit. He is a very caring young man. And he cared enough to share that gift with me, when he could have chosen to stay silent. It was something that I will treasure for the rest of my life.How powerful words can be!

Dad's have an undeniable responsibility to make an eternal difference, one way or the other, in your children's lives. Don't give up. There is no easy road. It takes time, courage, commitment and sometimes you make mistakes. But your children should never question your love for them and your desire to protect and lead them in a Godly way to a point where they will be stand on a firm foundation of their faith in Jesus Christ. And maybe one day they will say those words that I was so blessed to hear from Kenny, "thanks for being such a great dad."

Deuteronomy 6 “This is the command—the statutes and ordinances—the Lord your God has instructed me to teach you, so that you may follow them in the land you are about to enter and possess. ² Do this so that you may fear the Lord your God all the days of your life by keeping all His statutes and commands I am giving you, your son, and your grandson, and so that you may have a long life. ³ Listen, Israel, and be careful to follow them, so that you may prosper and multiply greatly, because Yahweh, the God of your fathers, has promised you a land flowing with milk and honey. ⁴ “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One. ⁵ Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. ⁶ These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.⁷ Repeat them to your children.Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. ⁹ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Tips for Swimming...

Recently I read a swimming article for parents that stated: "If your kid is anxious about staying afloat, these tips will ease her into action."  Sounded like a good read so I skimmed on!!  I was excited and amused to see their bullet points and how they were completely transferable for parents personally and to engage their own kids with 'the Mission'.

- "Learn the Basics"
"You can either teach your kid yourself or hire a swim instructor. 'In lessons, kids focus on proper technique, and then Mom and Dad can focus on play.'"  At New Beginnings we want to come alongside you (the parent) in the discipleship process.  This means we want to help with ideas, equipping and even just be a sounding board to listen.  We also would be honored to be apart of your child/students life to help with some of the instruction of the basics so you can focus on how they apply to everyday life.  This is why at all of our NBFamily ministries we provide information about what we are studying on Sundays and Wednesday not to mention some take home guides to follow-up with the 'basics' that were taught about their faith.  Our prayer is that while you incorporate those tools it could transition into a consistent "Faith Talk" each week (a time you set aside and take just a few minutes to connect with the Bible and then an age appropriate activity to solidify it to their (and your) mind)!!  Be on the look-out for the brand new 14-week faith talk tool (walking through the 12 major events of the Bible) launching after labor day AND ministry specific Family Equipping taking place each Sunday morning in W301 (more details to follow).

- "Forget the Floaties"
"Not only can they give him a false sense of security, but they discourage proper form because they force his body to be vertical instead of horizontal in the water."  This principle is amazing!!  We often use "crutches" to do specific tasks thinking it will make us more efficient or better in some way.  At the time it seems all well and good but after awhile we realize our need for the crutch and often find ourselves farther from the original goal.  A big example for me was my phone... I remember very vividly when I got my first iPhone.  I was amazed as the days went by using this new device that would keep my calendar and answer my calls (no more palmpilot folks).  It could store thousands of contacts and hours of music but one day it froze up.  After hours of testing, it landed on the desk of a "Genius."  Though they could replace it for me at small price of $250 there were a couple other things we could try first.  What was crazy is over the next MILLION YEARS (couple days) as my phone was on the fritz, I realized a lot of things had changed:  I couldn't listen to "my songs" on my way to work or while working out, Some e-mails I had saved because of the content were unaccessible, I no longer remembered phone numbers (I had stopped memorizing them since they were saved in contacts), There was nothing to do while going the bathroom (don't lie, you take your phone in with you too), etc.  My iPhone, though so helpful in many areas had become a crutch and actually put me in a worse position on many things and I didn't even notice until it was gone.  What are the "floaties" you are putting on your kids or yourself (Is it: Making summer camp or VBS but never during year? Memorization of Bible facts but no understanding of the Gospel? Pushing baptism before they're ready? A salvation moment but no life change? Etc.)!?

- "Take the Plunge"
"Go ahead and carry your child into shallow water -- even if she's kicking and screaming."  Often I have seen kids and students make choices and sometimes not make choices that dictate the whole families situation.  What I like about this point is that it can be taken either way: Maybe your son or daughter is needing a little encouragement to get connected or plugged in, maybe they have no desire to get involved, maybe they just don't want to go to church at all?  Will you do me a favor... before you give up will you do the following three steps: 
1) Please, let myself and the other NBFamily Pastors know!!  We would love to be praying for you, encouraging you and looking for more intentional ways to get them a solid connecting point.  
2) Urge them to come three times to a specific program (Yes, even if it's "kicking and screaming").  I know this is a big ask but it has a proven track record if started and encouraged at home!  If you can get them there three times it will be our job to keep them coming!!  
3) Personally get involved in some capacity at New Beginnings.  The fact is, often kids do what they see their parents do.  If parents are just dropping kids off each wednesday at church, consistently skipping sunday morning worship to do other things or just too busy to actually be in a small group... THE KIDS WILL FOLLOW SUIT!!  Please consider getting into a D-Group this fall (brand new groups start next Sunday, Sept. 8th.  Click here for more info) 

May God give us the courage to step into the pool... May New Beginnings be a safe place to start and a effective place to train... May the Spirit give you the courage to do what is right regardless of what is said... May the Son be the example we follow... May our kids heed our warnings and follow our instruction... May the Gospel continue to change our lives, daily!!

To read the whole article from 'Parents Daily', Click Here

I Just Wanna Be Like You

Last week I went to the funeral of the dad of one of my good friends. This man was a very Godly man. At one point in the funeral, my friend’s wife got up and read his senior assignment that was titled, “My Favorite Person.” This paper was from years ago when he was back in high school. In the paper, he spoke of all the qualities and characteristics that made his dad stick out as his favorite person. It was a great tribute to this man’s love for Christ and his love for his family. As I sat there listening to this letter I began to wonder how many seniors would write about their mom or dad as their favorite person today. Afterwards, Jamie and I talked with tears streaming down our faces about what it would mean to have our boys to list us as a favorite person that late into their teen years. 

For many of you who have passed that stage of life, you may have been that person for your child whether they wrote a paper about it or not. For many others, the distance between you and your children may bring up many emotions. For many parents in the stage we’re in, it seems fearful to think of who or what may be captivating their hearts and attention those last years before sending them out into the world. 

After thinking through my friend’s perspective and thoughts of his dad I wondered if that great honor would fall on us. What qualities do I need to be exemplifying for my boys? What kind of guidance and direction does God’s word give on the role of Biblical parenting? What kind of expectation, equipping, and accountability do churches provide for parents who want to be their children’s primary faith trainers? And are they really even watching that closely what we as parents are doing? 

And then came this little worksheet that Sankie brought home from church...

As you can see, the title is “Family Photo.” 

From the far right, that’s Owen--he was added when we began to go over it with Sankie and helped him to see that someone was missing (note the different color in crayon). And that may or may not be horns on top of Owen’s head?

Second from right is Jamie--obvious from the long hair, large smile, and club-like right arm. 

In the middle, again it’s obvious, that’s Jack (aka Little Mexico). Sankie most commonly refers to him as the one with “the party on his head,” as illustrated. 

Second from the left is me, daddy. Interestingly, I’m shorter than both little Sankie and Jamie. 

And then on the far left is little Sankie. But what stuck out to Jamie and I as little Sank began to explain his picture was the size of his eyes and the intensive gaze towards my character. We asked why such an intense stare and why he had such big eyes? 

His response: “Cause I’m always watchin you daddy...I wanna be just like you!” 

Wow. That was sobering. 

Don’t worry, I don’t let his naivety in being prejudiced at this point in life allow me to think too highly nor too lowly of myself. From little comments and questions, “You forgot your seatbelt dad,” or “How can you tell they are idiots just by watching them drive, daddy?” To more clear, selfish, jealous, protests that we adults have learned to disguise more effectively, “Noooo! It’s mine! It’s mine! It’s mine! I don’t want you to have it!” It’s all in there. Every bit of our sinful nature and selfish desires. There’s a lot going on at the heart level. 

This picture reveals several truths to me that confirm exactly what the Bible teaches:

1. Dads--they are watching us more than we know. And in many ways, they really do want to be just like us. That is painful when you see them copying and inheriting some of your most glaring and hurtful sin patterns into their own lives. (Gen. 4:7-8; Ps. 78; 1 John 3:1-18)
2. Little boys love their mommies and think they are beautiful and wonderful--but most often are looking to their dad for their identity and what it means to grow up and be a man. Little boys and girls are looking for someone to lead them. (Eph. 6:1-4; 2 Tim. 2:1-4, 3:10,14-17)
3. It is NOT little boys who come up with this desire to be like their dad or little girls to be like their mom (even when they say they want to avoid it), it was actually hard-wired in by God. This desire is part of His design--even in an imperfect and fallen world with many other voices and alternatives. (Ps. 139; Titus 2:1-8)
4. Being passive does NOT get you out of being imitated. Even if you think you’re not qualified to lead spiritually in your own home--it’s not an option to bail on them  spiritually. Being passive spiritually just means that they are going to either learn to be passive also from watching you or they are going to seek other men who will lead them in some other way. (Gen. 3:6,12,17-19; Deut. 6:12,17,20-25)
5. It is NOT an issue of convenience or qualification. It is entirely an issue of obedience and responsibility in pointing our children to the One who ransomed them with His own blood and deserves eternal worship and praise. (Matt. 28:18-20; Rev. 5:8-10)
6. Leading means continually and repetitively leading them to the Person and Work of Jesus Christ. (Eph. 1:3-14; 2 Cor. 5:21)

I may not be a true hero in a couple of weeks or even a couple of hours, but I still have the responsibility of spiritually leading my family. It is a weighty challenge that makes us feel incompetent and unqualified to say the least. Failure and frustration are at each turn. But I have to remember this is not a one-time fix. This is a process of consistency. I’m not going to raise perfect children--that cannot be my expectation. Therefore, being intentional, purposeful, and faithful in the areas God has placed under my authority is what I’m called to. I hope you join us at New Beginnings (or wherever you are) as we continue to work on a simple, workable plan for all parents, all types of families, empty-nesters and anyone else taking on the challenge of true discipleship in the crucible of relationships. This Jesus changes everything!

Here's a great song with great lyrics that captures the heart of what I'm trying to say. The rapper is Lecrae. You may think it doesn't fit your context, just check it out and don't let the setting fool you. Look up the lyrics also! 

Hope is here...

This is one of my favorite times of year. The kids are back in school, routine has returned, and life seems somewhat manageable. Fall is approaching so quickly you can smell it in the air and sense it in your bones. Which means we finally have the excuse to do some of our favorite things. That’s right. It’s time to fire up the grill, fill the crock-pot with queso, and go throw the pigskin around. Why? Because football season is here! And that means there’s hope.

Look, I don’t care who your team is. A new season is exciting because there is always a chance that this year might be different. Maybe this year is the year.  Maybe this season we taste the sweetness of victory a little more often. Perhaps we make it to the post-season. What if this is the year that we win it all! Sure the realist inside of you reminds your heart that it has never happened in the history of your team’s existence. But that romantic side… Yeah that part of you which sees the very best in things, well, it longs to experience such joy. It dreams of what this new season might bring.

Right now, each team is the same. No wins, no losses, just an opportunity that lies ahead. And isn’t that what we all want? We love the idea of newness, a blank slate, the beautiful hope of a fresh start.  If we could just have a redo, or maybe be given permission to dream. Football, as trivial as it is, reminds us of a deeper longing. Whether it is through our sports, our children, our jobs, or our hobbies, we vicariously seek little wins where we can find them. The only problem is that we often neglect to see that the fresh start we seek, the real victory we desire, is personally offered to us all.

Did you know that God is a God of second chances…and third and fourth chances? By the way, that truth is just as important to the believer as it is anyone else. He who started a good thing in you is faithful to bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). He that justifies, sanctifies! He is not only our Creator. He is our Re-Creator so to speak, in the sense that He is ever-changing us – growing us. He is making us new, transforming our hearts, and refining our passions and desires. “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) That’s who God is! He is a God of forgiveness and hope and new beginnings.

So what if you blew it last year? You had all kinds of big dreams of how you were going to pray and read scripture with you children and yet, you didn’t. Guess what? It’s a new school year! Oh yeah, school is nearly a good week into session and you’ve already messed up. You’re ashamed to always be so tired, to have such a temper, to so often fail in following through with things. You seem to continue to struggle with the same sins. Guess what? This is a new week, a new day. Yes, God is a God of new hours and minutes.

So what keeps you from starting over? My guess is that your excuse it similar to mine. “I’ll just try harder and do better next time.” While that sounds noble and all, it really shows an ignorance of the gospel. Jesus didn’t die on the cross because we were “good”. He was willingly slaughtered on our behalf because we never could be. Remember, He didn’t come for the healthy, but for the sick (Mark 2:17). Do yourself a favor and don’t wait for next season. Trust Him today, not your ability to right the ship. And do it right now if you have to!

While it’s fun to talk of all the reasons this season could be special – a new QB, a favorable schedule, an intricate defensive scheme. We all know that even if that pinnacle is one day achieved, it can’t touch the fulfillment we truly desire. May we know that truth in our heart and see the magnificence of that which is before us. It’s glorious. It’s all around us, you can even sense it deep within. It’s the precious hope of the gospel and it’s here to stay.

Teacher Heroes!

The phrase “Back to School!” means different things to a lot of different kinds of people. Parents, students, teachers, and administration see school as loaded with many opportunities and hazards.

For most parents who have been running difficult kids all summer long “Back to School!” is a welcome reprieve. For those mythical parents who have been enjoying long days with well behaved kids “Back to School!” is a sad day.

For students going “back to school” is a phrase that means

• … a lot of work,
• … getting up early,
• … negotiating forced peer relationships,
• … making the team or club,
• … earning or achieving playing time,
• ... meeting and trying to impress new teachers,
• … and making acceptable grades.

Dare I say that school for kids can be very stressful? There is no other time in life when humans are so regularly tested, evaluated, ranked, and approved or disapproved publically. Wouldn’t it be nice to have an advocate in the classroom that was always looking out for your kid’s best interest?

YOU DO HAVE AN AVOCATE FOR YOUR STUDENT!

Your kid’s teacher can either be the excuse you and your child agrees upon for poor grades and behaviors, or, your child’s teacher can be an advocate that defends, supports, and promotes your kid’s best interest. Remember what Confucius once said, “The cross-eyed teacher can’t control their pupils!” Think about what going "back-to-school!” means for teachers:

• … a lot of work,
• … getting up early,
• … negotiating forced peer relationships,
• … coaching or sponsoring the team or club,
• … evaluating if a student has earned or achieved playing time,
• ... meeting and trying to impress new students,
• … and trying to teach your kids how to earn acceptable grades.

Then there are other stressors that are unique to teachers.

• … Hearing every excuse that has ever been heard.
• … Working to find a way to motivate a kid who refuses to be taught.
• … Negotiating the political storms that administrators, and parents whip into a furry.
• … Trying to decide where they are going to spend all their money!

The reality is that there are few people, outside of their parents who will have as significant of an impact on your kids as their teachers will. You would do well to earn their trust and partner with them. Teachers are just like you.

• Teachers love your kids (or they wouldn’t take a meager salary to teach your kids).
• Teachers can become tired (remember how you felt and the end of the summer? Then keep going…for 6 more months … with 25 more kids).
• Teachers can get their feelings hurt (like you would feel if I told you, that you didn’t know how to teach your kids).
• Teachers can be encouraged (just like you would feel if I told you, that you were a great teacher of your kids).

On 5th Sunday in September, REACH OUT SUNDAY, New Beginnings Church is planning to be intentional about reaching out to our local heroes, the public school teacher! Until then, you should figure out a way to encourage your kid’s teacher to be thankful they are your kid’s teacher.

I found this list Parent Life Magazine which help us see how we can be a positive gospel influence in our schools. (Galatians 5:22)

1. Show love.

   Our children learn best by example. What we say and how we say it when it comes to their teachers is noticed. Watch your words when you find yourself aggravated. "Like any relationship we have, we need to be respectful and look at teachers with love. Learn to trust that the teacher has your child's best interests at heart. Pray for your child's teachers and encourage your child to pray for his teachers also.

2. Celebrate with joy.
   Reinforce your child's classroom success by celebrating at home when he's done well. Share that joy with your child's teacher. Thank them with encouraging notes or emails. Teachers hear from parents who are upset freely, but an encouraging word can put a smile on a teacher's face at the end of a long day.
3. Be patient.

   Don't get upset if a teacher doesn't call you back or answer an email right away. Most teachers have more things to do and more students in their charge than they have time for in a day. Their students often come with a wide range of needs and requirements, and teachers often bring their work home with them at night and on weekends. A little patience goes a long way.

4. Share kindness.
   Teachers always need volunteers to make copies, help with art lessons, or bring snacks. Let your kid's teachers know you’re willing to help. Bring a treat for the teacher (flower, gift card, kind note, etc.)
5. Teach goodness.

   Christian parents raise their children with strong morals and values. Included in those values they teach their kids to treat others with authority and respect and to always do their best. If you and your kid comes into the classroom ready and willing to do the right thing, the future will be brighter.

6. Speak gently.
   Communication is key when it comes to solving issues or problems that come up with your child. Ask questions before assuming, and remember that how you communicate something is even more important sometimes than what you're communicating. When concerns or disappointments are shared in a way that doesn't devalue or demean the teacher personally, you're much more likely to get the response you're looking for.

"Students who don't fit the mold"

The blog below is from Tim Elmore's blog this past week, dated Tuesday, August 20th, titled "Generation IY Students who don't fit the mold". It made me ponder on how positive or negative I have been with my own young adult and adult children.I have been informed recently by at least one of them, that I can have a tendency to over-protect, or offer unsolicited advice that has had a negative impact on them feeling that I trust them or am confident in their decision-making. I have realized as a parent that it's hard to let go sometimes.But also that it's just as important to praise them in an appropriate amount, without giving undo praise for not much effort. Seems pretty complicated at times to know exactly when to be giving constructive criticism that is intended to help and when to step back and allow for them to find their own way, as well as, an appropriate amount of praise that is not considered over the top and undeserved.

The bottom line for me is to continue to pray for my children and pray for my own wisdom and discernment to say what needs to be said at the right time and place.The student, Karen's perspective, in Tim's blog below gave me a different look at how a student may see things from their side, especially when they are working hard and trying to do the right thing.I thought Tim's response to Karen was very encouraging.

"Generation IY Students who don't fit the mold"
I received an inquiry a few weeks ago from Karen, a student who read my blog. She made an interesting request:

“I was wondering if it would be of interest to look into the effects of typical Gen iY and their over-indulgent parents on other Gen iY persons and parents who may not fit this mold.”

“For example, I find myself quite bitter about others my age. I feel that I work hard, I play by the rules, yet I am never praised or given freedom/trust from my parents. As a result, I find that I am extremely jealous and somewhat depressed. I always see others doing supposedly “worse” than me and reaping many rewards, and can’t help but feel entitled to at least some reward.”
“Perhaps I am not the only one who shares this view and maybe others do to. This may be an interesting side of Gen iY you may be interested in looking into.”

Karen—you bring up a great point. Count me in.
As I speak at student events, I meet “exceptions to the rule” almost everywhere. They are young adults who break the mold and don’t fit into the typical stereotype, as an entitled slacker with low emotional intelligence. (Pardon my bluntness, but so many articles I read these days are totally down on teens and twenty-somethings.)
Karen is an example of an uncommon student who sees the apparent pay-off for so many kids who get praised for the smallest of effort, somehow pass a grade in school even if they read at a fourth grade level, and who have an adult swoop in and save them whenever they fail. Indeed, it is enough to make a student with a good work ethic jealous.

Karen—allow me to speak very personally to you in this situation:
1. When you feel jealous, think long term. In the long run, students like you who do work hard and play by the rules will be in such better shape than entitled kids who have no work ethic. You’ll be ready for adulthood. In the end, we reap what we sow.
2. Count your blessings. I know this sounds old fashioned, but when you hate your life, reflect on all the good you’ve received or even earned. Things could always be worse and your happiness will expand as you focus on the good, not the bad.
3. Find someone—a friend, a mentor, a boss, a teacher or a leader—whom you can meet with and receive positive feedback. We all need encouragement, and if you can't get a little of that at home, you must find it elsewhere. Keep your emotional tank full.

10 Years and Counting...

Last Friday Courtney and I enjoyed our 10th wedding anniversary... To celebrate I threw a secret (to Courtney) party and vow “renewal” (If you had the chance to attend and wanted to see the photo-area pics click here)!!  To my excitement, she said ‘yes’… Again!!

Leading up to the anniversary I spent a lot of time in reflection to what I wanted to do for a gift… Though we have never been big on presents for each other on specials occasions, a 10^th wedding anniversary calls for a little something-something!!  Though 10 years is not as numerous as many couples we know, Courtney and I have always had a desire that our marriage (and now-a-days family) would be an encouragement to others.  I do not share that as a, “we’ve never fought and married life has been perfect” or even trying to put our lives on “pedestals” to others, however, God has called us (believers) to be an example of loving community and a reflection of Christ himself.  In the book of Ephesians 5 (a letter written by Paul to a community of believers in Ephesus) he dedicates several powerful and difficult sentences to couples and how we should act in marriage if we are followers of Christ. 

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

If it ends there, it seems both unfair to the ladies and extremely difficult.  Over the years, especially in pre-marital mentoring I’ve done, I’ve heard so much rejection and misunderstanding to this passage.  We (not just women but as a culture) get so hung up on this word “submission.”  In the land of the free “why do we have to submit to anyone” or “so I’m supposed to mindlessly obey to my own detriment”!?  If that was the only verses in the passage you have a leg to stand on and let me apologize to anyone that has used the above verses to argue or dominant a household… That is wrong (as we put it into context with the next nine verses: 3 verses to women & 9 verses to men)!

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Did you catch it!?  After reading this passage I always ask the question: “How hard would it be to submit to someone who cares for you more than themselves and would literally die for you?”  What do you think?  That’s true freedom… to put our love, trust and submission in someone that loves us more than their own life and daily puts their needs behind ours!!  P.S. that’s the gospel… to put our faith in one who can actually do the work for the payment we owe and out of thanksgiving follow!!  However, please do not get confused… Our spouses can never pay the ultimate sacrifice necessary for our sin.  Only God can do that and He has through His Son: Jesus!  Our spouses make terrible gods and even worse saviors!! 

Christian couples are given a heavy standard to live by: Wives submit to your husbands & Husbands love your wives like Christ loves the Church!  So… How are we doing!?  Fellas, how are you doing this week at putting your wife and family’s needs before your own?  How are we doing loving them the way they need love and not the way we think they want?  Ladies, how are you doing following his lead?  Are you praying that he could lead with conviction, spirit filled and love?

Though I do not want to point you to our marriage as THE example, I would love for you to be encouraged that it is possible to have a marriage that strives to bring God honor.  It is possible… to not just exist but be happy, to not just get through the years but love the memories, to not just stay together but to honor each other!! 

The Secret: Marriage is a Covenant not a Contract!!  We are called to love and honor each other daily not because “they did their part” but because we made a promise to them AND GOD however many years ago!! 

May you take a few minutes today and pray for direction… May God speak clearly to your heart and show you areas you must fix and ask for forgiveness in… May we support each other in the pursuit of Biblical Marriage… May we hold all Covenants on a stand for the world to see what real love can look like… May we seek Christ’s forgiveness and respond accordingly… May we find rest and freedom in submission to the one true God!! 

Father…transform hearts and bless marriages this week by the work of your Holy Spirit!!

New Semester = New Crushing Stress If Not For Grace

For the Lynch family, this new semester means a new job, a new church (New Beginnings Church nbchurch.info), a new city, a (not) new house, a new school, new friends, and new challenges in parenting. This week we're trying to gear up for our back-to-school kickoff party Wednesday night plus two boys birthdays and a birthday party for all three boys this weekend. Change and transition can be difficult to navigate through at times. 

We’re truly excited about the new job, new church, new city, new house, new school and new friends. But I don’t know if I can say I’m really excited about the new challenges of parenting. Some challenges you choose, like climbing Everest, learning a new language, opening your own business, eating more healthy, finding Bigfoot, etc. Some challenges God lays before you because, first, He seems to have a good sense of humor, and second, He wants to see not only our children grow but He wants to see us parents grow as well. 

The fancy name for God’s growth in us is called sanctification. Many wise people have said that God’s greatest tool for sanctification is marriage. I’d like to ask those people where parenting come in on their list of sanctifying tools! The challenges you don’t look forward to is a growing teen’s attitude that comes with more autonomy or the two-year-old’s fit in the Wal-mart check-out lane or the four-year-old’s refusal to pick up their toys. And I know it has the potential to get more daunting as they continue to grow and explore more freedoms. 

My wife and I really prepared well during our first pregnancy. We read all the good parenting books. We set up the baby’s room accordingly. We were ready to hit the ground running once little Sank moved in on us. We had a plan. We were united. We were prepared. We were a team! Seven years later with three little boys all under seven...it seems our team is now outnumbered. There are times when we feel like they have secret meetings to take down our team. Life happens fast and we turned around and these little guys multiplied like Gremlins. She planned on keeping them away from junk food, which probably would have worked if they didn’t have to live with me. I planned on not introducing them to video games or dvd players until they got older, which would have worked if they didn’t have grandparents and if we could have kept them from meeting other kids. We had several other lists that would make sure they grew up to be responsible, moral people who hopefully loved the Lord. But somewhere after the birth of the third boy--that list got lost. 

You may have your own lists of things you’re holding to (or those you’ve also given up on now) in order to produce well behaved little people. Can you remember some of the ideals and plans you had when you were expecting your next transition in life, whether a child or something else. 

We may even quietly hope that our lists and rules and plans and manners and behavior modification will somehow produce good, Godly young adults some day. 

Hold it...that is exactly what the gospel says will not produce good, Godly young adults in the future. The only hope our children have is this risen Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, and the great news (gospel) of His grace being poured out through His cross. 

Can you imagine standing before Christ one day and realizing that you really thought that your moral lists would make your children Christians? 

What if you realized after your children were 18 that your motivating desire in raising them was for other people to praise you as good parents? 

What if only after they've graduated and moved out did you realize that you raised your children in a household of “elder brother” rules (Luke 15:11-32) thinking high functioning perfectionism was the goal in reaching Godliness? 

Our lists and expectations and rigid rule-keeping do not do what Jesus Christ does. Period. We need His grace. 

Paul’s hope for a bunch of dysfunctional, immature believers in Corinth was this: “I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified” (1 Cor. 2:2). He went on to say that he was trusting in “a demonstration of the Spirit, and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God,” (1 Cor. 2:4,5). Paul recognized that his nor their wisdom nor morals nor manners nor behavior was what they could trust in. Paul knew they needed grace. Does our parenting point more to Jesus and His cross or moral lists and behavior codes? 

My wife and I have also struggled with how much we fail in truly shepherding our children towards the gospel. It’s so much easier to fall back on morals and behavior modification instead of addressing sin areas at the heart level with the gospel of Christ. You may have those same feelings of failure in trying to raise your children with parameters of Godly influence. And much like us, you may feel like this process of family-equipping and intentional parenting through the gospel is so difficult, time-consuming, and weighty. Me too. Much failure. But the fact that you and I feel guilty when we fail at meeting up to those standards reveals that we may have misunderstood grace. 

That same grace is what removes guilt and condemnation when we feel like we could never “do good enough.” It rescues us because the truth is that we really could never “do good enough.” We could never be or do good enough to get to Him. We could never parent good enough to get our children approved of by Him. Jesus captivating their hearts is their only hope. His worth and majesty and glory are immeasurably sufficient as the supreme sacrifice that has the power to save them and change them. 

As one author put it, “Trying to be a good parent will crush you if you do not embrace grace.”1

 Let your heart find security and comfort in the fact that your parenting can neither fail grace nor succeed grace. Your job is faithfulness to the great news of Jesus. Grace is His job. 

So whether you’re facing a new semester or new changes in your schedule or new scary challenges with your family--it is truly the grace of Jesus Christ you need to cry out for. 

And whether you’re fearing your long track record of failure or you’re amped up and excited about a new start in family-equipping in your home--it is truly the grace of Jesus Christ you and I need to cry out for. This Jesus changes everything!

Sankie P. Lynch

Pastor of Families of Children

New Beginnings Church

¹ Ed Moll, Tim Chester  Gospel-Centered Family  (Good Book Company, 2011) 31.