Last Friday
Courtney and I enjoyed our 10th wedding anniversary... To celebrate I
threw a secret (to Courtney) party and vow “renewal” (If you had the chance to
attend and wanted to see the photo-area pics click here)!! To my excitement, she said ‘yes’… Again!!
Leading up to the anniversary I spent a lot of time in reflection to what I wanted to do for a gift… Though we have never been big on presents for each other on specials occasions, a 10th wedding anniversary calls for a little something-something!! Though 10 years is not as numerous as many couples we know, Courtney and I have always had a desire that our marriage (and now-a-days family) would be an encouragement to others. I do not share that as a, “we’ve never fought and married life has been perfect” or even trying to put our lives on “pedestals” to others, however, God has called us (believers) to be an example of loving community and a reflection of Christ himself. In the book of Ephesians 5 (a letter written by Paul to a community of believers in Ephesus) he dedicates several powerful and difficult sentences to couples and how we should act in marriage if we are followers of Christ.
“Submit to one another out of reverence
for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to
your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For
the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his
body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
If it ends
there, it seems both unfair to the ladies and extremely difficult. Over the years, especially in pre-marital
mentoring I’ve done, I’ve heard so much rejection and misunderstanding to this
passage. We (not just women but as a
culture) get so hung up on this word “submission.” In the land of the free “why do we have to
submit to anyone” or “so I’m supposed to mindlessly obey to my own
detriment”!? If that was the only verses
in the passage you have a leg to stand on and let me apologize to anyone that
has used the above verses to argue or dominant a household… That is wrong (as
we put it into context with the next nine verses: 3 verses to women & 9
verses to men)!
“Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing
her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her
to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,
but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After
all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body,
just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. “For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but
I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love
his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Did you catch
it!? After reading this passage I always
ask the question: “How hard would it be to submit to someone who cares for you
more than themselves and would literally die for you?” What do you think? That’s true freedom… to put our love, trust
and submission in someone that loves us more than their own life and daily puts
their needs behind ours!! P.S. that’s the gospel… to put our faith in
one who can actually do the work for the payment we owe and out of thanksgiving
follow!! However, please do not get
confused… Our spouses can never pay the ultimate sacrifice necessary for our
sin. Only God can do that and He has
through His Son: Jesus! Our spouses make terrible gods and even
worse saviors!!
Christian
couples are given a heavy standard to live by: Wives submit to your husbands
& Husbands love your wives like Christ loves the Church! So… How are we doing!? Fellas, how are you doing this week at
putting your wife and family’s needs before your own? How are we doing loving them the way they
need love and not the way we think they want?
Ladies, how are you doing following his lead? Are you praying that he could lead with
conviction, spirit filled and love?
Though I do not
want to point you to our marriage as THE example, I would love for you to be
encouraged that it is possible to have a marriage that strives to bring God
honor. It is possible… to not just exist
but be happy, to not just get through the years but love the memories, to not
just stay together but to honor each other!!
The Secret:
Marriage is a Covenant not a Contract!! We are called to
love and honor each other daily not because “they did their part” but because
we made a promise to them AND GOD however many years ago!!
May you take a
few minutes today and pray for direction… May God speak clearly to your heart
and show you areas you must fix and ask for forgiveness in… May we support each
other in the pursuit of Biblical Marriage… May we hold all Covenants on a stand
for the world to see what real love can look like… May we seek Christ’s
forgiveness and respond accordingly… May we find rest and freedom in submission
to the one true God!!
Father…transform hearts and bless
marriages this week by the work of your Holy Spirit!!
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