Over the last few weeks and months, many people have asked how Jamie and I are doing coming off of our recent loss (miscarriage), the move to Tulsa (Bixby), and how the boys have handled all of it—so I wanted to give an update on these things.
First, with the miscarriage in the spring. Many people may not know the history with Jamie and I and our three little boys. As we got married, I was a youth pastor in a church plant in NW Arkansas. This was an incredible group of people that surrounded our new lives together. There were four of us pastors who were all bi-vocational. Many of the families in this church plant had over four or five children. Maybe the Duggar water runs through the country over there? And these were great families. Jamie and I decided then that we wanted a “larger” family of at least four but probably around five or six with maybe some adoptions as well.
After being there for the first three years and then moving on to be missions mobilizers for a couple of years, we landed back in Oklahoma to finish up our undergraduates with plans of pursuing seminary. We had often talked about being married for five or six years before starting a family, but had no idea what having children as you’re older in life can be like—the good and the bad!
When we started trying to have children it began to be one of the most difficult things we had experienced. We ended up going for over thirty-three months without a pregnancy. And for those of you who may read this and are in those months of wondering if you’ll be able or if you’re a couple who have not been able to have children, we know of those pains and fears and hurts that go along with that. We have had several couples around us over the years who have not been able to have their own children but who have still opened their lives to many youth or college or young marrieds in serving Christ and HIs Kingdom. And for couples who never go through that they may never know what that is like.
The first six to eight months passed by without me really thinking about it. Sure, I wanted Jamie to be pregnant, but I just figured it would happen eventually. But those first few months were hitting Jamie much harder than I initially realized. She was processing much more emotions than I was over the matter—which is completely normal. By the ninth and tenth months of no pregnancy we were both becoming more disheartened. There were many deeper frustrations that set in over those thirty-three months. There were the normal questions of “why us?” Why were we not able to have children? We would see some parents in Wal-mart who were so angry and abusive to their slew of kids that it seemed they didn’t need nor deserve to be parents. So our questions would turn towards God and His sovereignty.
Needless to say, through all the emotional, spiritual, and physical issues that would come into question—it was a long thirty-three months. But then…a pregnancy!!
We announced it on a Sunday morning and the whole crowd rejoiced with us. They all knew how long we had waited and how long we had been trying to get pregnant. But then within a week there was a miscarriage.
Then more fears and questions arose. You begin to wonder if you’re being punished for anything you’ve done in your past even though you’ve learned that God isn’t really dealing with us in those terms.
Those were some tough days to continue to walk through. But it wasn’t that much longer, only a two or three months before we were pregnant again. And that pregnancy brought us our first son, Sankie II. Two years later we had Owen and two more years later we had Jack. In all the pregnancies we had concerns, but by the third one we felt we were out of harms way.
So we understand and empathize with those couples who have struggled with several miscarriages or the many months and years without being able to have children.
When this last miscarriage happened so late (past 4th months) we were shocked again. You’re always thankful and grateful for what you have and treasure your family in so many ways. So this new addition would add an element of enjoyment for all of us.
During those months of not being able to get pregnant, Jamie and I searched for names we would give if we were ever able to have a child. Since we were having such difficulty, we knew that if we had a son, we wanted to pass on the name Sankie. And especially since it seemed that we might not be able to have more than one.
We also found a girl name that we felt was fitting in our three years of trying to get pregnant to no avail. The name is Ellyanna or Ellianna—which means “God has answered.” I have wanted a little girl all along and hope that one day that may come true. But our God has been bountifully graceful and good in what He has given us so far.
Just this past weekend Jamie said this is probably the best summer we’ve ever had. That was encouraging to hear considering some of the disappointments and trials we’ve gone through recently. That is a clear picture of God’s grace and love.
So we appreciate your kind words, encouragement, and prayers—as we’ve truly lived and experienced great times even through some very sobering and difficult experiences.
Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Families
www.nbchurch.info
www.nbfamilies.info
sankie@nbchurch.info
Thanks for sharing that Sankie. Your family is precious.
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