Positive Marriage is New Beginnings Church's Marriage Class. It meets on Wednesday Nights at 6:30 Starting February 18, 2015. Sign up here.
On Fridays I have started a series that is addressing the importance of modeling gospel driven marriages. God is the Architect of the brilliant plan to capture the hearts of the generations through His families (Malachi 4:6). God has designed the family to be the channel to pass on His plan for redemption to the next generation (Genesis 12:1-3; Psalm 78:3-8).NBFamilies are working to discover providential opportunities where - traditional parents, single parents, grand parents, step parents, foster parents - can experience God’s life changing presence in their homes.
Let this sink in:
- Our kid’s hearts are being shaped by observing our marriages.
- Our kid’s faith is being influenced by observing how we treat each other as husband and wife.
- Our kid’s faith, their ability to trust, their sense of safety and security, is either being bolstered or being destroyed every day, as they watch us.
- Since marriage is a metaphor for God’s love for His church, (Ephesians 5:25-32) what are our kids learning as they study how we relate to one another?
For the past 13 weeks I have written about how to improve you marriage and why it is so vital to your family.
- Week #1: - Our Kids Study Us!
- Week #2 - Don’t Raise Your Voice With Me!
- Week #3 - Don’t Shut Me Out!
- Week #4 - Befriending My Spouse
- Week #5 - 10 Tips for a Successful Conversation
- Week #6 – “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,” but a Lack of Intimacy Will Hurt Me Too!
- Week #7 – I’m Sorry. I’m not listening!
- Week #8 - "I can't get him to open up." "She won't hush!"
- Week #9 - "Something is Wrong in My Marriage." "She won't hush!"
- Week #10 - Marriage is Under Attack!
- Week #11 - Please Help My Marriage!
- Week #12 - What I Like About You!
- How do have a marriage that honors God?
- How do have a marriage where both spouses feel valued and appreciated?
- How do have a marriage that raises godly children who fear the Lord?
NEW CONTENT
Last week we took a week off from our weekly theme to challenge one another to answer the question, “What does 50 Shades of Grey Say About Me?” Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. It is a bit ironic that Friday the 13th is today. The pressure and expectation of expressing romance is upon us. If you and your spouse have not directed genuine worth, honor, and value to one another, it is possible that one or the other of you could conclude that gestures of romance are selfish or insincere. This is a dangerous marriage dynamic. But the dynamic can be reversed though daily, deliberate expressions of affection.Next week, Wednesday, February 18th (6:30), New Beginnings is offering a Marriage class called Positive Marriage: Bringing Worth Back. Much of the content of the class is derived from over 30 years of research from Dr. John Gottman. In his book, “Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work,” Gottmen recommends five deliberate actions that will improve marraige relationships.He calls these actions the Magic Five Hours. Activities included:
- Intentional Parting: Research shows that regard is felt and worth is expressed if couples will be intentional about saying more than goodbye when they go their separate ways each day. Before they say goodbye in the morning, each should find out one thing that is happening in their partner’s life that day. Knowing this will prompt one another to ask later informed questions and concerns at the end of each day.
- Purposeful Reunions: Research also shows that respect is experienced and worth is expressed if couples will be intentional about having stress-reducing conversations at the end of each workday. Deliberate discussions that give your spouse an opportunity to recount what happened that day help spouses stay connected and feel valued.
- Admiration and Appreciation: Wise spouses know that, if they can discover some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation towards one another, then the fondness and worth that is expressed pays mutual dividends in the relationship account.
- Affection: Genuine affection is expressed when couples will hold hands, rub one another’s shoulders, tenderly kiss, warmly hug, and lovingly touch each other when together. There are right times to show expressions of affection and wrong times too. Wise couples know when to the right times are and deliberately capture those opportunities.
- Weekly Date: Research demonstrates that worth is expressed if couples will be intentional about spending time together. This does have to be an expensive and stressful event. Rather, this time should be a relaxing low-pressure way to stay connected.
- Breakfast out.
- Coffee on the porch
- Ice cream cone at a drive through
- Take a stroll through a park together
- Ask questions
- Flirt
- Laugh together and have fun
- Talking out a marital issue will also occur during this time together but this is not the primary reason for this time spent together.
These intentional expressions of affection are not difficult but they are important. And they bring credibility to your gestures of romance.
Jesus doesn't promise you will always have perfect marriage, but He promises you can have an eternal anchor for your soul: THE GOSPEL (John 16:33). Our kids need to see what it looks like to follow Christ more than they need to hear what we say it is like to follow Christ. Parents are the models of following Christ. This is no easy task. Yet there is no better way to teach them than to show them. Our kids need to see us struggle, mess up, yet reply with gospel centered reconciliation.
Our responses to one another, must be Christ-like, God focused, and gospel centered!
- Mistakes are made,
- Grace is offered,
- Forgiveness is experienced,
- Repentance causes change and
- Mercy is enjoyed!
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| Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor twitter.com/philsallee facebook.com/phil.sallee philsallee.info nbchurch.info nbfamilies.info |
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