Civility in the Christian Home

As I sat in an outdoor area I overheard an argument between a teenage boy and his mother. The son refused to do what his mother asked. After shouting back and forth at each other for a few minutes, the mother ended the encounter by yelling "F____ you, Kevin!" and storming away. I was pretty unsettled. Surely a decade ago when Kevin was a cherub-faced little boy being tucked in at night, his mother could never have conceived of this exchange. How had things deteriorated so badly?

As a mother of three teens and a tween, I can vouch for the teen years as times of sudden conflict over unexpected topics. But these episodes don't have to conclude with civility lying bleeding in the gutter. Civility, the practice of treating others with kindness and respect, is foundational to society and the Christian home. Why? Because it lives out the Great Command. When Christ admonished us to love our neighbors as ourselves he pointed us toward not just fair but preferentialtreatment of others. We want others to treat us better than we deserve. So we should treat others that way. However, as parents we sometimes forget to regard our children as our neighbors. And we end up like Kevin and his mother.

We tell each other to expect such uncivil exchanges during the teen years. What parent of small children hasn't been warned, "Just wait until they're teenagers"? But this is precisely the problem: too many parents wait until the teenage years to realize the importance of civility, understanding its value only as we watch it walk out the door.

Fluent in Contempt

Civil children come from civil environments. Many parents feel free to speak to their children with a level of incivility they would not use with anyone else they know. They bark orders. They raise their voices. They use sarcasm and contempt: "Seriously? That's how you cleaned your room?" They poison civil language with contemptuous tone: "Ryan, please put your shoes on." They patronize. They roll their eyes and sigh. They construct a cocktail of word choice, tone, and body language that they would not serve to a co-worker, friend, or stranger on the street. And then they serve it liberally to an under-aged consumer, the smallest neighbor they are called to love preferentially: their own child. Yet they are shocked to end up with an adolescent fluent in the language of contempt.

Many of us have wrongly defined our homes as places where parents should be respected instead of places where everyone should be respected. Children do not hold equal authority in the home, but they do hold equal personhood and dignity. They bear the image of God every bit as much as their mothers and fathers. As such, they deserve kind words, level tone, and neutral body language. Even when they disobey. Children consistently treated with respect are far more likely to treat their parents with respect, no matter their stage of life.

Parents of young children, look toward the adolescent years by asking yourself some critical questions now:

• Do I address my child with kindness and respect, even in conflict?
• Do I use my tone and body language to communicate civility or contempt?
• Do I guard my child's exposure to media sources that model uncivil exchanges between children and adults?
• Do I teach my child that civil words are not merely "magic words" that achieve a desired result, but are "moral words" that obey the Great Command of preferential love?

Parents of uncivil adolescents, ask yourself the same questions. It is never too late to start doing the right thing. You may not be able to rein in your adolescent's incivility, but you will begin to obediently model preferential love toward him and to live at peace with him as far as it is possible.

Christian parents must begin early to train their children in the language of civility. They must do this because it is good for families. They must do this because it is good for society. They must do this because it portrays the character of the Father, who responded to the rank incivility of human sin with a Word of profound kindness and a preferential love beyond our ability to grasp. In the civil word of the gospel we find redemption. May it be spoken in our homes as it is written on our hearts.

Repost from: www.jenwilkin.blogspot.com

A Summer Well Spent

As our internship comes to a close, we wanted to share with you some of the most valuable lessons that we've learned here at New Beginnings. Though we could go on and on about the incredible leadership here at the church and what they've taught us, we would like to highlight three things that have changed our lives.

1. Fill Up Your Tank

Each Monday both as interns and when Next Level was here for the month of July, we had the opportunity to learn leadership skills from Terry. Not only did he teach us what it means to be leaders in the ministry, but he taught us invaluable lessons about life. Whether it be how to write a resume, how to present yourself as a confident person, how to plan an event, or just how to be plain awesome, Terry covered it all. But the subject that stood out the most to us the topic of 'filling up your tank'. So often we get caught up in our busy lives doing unnecessary - and even necessary - things that just wear us out. Before we know it, we can't give ourselves to anything because we've given part of ourselves to everything. Then we find ourselves exhausted and lacking passion in the very thing that we know we're gifted at. For us, we have learned that rejuvenation is critical. REST is critical! If you've been with us for 100% Jesus, we've talked about the fact that the Sabbath isn't an option, it's CRITICAL! But what we've learned is part of being able to be productive and to give the best of what you have is to refuel yourself. Sabbath rest looks different for many people, and it can range from sleep to riding bikes to watching movies all day, but it's important to find out what works for you. It's also important to figure out when you're running out of gas and when you need to refuel.

2. Work In Your Giftedness

So how do you keep from running out of fumes? You figure out what your gift is and use it! We were all blessed with gifts from God and they are all different....thankfully! In 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 Paul talks about how the Spirit has given each person a gift "to produce what is beneficial" (HCSB). We're all called to participate in the kingdom, but a lot of times that looks very different from the call God's placed on our neighbor. That's how we function! However, don't get this confused with willingness. As we discussed these issues with Terry, we realized something. Both of us as interns will (most likely) be willing to do anything you ask of us - even if that means Derek is crunching numbers for a budget (which he hates by the way...). So with that, if we make Derek crunch numbers for a considerable amount of time, he's going to get burned out quickly, but that does not mean he wasn't willing to do the job. We're realizing that by working in your giftedness, not only do you enjoy what you're doing, but you're more productive and beneficial to the ministry. Plus, if you're working in your giftedness, then it probably doesn't feel like work! It's what you're built to do! Don't get us wrong, you can still run out of gas, but refer back to point 1 in recognizing when that happens.



3. Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help

We're a body. Just as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:14 "So the body is not one part but many" and in 1 Corinthians 12:18 "But now God has placed each one of the parts in one body just as He wanted". We're built for community and we're built to work together. Yet, so often we think we need to do it all ourselves. Most of that derives from selfishness and pride. For example, as interns when we are given a task, we feel as if the entire project is on our shoulders. And what we fail to remember sometimes is that we may not be gifted in administration, or vision, or whatever that gift may be. We need others to help us stay on track. When planning events, we can brainstorm all day long but we need someone with administrative skills to step in and say 'let's get this started!' The cool thing about this point is that while it works in our individual lives, it works within our families as well. And that's why we love NB Families. We're here for each other. We can't do all of this alone and we shouldn't have to. The parts make up the whole of the body, and we are the body of Christ. So don't be afraid to ask for help!

We're truly honored to be part of this NB Family.

Lacey and Derek

Simply Powerful

Eero Saarinen knew the power of simple. When he entered the architectural competition for the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial in 1947, he was given an opportunity to express the beauty of this truth. Saarinen believed the monument design deserved to be represented more creatively than a traditional rectangle, box, or dome yet by something that would still be easily recognizable. In his mind a “great arch did seem right”.

The architect said the arch had to have “an absolutely simple shape” in order to have “lasting significance”. Saarinen was correct. Standing 630 feet high above the mighty Mississippi, the Gateway Arch is not only our tallest national monument but perhaps our most iconic as well. As a family we viewed the structure in person last week. We toured the museum and even took a ride to the top, but it’s been the words of Saarinen that have most stuck with me. To paraphrase one thought in particular, “simple transcends”.

Simple is timeless. It is understandable and yet profound. It is something that can be and should be shared. This of course got me thinking about the simple enduring message of the gospel. Jesus demonstrates His love for us through the cross. Christ died on our behalf so that we might be reconciled to the Father. He was raised so that we might find new life in Him. Those that take this message to heart find eternal “lasting significance”.

However, sometimes that word sounds too easy, so we add to it by tacking on lists of things to do or things to avoid or we suggest that certain behavior will prove our devout belief. While this almost always comes from well-meaning, good intentions, it inadvertently subverts the power of the cross. Are we saved by grace or by our own behavioral modifications and self-improvements (Galatians 3:1-5)? It is by God’s grace, of course!

Well then, does this mean that even the most hideous sinner can find safe haven in the arms of Christ? Yes, it most certainly does. It means there is hope for the self-righteous as well! This gospel message is for you and me. It is for our children, our friends, our families, and for people who feel a lifetime of mistakes and failure has disqualified them from such a gift. Friend, this simple message of forgiveness and newness is extended especially to those who are guilt-ridden.

Perhaps the reason we struggle accepting such grace and mercy is because we have confused simple with easy. The gospel message is fairly simplistic but to be clear, there is nothing easy about it! What Christ suffered on Calvary was not easy. What His perfect atoning sacrifice accomplished for us was no ho-hum feat. The very life of obedience we are called to as Christ-followers is this: deny ourself and take up our cross daily (Luke 9:23). Again, there is nothing given to suggest ease. In fact, the ability to carry out such a commitment comes only from the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. Christ came to do what we could never do. He lived a life we could never live and died a death that we fully deserved. Unworthy as we are, He offers us hope!

So what if we grasp this simple truth and truly take it to heart? Dream with me for a minute and consider the implications... What if we daily reminded ourselves of such freedom? What if our utter reliance on such grace preached hope to those around us? Can you imagine the influence we might have on our children if the rest of our days were lived trusting our Savior to perfect the good work He has started in us (Philippians 1:6)? The kingdom impact would be immeasurable - our lives and His purpose for them, truly transcendent!

Excavation for the great memorial project began in February of 1961. The fall of that same year, at the age of 51, Eero Saarinen died of a brain tumor. He passed shortly before construction officially began and his vision was fully realized. While his monument proudly gives tribute to President Jefferson and this nation’s westward expansion, it also reminds each of us that our impact for good can stretch far beyond our lifetime. The Arch proves that simple is beautiful and glorious and worth pointing others to. May we faithfully embrace the simple message of the gospel and experience the power therein.

Praying for our stunt kids.

Fear is a natural reaction in most parents. We love our kids so much that the thought of anything bad happening to them sends us into a panic. Yet, if we’re not careful, this anxiety can become overbearing.

Here are some of my favorite Bible verses about fear:

1 Timothy 1:7	Psalm 55:1-2, 4-5	Psalm 27:1
Isaiah 41:10	Psalm 34:4	Philippians 4:6-7
Matthew 6:25-34	1 Peter 5:6-7	John 14:27

We should fear loving our kids too much. Is that possible? Can we love our kids too much? Yes! The Bible says it's possible for us to make the love of our children an idol.

• How do we hold our children with open hands rather than clenched fists,
• How do we trust in God and not fear failure without any promise of the outcome?
• How do we not smother our kids with an overprotective suffocation?
• How do we model genuine trust of God?

The most frightening things can happen to our children; no matter what we do to protect them, it is sometimes not enough. Only God is the ultimate protector.

Isaiah 41:10. Do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be afraid, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you; I will help you;
I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.

We will have countless opportunities to pray as we raise the children God gives us. We will pray for safety, but even with prayer there are accidents. Everyone knows of a tragedy where a child was lost. Do we understand why? No, not on this side of glory, but we can get to the place where we trust the One who does know.

Eventually our teenagers get the driver’s license they have been waiting for. But wasn’t it just yesterday they were trying to ride their bicycles without training wheels and running to us for comfort when they fell? Now we feebly wave as they pull out of the driveway, and understand as never before…

1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray continually.”

We pray without ceasing to the God who never ceases to hear us.

• If you are a parent, you’ve probably experienced a bit of praying continually.
• How does prayer help us trust God with our children?
• What must we believe about God to trust him with our precious ones?
• What is the most important thing we can pray for concerning our children?
• Why do you think it’s easier to take our serious concerns to God, rather than our smaller petitions?

On Fridays, for the rest of the summer, we will address how we parents can lesson our anxieties and learn to trust God with our kids.
Be not afraid!

A timeless message: The Duties of Parents to Their Children

These excerpts are taken from the book "From the Library of Charles Spurgeon, Selections from Writers Who Influenced His Spiritual Journey", compiled by James Stuart Bell.

                    The Duties of Parents to Their Children, by Cotton Mather

"Parents, is it your hearts desire that your children be saved? Let it also be your prayer. 

Prayer for salvation of any sinners avails much. How much may it avail for the salvation of our sinful children? Much availed that prayer of David in 1 Chronicles 29:19: "Lord, give unto my son a perfect heart, to keep Your commandments." Parents, make such a prayer for your children. "Lord, give to my child a new heart, and a clean heart, and a soft heart, and a heart after Your own heart." 

We have been told that children were brought unto our Lord Jesus Christ, for Him to put His hands upon them; and He put His hands upon them and blessed them. Oh! Thrice and four times blessed children! Well, parent,bring your children unto the Lord Jesus Christ; it may be, He will put His blessing, and healing, and saving hands upon them. Then they are blessed, and shall be blessed evermore!

Pray for the salvation of your children, and carry the names of every one of them, every day, before the Lord with prayers, the cries whereof shall pierce the very heavens. Holy Job did so! Job 1:5 "He offered according to the number of all his children; thus did Job continually."

Address heaven with daily prayers, that God would make your children the temples of His Spirit, the vessels of His Glory, and the care of His holy angels.

Address the Lord Jesus Christ with prayers like them of old, that all the maladies upon the souls of your children may be cured, and that the evil one may have no possession of them. "Lord, let this child be Your servant forever."

If your prayers are not presently answered, be not disheartened; remember the Word of the Lord in Luke 18:1, "That men ought always to pray, and not to faint." Redouble your importunity, until you speed for your child, as the poor woman of Canaan did. Join fasting to your prayer; it may be the evil in the soul of your child will not go out without such a remedy. David sets himself to fasting, as well as prayer, for the life of his child. Oh, do as much for the soul of your child!

Wrestle with the Lord. Receive no denial. Earnestly protest, "Lord, I will not let You go, except You bless this poor child of mine and make it your own!" Do this until, if it may be, your heart is raised by a touch of heaven to a particular faith that God has blessed this child, and it shall be blessed and saved forever.

But is this all that is to be done? There is more. Parents, pray with your children, as well as for them. Family prayer must be maintained by all those parents that would not have their children miss of salvation, and that would not have the damnation of their children horribly fall upon themselves. Man, your family is a pagan family, if it be a prayerless family. And the children going down to the place of dragons from this your family will pour out their excretions upon you in the bottom of hell, until the very heavens have no more.

But, besides your family prayers, oh, parents, why should you not now and then take one capable child after another alone before the Lord? Carry the child with you unto your secret chambers; make the child kneel down by you, while you present it unto the Lord, and implore His blessing upon it. Let the child hear the groans, and see the tears, and be a witness of the agonies wherewith you are travailing for the salvation of it. The children will never forget what you do; it will have a marvelous force upon them."

The Duties of Parents to Their Children

This excerpt "Duties of Parents to Their Children" is a chapter from the book, "From the Library of Charles Spurgeon, Selections From Writers Who Influenced His Spiritual Journey", compiled by James Stuart Bell. "Charles Haddon(C.H.) Spurgeon (1834-1892) preached to about ten million people in his lifetime and is still known today as the "Prince of Preachers" among Christians of many denominations".

"Duties of Parents to Their Children" was written by Cotton Mather.

Parents, is it your heart's desire that your children may be saved? Let it also be your prayer.

Prayer for the salvation of any sinners avails much. How much may it avail for the salvation of our sinful children? Much availed that prayer of David in 1 Chronicles 29:19 "Lord, give unto my son a perfect heart, to keep Your commandments." Parents, make such a prayer for your children. "Lord, give to my child a new heart, and a clean heart, and a soft heart, and a heart after Your own heart."

We have been told that children once were brought unto our Lord Jesus Christ, for Him to put His hands upon them; and He put His hands upon them and blessed them. Oh! Thrice and four times blessed children! Well, parent, bring your children unto the Lord Jesus Christ; it may be, He will put His blessing, and healing, and saving hands upon them. Then they are blessed, and shall be blessed for evermore!

Pray for the salvation of your children, and carry the names of every one of them, ever day, before the Lord with prayers, the cries whereof shall pierce the very heavens. Holy Job did so! Job 1:5 "He offered according to the number of all his children; thus did Job continually."

Address heaven with daily prayers, that God would make your own children the temples of His Spirit, the vessels of His Glory, and the care of His holy angels.

Address the Lord Jesus Christ with prayers like them of old, that all the maladies upon the souls of your children may be cured, and that the evil one may have no possession of them. Yes, when you cast your eyes upon the little folks, often in a day dart up a prayer to heaven for them; "Lord, let this child be Your servant forever."

If your prayers are not presently answered, be not disheartened; remember the Word of the Lord in Luke 18:1, "That men ought always to pray, and not to faint." Redouble your importunity, until you speed for your child, as the poor woman of Caanan did. Join fasting to your prayer; it may be the evil in the soul of your child will not go out without such a remedy. David sets himself to fasting, as well as prayer, for the life of his child. Oh, do as much for the soul of your child!

Wrestle with the Lord. Receive no denial. Earnestly protest, "Lord, I will not let You go, except You bless this poor child of mine and make it Your own!" Do this until, if it may be, your heart is raised by a touch of heaven to a particular faith that God has blessed this child, and it shall be blessed and saved forever more.

But is this all that is to be done? There is more. Parents, pray with your children, as well as for them. Family prayer must be maintained by all those parents that would not have their children miss of salvation, and that would not have the damnation of their children horribly fall upon themselves. Man, your family is a pagan family, if it be a prayer-less family. And the children going down to the place of dragons from this your family will pour out their excretions upon you in the bottom of hell, until the very heavens be no more.

But, besides your family prayers, oh, parents, why should you not now and then take one capable child after another alone before the Lord? Carry the child with you into your secret chambers; make the child kneel down by you, while you present it unto the Lord, and implore His blessing upon it. Let the child hear the groans, and see the tears, and be a witness of the agonies wherewith you are travailing for the salvation of it. The children will never forget what you do; it will have a marvelous force upon them.


I thought this was pretty inspiring since this was obviously written over a century ago. Do we parents want anything less for our children today?

Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg
 

Summer Camp

Change is often scary and regularly unpredictable… So is it really a surprise that God consistently uses change to teach us major life lessons!? 

For me another chapter in my life (and the heart of our student ministry) of change took place this summer.  Over the last handful of years (several decades for our senior pastor) New Beginnings has attended the same camp: FallsCreek!!  For many the name alone conveys spirit filled emotion and life changing memories of “that summer” experience (myself included… Class of ’92 on the deck of the First Baptist-Enid Cabin deck).  Sometimes consistency is key to ministry and yet sometimes change is another step in the discipleship process.  For us (New Beginnings), we took a new turn this year and stepped out in faith waiting to see what God would do with our obedience!!    

After calling and visiting dozens of camps within 4 hours of Tulsa we landed on one camp and crossed our fingers that they had an open week…to our surprise they did and planning began!!  Almost a year later students, leaders and even some parents loaded up buses and headed out to Camp Big Cedars for our first ever all New Beginnings led Summer Camp. 

If it was only that easy!!  No, planning everything from food to a 16 hour day of activities is not something done lightly… Throw in discipleship training and a focus in everything we do and you have a combination for a headache (and possible ulcers)!!  But after the countless hours of praying, thinking, discussing, planning, changing it all over again and repeat the process we had the plan and could only sit back and watch God do amazing things.  AND HE DID!!

Our students didn’t just play and compete BUT encouraged each competitor and loved each other every step of the way!!

Our students didn’t just sing songs and listen to a talk BUT worshiped with their whole hearts and allowed the Spirit to impact their souls!!

Our families didn’t just join us for a night of fun and pictures BUT prayed and caught a vision for Deuteronomy 6:4-9 faith for the home!!

Our group didn’t just spend a week together and develop a camp high BUT created something deeper as a group and restless passion to ‘Change’!!

May God continue to move in the hearts of each of our students… May our families make the time to continue the faith talks from camp… May we all look for ways to serve in our areas of influence... May our church continue seeking God’s plan for the home… May all of us have the courage to ‘change’ what is necessary, settling for nothing short of 100% Jesus!!

To see all the pictures for 

NBHighSchool Summer Camp 2013 click here!!

Introducing New Beginning’s Family Pastor of Children

Left to right: Jackson (2), Sankie, Sankie II (6), Jamie, and Owen (4) 

Sankie Lynch
Sankies’ wife, Jamie, is from Tulsa Oklahoma. She has a degree in Elementary Education from Northeast State University. The Lynches are the parents of three little boys: Sankey Price (6), Owen Gregory (4) and Jackson Xavier (2).

Sankie was born in Sallisaw, OK. He is the youngest of four children. He describes his parents as God-fearing, blue-collar people. He professed Jesus Christ to be his Savior at a young age but, without the proper encouragement, had a typical up-and-down spiritual growth experience. Then Sankie describes a significant spiritual event occurring when he was 25 years of age. He says, “Under the weight of guilt of horrible, overwhelming sin Jesus pursued me and became indescribably captivating.”

Not long after, as he and Jamie were preparing for marriage (August, 1999), they caught a vision of making disciples, teaching the Bible, and gaining an incredible heart for the nations. From 2001 - 2003, Sankie traveled as a Missions Mobilizer with the Traveling Team. We have had the Traveling Team speak at New Beginnings Church.

For the past eight years Sankie has served as the pastor of twenty-somethings and small groups as well as providing administrative leadership at Grace Baptist Church. Sankie has a Bachelors Degree from Northeastern State University in Mental Health Psychology and a minor in Leadership. He is also nearing completion of a Masters Degree from Southern Seminary, in Louisville Kentucky. It was during his studies at Southern Seminary that he begin to develop a passion for family ministry.

The Ministry Leadership Team conducted a final interview with Sankie last Sunday July 21, 2013. Following the interview a unanimous remark was made, “I sensed the presence of the Holy Spirit. God seems to be putting this new relationship together.” The Lynches are looking forward to being a part of New Beginnings Church and South Tulsa community. Jamie recently conveyed to me, “I can't express how thankful, excited, and eager we are to be joining your family!”

Welcome Sankie, Jamie, and boys. We are thrilled to have you come and join us in our calling as families to be used by God to make a difference in our homes, in our community, in our church, and in the world! https://www.facebook.com/sankie.lynch

A Call to Correct

"This is going to hurt me worse than it’s going to hurt you.” I remember hearing that phrase many times as a youngster. It normally came shortly after I was caught picking on my little brother and just before getting worn out for my transgression. As a child I thought it was a bunch of bologna – a completely bogus claim! How could my parents honestly expect me to believe that their role in spanking was worse than that of myself, the swat recipient?! What, was the reverberations back through the handle of the wooden paddle too much to bear? Please!! However, now that I’m an adult and blessed to be the father of three, I totally understand what they meant. It is no fun disciplining our kiddos…yet it must be done.

Our middle school ministry is studying through the Old Testament book of Proverbs this month. One of the main themes recorded throughout is that of being teachable. Solomon pleads with the reader to be coachable and correctible - able to receive instruction, direction, and even criticism. I’m not sure there is a greater attribute that we could help develop in our children. But I’m even more certain that this character trait will not happen outside of divine intervention, unless we find the courage to trust God and discipline our kids.

Parents, as much as it hurts, we must be willing to correct… “For the Lord reproves him who He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:12)” The writer of Hebrews cites this proverb in Hebrews 12:4-5 as an encouragement to early believers. If we continue reading the same chapter (Hebrews 12:7-10), we see the heart behind God’s discipline of His children. The Lord’s correction proves His love and legitimacy as our Father. It is also done for a bigger, far more important goal than just today. It is “for our greater good, that we may share in His holiness.”

If I may be transparent for a moment, that’s the reminder I need. I must remember that we are playing for something more significant than right now. We are striving toward something more worthwhile than my present desire to be liked. I’m not called to be our kids’ best friend. My responsibility is to faithfully love them like the Father, pointing each of our children to Christ. As we’ve wrestled with the weight of this topic, my wife and I have discovered the real issue for us is trust. Do we trust the Lord enough to hold fast to the promise of His word? Do we believe that He loves each of our children even more than us? Do we realize that we are merely stewards of His precious three little ones? Ultimately, will we love them well enough to correct?

Our middle child turned eight this past weekend and our oldest entered double-digits earlier this year. With the teenage years looming, it sometimes feels like our attempts to discipline may push them away. The reality that our kids will not always see us as “cool” is a glaring fact and a bitter pill to swallow. However, the reward of faithful obedience is greater and our hope in Christ is stronger! “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)” 

May we bravely answer the call to correct… Might our fears of temporal losses be replaced by deep-seated trust in the eternal promises of the One who created us all (including our children). I pray that while it will be painful to point out their areas of weakness and engage our children in tough talks, we remain aware of the truth that our disobedience and unwillingness to fulfill our parental call, well...it will truly hurt much worse.