Discouraged Families?

This is one of my favorite pictures of my kids. This exact photo sits on my office desk because it reminds me of a powerful reality in my family – when we serve one another, with the right attitude, we are imitating the Lord Jesus. We take photos when we catch our kids serving with the right attitudes. We proudly display these photos on our desk and on our blogs!

Another family reality - that I am not as proud of - is that we didn’t always serve one another with the right attitude. Sometimes there was profound laziness, willful stubbornness, and bedrooms in disarray. This embarrassing reality is understated to protect the kids from embarrassment. Carol and I often turned a blind eye to the filth and lack of service just to maintain sanity and peace in the home.

There is no perfect family. There never has been, nor will there ever be, a perfect family. But parents don’t have to be pessimistic about the future. God’s Word can provide a map for every type of family.

God provides for every kind of family (traditional families, blended families, dysfunctional families, fractured families, blended families, families with young families with babies, families with middles school students and teens, empty nest families with grown adult kids, families with grandchildren) the ability and insight to make wise and discerning choices to succeed in this broken world. It is important for every kind of family not to become discouraged and lose heart. There is this encouraging promise;

“we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.” (Galatians 6:9-10).

Parents need to do more than just fill our children’s brains with lots of information about God and the Bible. Families need opportunities to express their faith through selfless service. Parents need to match the experiences or actions of faith with the bible knowledge that they’re learning. How do parents do this?

Build a Foundation for Service. This foundation of security and identity allows our families to look outward toward the interests of others. This is the Faith Mission feature of NBFamilies.

Tips for Building a Strong Foundation of Service (as identified by Michelle Anthony in Spiritual Parenting)

1. Teach your children to ask the question: What needs to be done?

   This is one of the best questions you can teach your children to ask. To have them walk into any room, situation, or relationship and ask this will change the way they see their world.

2. Use the phrase “acts of service” rather than chores.
   NBFamilies parents want to model in their homes what it looks like to live and serve in this world as Christ-followers. Serving one another in love is a mark of a genuine disciple
   • 1 Peter 4:10
   • Galatians 5:13
   • Mark 10:42-45.
   • Luke 22:26-27
   • John 13:14
   • Philippians 2:7
   So, if parents mandate enforced chores at home in a place that’s supposed to be a testing ground for all of life, then their children may see serving others as an obligatory chore when they’re out in the world.

   “The reality is that children give a tremendous pushback about serving the family. But NBFamilies are choosing to live lives of mutual service because it’s a daily reminder to them of what their true calling is—not only in our home but in life. This is their calling from God.” (Spiritual Parenting. P. 104)

3. Make a big deal out of acts of service.
   Parents should ask over dinner, “How did you serve your family today.?” On the occasion that your family has served one another, this will be a great time of gratitude, joy, and appreciation. On the occasion that your family has been more self-serving, this will be an opportunity to remind one another of the ways you need the other members of your family.
4. Model and then explain your own acts of service.
   • As parents, we first have to recognize our own lazinness and that we are not serving our families in the most basic of ways.
   • As parents, we train our children to understand that God has asked us to be servants. We train our children with this knowledge, and then we model it by calling it out every time we do it.
   • As parents, we reinforce this heart posture through repetition. We tell and show our children in every situation what it means to be a servant. So often we’re great models of service, but our children don’t know what we’re doing or why we’re doing it. In order to bring clarity to this, we must call attention to it. As our children get older, we won’t need to say as much. They’ll be saying it. They will walk into a situation and go straight to what needs to be done. It’s a posture of their heart and of their spirit. God’s plan is to bring them to a place where they depend on His Spirit to give them the answer to the question, “What needs to be done?”

As parents, we want to encourage “epic faith” (Hebrews 11:32-40) This generation needs something epic to live for. So often, we settle for so much less. Without a cause and a calling we often become discouraged and directionless. We need a cause and an understanding of who God is and what His Kingdom is all about. In order to be prepared to be part of such an epic battle, our children will need to be exposed to genuine Christian servant hood to train their hearts upward and outward. They don’t need to settle for the fruit of selfishness or the vanity of the mundane.

Some of our most memorable times as the Sallee family was serving together on a mission trip. I miss those days. I don’t miss their messy rooms, but I miss times when together, we imitated the Servant – Jesus Christ.