Friday, August 29, 2014

Raising Dads Right

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It’s no secret, New Beginnings Church is the process of intentionally and persistently realigning it’s proclamation and practices so that parents, especially fathers, are acknowledged, trained, engaged, and held accountable as the primary persons responsible for the discipleship of their children.

NBFamilies is committed to partnering with parents to raising their kids to be godly, difference makers in the world.

Our upcoming Men’s Ministry Golf Event is the launch experience to introduce men, especially fathers, to the one thing they absolutely must have to accomplish this goal. We will be introducing the men who attend this event to the gospel and the potential of resulting life change.

There will be golf contests (long drive, chipping, and putting) – as well as bad shot and trash talking. There will also be delicious home made cobbler and vanilla ice cream. Golf and cobbler are great, but the main reason for this event is calling men up to become gospel-driven, transforming disciples of Jesus Christ who will lead their families, their communities, and their church.

The modern culture has forced men into a tragically minor role in their kid’s lives. The industrial revolution (1750), compulsory education laws (1875), have separated men from their families – specifically their children. By the close of the 20th century, the typical American parent spent fewer than 15 minutes each week in significant dialogue with his child. 15 MINUTES EACH WEEK? That is tragic!

The percentage of parents highly to moderately involved in their children’s lives has declined:
  • Declined from 75% in elementary school,
  • Declined to 50% among middle school students.
  • Declined so much that 75% of teenagers report that they have never experienced a meaningful conversation with their fathers. [DeVries. Family-Based Youth Ministry, 34].

We don’t have to be pessimistic about the future. NBMen is focused on obeying God’s Word so that it can provide a map for every father. God provides for every father the ability and insight to make wise and discerning choices to succeed in this broken world. It is important for fathers not to become discouraged and lose heart.

Please begin to pray that fathers will begin to realize God’s vision for their families. At the Men’s Ministry Golf Event we will challenge one another with this vision.

I hope you can join us.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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Thursday, August 28, 2014

Encouragement: Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint

I received a phone call this past week from my oldest daughter. She wanted to thank me for some advice I had given in regard to some things she is working on with her career. I thoroughly enjoy being able to help any of my adult children at their request. It's something that I treasure more than I ever thought I would, especially now, since our children are adults and don't really "need" us parents any more.

After the conversation on the career stuff, she began to talk about her last meeting with her small group from church. She said they were having a discussion about the difference in teaching and lecturing your children. Their small group consists of young parents and I know they are all searching for how best to do this "parent thing" the Godly way. She has a two year old son and a 4 month old daughter. Below is a picture of Urijah's baby dedication, which is a great "first step" in leading their son to becoming a believer and follower of Jesus Christ.


She said, "Dad, I just want to thank you for the way you taught us and lectured us. You seemed to know how to do it in a way that got the point across, in both situations. You knew when to teach the bible and when to lecture about God's Word and you did them both in a good way, so that we "got it". She said, "we kid around with you a lot about when you used to "lecture" us and we give you a hard time about them, but they really did make a difference."

I will treasure that "thank you", for the rest of my life. I told her that it's very cool to see one of your adult children, who now is a parent herself, looking back to see how her dad parented her in this way and how she appreciated and respected it enough to want to say "thank you" for that investment. Our children don't really "see" parenting as clearly, as when they begin to parent themselves, and then, they start to see 20/20 the weight and responsibility of Christian parenting. She gets that now.

We will continue to pray for her and Brian and the rest of our adult children, that they can see just how important those "Faith Walks", ie my lectures in some cases and "Faith Talks" ie. those bible teaching times in my case, became in the life of our children, so that they now can pass those along to their children in their own way.

I just recently turned 50 years old. My oldest daughter will turn 29 in another 6 weeks or so. Those lectures and those teaching times happened over the course of 21 years or so. This was after I became a born-again Christian and saw the need and my God given responsibility to raise and to disciple my children in the Way of the Lord. It didn't happen over night. It wasn't one lecture and one teaching time and "well, I hope that does it". Christian parenting is not a sprint. There has to be time and effort spent and yet I would say that it was more of the quality of time for me, that was spent, versus the quantity of time that made the most impact. Because for all of those 21 years I was a divorced, part-time dad, who could only be with his daughters every other weekend or sometimes every third weekend as they got older. So, only because of God's grace and mercy, did He help me to guide my children under those circumstances, which is why you can see how I deeply I treasure that "thank you" from my daughter. If God can do this through me for my children, surely God can and will help guide you through your circumstances. You just need to be willing and stay the course. Just keep on trying even when you don't think it's making a difference or you aren't getting "thanked" for it. They will thank you at some point in their lives, but what IF you never received one thank you? You still have that God-given responsibility. You will still stand in front of God one day and will be held accountable for your parenting efforts.

Be intentional about the moments in your children's lives that become teaching and lecture times and do that over a long period of time. I have no doubt God will bless that investment.





Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Top 10 Blogs (Past 52 Weeks)

1 Year Anniversary = 52 Blogs

A couple of weeks ago was my one year anniversary at New Beginnings. We have had an incredible time during our first year! It truly has gone so fast. We feel like we’ve barely scratched the surface on seeing a shift in culture to see all types of different family structures to truly begin to live out the implications of Deuteronomy 6:1-9. 

Top 10 Blogs (Most Read)

  • I know…I know…some of them are really long. Everyone says there is another name for blogs that go that long—it’s called chapters or research papers. Some say that there would be even more readers who would read if you can see the bottom on the same page it begins. Others have said they get carpal tunnel from scrolling so much on one of my blogs. Just last night, we were having dinner with some new close friends and she said that she told her husband that my blogs should be in “Audiobook” form—like for trips out of state! 
  • I don't really write or teach just to gather the greatest number of listeners. At the end of the day, if I'm not true to myself and the identity I've found in Christ and how He's formed me, then I haven't really understand the gospel. I know people turn to blogs, see the length, and decide off of that, instead of content, whether it's worthy of our time. I know for myself, I’m the same way. When I click on a blog and the little scroll bar is the size of a pencil—I’ll probably read it. When that bar has turned into a dot—I may read the first couple of paragraphs to see how helpful it is. But again, I want to stay true to myself in these blogs. 
  • I have enjoyed writing over the last few years as I’ve prepared many sermons, lessons, research papers, and now blogs. It was just a few years ago that I realized how much I enjoyed the time I spend writing. As you can see with the blogs, when I have 10-page papers at Southern, it usually ends up about 22 pages. If it’s a 15-pager, I usually go over 25. I’m sure it’s frustrating for the Garrett Fellows (graders) as well. 
  • Because of the enjoyment and thought that I hope it brings to discussions, I have contemplated the idea of starting a blog page where I have blogs on Tuesdays and Fridays. I think I can handle two a week. The Tuesday blog would be the same one I have on our New Beginnings (nbfamilies.info) site, and the Friday blog might be hitting different issues on theology, discipleship, and cultural influencers. In doing so, you’d have options! I might try to keep the Tuesday one more practical and possibly shorter, while allowing the Friday one to be covering different issues of complexity in theological discussion. More info to come on this!

That being said, we really do appreciate, but most importantly hope that these blogs are helpful in making us think through this Person, Jesus, and the implications He has on all aspects of life. We are all “in-process,” in need of thought-provoking discussion, challenge, accountability, and encouragement as we try to live for this invisible King in a fallen world. 

If you've just started reading lately, here are some of the most popular blogs I wrote over the past 52 weeks. You should really check out the other guys writings as well. We let each of the pastors write for one day of the week--Matt Fowler = Matt Mondays, Sankie Lynch = Sankie Tuesdays, (coming soon Mike Krebs = Mike Wednesdays), Terry Langenberg = Terry Thursdays, Phil Sallee = Phil Fridays. Plus Phil writes a daily blog that our members use for discipleship training, sermon notes, D-groups questions. Phil has us beat by a few tens of thousands of readers (His Doctorate is dealing with discipleship through media--not fair). Great resources from some highly intelligent and gifted guys. 

Here are the Top 10 Blogs the last 52 weeks:

We decided, as a staff, that we would take this week and give you a glimpse into our lives to let you know what makes us tick. I actually missed the deadline and posted mine a week later than the other staff guys—they’ve never treated me the same since!







The Point: We are revealing to our children what matters most to us as parents. We are pointing and influencing our children to live for certain things. The question for us is what are we pointing them to pursue in life? 












Featuring one of the boy's favorite songs by Lecrae, this reminds us that our children are watching us and modeling after us much more than we would like to admit! 



This was written a couple of weeks after we had the miscarriage at the four month point. It was touching that so many people responded to this article. Here's a quote:
"Jamie understands, though difficult at times, that she did nothing to deserve to lose a baby. And at the same time she knows she could do nothing to deserve to teach other’s children about the God who has saved her. 
       She did nothing to deserve saving grace. She was content serving herself when Christ pursued her and the Holy Spirit opened her eyes to see Him as supreme. She’s captivated by this Christ. He captured her heart another day of loss as she sat at her own sixteen-year-old brother’s funeral. She realized that day that it was not an option to live for herself and her own small pursuits in life—but to live for something much more grand and glorious."

This was my first blog I wrote at New Beginnings. 

How to you shepherd your children's hearts and help them understand that we are accepted because of what Christ accomplished on the cross--not because of our own rule-keeping? And how do you shepherd their hearts from the lies of false idols to trusting in God as the one supreme reward and treasure in all of life? 

This was an update for the many friends who wanted to know how our family has transitioned with our move to Tulsa over the past year and how we're doing after the recent and late miscarriage. God is beautiful--when things could be ugly. 
I'm seeing a pattern develop--when I write about my wonderful wife--the numbers spike in readers! It's alright, I think she's wonderful too!

This follows us through some real-life experiences and the unperfect and frustrating times that come with attempting to have Faith Talks as a family around the table. We hope to show everyone that these are difficult things for many of us--no super spiritual people--just fellow failures! For more info on Faith Talks, Faith Walks, and Faith Mission you can click the tabs at the top of this page. 




Here I wanted to give some theological guidance as to what we personally look to when tragedy hit our lives. We had a late miscarriage and some other difficulties all hit at the same time. I try to share a Biblical understanding of grief that is not led by emotions, but instead allowing truth from God to override what we are feeling at the time. 

Sankie P. Lynch
www.nbchurch.info
www.nbfamilies.info
sankie@nbchurch.info

Monday, August 25, 2014

A God who dines with sinners...

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.” Luke 15:1-2

The above verses bring tremendous comfort to my soul. What a sweet thought it is: Jesus dines with sinners! He graciously engages those that are far from Him. As He says in another place, He did not come for the healthy, but for the sick (Luke 5:31-32). Yes friend, the Great Physician came for you and me.


While I sip from this cup of comfort, I must also admit its bittersweet notes of conviction; for it was Jesus’ very dinner party that infuriated the Pharisees. “How dare He dine with them!” Has such hardness of heart ever described you? Have you ever been guilty of gazing upon this lost world or even worse, Christ’s bride, with the foggy log-blurred vision of the self-righteous (Matthew 7:3-4)? Unfortunately, not only has this been me before, but my flesh still attempts to usurp the Spirit’s power each day. I’ve inwardly celebrated my exterior appearance and basked in the false security of my own rule-keeping and apparent “goodness.” Even worse, I’ve neglected the fact that Jesus dines with sinners and that I am counted a faithful member of such a group.

A soul that misses the message communicated through our Savior’s interaction in this passage may miss the Savior Himself. Jesus came for the lost (please read the rest of Luke 15). He came to seek and save! And believer, are we not called to do the same? Have we not been commissioned to share gospel hope to the downcast, to push back forces of darkness with the glorious Light of the world, to seek the marginalized and social outcast, and to love like those who have been forgiven of much?!

Now to be clear, Scripture does not say that Jesus caroused with the ungodly and reveled with the rebellious; nor does it say He debased Himself with those indulging in debauchery. Therefore, may it never be said of us either! What it says is this: Jesus dined with sinners…and because He did, they were all drawing near to Him. Perhaps it has been so long ago that you’ve forgotten, but dear brother, remember that He once paid visit to you in your kitchen nook as well. He came to dine with a sinner like you! Oh, but your heart’s home was well kept you say… There were no stories of drunkenness or addiction, no divorce, abandonment or neglect in your family story - no struggles with sexuality, no lusts, no fits of rage. You’ve never misrepresented yourself or others, and you can’t remember desiring anything that wasn’t yours. To sum it up, you really have no big regrets from chasing the world’s empty promises of fame and fortune… While that is remarkable and something one should be grateful for, it doesn’t disqualify you from being in desperate need of the Savior’s seeking and saving; for your very best is as filthy rags before a perfect, holy, and righteous God (Romans 3:9-12).

Our Jesus not only has the power to transform the staunchest of sinners to saints, He is gracious to save us from our own wicked self-righteousness too! May we not live in the poisonous judgment of the Pharisees but in the freedom of the redeemed. Might we also not use such a passage to cover our own sinful desires under the guise of “missional living” but might the Lord develop within us, hearts that seek to genuinely reach this world in which we live.

Father, make us a church and a people composed of families that find comfort in a God who dines with sinners and help us to obediently respond in repentance whenever Your Spirit convicts us of our sinfulness and self-righteous error. Sweet Jesus, come and dine with us! Lord, save us from ourselves… Lead us to new tables where Your grace and mercy might be both shared and received. Let us tell of Your works of redemption and be part of Your future stories of grace and growth. For our joy and your glory, may we make much of You



Friday, August 22, 2014

NBFamilies the Parent's Partner

Last week we evaluated the current threats coming against families. For the past 4 weeks I have documented how families in modern America are under siege. We are are searching for a solution. More seminary classes, children’s programs, camps, conferences, technology, books, and trained leaders are not the solution. The bible offers us a solution.

What is needed is a theological and structural reorientation which spawns a new church culture that draws families together instead of pulling them apart.

New Beginnings Church is intentionally seeking a solution to this threat. NBFamilies, or Family Equipping Ministry is the answer! New Beginnings Church partnering with families is the solution! NBFamilies will promote family unity where:
  • Our families are drawn together,
  • Our dads are equipped to lead their families,
  • Our children’s hearts are turned toward their fathers and mothers (Malachi 4:6),
  • Our mother’s and father’s hearts are turned toward their children (Malachi 4:6; Luke 1:17),
  • Our Family Ministry’s Mission is to make a place for our single parents and our blended families, our families in crisis or distress, and children’s and teenager’s whose parents are not yet invested.
We believe families are waiting to be led. In this culture of chaos our parents are looking for solutions and our kids are looking for direction. Families see the problems and are searching for answers. [T. Jones. Perspectives on Family Ministry: Three Views, 1-3]

The task of discipling our children is too significant to hire someone else to do it.

The home has had the greatest impact on young lives; with few exceptions, if we fail to impact the home, we will never make a lasting impact on students.
The Barna research group has come to the following conclusion:
“The Ministry’s having the greatest success and seeing people emerge into maturing Christians, rather than contented churchgoers, are those that facilitate a parent-church partnership focused on instilling specific spiritual beliefs and practices in a child’s life from a very early age." [T. Jones. Perspectives on Family Ministry: Three Views, 143]
New Beginnings Church is a family-equipping churches. Family-equipping churches retain some age-organized ministries that restructure the congregation to partner with parents at every level of ministry so that parents are acknowledged, equipped, and held accountable for the discipleship of their children.
It is the desire of New Beginnings Church that we have not just a good youth group but a generation that loves God with heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:28-34).
NBFamiles is rallying around the idea of synchronizing each age-organized ministry partnering with parents who serve as primary disciple makers in their children’s lives.
The current culture has made it painfully apparent that parents have abdicated responsibility for their children’s discipleship to the church. In a competitive church environment churches indulged this abdication with an ever expanding and always dazzling array of programs for youth and children.
NBFamilies intend for parents to become the primary spiritual catalyst in their children’s lives instead of relying on the church’s programs.
New Beginnings Church will not contribute to the fragmentation of families. Rather, we will discover, develop and deploy a biblical solution!
Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
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Thursday, August 21, 2014

THE "Critical Transaction" for the Family

In his study guide, workbook, Habitudes: Images That Form Leadership Habits & Attitudes by Tim Elmore there is a chapter that talks about "Barn Building".

I was born and raised in Iowa. So, I have seen plenty of barns and plenty of farms. My father was raised on a farm. My grandpa Langenberg was a farmer who raised 8 children on the farm. I remember as a child playing in the barns on my grandpa's farm. I had plenty of friends who were raised on farms as well, but I had never heard this object lesson regarding the barn and the farmer before I read this one.

Here are some excerpts from Elmore's chapter on "Barn Building":  
"A farmer and his wife purchased some new property. They were excited about moving and settling down on this new land. They both wanted to build a house, a silo, a three-car garage, a shed, a swing set and a barn. They were passionate about each structure, but.....which should come first? 

The decision was finally reduced to either the house or the barn. The wife wanted to build the house first. The farmer had to admit,(her ideas) sounded great! But when she had finished, he smiled and said they shouldn't build the house first. He felt they should build the barn first. She was shocked. "Why? she asked. "Aren't we more important than the animals?" They went back and forth in disagreement. Their argument finally ended when the farmer played the "trump card". He said, "Sweetheart, we have to build the barn first...because the barn will build the house."


Do you understand how profound these words were? Like his wife, if you were developing a farm, the first item you may think you need is a house. That's where you eat, sleep, and live. Sounds logical, right? But any wise farmer would suggest a different plan. Build the barn. The house is "overhead". The barn is the hub of all of the profit-making work. The animals live there, so it produces your milk, eggs, and meat. The equipment stored there is necessary for working the fields and growing crops. Without the barn, the farm could generate little income. If you neglect the barn and build only the house, the house is all you get. Build the barn, and you can build a house, shed, silo, chicken coop, and even another barn....you can build pretty much anything!

In almost every endeavor, there is a "barn", or an activity that is vital to the life of the project, or organization. In business, it's called the "critical transaction". It's the activity that if you don't do it, you're "out of business." On a farm, the barn represents the critical transaction. Without the barn, the life of the farm cannot be sustained. Similarly, the critical transaction of an airline is not when the plane takes off, but when the customer buys the ticket. A radio station's critical transaction is not choosing what songs to play, but selling airtime for commercials. When people don't buy, businesses don't run. Planes can't take off and songs cannot play.

Jesus taught this principal to a woman named Martha when she tried to get her sister to help in the kitchen one evening (Luke 10:38-42). "Martha was overwhelmed with all she had to do. "Martha, Martha", the Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Jesus wasn't saying Martha's activity was evil. He was just reminding her she had one "critical transaction" she was forgetting. Her sister Mary was practicing it.


As I read this chapter from Elmore, I was pondering the Family Ministry Model at our church. What are we asking from the parents, foster parents, grandparents and future parents who attend our church? We are asking them to become the "primary disciple makers of their children (and in some cases foster children or grandchildren). THIS is the "critical transaction" in your family. There is nothing more important, other than your own salvation, than to be the primary disciple maker of your children. You will be held accountable one day for those precious souls that are being raised in your home, under your care. You have many choices as a parent, just as the farmer and his wife had choices of building a house, a silo, a 3-car garage, a swing set, etc. The wise farmer decided to build the barn first. Which is the most important choice for you and your family?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Isn't this THE "critical transaction" for the parent or parents who call themselves followers of Christ?




Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg

Monday, August 18, 2014

Celebrate the small stuff!

My wife and I recently came across the t-shirt shown below while on vacation. Although I was quite tempted to make a purchase right there on the spot, my wife wisely convinced me otherwise. I’m glad she can be a voice of reason in my moments of immature weakness. I mean, as Brittany rightly pointed out, the shirt’s design is a tad on the inappropriate side and begs for more contextual information than anyone cares to know – at least probably more than I should be comfortable with giving. However, with that being said, I think it does communicate a helpful principle that would serve each of us well today. Ready for it? The message is simply this: celebrate the small stuff!

This would be an awesome camp shirt!!

Think about it… Your kids are going back to school (possibly even going off to school) and your old friends, Routine and Structure, are moving back in…Celebrate! That thought kinda make you sad? It does me too, but shouldn’t we be grateful for their natural and healthy developmental progress? Let’s celebrate! Sure summer is winding down, but wasn’t it nice? Did you enjoy the milder than usual temperatures? Did you notice a difference in your electric bill? Celebrate! Did you enjoy a sno-cone or two or three dozen? My friend, celebrate! Did you get to sleep-in a few extra times? Did you have a chance for a vacation? Even if it was a shorter trip than you had dreamed or it cost far more than it was worth, aren’t you thankful for some time away?

Maybe you didn’t get a break at all and the summer was just another hectic season of all work and no play… If so, perhaps this week marks the end of the madness. You know what that means – it is time to celebrate! Okay…so you are in a perpetual state of craziness and you are struggling to find any type of joy or purpose… 1) I’m sincerely sorry! 2) This would appear to be God’s grace allowing you to see that something’s gotta give. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and yet forfeit his soul? Where is the benefit in sacrificing your each and every “today” for a tomorrow that never comes? And if that nest egg you’re killing yourself for or that star child-athlete actually does turn professional someday… Will it be worth this?! Is there no value in what you are missing now?! Hear the Savior’s invitation to find rest in Him alone. Find a peace and satisfaction from the only One that can truly provide it…and celebrate that those burdens are no longer yours to carry!

Are you under the weather today? I’m not suggesting that I would rejoice in being ill either, however, it could always be much worse, right? The real point I’m getting at is that most mornings we awake feeling well… Are we appreciative? Most evenings we go to bed with far more than adequate provisions – be it shelter, food, safety, or the like…oh, but are we grateful? Better question, do we see where these gifts come from? Do we know the One who grants such undeserved goodness?

Here’s the deal… If we fail to see God’s grace in the little things, we might unfortunately miss far more. We may stumble into the dangerous belief that it is we who make our smaller, daily blessings happen while falsely seeing God as quiet, far-removed, and seemingly inactive. Truth is this: in a myriad of ways each and every day God fiercely pursues the attention and affection of our hearts so that we will ultimately find an inexpressible and glory-filled joy in Him alone. While the chaotic nature of life demands that we must do more, the cross exclaims that it is done!! In contrast to the expectant self-centered societal urges of our culture, the cross reminds us of all we truly deserve and yet, the sweet mercy we receive instead. Our feelings and emotions can confuse fear from reality and cloud what’s right for the pressures of right now. Meanwhile, the cross beckons us back. It brings clarity. It offers hope and sanity. It awakens our souls to deeper longings which are only satisfied by the Spirit’s filling.


You may read this as silly and senseless. Perhaps there was nothing said above that resonates with you. You may even be so “punny” as to say that this blog “stinks!” In fact, this Monday’s topic may only be for me. Nevertheless, I pray that despite my goofiness, we might find encouragement and through the Lord’s help, learn to celebrate the small stuff.


Friday, August 15, 2014

The Family is in Danger!


Like swimming in a lake near a nest of poisonous water moccasins, the Christian family is in danger and they may not even be aware of the threat. Like Adam and Eve, there is a snake in the garden and the hazard is not recognizable.

New churches, with good intentions, plan effective strategies to appeal to the younger, increasingly dwindling, crowd. Consequently, younger families go to younger churches and older adults remain at the church with their older friends.

David Roozen is the author of the report called, “A Decade of Change in American Congregations, 2000-2010.” His research indicates the most churches are seeing fewer and older people attending.
  • At least one-third of members in more than half of mainline Protestant congregations are 65 or older.
  • One in five congregations that started since 2000 began in new suburbs.
  • The number of megachurches has almost doubled over the decade,
  • However, megachurches (those with 2,000 or more weekly attendees) make up just 0.5 percent of all congregations.
Roozen said, “There are more megachurches, but, in fact, they’re getting an increasing piece of an overall shrinking pie.

Rather than healing the ruptured connection between generations, significant numbers of churches unintentionally welcomed, and perhaps even widened, the chasm between parents and children – between grandparents and grandchildren.

Well-meaning churches competing for the vanishing numbers of young families unknowingly perpetuate the fragmentation of the family unit.

What is needed is a theological and structural reorientation which spawns a new church culture that draws families together instead of pulling them apart.

New Beginnings Church is intentionally seeking a solution to this threat. NBFamilies, or Family Equipping Ministry is the answer!

More seminary classes, children’s programs, camps, conferences, technology, books, and trained leaders are not the solution. The bible offers us a solution. New Beginnings Church partnering with families is the solution! = NBFamilies

  • The church is a family (Matthew 12:50).
  • Jesus followers have received the “Spirit of adoption” (Romans 8:15).
  • God is our heavenly Father (Matthew 6:9).
  • Our heavenly Father disciplines us like His children (Hebrews 12:5-11).

New Beginnings Church will not contribute to the fragmentation of families. Rather, we will discover, develop, and deploy a biblical solution!

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
nbchurch.info
nbfamilies.info

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Are You Doing Accountability Wrong?

I loved this article below on Christian accountability and 5 reasons why it fails by Luke Gilkerson. This is part of the Covenant Eyes e-newsletter that I receive monthly. Covenant Eyes is a software that is installed on your computer that tracks the internet traffic to police if there are any pornographic sites that are visited while using this computer. An email is sent directly to your accountability partner who receives a report weekly on what the status has been on that computer. This is a great tool as a safeguard for both men and boys. Parents should be using a software like this on their children's computers. You may want to use it on both boys and girls computers. We use this software personally for myself at home and the church and for our boys in our home. I also have had an accountability partner for most of the past 20 years. Right now I meet with my accountability partner at least every other week or so, some months more often, but never goes beyond three weeks before we meet again. 

For those of you who have teenage boys at home, you may want to ask yourselves what kind of accountability relationships does my son or sons have that would help them in their Christian walk, especially as it pertains to purity? What kind of accountability relationship do you have as a parent? It's extremely important for men to have at least other man that can hold them accountable on a regular basis. They can do this by learning the correct way of going about developing that type of relationship. Read on to learn more about what not to do, but more importantly what you should do to have an effective accountability relationship.

Terry Langenberg
TwitterTheLangenberg
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5 Reasons Why Christian Accountability Fails

The following is an excerpt from our free e-book, Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability.

In my previous article I described the four key building blocks that give shape to our accountability relationships. These building blocks are based on James 5:16 and Hebrews 10:23-25: meeting together, confession of sin, prayer, and encouragement.
Christian Accountability
(This is structure of a healthy accountability relationship.)
Accountability groups and partners are not magic pills. While accountability plays a crucial role in personal growth and holiness, there are many accountability pitfalls.
Here are five ways accountability often goes bad:

Problem #1. When accountability partners are absent

Accountability relationships need to be fostered through time together. It is hard to hold one another accountable when partners meet infrequently or sporadically (or not at all).
Often both parties are at fault. We might commit to “holding one another accountable,” but this is something vague, elusive, and undefined. Accountability partners need to have a very clear picture in their minds about what accountability really entails: face-to- face, voice-to-voice conversation.
When accountability partners do not meet in some fashion, the accountability relationship has no foundation. This means confession, prayer, and encouragement are erratic and shaky, at best.
Accountability Collapses

Problem #2. When accountability groups are programmatic

When we read through the one-anothers of the New Testament, one cannot help but see the organic, family dynamic that is meant to exist in the church. We are called to an earnest love for one another (1 Peter 1:22), brotherly affection (Romans 12:10), single-minded unity (Romans 15:5), eating together (1 Corinthians 11:33), bearing each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and having the same care for each other (1 Corinthians 12:25).
But often our approach to accountability is programmatic. We simply don’t have the quality of friendships that are close and spiritually meaningful, so we search for it in forced and sometimes awkward settings.
The church, of course, should offer support groups and discipleship models. “Program” is not a four-letter word. But these programs should aim toward something rich and natural.
Accountability is Void
If meeting together, prayer, confession, and encouragement are the building blocks of accountability, then many of the other one-anothers in the New Testament are the “atmosphere” of the relationship. This should not be an empty, austere structure, but filled with the air of Christian love and friendship. You may be “doing everything right” but it still feels empty and cold.

Problem #3. When accountability partners are sincerity-centered

Confession is the central pillar of accountability, but there are a few ways this pillar can be constructed poorly.
The first way confession of sin can go wrong is when it becomes an end in and of itself. This is when we believe confession is the only point of accountability, something we do to put to rest our uneasy consciences and get something off our chests. These kinds of accountability relationships make “getting the secret out” the whole point.
As therapeutic as this might feel—and it is therapeutic—we need to be careful that in our confession of sin we don’t trivialize sin as something that resolves itself with mere sincerity. Jonathan Dodson, pastor of Austin City Life church, says that one surefire way to ruin your accountability relationship is by making it “a circle of cheap confession by which you obtain cheap peace for your troubled conscience.”
Christians do not believe that pardon from sin comes from merely being honest about sin. Your sincerity wasn’t nailed to a Roman cross for your sins; Christ was. Peace with God comes only by leaning on what Christ has done for us (Romans 5:1). We often mistake the relief of unleashing our secrets with true peace.
Accountability - Confession-Centered
Conversation must not stop at confession. The outermost pillars of the accountability relationship call us to prayer and encouragement. After humble confession, we should encourage one another with the assurance of forgiveness promised in the gospel, and we should approach God’s throne of grace in prayer together.
In this way we not only hold one another accountable for our behavior, but we also hold one another accountable for trusting in the gospel for our complete forgiveness.

Problem #4. When accountability partners are obedience-centered

The first way the pillar of confession can be built poorly is when we aim at cheap peace. The second way the pillar of confession can be constructed poorly is when the focus is on moral performance.
Some Christian accountability groups are militant about sin—a healthy attitude in its own right. Members want to see others grow in holiness, so this becomes the focus of the group: questions and answers that deal with obedience.
The problem is, mere rule keeping does not itself get to the heart of sin. This is one of the great lessons Paul teaches again and again. Merely knowing the law only aggravates our lusts (Romans 7:7-12), and following rigid ascetic regulations—don’t touch, don’t taste, don’t handle—is “of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (Colossians 2:20-23).
Tullian Tchividjian, pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, gives a solution for this kind of moralistic accountability.
I’m all for accountability—but a certain kind. The accountability we really need is the kind that corrects our natural tendency to dwell on me—my obedience (or lack thereof), my performance (good or bad), my holiness—instead of on Christ and His obedience, His performance, and His holiness for me. It sometimes seems that we can’t help ourselves from turning the good news of God’s grace into a narcissistic program of self-improvement. We try to turn grace into law, in other words. We need to be held accountable for that!
Accountability - On a Pedestal
Don’t turn the pillar of confession into a pedestal—a place where we can prop up the idol of our own obedience. Accountability relationships like this either center our thoughts on a few benchmarks of success that we might happen to be reaching, or force us into hiding because we don’t want to admit how much we are failing to hit the mark.

Problem #5. When accountability partners forget the gospel

Whether you slide toward being sincerity-centered or obedience-centered, both tendencies have ignored that the gospel is the capstone of accountability.
When we make our groups all about sincere confession with no expectation of change, we trivialize the very sins that were nailed to Jesus on the cross. When we confess the same sins week after week, say a quick prayer, and go home, we merely highlight the cheap peace we feel from refreshing honesty, and we forget to comfort each other with a testimony of God’s grace of forgiveness. We forget to challenge each other to fight sin in light of the motivations God provides in His Word.
When we make our groups all about obedience, we only reinforce our tendency to center our identity on our performance. This either drives us to rigid moralism or hiding the evil that lurks in us from others and ourselves. Either way, these kinds of accountability relationships only reinforce legalism and self-absorption. This robs us of the joy of building our identity on Christ’s obedience, and we lose an opportunity to speak about the grace of God that trains us to be godly.
This is why the gospel is the capstone of good accountability. Our confessions, prayers, and encouragement should all be done under the canopy of what the gospel promises God’s children.
  • Confess your sins in light of the gospel. One aspect of repentance is agreeing with what God says about your sin, labeling your sin as truly sinful, as an affront to His holiness, something that cost Christ his life. Confess your sins to God and others knowing He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you (1 John 1:9).
  • Pray together in light of the gospel. The gospel promises both grace to cover our sins (Romans 5:1-2) and grace to empower our obedience (Titus 2:11-14). Approach Christ together asking for this grace (Hebrews 4:16).
  • Encourage one another in light of the gospel. Knowing that true internal change happens in our lives as we set our minds and affections on things above—the complete redemption that is coming to us (Colossians 3:1-4)—we should help one another do this. Mining the Scriptures together, we can teach and admonish one another in wisdom (v.16). We can strive together to have more of a foretaste of the holiness we are promised in the age to come.
Accountability - Gospel-Centered
We need responsive, gospel-driven accountability. As good accountability partners, we need to not only hear an account of our friends’ sins, but give an account of God’s grace—a grace that not only saves us from the guilt of sin, but also from the grip of sin.
DOWNLOAD THE WHOLE BOOK, “COMING CLEAN”

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Anniversary News: My Wife Loves Another Man—More Than She Loves Me

I know...I know...she's changed a lot!
Today is my 1st year anniversary for being at New Beginnings Church. I had planned on writing a blog looking back over the past 52 weeks of blogs and seeing which ones were the most popular or most-read over this past year. 

But this weekend was also our 15th Wedding Anniversary. So I decided to instead write another appreciation to the woman I’ve spent the past 15 years speaking to every night and sharing life with. 

Jamie and I have been married for fifteen years. We were together for a year and then were engaged for another nine months before we got married, so that makes almost seventeen years we’ve been together.

Part of the purpose of our blogs here at New Beginnings is to not only address theological topics and family direction, but to let you get to know us as Pastors. That means little glimpses of what stirs us and what it’s like in our own inner circle—our marriages and families. That also means our failures as much as our strengths. Please know that what I’m sharing below is highlighting qualities about my wife in an attempt to honor her. In highlighting some areas, it is not meant to portray an image that we never have problems or that we’re on a spiritual level, as pastors, that removes us from personal failures and struggles with sin. If you hear anything—hear that we are at a constant tension with sinful struggles—and that we still look to the power of the man who died on the cross to remove us from that power of sin and who walked out of the grave to give us the hope of true transformation and change. We do not look at the cross as the event that only saved us—but as the thing that continues to shape us and change us. Our enjoyment of our marriage is a direct correlation to our enjoyment, not duty, of Jesus Christ. 

I decided to share some of this to let you know more about me as a person and what I see in my wife. We have learned that marriage is incredibly hard, but very rewarding and extremely enjoyable. It is not a matter of duty—but delight. If you’re in a place where that isn’t the case—I would simply point you to the same fountain of grace found in Christ and His gospel of repentance. This doesn’t mean that every afternoon is a mountain peak experience for us. We’ve had many lows from different circumstances and relationships around us. But there is supernatural help and overwhelming hope if you continue to surrender your rights to your Creator and Savior. I’m not very good at using Facebook for all of our events in life or for sharing deeper things about us. I believe this blog is possibly a safer place for me in doing those things. So here is more appreciation to Jamie on our 15th Anniversary!

5 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT JAMIE
  1. SHE MAKES ORDINARY MOMENTS IN LIFE FEEL EXTRAORDINARY!  
Proverbs 5:18 “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,”

I see something else as the most beautiful object of this picture. 
There are times when she’s talking that I truly do not hear what she says. That may sound normal, except we both try to be really good listeners. I don’t hear what she’s saying because I’m caught up in a moment staring at how beautiful she is. We’ll be driving around the lake with our windows down, the air blowing through her hair (three screaming boys attempting to sing along with the radio) and all of a sudden, all of it fades to background because I’ve caught her being stunning without ever knowing it as we all sing along to some song together. She makes ordinary feel extraordinary. When we get to go out for an evening alone and we’re sitting at a table for dinner, there’s usually this moment where everything pauses and I’m halted by a breathtaking look. Sometimes as she’s sleeping, I’ve sat and stared and had tears roll down my face in asking why or how God let a guy like me have her for a wife. And that’s no smooshy, false humility statement—that’s not good writing. If you know me—you know this to be true. Those of you who know me and my life—you’ve forgotten what Christ has done if you don’t ask the same question. She makes ordinary feel extraordinary! 

She keeps me interested in her. I am still intrigued and fascinated by different things that I continue to learn about her. I’m more attracted and interested in her now than ever before. She opens up and shares who she is and what she’s thinking with me. That hasn’t always come easy for her. It takes lots of mutual sharing and intimacy to share some of your deepest thoughts and fears with another person. Our first year of marriage, we decided to go without television (not because we feared it’s evils), but because we might tend to zone out and not interact. We learned that, in marriage, you’re always moving towards greater isolation or greater intimacy. We had developed such a foundation of talking and sharing each night during that first year that we decided to do the same thing for years two and three. The first couple of years we had “couch time” where we got in from work and sat down for the first hour and discussed our day. Those usually carried over into fixing dinner together, eating dinner, and then cleaning up afterwards, while still sharing about the day. 

Once kids came along, that time can be easily divided. When I get in, I go straight to her—stepping over them to get to her—because I want them to see she comes first. Remember, they are leaving one day—she is not. Everyday Papa (my grandpa) walked in the door, he walked straight over to Mamaw (my grandma) and gave her a kiss. My little eyes noticed that. I want those boys to see a dad in love with their mommy. I want them to desire that type of wife and that type of marriage when they grow up. I pray God uses those little moments everyday to be a vision of hope for their futures and their children. Their faces light up when we embrace. In fact, it immediately turns into a “family hug” anytime we wrap our arms around each other in the kitchen each afternoon. Jamie makes ordinary feel extraordinary! 

2. SHE LOVES QUALITY TIME = LATE NIGHTS & DATE NIGHTS! 
Proverbs 18:2 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”

We don’t have a date night every week (or every two weeks) where we leave the house and kids and have a night out for dinner and the movies, sometimes we go a few weeks without getting away alone—but we do connect with deep conversations and sharing of our thoughts, ideas, hopes, dreams, feelings, fears, and failures on many nights throughout each week. 

Again, I believe that men should be pursuing their wives, engaging with them (not staring at a tv over their shoulder during dinner), and communicating with them on an emotional level—and that may be more difficult for some men than it is for others. And I believe that, if possible, men should be pursuing and dating their wives like they did before marriage. But, in different seasons of life, you may have to find avenues that work better for you as a couple in landing on something that provides quality time for you to be together.

I would love to be able to take Jamie out to eat and to a movie one night each week. But there are times when that doesn’t work with our schedule. This can also be a very expensive avenue for many people on extremely tight budgets. If a family is squeaking by, paycheck to paycheck, how do they pay for baby-sitters, restaurants, movies, or other events on a regular weekly basis. And then there are people who have regular date nights, but whose marriage is in the tank when you talk to them behind the scenes. So, date nights are wonderful, but they are not the only way to your woman’s heart. It takes intentional and creative pursuit. 

There are some couples we’ve met recently who, when you see them headed out to date night, you can see the excitement on their faces! I have a couple of friends who have huge smiles on their faces as they head out for dates on nights that we have ministries for their kids. That is a very creative and intentional time for dates in a very busy culture. Not only are those husbands excited and happy—they’re very wise as well! They don’t see date nights as the fix-all for marriage—as if having a regular date night will solve all their loneliness and isolation in marriage. It’s simply a great avenue to show your wife you still care. So date nights do not necessarily equal quality time and deeper sharing. There are some creative ways of watching a couple’s kids while they go out and then letting them watch yours while you go out. It takes hard work to find time each night to talk about the day and all thats gone on with each other and the family.

We’ve landed on having time set aside almost every night after the boys are in bed to talk about how things have gone that day, any new events with the boys, and how we are doing as a family. Nights are good for us right now because neither of us have extremely early schedules in the mornings. For some people, if they have really early starts in the mornings, there may be a better avenue or a different time to connect and have some quality time. I had always wanted someone that would truly share life with me—not just go through the motions and co-habitate. Jamie’s quality time is one of the treasures of life on earth. I love that she loves quality time. 
3. SHE IS THE FURTHEST THING FROM MOODY: 
Proverbs 19:13 “A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.”
Proverbs 21:9 “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” 
Proverbs 27:15 “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.”

I have never, in fifteen years of marriage, had one night where I dreaded coming home because of what type of MOOD she would be in when I walked through the door. I’ve never pulled up and dreaded going in because my wife may be in any one of twenty horrible moods. It just hasn’t happened. Sure, there are times when she’s frustrated with the three little bad versions of me she’s been dealing with all day, but not an ounce of moodiness. There are times of stress too, but that doesn’t mean moodiness. This means low-maintenance and low-drama. We all know that women sometimes get a bad rap for being more emotional than men tend to be, but that doesn’t have to become an excuse for extreme moodiness. We’ve all seen those husbands with the “thousand-yard stare” and then we see (or hear) the wife nearby barking loudly her opinions and her critiques of her husband.
As those Proverbs above have stated, it would be miserable to live with a moody and quarrelsome wife. In the same way, it would be miserable to live with a rigid, uncaring, husband who doesn’t have time to connect with his wife emotionally. We have arguments sometimes, but it usually ends by one of us being so clearly wrong that it becomes funny that we were even trying to make a stance. Not being moody means being pretty flexible, laid back, merciful, and grace-oriented. God, in His wisdom, knew I would need someone just like that to make marriage such an enjoyable adventure. 

One of my favorite movies is Good Will Hunting. In that movie, Matt Damon plays a character, Will, who has grown up with an extremely abused past childhood. He has an abnormal academic and intellectual ability in higher level math. Due to his past, he tends to destroy relationships close to him and keeps putting himself in underachieving roles. He begins to meet with a counselor, played by Robin Williams, who sees the challenge of breaking through Will’s tough exterior and self-destructive forces by slowly building trust by connecting and challenging the boundaries Will has set up with him. 

Robin William’s character had lost his wife to cancer. There is a couple of particular scenes where they begin to connect on a very deep level. One is where Williams’ character begins to share about his own wife before she passed away. He refers to some of her “idiosyncracies” as being the things that he remembers most after two years of her being gone. 

He says, “Those idiosyncrasies, those are the things that I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That’s what made her my wife. She had the goods on me too. She knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections, but they’re not. That’s the good stuff. And we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You’re not perfect, sport. And this girl you’ve met, she’s not perfect either. But the question is, whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole deal. That’s what intimacy is all about.” 

The little things that at first annoyed me (I've got a list) are the things we now tell stories about and laugh about with other couples. And like Robin Williams stated, that is the good stuff. And she's got her list on me too. You see, God can take two of the most messed up individuals and through His grace allow them to unite and enjoy their little idiosyncrasies. We still have many difference, very weird differences, but we've learned we can let those become interesting and allow them to let us be perfect for each other. I love that she is the furthest thing from moody. 
4. SHE DESIRES “ONENESS” AND IS “ALL IN” FOR THE THINGS I LOVE—ESPECIALLY OUR BOYS: 
Proverbs 19:14 “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”
Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”

God’s command to Adam and Eve before the fall into sin that was repeated three times after the fall was “The man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh.” 

In all the marriages I’ve performed, this is one of the key ideas we cover in their pre-marital counseling. This idea of leaving the family of origin, cleaving to the new spouse as a separate unit, and then seeing God’s blessing and spiritual melting of the couple from two individuals into His own form of “oneness” is something only God could have come up with. Becoming one flesh, this idea of beautiful oneness with another person, goes beyond the physical sexual act to the mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. Jamie understands what it means to “become one flesh” in astonishing ways. I’ve never had a day when I doubted her love or commitment to me. This is a beautiful picture of God’s grace as He melts two people together in ways only He is able to do. She knows how to gently or firmly confront me if I get out of line in my thinking or attitudes. She knows how to lovingly support when hurts come my way. She knows that I don’t really need more self-esteem, but rather gospel thinking and gospel identity to secure me when things get difficult. Like the Proverb above states, she is far greater than any material wealth. The things she brings to the table are priceless. There are some things that money cannot buy. 

One of the most important aspects of this “oneness” is the way we team up in raising our children. Any weak secular survey could tell you that a father and mother who do not agree and who are divided will cause much harm to the children they are raising. Children and teens see the division. They play on the weak links between parents. They prey on the different parenting styles if those do not line up together. There are times she may have a different perspective or a different way she would have handled a situation with the boys, but she knows how to either get my attention to give me helpful input or to completely support me even if she had other ideas. This forms a deep bond of trust, respect, and support not only between the parents, but it builds a foundation of trust and respect as you’re trying to establish authority in the minds of young ones. 

There are tons of other ways that she demonstrates this oneness that I, and she, never thought about before we were married. She was never into athletics or sports when she was in school, but the first year we got a tv and turned on the Sooner’s football games (or any other college football), any NFL game, the World Series, and the NBA championships—she was all in! Who would have thought? She’s jumping up screaming at the tv or player who let yet another receiver behind our Sooner’s secondary! She’s calling for defensive coordinator’s jobs. She’s screaming at managers to pull the pitcher as he’s giving up homers. And let me tell you—when Les Miles or that other team in Oklahoma get ahead of the Sooners—it’s earmuffs time for the boys! (just kidding-don’t freak out). When did she get so into these things? She says “it just happened after we were married. She wants to be with me in the things I love.” I love that Jamie is all in on oneness and the things we love together. 

5. MY WIFE LOVES ANOTHER MAN—MORE THAN SHE LOVES ME:
Philippians 2: 8-11 “And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
Revelation 5:9 “And they sang a new song, saying, ‘Worthy are You {Jesus} to take the scroll and to open its seals, for You were slain, and by Your blood you ransomed a people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation,”
1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 
1 Peter 1:6-9 “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 

These verses above point to a husband and true man that I will never get close to being. It just wasn't in the cards. These verses point to the most romantic story ever thought up and told. These verses provide wives with a kinsman-redeemer that meets all their needs and casts all comparisons completely to another fallen world. Jamie fell in love with the man these verses speak of. 

Jamie loves the currently invisible God/man, Jesus, more than she will ever love me. She became captivated by Him and what He had accomplished for her on the cross while sitting at her brother’s funeral. She understood that she could either live for herself or live for Him. She had no idea what that entailed at that point or that she would eventually meet a former mullet-wearing guy from Sallisaw with a name like Sankie whom she would marry. But when I met her, about one month after that funeral, her gaze was fixed on Him. 
The more she loves this Jesus—the more secure our marriage and love for one another is. The more she loves this Jesus—the more radiant her face becomes as our little boys look up at her. They will see past the time-outs, spankings, stressful moments, and impatience. They will learn another lesson—that this Jesus is worthy of your entire life. 

Jamie loves Jesus more than she will ever love me. When we stand beside each other on the other side of eternity and tears of love and passion run down her face as she is captivated face-to-face with Him—there won’t be any issues of jealousy. He has all rights to her. He knew her before He created her. He is the one who created, redeemed, is sanctifying and eventually glorifying her into an eternal body and home. 

A woman who is captivated by Christ will continue to surrender herself up to Him and His purposes. That means when an arrogant, selfish, prideful husband doesn’t treat her in accordance with Ephesians 5, as Christ treats His church, then she has the resources of supernatural grace, forgiveness, and mercy to deal with him. She honors me when I’m not worthy of honor. She doesn’t hold onto past hurts or keep a list of my wrongs. She forgives as Christ has forgiven her. My wife loves another man—much more than she loves me. 

When Jamie and I got together, she knew that we might end up in some tribal hut in Papua, New Guinea or in a city surrounded by millions of Muslims. She knew then that I could not promise her the easiest of lives nor the most comfortable. Fifteen years later, we’re not even close to the discomforts that come in living in the majority world or in the 10/40 Window. We’re in the small minority on this earth of having extreme comforts and extreme safety. When we believed God was moving us from our former church after being there for ten years, she not only trusted, but was excited for what God would do next. This may have seemed long to you in reading this list, but this was a very short list of things I think and feel. These words cannot express what she means to me and how much more I love her on our fifteenth wedding anniversary. I love that she loves Jesus more than she will ever love me. 

I love you Jamie. Thank you for joining me in this journey in life. 

Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Families

sankie@nbchurch.info