For many of you who have passed that stage of life, you may have been that person for your child whether they wrote a paper about it or not. For many others, the distance between you and your children may bring up many emotions. For many parents in the stage we’re in, it seems fearful to think of who or what may be captivating their hearts and attention those last years before sending them out into the world.
After thinking through my friend’s perspective and thoughts of his dad I wondered if that great honor would fall on us. What qualities do I need to be exemplifying for my boys? What kind of guidance and direction does God’s word give on the role of Biblical parenting? What kind of expectation, equipping, and accountability do churches provide for parents who want to be their children’s primary faith trainers? And are they really even watching that closely what we as parents are doing?
And then came this little worksheet that Sankie brought home from church...
As you can see, the title is “Family Photo.”
From the far right, that’s Owen--he was added when we began to go over it with Sankie and helped him to see that someone was missing (note the different color in crayon). And that may or may not be horns on top of Owen’s head?
Second from right is Jamie--obvious from the long hair, large smile, and club-like right arm.
In the middle, again it’s obvious, that’s Jack (aka Little Mexico). Sankie most commonly refers to him as the one with “the party on his head,” as illustrated.
Second from the left is me, daddy. Interestingly, I’m shorter than both little Sankie and Jamie.
And then on the far left is little Sankie. But what stuck out to Jamie and I as little Sank began to explain his picture was the size of his eyes and the intensive gaze towards my character. We asked why such an intense stare and why he had such big eyes?
His response: “Cause I’m always watchin you daddy...I wanna be just like you!”
Wow. That was sobering.
Don’t worry, I don’t let his naivety in being prejudiced at this point in life allow me to think too highly nor too lowly of myself. From little comments and questions, “You forgot your seatbelt dad,” or “How can you tell they are idiots just by watching them drive, daddy?” To more clear, selfish, jealous, protests that we adults have learned to disguise more effectively, “Noooo! It’s mine! It’s mine! It’s mine! I don’t want you to have it!” It’s all in there. Every bit of our sinful nature and selfish desires. There’s a lot going on at the heart level.
This picture reveals several truths to me that confirm exactly what the Bible teaches:
- Dads--they are watching us more than we know. And in many ways, they really do want to be just like us. That is painful when you see them copying and inheriting some of your most glaring and hurtful sin patterns into their own lives. (Gen. 4:7-8; Ps. 78; 1 John 3:1-18)
- Little boys love their mommies and think they are beautiful and wonderful--but most often are looking to their dad for their identity and what it means to grow up and be a man. Little boys and girls are looking for someone to lead them. (Eph. 6:1-4; 2 Tim. 2:1-4, 3:10,14-17)
- It is NOT little boys who come up with this desire to be like their dad or little girls to be like their mom (even when they say they want to avoid it), it was actually hard-wired in by God. This desire is part of His design--even in an imperfect and fallen world with many other voices and alternatives. (Ps. 139; Titus 2:1-8)
- Being passive does NOT get you out of being imitated. Even if you think you’re not qualified to lead spiritually in your own home--it’s not an option to bail on them spiritually. Being passive spiritually just means that they are going to either learn to be passive also from watching you or they are going to seek other men who will lead them in some other way. (Gen. 3:6,12,17-19; Deut. 6:12,17,20-25)
- It is NOT an issue of convenience or qualification. It is entirely an issue of obedience and responsibility in pointing our children to the One who ransomed them with His own blood and deserves eternal worship and praise. (Matt. 28:18-20; Rev. 5:8-10)
- Leading means continually and repetitively leading them to the Person and Work of Jesus Christ. (Eph. 1:3-14; 2 Cor. 5:21)
I may not be a true hero in a couple of weeks or even a couple of hours, but I still have the responsibility of spiritually leading my family. It is a weighty challenge that makes us feel incompetent and unqualified to say the least. Failure and frustration are at each turn. But I have to remember this is not a one-time fix. This is a process of consistency. I’m not going to raise perfect children--that cannot be my expectation. Therefore, being intentional, purposeful, and faithful in the areas God has placed under my authority is what I’m called to. I hope you join us at New Beginnings (or wherever you are) as we continue to work on a simple, workable plan for all parents, all types of families, empty-nesters and anyone else taking on the challenge of true discipleship in the crucible of relationships. This Jesus changes everything!
Here's a great song with great lyrics that captures the heart of what I'm trying to say. The rapper is Lecrae. You may think it doesn't fit your context, just check it out and don't let the setting fool you. Look up the lyrics also!
