How to Raise Perfectly Selfish or Selfless Children (2)

Josh in Mexico on a Youth Mision Trip

Two weeks ago I started a blog theme that asked the question, “Which way is the right way to raise our children?” I would like to recommend that you read the blog post about starting with the Gospel in raising your children.

God can guide us through the travails of raising children in a chaotic culture and transform our characters through the power of the gospel (Romans 1:16-17).

I promised two weeks ago that I would attempt to bring some proven experience and a fresh perspective about how to raise children into adulthood the right way.

Last week, and today, we will examine a proven method for addressing selfishness though acts of service.

Like their parents, children are not naturally born with a inclination to serve. In fact, we naturally come into this world learning, “The people in my life are here to serve me.”

Jill in Mexico on a Youth Mission Trip

• So what needs to be done to intentionally direct ourselves and our children away from selfishness?
• Is there anything we can do to lead our families to become servants like Jesus?
• We need to do more than just fill our children’s minds with lots of data about God and the Bible.
• We need to give them opportunities to express what the bible is teaching.
• We need to match their/our experiences of faith with practical actions.
• We need to match knowledge that they’re learning about value, character, and honor and integrity with the honor and privilege of working out their faith (Philippians 2:12-13).
• We need to be intentional about this because we will always fight the temptation to make our children into "head-and-not-heart" Christians.

Michelle Anthony in her book, “Spiritual Parenting" recommends that parents work at creating an ”Environment of Service.” She recommends that we make the following changes to create this environment of service.

1. Teach your children to ask the question, "What needs to be done?" How would things change in your home if each parent and child would learn to, first intentionally, then instinctively walk into any room, situation, or relationship and ask, “What needs to be done?”
2. Use the phrase “acts of service” rather than chores. Chores are defined as routine or minor duties or tasks. Dr. Michelle Anthony says, “Chores could lead children to see serving others as an obligatory chore when they’re out in the world.
3. Make a big deal out of acts of service. You may want to get into a habit of asking one another over dinner, “How did you serve your family today?” On the occasion that your family has served one another (no matter how small the act of service), this will be a great time of learning how to express gratitude and receive appreciation. On the occasion that your family has no stories of recent “acts of service,” this question not answered, will become an opportunity to remind each another of the ways you need the help of one other members of your family.
4. Model and then explain your own acts of service As parents, you must first have to recognize your own tendencies:
   • Are you setting the example of being willing to do “acts of service?”
   • Does the majority of certain household responsibilities fall on only one person?
   • Do you prefer to act alone when you are doing acts of service because help slows you down or doesn’t “do it” right?
   As parents, we train our children to understand that God has asked us to be servants. We train our children with this knowledge, and then we model it by calling it out every time we do it.

   As parents, we reinforce this heart posture through repetition. We tell and show our children in every situation what it means to be a servant. So often we’re great models of service, but our children don’t know it. We are faithfully and dutifully serving as responsible adults.But our children don’t always what we’re doing or why we’re doing it. In order to bring clarity to this, we must call attention to it.

   As our children get older, we won’t need to be asking, “What needs to be done?” as much. They’ll be asking themselves the question. They will walk into a situation and go straight to what needs to be done. It’s a posture of their hearts and of their spirits. God’s plan is to bring them to a place where they depend on His Spirit to give them the answer to the question, “What needs to be done?” (Hebrews 11:32-40)
   As foreign as the environment of service sound’s in this culture, it must be cultivated in our families. Our families need an understanding of who God is and what His Kingdom is all about. Our children will need the environment of service to train their hearts upward and outward. They don’t need to settle for the fruit of selfishness. Spiritual Parenting

Mark 8:34-35; Romans 12:1-3; Philippians 2:3-4; Romans 12:4-8

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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