Elmore's blog from Oct 7th, titled "How to Avoid Ruining a Kids Future", provides four simple principles to do that, along with some very interesting research provided in the journal Education + Training. A copy of his blog is below.
How to Avoid Ruining a Kid’s Future
You’d think parents would have read and heard enough about “helicopters” and “snowplows” (parenting styles) by now that they would have backed off of their kids a little. But, alas, some are getting worse. I continue to hear of parents who move into the apartment with their freshman daughter, call the college president when their child has a squabble with his roommate, or join their son at job interviews. I read recently that the average parent is in touch with their college student eleven times a day.
I’ve written about “over-functioning parents and staff” for years now, yet I still hear stories from parents who seem “proud” of their involvement in their college student’s affairs.
We now see just what the damage can be.
A study published recently in the journal Education + Training found there’s an important line to draw between parental involvement and over-parenting. “While parental involvement might be the extra boost that students need to build their own confidence and abilities, over-parenting appears to do the converse in creating a sense that one cannot accomplish things socially or in general on one’s own,” wrote the authors, two professors from California State University Fresno. The authors of “Helicopter Parents: An Examination of the Correlates of Over-parenting of College Students,” Jill C. Bradley-Geist and Julie B. Olson-Buchanan, go on to detail how over-parenting can actually ruin a child’s abilities to deal with the workplace.
Bradley-Geist and Olson-Buchanan, both management professors, surveyed more than 450 undergraduate students who were asked to “rate their level of self-efficacy, the frequency of parental involvement, how involved parents were in their daily lives, and their response to certain workplace scenarios.” The study showed that those college students with “helicopter parents” had a hard time believing in their own ability to accomplish goals. They were more dependent on others, had poor coping strategies, and didn’t have soft skills like responsibility and conscientiousness throughout college.
“I had a mom ask to sit in on a disciplinary meeting [when a student was failing]”, said Marla Vannucci, an associate professor at the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago who was that student’s academic adviser. Her team let the mom sit in, but in the end, it doesn’t help. “It really breeds helplessness,” she said.
Vannucci also had a college-aged client whose parents did her homework for her. The client’s mother explained that she didn’t want her daughter to struggle the same way she had. The daughter, however, “has grown up to be an adult who has anxiety attacks anytime someone asks her to do something challenging.” She never learned how to handle anything on her own.
Four Simple Principles Parents Must Buy Into…
- Pay Now, Play Later.
- The Further Out I Can See, the Better the Decision I Make Today.
- It’s Better to Prepare a Child Than Repair an Adult.
- Don’t Parent to Make You Happy—Parent to Make Them Healthy.
Remember: We must prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.
- See more at: http://growingleaders.com/blog/avoid-ruining-kids-future