"I Still Do!" A Tribute to Covenant Marriage

"I Do!" June 7, 1980

Today is my 33rd wedding anniversary. I have been blessed to be married to this beautiful lady since June 7th, 1980! I can say without reservation that my marriage has done more to influence my kid’s faith than anything else I have ever done. Since the day I was married I have taught or preached over 6000 times, I have led dozens of mission trips, and I have directed too many VBS’es to remember. I have had countless Faith Talks and Faith Walks in our home. Yet it is my marriage that has contributed more significantly to our children’s spiritual formation than all of these actions combined. Let me explain.

The girls with my girl!

Each year, for 33 years, I have been asked to officiate a wedding ceremony. Over the years the emphasis of my talk at the wedding altar has shifted from the engaged couple and the congregation to something more important. I have begun to emphasize God, His Son, and His covenant to redeem the world.

1. At weddings I explain how God ordained marriage to be a key feature of His design for humanity.
2. I teach at the marital ceremony that marriage was deliberately created by God to be a metaphor for His love for His church.
3. I ask them to make a vow that they would give themselves to each other the same way that Jesus gave Himself for His bride – the church.
4. I explain that Jesus made His bride holy through divine sacrifice, through loving grace, through heavenly selflessness.
5. I show the couple, the wedding party, and the congregation in the bible that this was God’s strategy from the very beginning!

• Genesis 2:24 - Moses recorded God's intent.
• Matthew 19:4-6 - Jesus validated God's intentional design.
• Mark 10:6-8 - Jesus validated God's intentional design.
• Ephesians 5:21-31 Paul described God's design.

How have our kid’s faith been influenced by our marriage? You ask?
For the most part, Carol and I have been wise enough to know that our kids are constantly watching and learning from us. Our actions (both good and bad) are always teaching them about marriage, about patience (or impatience), about love (or selfishness), about grace (or annoyance), about intimacy (or self protection), about sacrifice (or greediness), about respect (or contempt) etc., etc..
Our kid (and your kids too) are smart enough to spot hypocrisy. It wouldn’t matter what we taught at church if our actions at home shouted, “Phonies!”But the reality for me is that I would be thrilled if my kids experienced a similar type of marriage that Carol and I share. Our marriage is definitely not perfect, but we’re both very thankful of what we’ve developed over 33 years. 
Although not every child follows the Lord even when their parents marriage is solid, it is my contention that parent’s marriages can shape their kid’s faith to be solid or to be frail. 

What are our kids watching and how can we imitate Jesus? You ask?
Here are 8 things that I know my kids have observed from us over the years:



1. Laughter: We have fun! There were game nights, stories and jokes told, singing, pratfalls, dancing, etc. I miss the sounds of life and fun now that my kids are grown. We laughed a lot in our house and Carol’s sense of humor still cracks me up. I like having my kids see that she makes me laugh.

We still have fun but there aren’t as many people contributing to the entertainment and we like the quiet too.
2. Affection: Carol & I are still very affectionate and I like enjoyed the affection but I also enjoyed having my kids see me holding their mom’s hand, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc… as often as I could
3. Affirmation: Encouragement is my main spiritual gift so it’s easy for me to dish out encouraging words. My kids got a lot of verbal affirmation. My kids still joke about how wonderful we told them they were/are. Carol has said before, “The world will knock them off that pedestal we put them on. It not our job to crush their dreams.”
4. Time: Our kids know that we like to spend time together. When they see us steal time away to sit in the backyard and talk, or go on a date night, or sneak away for the weekend…that’s a good message I wanted them to see and appreciate.


5. Respect:
   • Opening the door for Carol
   • Saying “thank you” and “please.”
   • Not raising my voice when discussing difficult issues.
   • Trying to refrain from sarcasm or eye-rolling.
   • Always affirming her opinion in front of the kids, even when we disagreed.
   These are a few of the ways we expressed mutual respect and showing her simple signs of respect.


6. Faith Talks: One of Carol’s favorite things to do is discuss with me what she is teaching or learning in scripture. She has the spiritual gift of teaching so talking about the bible energizes her. We were not always having theological discussions in front of our kids, but they heard and saw our faith talks and knew that we’re always talking about Jesus and what it means to be a follower/disciple.

7. Saying, “I’m sorry.” Risking transperancy… this is NOT a list of behaviors I wish my kids hadn’t seen. For the times when I was cranky, too busy, humorless, and disrespectful, I wanted to be quick to say, “I’m sorry,” and I wanted my kids to hear me say it.
8. Servanthood: I know my kids have had a better example in Carol than with me because she is an exemplary servant. Carol has always helped our family keep things neat, clean, and organized in spite of the rest of us. I have learned to appreciate the environment she has created through her selfless service. Serving one another has been seen in the daily, little things and there’s many opportunities to serve around the house.

Thunder up! 

Kids are always watching their parent’s marriage and yet too many marriages underestimate the power of modeling! Children are taking daily recordings of what a marriage looks like and those recordings are definitely influencing and shaping their view of marriage and their perspective on faith.
On this day I want to say, “Thank you Carol for partnering with me to raise 3 amazing kids, and making me a very happy man at the same time. I love you! Happy Anniversary!