Mother's Day Absentees

{ A Tribute to Mom—Nell Lynch }

My mother was absent this Mother’s Day. 

Mother’s Day was the first in 42 years that I didn’t have my mother present with us. I am no victim in that. There are many, many more people who have never had a mother around for any Mother’s Day. There are many people with mother’s who, even though present, were not really qualified as good mothers. Some people have mothers who are abusive in different ways. So, my life has been filled with grace to have the mother I had for the past 42 years. 

Thankfully, God graced my life with a mother who taught me many things about life, about Him, and about raising my own family. 

My mom was not perfect. She came from a tough background where she had to leave school after 8th grade to go to work in a chair factory to help her own mother and brother to have enough to live. She always had an insecurity attached to not completing high school. But she learned early how to work hard in order to provide and support your family. 

In those days, many people married before turning eighteen, as was the case with my mom. She actually married at fifteen and had three little girls by the age of nineteen. I don’t even know how people did that! But they loved those three little girls (my sisters if you’re not following closely). 

She and my dad had some problems early on in their twenties as many people do when you’re trying to parent three babies when you’re still trying to figure out life as well. They had their fair share of problems and difficulties. But they made it through together and I came as a surprise twelve years after the last daughter was born. 

Mom and dad were both extremely hard workers. I remember being in high school and like most teens, always wanting to sleep in, but mom was usually up around 4:30 am starting chores or housework or laundry or something. She loved going in to work early so she could be off early. 

She spent the last part of her life working at Wal-mart for over 26 years. She was so proud of her years of service at Wal-mart. She took pride in her work and her departments. She was asked to move into management a few times, but considered her time with family more significant than the extra money it would have meant. She loved her co-workers and had so much fun with so many of them over those years. They were a huge part of her life. She probably wasn’t the easiest person to work around if you were lazy or slow. She had high expectations for hard work. I remember coming home after working with coach Rogers mowing and weed-eating all day long—and when she saw me drive up she would try to catch me to help her do some grueling work in our own yard. 

       I learned later that serving alongside her in any capacity was one of the ways she felt most loved and appreciated. It didn’t matter whether it was yardwork, housework, laundry, cooking, baking, flower beds, or whatever—if you would join her in the work it made her so happy. That’s just the way she was wired. 

The last fifteen years, after my dad passed away, there were times of loneliness, grieving, and some normal light depressed times to be expected after losing a spouse. 

But for the last eight years, mom had been staying about two nights and three days each week with us since the boys were born. This really gave her something significant to look forward to and  something to keep her busy. It was a great help to us in many ways also. 

We’ve had many people tell Jamie that they can’t imagine having their mother-in-law in their house even one entire day each month—much less three days a week! But Jamie and my mom had a good relationship to where that was possible. I am truly thankful for a wife who shared her home, kitchen, living room, and life with my mom—which again is not the easiest thing to do! And I’m truly thankful that mom was respectful enough of our family that she wasn’t too pushy and was always concerned about interfering with our family and our lifestyle of having lots of people over. She was never a burden. 

       She was always trying to help take stuff off of our plate at the house. She would take one or two boys home with her over the weekend or take them to the lake camping for a few days. She was continuously doing laundry for us and helping with the dishes. She would even pull dishes out of the dishwasher to wash them by hand (that’s the craziness I lived in!). 

She would take the boys shopping or take them out for ice cream. She loved reading to the boys at night. Around the dinner table we usually either talk about some lesson they’ve learned about themselves or about God or we would play little games to interact with each other. Mom loved our “highs & lows” game where each person had to tell their high from the day and their low of the day. She loved hearing the laughable stories that would come out in those highs and lows. She would also always use it as a time to point out that her high had to do with doing something with one of them. Their faces would light up when she mentioned them in her high for the day. 

Her favorite things were to have them at her house or to have them with her camping at the lake. She would spend hours letting them work with her in the garden when she could have had an easier and faster experience without having them involved. But she enjoyed spending the time with them and wanted to teach them to work hard no matter what they did. 

Many people told us that those little boys kept her going these last few years. Even after she was diagnosed, she immediately wanted to move in with us permanently to be around them and to start the process of treatments. Even in these last few months, we would wake to find her with one, two, or even three boys in bed with her. 

       The truth is that mom would wake early in the mornings and spend those next minutes, as she put it, “with my God and my coffee.” She said that God was what had sustained her in the months and years after my dad passed away. She had been brought low and learned there was only One who could handle her difficulties and fears. 

She stated many times over the last few years that she still got her strength from her time with God in those mornings. I think that may have played out most clearly in the way she handled the news and ongoing months after being diagnosed with cancer. 

I thought she was going to be overwhelmed emotionally. I thought she was going to have many fears or concerns. But she never did. She was solid from the first time the Doctor mentioned cancer, through the treatments, and on through those last weeks and days. 

This was mom's last trip to the lake with us just before Spring.
It was a beautiful day and she felt great. She sat and watched
the boys play in her favorite setting on this side of heaven. 

You see, there is something deeply mysterious about God’s presence in prayer and in His word. It’s easy to read the words of Psalm 23 on a card at a funeral—but God’s intent was not merely to comfort the ones reading that Psalm at a loved ones funeral—but there is an actual reality and experience of this truth as a person goes through that valley under the close proximity of the shadow of death. It means that He is present in a way that solidifies the heart and emotions. He allows His truths to become more than head knowledge—but an experiential aspect. He truly guards our hearts. God actually is engaging with a person’s heart, mind, and soul. He is not giving merely mental assents to think about—He is actually present, through the power of the Holy Spirit, in a deeply mysterious way. 

In the last months with mom, I went to Psalm 34 a couple of times with her. There are some beautiful realities in these truths. 

So, although my mom was absent this Mother’s Day, we can praise the God who created her and redeemed her, for He was not absent from her death. And His death provided the hope and reality that she will rise again with a new, imperishable body that is incorruptible by sin and disease. His absence from the grave promises the hope of never being absent again from Him for all of eternity. This new blood-bought identity will see face to face the glory of the One who was present behind the scenes in her last days. 

Just a few minutes after she passed, as her body was still warm, as her body lay there on the bed with five of us gathered around her, I wanted to turn my own heart to something beyond the sting and reality of a dead mother laying before us. I placed my iPhone on her pillow and we listened to this song, “Before the Throne of God Above.” Then we went into a time of prayer in response to the song. 

Shane Barnard & Shane Everett (with Bethany Dillon-Barnard)
"Before the Throne of God Above"

One of the most beautiful areas of the song point to the reality that because of Jesus’ substitutionary death in our place, our sinful, guilty souls are “counted free” because God, who is just, looked on Jesus’ death and righteousness and pardoned us. 

That is powerful as you are standing in front of a dead loved one. 

“Because the sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,

Risen Son of God!”

This Jesus changes everything! That is most extravagantly and breathtakingly satisfying looking at the lifeless body of your mother. 

So, as the song says, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise THE ONE, RISEN SON OF GOD!”

If not for this One Person, Jesus, death would be devastating. But this Jesus changes everything. 

Because of His sacrificial death on the cross—my moms sins and guilt were placed on Him to appease the wrath of God for her sake. Even though her sins millennia and her ability to remove them impossible.

Because of His perfect, holy life—His holiness and righteousness have been imputed to my mom. Even though she deserves it not. 

Because of His resurrection—she will be raised with a new imperishable body and mind free from sin and its effects that will last forever. 

CONCLUSION

Psalm 116:15

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” 

This was a verse that I come across as I was preparing some words for my dad’s funeral back in 1999. It was one of the most comforting Scriptures I had found. 

Think about the depth of those words. God, the One who created every atom and molecule that has ever existed—even creations we cannot fathom on this side of eternity—He considers it precious or valuable to Himself when one of His followers passes this life. 

We have a difficult time with death. We miss seeing people, spending time with them, and enjoying their presence. But death is not the end. 

Sadly, we’ve come to the place as a culture to avoid talking or thinking about God—but then at the end—once a person has passed on—it is always said, “Well, they’re in a better place now.”

As stated above, death is not the end. 

But how do we watch people’s lives who angrily, bitterly, hatefully, and rebelliously refuse to reconcile with God all through their life—and then after they’ve passed simply say, “Well, we know they are in a better place now?” That is much, much more a false comfort for the thoughts of those of us still living and not yet dead. 

Let me be clear. It is NOT “a much better place” if one has not been reconciled to God by surrendering their life to Christ crying out for His grace, mercy, and forgiveness accomplished by His death on the cross. 

See Hebrews 9:27, “It is destined for man to die once, and after that to face judgment.” 

Those who have refused God’s gospel and not having been reconciled are eternally in a place of such horror that words are insufficient to describe. 

So, there is a place of eternal torment and indescribable, unending pain for those who pass away still carrying the guilt of all their sins. They are, by nature and attitude and volition, separated by God and awaiting His wrath. That is why Jesus is so supremely and indescribably captivating—because He came to take the guilt of those sins, to take the wrath of God for those sins, even though He was perfect, holy, and innocent. 

Death is not the end. And for these people, is NOT “a better place to be.” 

On the other hand, for those who have seen what Jesus accomplished and considered it the greatest act in the universe, death is not the end for them either. 

Death is simply a necessary part of a fallen world. But the hope is in the resurrection. Our “best life” is after death. For those purchased by the blood of Christ, redeemed and reconciled to God in His grace and mercy, beyond death is the greatest place to be. 

It is to be face to face with the Author, Creator, Redeemer, and ultimately Glorifier of one’s soul. 

So death is not the end for any of us. Some believe it would be wonderful if after death those who hated and mocked God were just allowed to cease to exist. Many people have a tough time understanding how a loving God could allow some of His created beings to be placed in eternal separation from Him. That perspective forgets that His ways are not our ways. His intelligence and wisdom are not ours. That perspective also has no idea of the magnitude of difference between utter holiness and utter depravity. We have no way of seeing the beauty and glory of God’s highest holiness and righteousness in contrast with our daily list of sins. They are an affront to God. 

We tend to view it as a slight mistake or accident, as compared to someone accidentally brushing by with a mere bump of the shoulder. “Why such a big deal?” So what that I’ve made some small mistakes. But it is no small thing. It is an unfathomable distance from God’s holiness to the depth of our sinfulness. When you add the fact that there is nothing we could possibly do on our own effort to change this or reconcile us—it is overwhelming. 

Yet, while we were still currently opposed to Him and pursuing sin instead of Him—Christ died in our place. The innocent for the condemned guilty. 

Death is coming. It is no respecter of persons, positions, careers, success, age, ability, intelligence, accolades, or anything. Death is real. But death is not the end. 

For my mom, there is eternal beauty in this truth, ““Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” 

Death, from God’s perspective, of one of His own, is precious. 

Life is a quick vapor. Are you prepared to face God still carrying your own sins rejecting the salvation offered by God through His Son?

Are you living your life captivated by the Son of God? 

Note: I've had several texts from people fighting cancer who read this blog. 
I would strongly suggest an article by John Piper titled, "Don't Waste Your Cancer." 
It is a solid Biblical, Christ-exalting perspective on God's sovereignty over us in the middle of these types of battles. It may bring in a new perspective for some people on suffering and God's sovereignty. I went through it with my mom. I especially appreciate #5 "You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ."

My mom didn't "beat" cancer. But in cherishing Christ we find someone worth treasuring more than life itself. Christ defeated sin and death with His death and resurrection. Therefore cancer and sin do not prevail.

Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Discipleship & Young Families
www.nbchurch.info
www.nbfamilies.info
sankie@nbchurch.info