Last
May my wife officially adopted our three kiddos, gaining legal rights worthy of
the status our children and their Heavenly Father had already affirmed, that
she is their mom. Now, nearly a year later we are expecting our fourth child.
And while this is my wife’s first pregnancy, it is NOT our first child or her first real
child. No, this baby is simply another
blessing to our family, unique and special in his or her (yes, we’re still not
sure what we’re having) own way. This is a fact that my wife is adamant to
clarify with whoever asks, and it only makes me love her more. But my gratitude
for Brittany rightly goes well beyond her, upwards to the One who loves our
four infinitely more than my wife and I combined.
What
I’d love to share with you today is how my wife’s mothering of our children reminds
me of the gospel, stirring my affections both for her and our great God and
Savior Jesus Christ – the One who saw that like Adam, it was not good for me to
be alone. And while it is possible that it may sound as though I’m boasting
about my wife, she is not the one I’m aiming to highlight. Allow me to explain.
For starters, Brittany has gone to great lengths to communicate our heart’s
desire to our friends. There is not currently, nor will there ever be a hierarchy
of importance or significance among our children, especially based upon whether
they were adopted or naturally born.
So just
because baby number four will be biologically connected to both of us, he or she will in no way be any more a part of our crew
than the precious three we’ve already been blessed with. B is just as much mom
to Brooks, Chan, and Mati whom she did not birth, as the one currently growing
in her womb. There will be no second-class child in heaven, nor shall there be in
our home. Each of our children are different from their siblings with varied
skill-sets, life history and personality traits unique to them, yet they’re all
equally loved by us.
This is
crucial in our minds because it is an identity issue. We want our children and
the world around them to know that they have been given to us by God to steward
well; and they are gifts we are extremely grateful to have been granted. So it
is worth clearing the air of any confusion. Sharing with you this morning is
partially done in hopes of protecting the hearts of our three, for I know how the
words of some well-meaning individuals can still be injurious when not
well-informed. However, I also write for more than that purpose.
I’ve
been privy to another side of this mother’s relationship with her children, a
side that many are unaware of. As you would expect from any loving parent,
Brittany’s care for our kiddos is not contingent upon anything else. Of course
it has been this way from early on. When my wife and I first got engaged there
were no guarantees that her love for our children would be reciprocated. B’s
love for our three was not retracted when bitter people hurled hurtful comments
at her, especially when those fiery arrows should have been aimed at me (though
indirectly, I guess they were). Though she’s felt attacked and quite vulnerable
at times, she’s only pressed into her role as mother with greater zeal.
Lastly,
I see a picture of the gospel in the adoption chapter of our story. There was a
cost and a season to endure, but the outcome was worth it all. During that time
Brittany was able to explain to our children how the adoption proceeding was
much like God’s choosing of us. “For the
rest of your lives, I want you to know that it is with great joy that I call
you mine.” Such love has moved me to love my wife more with a more steadfast devotion, but it has also overwhelmed my soul with a deeper appreciation for my
Savior. But to again be clear, my wife is human and therefore not perfect.
While some days she parents like a pro, there are other days that she struggles
like the worst of us. She is susceptible to responding out of stress,
insecurity, and fatigue. She is prone to be selfish and react from her flesh.
Oh but there is One who is perfect…
Some of
you are trying to figure out the purpose of this blog. You’re thinking that I’m
just kissing up to my wife. Perhaps I missed the mark on Mother’s Day. Maybe
there were higher expectations for a gift and now I’m trying to rectify the
situation with my literary prowess (sarcasm). While the shoe of underwhelming
propensity fits, you must consider the whole. If I were trying to win back the
affections of my bride, would I have written the disclaimer in the second half of
the above paragraph? I think not.
Maybe
this is for our kids. Perhaps I’m hopeful that some will read this and better understand
our family dynamic. Maybe I’m trying to head-off anything that could
potentially hurt our children. Well, this is a stronger theory and one I cannot
deny, yet must admit that those most likely to error in this regard are a
couple things: 1) not very likely to read my blog and 2) not likely to be
easily swayed with my gentle plea.
With
the profound amount of readership that I get each week (sarcasm very thick here)
it is possible that this is simply for me, for my wife, for our children.
However, maybe there is something in here for you. Perhaps you need to be
reminded of the gospel again, and of the love of our perfect Heavenly Father. Maybe
your soul, like mine, needs to hear afresh of how impartial He is with his
beloved, how He has adopted us who were once not a people to be His chosen
people, to share in the inheritance of the saints, to reign as heirs of God and
fellow heirs with Christ. Maybe your identity is occasionally forgotten or brought
into question by various circumstances. Perhaps you’ve forgotten that your
status of child is not contingent upon reciprocity. You and I in Christ are
His, now and forever.
In this
post-Mother’s Day blog, I hope you read about more than a good mom; I pray you
are reminded of our great Father. And while I desire for you to hear my heart, there
is a more desperate longing for you and I to hear the heart of our Heavenly
Father and consider again the glorious implications of His gospel. May our resting
in this truth bring Him much glory.
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| Matt Fowler Assoc. Pastor of Missions & Students matt@nbchurch.info @fattmowler |
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