Life as devotional...

It’s a simple yet profound thought is it not? Live life in such a way that everything we do is for the worship and glory of God. This means our studies are to be for Him. Our summer sports and extracurricular involvements are for Him. Our marriage, our jobs, our entertainment and leisure… You guessed it, all of this is to be lived for the Lord.

We are a busy family with no one to blame but ourselves. Each of our three kiddos play sports, we are all pretty involved with our church, I’m currently working on a seminary degree, and we look to make time for relationships whenever we can. While there are weeks that I wish we were hermits with nothing whatsoever on the calendar, that’s not usually the case. Even when we are drained from a month chalked full of plans, we are grateful to be tired from such things. We have said, “yes” to lots of things that we believe are significantly valuable. Meeting with friends for lunch or coffee, belonging to a small group, being involved in the kids’ school system, even allowing each of our children to participate in competitive sports, these things are all calculated and on purpose. When we are able to do these things with laser-focussed intentionality, they’re awesome! Through our involvement in various arenas, we’ve been blessed with relationships that mutually challenge and encourage. We have also discovered unique opportunities to engage people outside of the church culture with the hope of the Gospel.

However, whenever we have gone too long with too little focus, these activities lose some of their value. If I may be so candid, it seems that when we forget the reason we signed-up for our smorgasbord of involvement, it just becomes a hectic schedule of things to do. Get to practice, go to the game, turn in the assignment, find time for this, and don’t forget about that… The desire to live devotionally can be quickly replaced with the desperation to survive. The tension between engaging the world without being conformed to it is very real. Pursuing life with the knowledge that God has gifted us and wired us to enjoy certain things for His glory can seamlessly shift into me fulfilling my own selfish pleasures under the guise or cliche of "missional living".

Are our boys playing baseball to have fun, learn life lessons, and make much of Christ along the way or because we (the parents) love baseball and would hate for our athletically gifted sons to fall behind guys they’ll one day be competing against in high school? Am I in seminary to be challenged and stretched to grow in my understanding of the Holy Scriptures for the sake of being a faithful minister of the Gospel or to simply improve my resume? Or to be even more transparent, am I doing it to alleviate some of my own insecurities? Well, the answers to such questions are quite complex. I know what I wish the answers were and yet I can’t honestly give those as a response.

Quick example, then I’ll close. A few weeks back I had a busy work week. There were many responsibilities I had to fulfill at the church. The kids had several games and I wanted to be there for them if at all possible. The week also provided some unforeseen relational ministry opportunities that were too important to ignore. Now, my seminary professor had no way of knowing this ahead of time when he created his syllabus, which as you might have guessed, offered the most challenging work week of the semester up to that point. So, my wife and I sat down and made a plan of attack. We created some deadlines and places where we could sacrifice some time to make everything happen. Again, all of these things had been strategically chosen beforehand and prioritized – these were “good” things. We didn’t take on a lot of extra. It was just a FULL week. Believe it or not, we actually were able to make almost everything happen. I even got my homework for the week finished and submitted at the last minute… Oh but wait, there was a system error of some sort and my paper didn’t go through!!!

Now, in the moments that ensued, I grew furious and threw quite the tantrum. “I” had done all this work – “I” was present for friends in a time of need, “I” was an involved parent, “I” had taken time for my wife, and “I” had labored to get my school stuff in. Yet now because of something somewhat beyond my control, it appeared “MY” grade would suffer. It wasn’t long before it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that all I claim to believe about God was not evident in my fit throwing. The purpose I profess for taking seminary was not actually the case. See, if I truly believed that God is sovereign and knows all things, I would have found comfort in knowing I did my best before Him with the hand I was dealt and that would have been enough. If I’m really in seminary studies as a devotional act to further the Kingdom, then an A dropping to a B, or maybe a B to a C on some stinkin’ transcript doesn’t really matter. If I was honestly obedient in doing the things I was called to do, why would a lesser grade get me so bent out of shape? Well, the short answer is pride. This ugly scene revealed some of the hidden intentions of my heart. It was embarrassing, gross, and disappointing.

But as nasty as it was, as difficult as it was to see such filthy pride in myself, it was a gracious gift from the Father to let me know where I was guilty. As much as I hate being wrong (and I REALLY do), I’d hate not knowing even worse. The issues I share today, they’re mine. They belong to my wife and I – to our family. These are topics we wrestle with from season to season. These are our motives that must be tested regularly…but what about you? What are your issues? What part of your life constantly balances between sacrificial living and selfish longing? Since this type of struggle is ever-present in believers, our growth and joy in Christ will be found as we continue to probe and evaluate the recesses of the heart. May the Lord reveal to us these battlefields of the soul and may His Spirit enable us to fight well as we seek to live this life as devotional.

matt@nbchurch.info     Twitter: @FattMowler     Facebook: TheFattMowler