God’s Presence in Grief

Last Tuesday in my blog I wrote about the celebration of baptism for Sankie, our oldest son. Thursday of that week we found out our baby (four months in pregnancy) had died. 

We cannot see nor understand what caused the death of this little baby. But it is not unknown by God. This situation is "totally meaningful," as Piper declares. At the moment, grasping and desiring hope, because hearts are hopeless. That is meaningful. Treasuring and enjoying little lives around us and the birth of new babies to friends. That is meaningful. Experiencing pain and loss and crying out for a better world void of those things. That is meaningful. Celebrating new spiritual life in a son and looking at the resurrection of Christ as all-sufficient for his future in the midst of losing another child. It is all meaningful. 

In the same week we were sobered by the reality of Jesus’ death on the cross and then celebrated His resurrection, along with our son’s baptism, we were humbled by the reality of suffering and loss just a few days later. 

Where is God in the middle of pain and suffering? Where is God’s presence in grief? 

The week prior to that our church had held a funeral service for the death of another young man from our church body. 

At the same time, we saw the birth of new babies and the joy of new life in several families around us. So as we celebrate the joyful occasion of new life we are also halted by the reality that life is a vapor and not only passes quickly, but can be snuffed out at any time and at any stage. 

So again, where is God in the middle of personal tragedy and loss? Many people have murmuring thoughts, though those thoughts may not become formalized into a statement from their lips. The thoughts swarming in our hearts and heads can be “Why do we see so much evil if God is so good?” 

There are actually many questions that we hear:

—Does God cause these things to happen to us to get our attention or as punishment? 

—Did we do something wrong and God is now correcting us through these circumstances?

—Was God so busy with major world events that this personal tragedy slipped by Him?

—Even if God did not cause it, did He allow this to happen or was this just one of those freak incidents? 

—If God didn’t cause it, but He did allow it, knowing that it would cause us great pain, then how loving is that God who has the power to change circumstances—but doesn’t? 

God has not remained silent on these matters. In the dark hours after personal tragedy, as warm tears roll down your cheeks and as you feel that tightening ball of muscles in your stomach—there is a temptation to let the silence speak for God. “Why!!!?…Why her!!!?…Why us!!!?…Why at this point in life!!!?” Yet there is silence. 

Some people desire to hear an internal “voice” from God. Some people wish for a dream to comfort them about the recent tragedy. Others want God to give answer to their hurting souls in the middle of those moments. Yet silence. That silence, however, does not mean that God has not spoken. God has spoken in His word, the Bible, that directs our hearts back to truth. 

Our difficulty is that we allow feelings and emotions to override the truth God has spoken to us in His word—and specifically in His Son. God created our emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings are good, but they need to be appropriately responding to truth from God, about God, and about us, fallen man. 

Sure, there are swirling thoughts with heated, heart-pounding emotions in many moments for many weeks and months after personal tragedy. But God’s word solidifies and grounds our thoughts in truths about who God is—His character—His attributes. Truths that bring faith-building, emotion-filling, heart-rending strength in the middle of crushing weakness. 

So how does God break the silence in our mourning and grief? Where is God’s presence in grief? 

—Does God cause these things to happen to us to get our attention or as punishment? 

—Did we do something wrong and God is now correcting us through these circumstances?

• The Bible is clear that God is not the author of sin nor the cause of sin. There are three main influencers that direct towards sin: 1) Satan and his minions; 2) the fallen world around us that has been corrupted by sin; 3) our hearts. Those are the influencers towards sin—Satan/demons, a fallen, corrupted world, and sinful hearts. But God is not the author of sin. 

See James 1:13-18

• God is the “Giver” of all good things. Good things including babies. All small babies, at day one of conception are valuable because they are both human and they are made in the image of God. It is a great mystery how all beings can be, at the same time, sinfully depraved and deserving wrath, yet intrinsically valuable as would-be image-bearers of God and so valuable that God sent His Son seeing them as redeemable. 
• When large scale tragedies or disasters occur (tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes) some people attribute it directly to God’s judgment because the people affected are thought to be “deserving” of God’s wrath. But God’s word does not tell us that New Orleans or Bangledesh deserves God’s wrath more than other cities. In that thinking, what about Joplin? What about Moore? So when a Christian leader attributes a tragedy as God’s punishment—we need to be careful in who we’re listening to. 
• On a more personal level, when tragedy hits a home, it is both common and almost “normal” for many questions to arise wondering if it was something God actively did for a wrong we’ve done. The difficulty with this stance is that God is neither currently writing nor audibly speaking to each person on this. Everything from traffic jams, flat tires, stomach flues, chicken pox, being out of milk, and losing a baby could fall into the category of God punishing me because of a personal sin. So discerning any kind of “internal voice” or “feeling” or “God told me” is such a dangerously subjective path that it’s difficult to come to solid conclusions. So, again, we need the truth that we know God has given us in HIs word to bring us clarity. 
• God does discipline HIs children, so we need wisdom from God to interpret and understand difficult issues (James 1:2-5). But most importantly, God punished His own Son for the sins we have previously and currently committed. Jesus took that punishment for sin. 

—Was God so busy with major world events that this personal tragedy slipped by Him?

• This type of thinking usually points to a person’s view of God. Is God all-sufficiently sovereign? I’ve sat in funerals and other situations where good-intentioned comforting friends tell grieving families that “If God could have just made it there a few seconds earlier this accident would have been avoided,” or “God would never have allowed this to happen. Maybe your faith was just weak?” The intention is to comfort. The thinking is horrific. Is God so insufficient that He is merely hurrying through the earth from accident to accident, making it to some barely in time, yet making it to some just a little too late? Does God not know the events of the future down to every last increment?
• If God is not the God who knows the exact place of every colliding molecule in all the universe—then He is not God at all. In seeking comfort and peace, it does not help me to think of a spiritual ambulance-driving God who makes it to some scenes late because He didn’t know about it til too late. 
• I want a God who is a rock and a refuge. I don’t want a small, weak, unknowing, tardy God. I want the God of the Bible who knows the end from the beginning (Is. 46:5-11) and knits together every atom of the universe (Job 38; Psalm 139) and whose same Son who holds those atoms together (Col. 1:15-17) is the same One who came to give Himself as a ransom (1 Tim. 2:5-6) for the whole fallen mess. 

An omniscient, omnipotent, omni-benevolent high and exalted Godhead is the One me and my wife and kids must lift our eyes to in those moments of halted silence. This God, who watched and saw the events unfolding in our lives is not cold nor unattached. This God, is the One who is present with us and will walk us through it, though pain may never cease while on this earth, but this God knows the loss of a perfect, innocent Son who traded places with individuals who didn’t deserve His life. This same God holds the power of new life and resurrection. 

—Even if God did not cause it, did He allow this to happen or was this just one of those freak incidents? 

—If God didn’t cause it, but He did allow it, knowing that it would cause us great pain, then how loving is that God who has the power to change circumstances—but doesn’t?

• This mystery is commonly referred to as “The Problem of Evil.” It is meant to discredit the idea of a God who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving. It states that if God does know all events occurring (birds dying, cancer, deer laying wounded on roadsides, babies suffering, abuse to children) and is at the same time all-powerful—then wouldn’t that God do something to act and stop those events from causing ongoing pain and suffering? And if that God does know about these events and has the power to stop it but doesn’t—then would that God really be considered loving? The conclusion is that if God is defined as all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving—then there would not be evil in this world (because He would stop it). But since we do know there is evil in this world—then this God must not exist. 

• There are many books and writings expounding on both sides of the problem of evil. Apologetics courses and theology courses walk you through answering some of these tough questions. Those can be very rich discussions. I simply would ask, “Why is there not more evil?” 

• I would suggest that it is only because of God’s general grace, His everlasting love, His enduring patience, His extending mercy, and His compassion for HIs people is what keeps us from experiencing more evil. 

The Real Problem of Evil? 

So, why not more evil? Why are there not more epidemics, more natural disasters, more atrocities, more deaths, more suffering? Why is so much evil held back when we all deserve so much less grace and less mercy? 

I come back to the same question I had last week at Sankie’s baptism…”Why so much undeserved grace?” 

Where is God's presence in grief? 

It was most brilliantly and shamefully and disgracefully and gloriously displayed on the cross of Jesus Christ. God is present with us, right now, in grief, because Jesus took on the type of grief that causes holy innocence to cry out, "Father, if this cup could pass (the cup of God's wrath) let it pass, but let Your will be done." 

Our only true hope in grief is to look to the same Jesus and His cross to see and understand  and know that God is with us in this light and momentary affliction. 

Psalm 34 

Sankie P. Lynch

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info