My Heart is Pounding!

Grams and Pops with Corinne Eleanor Lewolt

The plan was simple. I was going to preach on Sunday (June 7th) and fly out on Monday (June 8th). Carol had flown to California to become a Grandmother of our 2nd granddaughter 3 days ealier.

But when I woke up on Saturday the plans changed quickly. My heart began to pound. I had a text from Carol the night before at 10:30pm saying, “Brian (our son-in-law) just took Jill to the hospital. It looks like we will have another grandbaby tomorrow.” I immediately changed my ticket to fly to California to be with my daughter, son-in-law and thier new baby.

Why would we take such drastic measures to be there for the birth of a grandbaby? What is the big deal? Why would I miss preaching on Sunday when I could have just flown in when I had planned? Carol and I believe that being a grandparent is a big deal. As grandparents, we want to continue to make a significantly beneficial influence on our family. The love we feel for our grandchildren is linked to the concept of legacy. We want to leave a heritage of faith for our family. We both hope to tell our kids and their of God’s mighty power and strength.

Psalm 71:14-18 But I will hope continually and will praise You more and more. 15 My mouth will tell about Your righteousness and Your salvation all day long, though I cannot sum them up. 16 I come because of the mighty acts of the Lord God; I will proclaim Your righteousness, Yours alone. 17 God, You have taught me from my youth, and I still proclaim Your wonderful works. 18 Even when I am old and gray, God, do not abandon me. Then I will proclaim Your power to another generation, Your strength to all who are to come.

Day 1 in the Hospital 

God’s Word has promised a renewed strength for people, especially grandparents, for those who trust Him. I must admit that I have had a newfound strength – cleaning the house, preparing the meal, changing the diapers, pushing the swing, climbing the playground, rocking the baby – this week. Could my love for my kids and their babies be the reason that I am too tired to get out of my “Lazyboy" recliner, yet never too tired to crawl on the floor for an imaginary tea party? Is it this same love that motivates me to finish strong in my faith and not slide into a moral compromise?

Isaiah 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding. 29 He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless. 30 Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall, 31 but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint.

Jill and Corinne ready to go home

Since Corinne was born I have taken every opportunity to pray over her, to sing to her (while rocking her), to talk to her about how much God loves her.

I must admit, I have been increasingly concerned about my kids raising my grandchildren in a culture where Christian values are being ridiculed. As a grandparent I have been around long enough to see our environment skid into shocking and discouraging lows. Our grown children are going to need our faith to not only remain strong, but also to thrive and lead in influential ways. They will need our prayers, our encouragement, our compassion, and our Christ-like love. We grandparents are going to have to learn Jesus’ method for earning other’s love and respect. But we will also need to learn to avoid repelling our kids by displaying the hypocritical sneer of the Pharisee. They will rightly ignore our scorn and our criticism.

Psalm 78:2-4 I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past— 3 things we have heard and known and that our fathers have passed down to us. 4 We must not hide them from their children, but must tell a future generation the praises of the Lord, His might, and the wonderful works He has performed.

Don't forget CC.

May the Lord empower us to influence our families for Him.

May we proclaim the Lord God’s mighty acts, His righteousness, and His wonderful works.

May we trust the Lord and experience renewed strength and soar on wings like eagles.

May we tell a future generation the praises of the Lord, His might, and the wonderful works He has performed! God Bless!

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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Mother's Day Absentees

{ A Tribute to Mom—Nell Lynch }

My mother was absent this Mother’s Day. 

Mother’s Day was the first in 42 years that I didn’t have my mother present with us. I am no victim in that. There are many, many more people who have never had a mother around for any Mother’s Day. There are many people with mother’s who, even though present, were not really qualified as good mothers. Some people have mothers who are abusive in different ways. So, my life has been filled with grace to have the mother I had for the past 42 years. 

Thankfully, God graced my life with a mother who taught me many things about life, about Him, and about raising my own family. 

My mom was not perfect. She came from a tough background where she had to leave school after 8th grade to go to work in a chair factory to help her own mother and brother to have enough to live. She always had an insecurity attached to not completing high school. But she learned early how to work hard in order to provide and support your family. 

In those days, many people married before turning eighteen, as was the case with my mom. She actually married at fifteen and had three little girls by the age of nineteen. I don’t even know how people did that! But they loved those three little girls (my sisters if you’re not following closely). 

She and my dad had some problems early on in their twenties as many people do when you’re trying to parent three babies when you’re still trying to figure out life as well. They had their fair share of problems and difficulties. But they made it through together and I came as a surprise twelve years after the last daughter was born. 

Mom and dad were both extremely hard workers. I remember being in high school and like most teens, always wanting to sleep in, but mom was usually up around 4:30 am starting chores or housework or laundry or something. She loved going in to work early so she could be off early. 

She spent the last part of her life working at Wal-mart for over 26 years. She was so proud of her years of service at Wal-mart. She took pride in her work and her departments. She was asked to move into management a few times, but considered her time with family more significant than the extra money it would have meant. She loved her co-workers and had so much fun with so many of them over those years. They were a huge part of her life. She probably wasn’t the easiest person to work around if you were lazy or slow. She had high expectations for hard work. I remember coming home after working with coach Rogers mowing and weed-eating all day long—and when she saw me drive up she would try to catch me to help her do some grueling work in our own yard. 

       I learned later that serving alongside her in any capacity was one of the ways she felt most loved and appreciated. It didn’t matter whether it was yardwork, housework, laundry, cooking, baking, flower beds, or whatever—if you would join her in the work it made her so happy. That’s just the way she was wired. 

The last fifteen years, after my dad passed away, there were times of loneliness, grieving, and some normal light depressed times to be expected after losing a spouse. 

But for the last eight years, mom had been staying about two nights and three days each week with us since the boys were born. This really gave her something significant to look forward to and  something to keep her busy. It was a great help to us in many ways also. 

We’ve had many people tell Jamie that they can’t imagine having their mother-in-law in their house even one entire day each month—much less three days a week! But Jamie and my mom had a good relationship to where that was possible. I am truly thankful for a wife who shared her home, kitchen, living room, and life with my mom—which again is not the easiest thing to do! And I’m truly thankful that mom was respectful enough of our family that she wasn’t too pushy and was always concerned about interfering with our family and our lifestyle of having lots of people over. She was never a burden. 

       She was always trying to help take stuff off of our plate at the house. She would take one or two boys home with her over the weekend or take them to the lake camping for a few days. She was continuously doing laundry for us and helping with the dishes. She would even pull dishes out of the dishwasher to wash them by hand (that’s the craziness I lived in!). 

She would take the boys shopping or take them out for ice cream. She loved reading to the boys at night. Around the dinner table we usually either talk about some lesson they’ve learned about themselves or about God or we would play little games to interact with each other. Mom loved our “highs & lows” game where each person had to tell their high from the day and their low of the day. She loved hearing the laughable stories that would come out in those highs and lows. She would also always use it as a time to point out that her high had to do with doing something with one of them. Their faces would light up when she mentioned them in her high for the day. 

Her favorite things were to have them at her house or to have them with her camping at the lake. She would spend hours letting them work with her in the garden when she could have had an easier and faster experience without having them involved. But she enjoyed spending the time with them and wanted to teach them to work hard no matter what they did. 

Many people told us that those little boys kept her going these last few years. Even after she was diagnosed, she immediately wanted to move in with us permanently to be around them and to start the process of treatments. Even in these last few months, we would wake to find her with one, two, or even three boys in bed with her. 

       The truth is that mom would wake early in the mornings and spend those next minutes, as she put it, “with my God and my coffee.” She said that God was what had sustained her in the months and years after my dad passed away. She had been brought low and learned there was only One who could handle her difficulties and fears. 

She stated many times over the last few years that she still got her strength from her time with God in those mornings. I think that may have played out most clearly in the way she handled the news and ongoing months after being diagnosed with cancer. 

I thought she was going to be overwhelmed emotionally. I thought she was going to have many fears or concerns. But she never did. She was solid from the first time the Doctor mentioned cancer, through the treatments, and on through those last weeks and days. 

This was mom's last trip to the lake with us just before Spring.
It was a beautiful day and she felt great. She sat and watched
the boys play in her favorite setting on this side of heaven. 

You see, there is something deeply mysterious about God’s presence in prayer and in His word. It’s easy to read the words of Psalm 23 on a card at a funeral—but God’s intent was not merely to comfort the ones reading that Psalm at a loved ones funeral—but there is an actual reality and experience of this truth as a person goes through that valley under the close proximity of the shadow of death. It means that He is present in a way that solidifies the heart and emotions. He allows His truths to become more than head knowledge—but an experiential aspect. He truly guards our hearts. God actually is engaging with a person’s heart, mind, and soul. He is not giving merely mental assents to think about—He is actually present, through the power of the Holy Spirit, in a deeply mysterious way. 

In the last months with mom, I went to Psalm 34 a couple of times with her. There are some beautiful realities in these truths. 

So, although my mom was absent this Mother’s Day, we can praise the God who created her and redeemed her, for He was not absent from her death. And His death provided the hope and reality that she will rise again with a new, imperishable body that is incorruptible by sin and disease. His absence from the grave promises the hope of never being absent again from Him for all of eternity. This new blood-bought identity will see face to face the glory of the One who was present behind the scenes in her last days. 

Just a few minutes after she passed, as her body was still warm, as her body lay there on the bed with five of us gathered around her, I wanted to turn my own heart to something beyond the sting and reality of a dead mother laying before us. I placed my iPhone on her pillow and we listened to this song, “Before the Throne of God Above.” Then we went into a time of prayer in response to the song. 

Shane Barnard & Shane Everett (with Bethany Dillon-Barnard)
"Before the Throne of God Above"

One of the most beautiful areas of the song point to the reality that because of Jesus’ substitutionary death in our place, our sinful, guilty souls are “counted free” because God, who is just, looked on Jesus’ death and righteousness and pardoned us. 

That is powerful as you are standing in front of a dead loved one. 

“Because the sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,

Risen Son of God!”

This Jesus changes everything! That is most extravagantly and breathtakingly satisfying looking at the lifeless body of your mother. 

So, as the song says, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise THE ONE, RISEN SON OF GOD!”

If not for this One Person, Jesus, death would be devastating. But this Jesus changes everything. 

Because of His sacrificial death on the cross—my moms sins and guilt were placed on Him to appease the wrath of God for her sake. Even though her sins millennia and her ability to remove them impossible.

Because of His perfect, holy life—His holiness and righteousness have been imputed to my mom. Even though she deserves it not. 

Because of His resurrection—she will be raised with a new imperishable body and mind free from sin and its effects that will last forever. 

CONCLUSION

Psalm 116:15

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” 

This was a verse that I come across as I was preparing some words for my dad’s funeral back in 1999. It was one of the most comforting Scriptures I had found. 

Think about the depth of those words. God, the One who created every atom and molecule that has ever existed—even creations we cannot fathom on this side of eternity—He considers it precious or valuable to Himself when one of His followers passes this life. 

We have a difficult time with death. We miss seeing people, spending time with them, and enjoying their presence. But death is not the end. 

Sadly, we’ve come to the place as a culture to avoid talking or thinking about God—but then at the end—once a person has passed on—it is always said, “Well, they’re in a better place now.”

As stated above, death is not the end. 

But how do we watch people’s lives who angrily, bitterly, hatefully, and rebelliously refuse to reconcile with God all through their life—and then after they’ve passed simply say, “Well, we know they are in a better place now?” That is much, much more a false comfort for the thoughts of those of us still living and not yet dead. 

Let me be clear. It is NOT “a much better place” if one has not been reconciled to God by surrendering their life to Christ crying out for His grace, mercy, and forgiveness accomplished by His death on the cross. 

See Hebrews 9:27, “It is destined for man to die once, and after that to face judgment.” 

Those who have refused God’s gospel and not having been reconciled are eternally in a place of such horror that words are insufficient to describe. 

So, there is a place of eternal torment and indescribable, unending pain for those who pass away still carrying the guilt of all their sins. They are, by nature and attitude and volition, separated by God and awaiting His wrath. That is why Jesus is so supremely and indescribably captivating—because He came to take the guilt of those sins, to take the wrath of God for those sins, even though He was perfect, holy, and innocent. 

Death is not the end. And for these people, is NOT “a better place to be.” 

On the other hand, for those who have seen what Jesus accomplished and considered it the greatest act in the universe, death is not the end for them either. 

Death is simply a necessary part of a fallen world. But the hope is in the resurrection. Our “best life” is after death. For those purchased by the blood of Christ, redeemed and reconciled to God in His grace and mercy, beyond death is the greatest place to be. 

It is to be face to face with the Author, Creator, Redeemer, and ultimately Glorifier of one’s soul. 

So death is not the end for any of us. Some believe it would be wonderful if after death those who hated and mocked God were just allowed to cease to exist. Many people have a tough time understanding how a loving God could allow some of His created beings to be placed in eternal separation from Him. That perspective forgets that His ways are not our ways. His intelligence and wisdom are not ours. That perspective also has no idea of the magnitude of difference between utter holiness and utter depravity. We have no way of seeing the beauty and glory of God’s highest holiness and righteousness in contrast with our daily list of sins. They are an affront to God. 

We tend to view it as a slight mistake or accident, as compared to someone accidentally brushing by with a mere bump of the shoulder. “Why such a big deal?” So what that I’ve made some small mistakes. But it is no small thing. It is an unfathomable distance from God’s holiness to the depth of our sinfulness. When you add the fact that there is nothing we could possibly do on our own effort to change this or reconcile us—it is overwhelming. 

Yet, while we were still currently opposed to Him and pursuing sin instead of Him—Christ died in our place. The innocent for the condemned guilty. 

Death is coming. It is no respecter of persons, positions, careers, success, age, ability, intelligence, accolades, or anything. Death is real. But death is not the end. 

For my mom, there is eternal beauty in this truth, ““Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” 

Death, from God’s perspective, of one of His own, is precious. 

Life is a quick vapor. Are you prepared to face God still carrying your own sins rejecting the salvation offered by God through His Son?

Are you living your life captivated by the Son of God? 

Note: I've had several texts from people fighting cancer who read this blog. 
I would strongly suggest an article by John Piper titled, "Don't Waste Your Cancer." 
It is a solid Biblical, Christ-exalting perspective on God's sovereignty over us in the middle of these types of battles. It may bring in a new perspective for some people on suffering and God's sovereignty. I went through it with my mom. I especially appreciate #5 "You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ."

My mom didn't "beat" cancer. But in cherishing Christ we find someone worth treasuring more than life itself. Christ defeated sin and death with His death and resurrection. Therefore cancer and sin do not prevail.

Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Discipleship & Young Families
www.nbchurch.info
www.nbfamilies.info
sankie@nbchurch.info

A Lasting Legacy

I was gone last week on a little Thanksgiving holiday vacation. The vacation was not just to enjoy the holiday week. We were also able to attend and witness our two grandchildren being dedicated at their church. This made the week of Thanksgiving ALL the more fulfilling and memorable.

When I look at the photo of our adult children below, our daughters, holding their children, standing before their congregation to make the commitment to raise their children as Christ followers, it was very emotional for me. Not just because they were dedicating their children to the Lord. The story is SO much bigger than that. You see, the church they are standing in was the church that I became born again. The same church 10 years later, that my daughters attended when they were in college. The same church that my oldest daughter and son in law were baptized in the college ministry. The same church my first grandchild, Urijah was dedicated 2 years ago and now, our 2nd and 3rd grandchildren are being dedicated in. That church, Parkview Baptist Church, in Iowa City, IA, will forever be a church that has been and continues to be used by God to make an impact on me and my family.

Here is what the parents have committed to that day:
"Will you, by God's help, do the following for your child:

• Provide a Christian home?
• Teach about the Lord from the Bible?
• Pray for your child?
• Be an example of a committed Christian?
• Do all you can to help your child come to know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and follow Him as Lord?"

So, as I am watching my daughters, holding their children, agreeing to this commitment, I look up and see the words on the screen behind them: "A Lasting Legacy". I smiled and said to myself, "THIS is what life is about." THIS is the ONLY thing that will last into eternity. The passing down of a legacy of faith in Jesus Christ.

You can see in the picture above, the Pastor introduced them and then they shared with the congregation the life verse or verses for their children:

For my oldest daughter Larissa, they chose Psalm 25:5 for their daughter Alissa: 
"Guide me in Your truth and teach me,
for You are the God of my salvation;I wait for You all day long."

For my younger daughter Bridgette, they chose Isaiah 40:29-31 for their son Aidan:
"He gives strength to the weary
and strengthens the powerless.
³⁰ Youths may faint and grow weary,
and young men stumble and fall,
³¹ but those who trust in the Lord
will renew their strength;
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not faint."

 THIS was a Thanksgiving to remember for our family, that now has SO MUCH more meaning than just another Thanksgiving holiday. This Thanksgiving we have SO MUCH more to be thankful for that has blessed our entire family that will last forever. 

Thank you Lord Jesus for answered prayers. Thank you for your grace and mercy for my daughters and for their children. Thank you for your saving grace. Thank you for never giving up on us, even through our darkest hours. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

First Time Events

This is CC's first selfie. 

This is C.C. my granddaughter. If you are wondering why I didn't submit a "Phil Friday" post last week it was because Carol and I traveled to California to be with this 6 month old bundle of joy.
Today's blog post is an opportunity for you to see some of her "firsts." (First time eating solid food, first time rolling over, and first time in the ocean) As I was thinking about last week and challenged to write this week's blog the following occurred to me: Each family is experiencing a stage in as faith influencers.
How old is your family in Family Ministry years? Are you in your infancy stage (0- a few months old)? Are you a toddler family (beginning to walk but still stumbling and falling)? Are you are teenager (heard it all before and already ignoring and rebelling from the calling)?
If you have been attending New Beginnings for very long, you have heard how the bible clearly places the responsibility of discipling children upon the parents. The rhetorical question is, "How many "first have you experienced in discipling or influencing the faith of your family?"

• Have you prayed together, out loud, as a family?
• Have you had your first "Faith Talk?"
• Have you experienced a "Faith Walk" moment?
• Have you participated in a spiritual milestone or "Faith Map?"
• Have you learned together about God's gospel mission through a "Faith Mission" event?

Unless we are intentional about making these opportunities happen, our busy families will tragically miss out. And our kids will stay vunerable spiritual babies. At cute as these first photos are of 6 month old C.C., they would be heartbreaking if she were 21 and still learning to walk, or eat solid food. See the parallel?

CC rolled over while we were there!

At New Beginnings Church we have been encouraging parents to raise their children with there grandchildren in mind. Your kids will grow up and have children of their own. Read that again. You are not only influencing the faith of your children, you’re influencing the faith of your grandchildren, and on an on and on… It is just like the psalmist said in Psalm 145:4-5

One generation will declare Your works to the next and will proclaim Your mighty acts. I v will speak of Your splendor and glorious majesty and Your wonderful works.

When faith in Jesus Christ is bridging the generations, when Jesus is real in the hearts of your adult children, when they commit themselves to raising godly disciple of Jesus, then the thrill you sense is unexplainably powerful!

CC's first time in the Ocean.

We must make plans to experience the "firsts" of family ministry so we can experience genuine spiritual growth that result in grant spiritual strength. Will you dream with me for a minute?

• What would summer camp look like if I attended with my family and invested in them and their peers that week?
• What would change for me and my family if I became a volunteer mentor in New Beginnings Church’s children’s ministry?
• How might my neighbor's faith be influenced if I offered to take their kids to church and volunteered in their small group as a discussion leader?
• What sacrifices (time?, money?, energy?) will I need to make in order to make my family a faith influencing/disciple making family?
• How will we spend our money in order to make these things a priority?
• How would we rearrange our home in order that faith development could occur more naturally?

These types of decisions must be made swiftly and with intentionality. How will I intentionally and strategically set up an environment where my children will be a vital part of a faith community?

Cuteness!

I want to continue to influence the faith of my kids. But now, more than ever, I want to plant, water, and nurture seeds of faith in my grandkids.
I challenge you to get started in experiencing your "firsts." Raise you kids with your grandkids in mind!

Does your child or student have empathy?

Parents, are you seeing a lack of empathy in your teens or young adults? What kind of culture and society would we be living in where people don't care about others or are emotionally detached? Desensitized? Is that how Jesus would want us to act toward others? It sure would make life easier to not have to worry about the poor, the homeless, the suffering, the abused, the kidnapped sex slaves, the orphans, the single parents, the widowed, the divorced, the unbelievers who need to hear the Gospel message. If this is the direction our culture is headed it makes me wonder how I will be treated by our culture as I get to retirement age. Doctors with no empathy. Nurses with no empathy. Hospital administrators with no empathy. Politicians and lawmakers with no empathy. Lawyers, judges and justices with no empathy. Can you say death panels anyone? Could that be a possibility in a culture with no empathy?

Parents and grandparents, we are raising the next generation. Check out the unintended consequences below in Tim Elmore's blog called "Teamwork and Today's Student Athlete". It touches on the topic of empathy and how it has changed dramatically in college students over the past ten years.

"As we keep our ear to the ground, we continue to hear reports that emotional intelligence—and specifically empathy—is spiraling downward among kids. The sociology department at the University of Michigan, led by Dr. William Axinn at the Population Studies Center, tells us that college students today are approximately 40% less empathetic than they were just ten years ago. That’s quite a drop. I find it strange that in a generation more connected than ever, young adults find it increasingly difficult to feel compassion toward each other. Instead, ours is a time of self-expansion, where parents condition their kid to watch out for themselves, get as much playing time as possible, and do whatever you have to do to get ahead. Although they’re playing a “team sport,” there’s less empathy for others.

Why is that?


Let me remind you of the realities in their world.
1. Screen Time
As screen time goes up, empathy goes down. Follow it. You will find that the more a student is in front of a video, computer or phone screen, their level of empathy for people drops. Cognitive understanding is at an all-time high, but to feel the pain of others emotionally may just be at an all-time low.
You’re response: Balance screen time with face-to-face time and explain it. For each hour your kids spend on a screen, they should spend equal time with people.
2. Information Overload
Between commercial messages, texts, emails, Facebook posts, Instagrams, YouTube videos, and more, a student today receives about 1,000 messages every day. It’s too much information, and as a result, students are forced to develop filters in their brains to screen out data. Sadly, content that is emotionally expensive often doesn’t make the cut.
You’re response: Talk about this reality with your students and let them “own” how they filter out unessential information in order to digest what really matters.
3. Responsible Behavior
Kids have grown up in a world where mistakes or tragedy they witness often doesn’t carry consequences. They see a friend commit a crime, or cheat on a test, but get off easy. They see people get shot on TV or on a violent video game but it doesn’t mean anything. This desensitizes kids and makes them emotionally uninvolved.
Your response: The next time a student fails, be sure they feel the consequences. It’s a reality check. Talk over the long-term, unintended price tag of failure.
4. Virtual Reality.
I’ve said this for years. Students have lots of experiences, but many are virtual. To witness something on a YouTube video that lasts two minutes and can be shut off just doesn’t enlist the emotions of a viewer. It’s a squirt of data. Herbert Simon said, “A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.”
You’re response: Take your students to experience poverty or disease in a homeless shelter or a cancer ward. In the end, there’s nothing like “touching the real thing” to cultivate empathy.
5. Role Models.
Sometimes, students fail to develop empathy because they see a generation of adults lead with a jaded, cynical attitude. We are all wary of being taken advantage of or being conned, so we keep our guard up. Because we don’t want to be “victims,” we prevent ourselves from feeling what true victims feel.
Your response: Be intentional about talking over current events, like school shootings or victims of natural disasters, and share your feelings about them. Model empathy.

Terry Langenberg
Twitter: TheLangenberg
Facebook: TheLangenberg

How to Raise the Perfectly Selfish or Selfless Child

A favorite picture of our kids (Left to Right: Jill, Josh, & Julie)
Incidentally, they are on a bus during a mission trip to Mexico

Two weeks ago I started a blog theme that asked the question, “Which way is the right way to raise our children?” I would like to recommend that you read the blog post about starting with the Gospel in raising your children.

We agreed that each of our children are unique individuals with distinctive needs and strengths. We also agreed that each child has a unique design that could thrive in the right situation or dive in the wrong situation. Finally, we agreed that if parents would learn to identify and avoid the extremes in parenting (enmeshed smothering versus disengaged ignoring) and live out the gospel in our families, then God can guide us through the travails of raising children in a chaotic culture and transform our characters through the power of the gospel (Romans 1:16-17).

I promised two weeks ago that I would attempt to bring some proven experience and a fresh perspective about how to raise children into adulthood the right way.

Today, and next Friday, we will examine a proven method for addressing selfishness though acts of service.

Like their parents, children are not naturally born with a inclination to serve. Parents, especially mothers, rightfully serve the needs of their infants by doing everything for them (feeding, burping, changing, dressing, etc.). If it were not so typical, we would all find the scenario of a child, too young to speak, squawking orders to their parents humorous.

• Baby squawks! (Interpretation: “I have a dirty diaper and I’m going to need some help here”)
• Junior shrieks! (Interpretation: “I’m hungry and I’m not going to be eating any strained vegetables today”)
• Infant yelps! (Interpretation: “I want gold fish crackers now! Not when you have time”)
• Little tot screams! (Interpretation: “I’m tired and grumpy and there’s nothing you can do to make me happy”)

Humans, you and me and our offspring, naturally come into this world learning, “The people in my life are here to serve me.” I remember unintentionally becoming the “pack-mule” dedicated to hauling a huge and heavy bag crammed full of all the things we might need for the squawking baby at a moments notice. My job was to shoulder the carrier designed to satisfy the impulses and cravings of the squawking one(s) (pacifier, diapers, wipes, crackers, juice, blanket, transitional love object, books, toys, etc.).

Moreover, now each infant has a “transportation system,” which consists of a car seat, stroller, and a matching baby carrier. It is similar to the transportation system of the Egyptian pharaoh’s chariots or carrying chair (called “Ceremonial Litters” they consisted of a canopy covered armchair. An honor vied for by princes and nobles). Because of our fallen nature and the pursuit of our parents to keep us satisfied we each develop an appetite toward selfishness. It is our basic selfish impulse to be served and not to serve one another. We eventually learn how to serve ourselves, but serving others is counterintuitive to who we are as selfish human beings.

Josh Sallee in Mexico con dos amigos.

• So what needs to be done to intentionally direct ourselves and our children away from selfishness?
• Is there anything we can do to lead our families to become servants like Jesus?
• We need to do more than just fill our children’s minds with lots of data about God and the Bible.
• We need to give them opportunities to express what the bible is teaching.
• We need to match their/our experiences of faith with practical actions.
• We need to match knowledge that they’re learning about value, character, and honor and integrity with the honor and privilege of working out their faith (Philippians 2:12-13).
• We need to be intentional about this because we will always fight the temptation to make our children into "head-and-not-heart" Christians.

If Westernized consumer Christians are not careful they will allow the culture to dupe them into believing that all Christian service is to be done outside of the home (Mission trips, volunteer work, soup kitchens, poverty assistance, etc.). The reality is that a genuine Christian culture of service must start in the home. Creating a culture of selfless service is a significant feature of becoming vibrant disciples.

Michelle Anthony in her book, “Spiritual Parenting" recommends that parents work at creating an ”Environment of Service.” She recommends that we make the following changes to create this environment of service.

1. Teach your children to ask the question: What needs to be done?

   Dr. Anthony suggests that this is one of the best questions you can teach your children to ask. How would things change in your home if each parent and child would learn to, first intentionally, then instinctively walk into any room, situation, or relationship and ask, “What needs to be done?” This question will create a mindset that will change the way they see their world. They/we will become a Holy Spirit led, sensitive and responsible disciple who has decided to intentionally be involved in the solution instead of someone who can only identify the problem, thereby becoming a part of the problem.

2. Use the phrase “acts of service” rather than chores.

   Chores are defined as routine or minor duties or tasks. Ongoing tasks, such as laundry or bed-making, can seem mundane and obligatory. If accomplishing specific chores are linked to receiving a weekly allowance, then, the motivation for doing the right thing is lost and turned into a lesson on consumerism. Children will quickly learn that they can skip their chores (typically using passive aggressive measures like forgetting the chore, doing a poor job, or waiting too long) and receive parental favors without fulfilling their task. Selfishness is rooted, fertilized, watered, and blossoming into lazy entitled consumerism.

   Michelle Anthony says,

   Godly disciple-making parents model at home what it looks like to live in this world as Christ-followers. So, if families have chores at home in a place that’s supposed to be a testing ground for all of life, then their children may see serving others as an obligatory chore when they’re out in the world. What we are really doing is serving our family by seeing our family as interdependent and seeing ourselves as participants in the family.

   “The reality is that my children give me tremendous pushback about serving our family, just as I am sure yours will. But as spiritual parents we are choosing to live this way because it’s a daily reminder to them of what their true calling is—not only in our home but in life. This is their calling from God.” Spiritual Parenting, Page 104

We will discuss two more important steps for creating a culture or environment of service next week.

Mark 8:34-35; Romans 12:1-3; Philippians 2:3-4; Romans 12:4-8

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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Grandparents dream or nightmare?

The day Julie revealed her pregnancy to my family

The last two weeks I have been asking grandparents to dream an exciting dream. I’ve been asking you to dream that one day your great-great grandchildren will gather somewhere to recount how their distant relatives were God-fearing and authentic examples of being Jesus’ devoted disciples. I’ve ask you to dream how they will describe how without their great-great grandparents, their children, and their grandchildren, and their children had faith that impacted the world. Is this dream too far fetched?

Psalm 78:1-8 My people, hear my instruction; listen to what I say. 2 I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past— 3 things we have heard and known and that our fathers have passed down to us. 4 We must not hide them from their children, but must tell a future generation the praises of the Lord,
 His might, and the wonderful works He has performed. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and set up a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers to teach to their children 6 so that a future generation— children yet to be born—might know. They were to rise and tell their children 7 so that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God’s works, but keep His commands. 8 Then they would not be like their fathers, 
a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not loyal and whose spirit was not faithful to God.

The purpose of Family Ministry at New Beginnings Church is clear.

New Beginnings Church is realigning it proclamation and practices so that parents—especially fathers—are acknowledged, trained, and held accountable as persons primarily responsible for their kid’s discipleship.

When it comes to family ministry, the question is not “What?” or “Why?” The question is “How?” How do we become a family that lives the devoted-disciple-of-Jesus legacy? Michelle Anthony said in her book, Spiritual Parenting, “If we want faith to endure for all generations, we must become increasingly confident and focused about the kind of faith we are trying to pass to our children.” (Spiritual Parenting, p. 27) Today we will seek to direct our focus where is belongs.

Effective discipleship is more about “Being” than about “Doing,” but both aspects are necessary. Jesus told us that the focus was to stay on the disciple’s relationship with Jesus rather than the results of the disciple’s actions or behaviors. Jesus warned that the focal point should not be on the fruit. Instead, the focal point must be on “remaining or abiding” in Jesus. He instructed His disciples, in the metaphor of the Vine, that if we “remain or abide” in the Vine, then and only then, will we bear fruit. So there is a link in between “Being” a disciple and “Doing” things that a disciple does.

John 15:5 [Jesus said] “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me.

Faith is a blend of engaging our minds and our hearts in knowing Jesus.

1. Our minds must engage in learning critical discipleship truths (bible facts, scriptural precepts, bible memory, sound doctrine, solid theology. etc.).
2. Our hearts must engage in experiencing essential discipleship relationships (with God through Jesus [Reach Up], with other disciples – mentors, leaders, accountability partners, nuclear and extended family, Christian friends [Reach In], and with people who have yet to begin their relationship with Jesus [Reach Out])

There is a constant mix between “Doing discipleship” and “Being a disciple.”

“Doing” Focused Discipleship	“Being” Focused Discipleship
Intellectual goals	Holy Spirit’s leading
Legalistic works	Vibrant faith
Academic	Relational
Perform	Live
Danger: Work’s with no faith	Danger: Faith with no works

Genuine vibrant faith is a blend of Holy Spirit enlightenment and the missional life focus that naturally and spiritually flows from that faith. Our faith is exercised in between the extremes of knowing discipleship facts without doing the works of a disciple and performing legalistic works of a disciple apart from faith and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. Authentic discipleship is a life long process. It is a mashing of the heart (passion, desire, emotion) and the head (knowledge, scripture, experience). Though a 13 week discipleship class maybe helpful, it is not enough. If you wish to see generational disciples in your family, your family will need to see Jesus in you.

The day Julie revealed her pregnancy to Carol's family

• Obedience is empowered by the Holy Spirit not through our own efforts and trying harder.
• Obedience without relationship cause a dangerous disconnect.
• Disconnect turns into disengagement.
• Regret turns into rebellion.

When we have a sincere relationship with Jesus, we develop a supernatural yearning to abide in Him.

As we abide in Jesus, as we love and worship Him, obedience instinctively gushes out of us. This is transcendent disciple obedience which gives authority to making generational disciples. This is where disciples and made, lives are changed, and family’s faith is influential.

Now that is an exciting dream!

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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