Mother's Day Absentees

{ A Tribute to Mom—Nell Lynch }

My mother was absent this Mother’s Day. 

Mother’s Day was the first in 42 years that I didn’t have my mother present with us. I am no victim in that. There are many, many more people who have never had a mother around for any Mother’s Day. There are many people with mother’s who, even though present, were not really qualified as good mothers. Some people have mothers who are abusive in different ways. So, my life has been filled with grace to have the mother I had for the past 42 years. 

Thankfully, God graced my life with a mother who taught me many things about life, about Him, and about raising my own family. 

My mom was not perfect. She came from a tough background where she had to leave school after 8th grade to go to work in a chair factory to help her own mother and brother to have enough to live. She always had an insecurity attached to not completing high school. But she learned early how to work hard in order to provide and support your family. 

In those days, many people married before turning eighteen, as was the case with my mom. She actually married at fifteen and had three little girls by the age of nineteen. I don’t even know how people did that! But they loved those three little girls (my sisters if you’re not following closely). 

She and my dad had some problems early on in their twenties as many people do when you’re trying to parent three babies when you’re still trying to figure out life as well. They had their fair share of problems and difficulties. But they made it through together and I came as a surprise twelve years after the last daughter was born. 

Mom and dad were both extremely hard workers. I remember being in high school and like most teens, always wanting to sleep in, but mom was usually up around 4:30 am starting chores or housework or laundry or something. She loved going in to work early so she could be off early. 

She spent the last part of her life working at Wal-mart for over 26 years. She was so proud of her years of service at Wal-mart. She took pride in her work and her departments. She was asked to move into management a few times, but considered her time with family more significant than the extra money it would have meant. She loved her co-workers and had so much fun with so many of them over those years. They were a huge part of her life. She probably wasn’t the easiest person to work around if you were lazy or slow. She had high expectations for hard work. I remember coming home after working with coach Rogers mowing and weed-eating all day long—and when she saw me drive up she would try to catch me to help her do some grueling work in our own yard. 

       I learned later that serving alongside her in any capacity was one of the ways she felt most loved and appreciated. It didn’t matter whether it was yardwork, housework, laundry, cooking, baking, flower beds, or whatever—if you would join her in the work it made her so happy. That’s just the way she was wired. 

The last fifteen years, after my dad passed away, there were times of loneliness, grieving, and some normal light depressed times to be expected after losing a spouse. 

But for the last eight years, mom had been staying about two nights and three days each week with us since the boys were born. This really gave her something significant to look forward to and  something to keep her busy. It was a great help to us in many ways also. 

We’ve had many people tell Jamie that they can’t imagine having their mother-in-law in their house even one entire day each month—much less three days a week! But Jamie and my mom had a good relationship to where that was possible. I am truly thankful for a wife who shared her home, kitchen, living room, and life with my mom—which again is not the easiest thing to do! And I’m truly thankful that mom was respectful enough of our family that she wasn’t too pushy and was always concerned about interfering with our family and our lifestyle of having lots of people over. She was never a burden. 

       She was always trying to help take stuff off of our plate at the house. She would take one or two boys home with her over the weekend or take them to the lake camping for a few days. She was continuously doing laundry for us and helping with the dishes. She would even pull dishes out of the dishwasher to wash them by hand (that’s the craziness I lived in!). 

She would take the boys shopping or take them out for ice cream. She loved reading to the boys at night. Around the dinner table we usually either talk about some lesson they’ve learned about themselves or about God or we would play little games to interact with each other. Mom loved our “highs & lows” game where each person had to tell their high from the day and their low of the day. She loved hearing the laughable stories that would come out in those highs and lows. She would also always use it as a time to point out that her high had to do with doing something with one of them. Their faces would light up when she mentioned them in her high for the day. 

Her favorite things were to have them at her house or to have them with her camping at the lake. She would spend hours letting them work with her in the garden when she could have had an easier and faster experience without having them involved. But she enjoyed spending the time with them and wanted to teach them to work hard no matter what they did. 

Many people told us that those little boys kept her going these last few years. Even after she was diagnosed, she immediately wanted to move in with us permanently to be around them and to start the process of treatments. Even in these last few months, we would wake to find her with one, two, or even three boys in bed with her. 

       The truth is that mom would wake early in the mornings and spend those next minutes, as she put it, “with my God and my coffee.” She said that God was what had sustained her in the months and years after my dad passed away. She had been brought low and learned there was only One who could handle her difficulties and fears. 

She stated many times over the last few years that she still got her strength from her time with God in those mornings. I think that may have played out most clearly in the way she handled the news and ongoing months after being diagnosed with cancer. 

I thought she was going to be overwhelmed emotionally. I thought she was going to have many fears or concerns. But she never did. She was solid from the first time the Doctor mentioned cancer, through the treatments, and on through those last weeks and days. 

This was mom's last trip to the lake with us just before Spring.
It was a beautiful day and she felt great. She sat and watched
the boys play in her favorite setting on this side of heaven. 

You see, there is something deeply mysterious about God’s presence in prayer and in His word. It’s easy to read the words of Psalm 23 on a card at a funeral—but God’s intent was not merely to comfort the ones reading that Psalm at a loved ones funeral—but there is an actual reality and experience of this truth as a person goes through that valley under the close proximity of the shadow of death. It means that He is present in a way that solidifies the heart and emotions. He allows His truths to become more than head knowledge—but an experiential aspect. He truly guards our hearts. God actually is engaging with a person’s heart, mind, and soul. He is not giving merely mental assents to think about—He is actually present, through the power of the Holy Spirit, in a deeply mysterious way. 

In the last months with mom, I went to Psalm 34 a couple of times with her. There are some beautiful realities in these truths. 

So, although my mom was absent this Mother’s Day, we can praise the God who created her and redeemed her, for He was not absent from her death. And His death provided the hope and reality that she will rise again with a new, imperishable body that is incorruptible by sin and disease. His absence from the grave promises the hope of never being absent again from Him for all of eternity. This new blood-bought identity will see face to face the glory of the One who was present behind the scenes in her last days. 

Just a few minutes after she passed, as her body was still warm, as her body lay there on the bed with five of us gathered around her, I wanted to turn my own heart to something beyond the sting and reality of a dead mother laying before us. I placed my iPhone on her pillow and we listened to this song, “Before the Throne of God Above.” Then we went into a time of prayer in response to the song. 

Shane Barnard & Shane Everett (with Bethany Dillon-Barnard)
"Before the Throne of God Above"

One of the most beautiful areas of the song point to the reality that because of Jesus’ substitutionary death in our place, our sinful, guilty souls are “counted free” because God, who is just, looked on Jesus’ death and righteousness and pardoned us. 

That is powerful as you are standing in front of a dead loved one. 

“Because the sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,

Risen Son of God!”

This Jesus changes everything! That is most extravagantly and breathtakingly satisfying looking at the lifeless body of your mother. 

So, as the song says, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise THE ONE, RISEN SON OF GOD!”

If not for this One Person, Jesus, death would be devastating. But this Jesus changes everything. 

Because of His sacrificial death on the cross—my moms sins and guilt were placed on Him to appease the wrath of God for her sake. Even though her sins millennia and her ability to remove them impossible.

Because of His perfect, holy life—His holiness and righteousness have been imputed to my mom. Even though she deserves it not. 

Because of His resurrection—she will be raised with a new imperishable body and mind free from sin and its effects that will last forever. 

CONCLUSION

Psalm 116:15

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” 

This was a verse that I come across as I was preparing some words for my dad’s funeral back in 1999. It was one of the most comforting Scriptures I had found. 

Think about the depth of those words. God, the One who created every atom and molecule that has ever existed—even creations we cannot fathom on this side of eternity—He considers it precious or valuable to Himself when one of His followers passes this life. 

We have a difficult time with death. We miss seeing people, spending time with them, and enjoying their presence. But death is not the end. 

Sadly, we’ve come to the place as a culture to avoid talking or thinking about God—but then at the end—once a person has passed on—it is always said, “Well, they’re in a better place now.”

As stated above, death is not the end. 

But how do we watch people’s lives who angrily, bitterly, hatefully, and rebelliously refuse to reconcile with God all through their life—and then after they’ve passed simply say, “Well, we know they are in a better place now?” That is much, much more a false comfort for the thoughts of those of us still living and not yet dead. 

Let me be clear. It is NOT “a much better place” if one has not been reconciled to God by surrendering their life to Christ crying out for His grace, mercy, and forgiveness accomplished by His death on the cross. 

See Hebrews 9:27, “It is destined for man to die once, and after that to face judgment.” 

Those who have refused God’s gospel and not having been reconciled are eternally in a place of such horror that words are insufficient to describe. 

So, there is a place of eternal torment and indescribable, unending pain for those who pass away still carrying the guilt of all their sins. They are, by nature and attitude and volition, separated by God and awaiting His wrath. That is why Jesus is so supremely and indescribably captivating—because He came to take the guilt of those sins, to take the wrath of God for those sins, even though He was perfect, holy, and innocent. 

Death is not the end. And for these people, is NOT “a better place to be.” 

On the other hand, for those who have seen what Jesus accomplished and considered it the greatest act in the universe, death is not the end for them either. 

Death is simply a necessary part of a fallen world. But the hope is in the resurrection. Our “best life” is after death. For those purchased by the blood of Christ, redeemed and reconciled to God in His grace and mercy, beyond death is the greatest place to be. 

It is to be face to face with the Author, Creator, Redeemer, and ultimately Glorifier of one’s soul. 

So death is not the end for any of us. Some believe it would be wonderful if after death those who hated and mocked God were just allowed to cease to exist. Many people have a tough time understanding how a loving God could allow some of His created beings to be placed in eternal separation from Him. That perspective forgets that His ways are not our ways. His intelligence and wisdom are not ours. That perspective also has no idea of the magnitude of difference between utter holiness and utter depravity. We have no way of seeing the beauty and glory of God’s highest holiness and righteousness in contrast with our daily list of sins. They are an affront to God. 

We tend to view it as a slight mistake or accident, as compared to someone accidentally brushing by with a mere bump of the shoulder. “Why such a big deal?” So what that I’ve made some small mistakes. But it is no small thing. It is an unfathomable distance from God’s holiness to the depth of our sinfulness. When you add the fact that there is nothing we could possibly do on our own effort to change this or reconcile us—it is overwhelming. 

Yet, while we were still currently opposed to Him and pursuing sin instead of Him—Christ died in our place. The innocent for the condemned guilty. 

Death is coming. It is no respecter of persons, positions, careers, success, age, ability, intelligence, accolades, or anything. Death is real. But death is not the end. 

For my mom, there is eternal beauty in this truth, ““Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” 

Death, from God’s perspective, of one of His own, is precious. 

Life is a quick vapor. Are you prepared to face God still carrying your own sins rejecting the salvation offered by God through His Son?

Are you living your life captivated by the Son of God? 

Note: I've had several texts from people fighting cancer who read this blog. 
I would strongly suggest an article by John Piper titled, "Don't Waste Your Cancer." 
It is a solid Biblical, Christ-exalting perspective on God's sovereignty over us in the middle of these types of battles. It may bring in a new perspective for some people on suffering and God's sovereignty. I went through it with my mom. I especially appreciate #5 "You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ."

My mom didn't "beat" cancer. But in cherishing Christ we find someone worth treasuring more than life itself. Christ defeated sin and death with His death and resurrection. Therefore cancer and sin do not prevail.

Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Discipleship & Young Families
www.nbchurch.info
www.nbfamilies.info
sankie@nbchurch.info

Discipleship Questions To Consider 1

Over the next several months, I’ll be bringing out some thoughts and questions about disciple-making that I’ve spent the last 17 years thinking, attempting, engaging, failing, and eventually learning through the many lives and relationships we’ve been privileged to do life with. I’ve also spent hundreds of hours reading and studying this area and there is a lot of good material out there on the subject. 

In this new role at New Beginnings, I'll be focusing a lot of attention on our involvement with the Relational Discipleship Network. The emphasis here is that we must be intentional with the gospel, intentional with relationships, and intentional with mission. If one of those aspects is dropped--it affects everything else. 

Sometimes, I may bring up questions in an attempt to stir more thought and discussion. 

This week, I wanted to bring out some simple questions that I believe every believer, every church leader, and every pastor/elder serving in churches must deal with. Here’s the first question:

Are you seeing lasting disciples being won to Christ, discipled to maturity by mature believers, and then released to go out and reproduce what just happened to them? 

If you were to ask leaders in the church (pastors/elders/deacons/staff guys/teachers) how well they would grade their church on disciple-making—many of them would admit that they’ve been real busy, they’ve sat and listened to many sermons and lessons given by teachers, and many have given financially to the cause—but they have not been taught and trained in how to engage with difficult people around their lives. 

Many churches have programs, meetings, and committees going on every night of the week at the building. But we must keep before us the oft quoted adage “busy-ness does not equal production.” 

Some churches focus only on Bible teaching—but when we have Bible teaching and lessons without intentional mission and intentional relationships we do not necessarily make disciples who know how to make other disciples. Here we must keep before us the rest of that adage "busy-ness does not equal production...and production does not equal reproduction." 

I saw a quote from Jeff Vanderstelt out on Facebook this week that said:

“If all your discipleship happens in a classroom or at events, people will believe following Jesus is a study or a program.” 

He is exactly right. And some churches that focus ONLY on doctrine and time spent alone in “the Word, the Word, the Word..” never break into the everyday rhythms of life with other people whom God has placed right in front of them. 

Other churches have the end goal of "creating community." But that is not the end goal. We must be communities who are intentional in clarifying the gospel as communities sent on mission. As we go along through life, gospel communities will be created (so there is our community we long for) that are able to create other gospel communities (reproducing disciples) who live on mission. 

Here’s that question again:

Are you seeing lasting disciples being won to Christ, discipled to maturity by mature believers, and then released to go out and reproduce what just happened to them? 

So, first for you as an individual believer, are you intentionally praying & expecting, intentionally planning, intentionally engaging in relationships, and intentionally clarifying who Jesus is and what Jesus has accomplished for us? 

If not, what is your Christianity about? 

For pastors/elders and church staff, are you intentionally praying/expecting, intentionally planning, intentionally engaging in relationships, and intentionally clarifying who Jesus is and what Jesus has accomplished for us? 

If not, what is your Christianity doing? 

And if not you…who is leading people to Christ, discipling them to maturity, and releasing them to reproduce what happened to them? 

The reality is that we are all surrounded by lost culture and people far off from God—some of which know it and some of which confused. 

Jesus is worthy of their worship. 

Sankie P. Lynch

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchuch.info

Why Not Just Pray?

Do you pray? 

Do you really pray much?

When was the last time you spent over 20 minutes in prayer? 

When was the last time you spent over 30 minutes in prayer consistently?

When was the last time you were broken over your own sin during prayer?

Are you broken over your own sin consistently in prayer? 

Do you truly cry out to God consistently for your spouse? 

Do you pray consistently for your children’s eternal salvation? 

Do you pray for your children’s future spouse?  

Do you truly cry out to God consistently over lost people who you see each day? 

Do you spend time in prayer over your small group members?

How much time do you pray for the person you’re meeting with in discipleship?

Do you ask for other’s advise for that disciple’s problems or do you pray for wisdom? 

Do you consistently confess your sins in prayer to God?

Have you prayed for any unreached people groups lately? Any missionaries by name?

Take a breath. 

Do you feel beat down? The intent is not to discourage. But these questions do beg the next question: Why not? 

If we really believed that God hears all our prayers and is moving and transforming and interacting in people’s minds and hearts—would we pray more? What keeps you from more earnest prayer? 

So, what does our lack of prayer really reveal about what we think about God? 

“He really doesn’t care.” “He’s too busy.” 

“It seems like He never answers my prayers anyway.” “It seems like He never answers the way I wanted Him to answer.” 

“I’m too busy.” “No one has time for prayer like they did in former times." 

“God is sovereign so it doesn’t matter if we pray or not…He's going to do His will anyway.” 

“I never feel anything when I pray.” 

“I see signs and miracles in the Bible when people prayed, but nothing happens when I pray.” 

What do these type of thoughts reveal at a deeper heart level about our view of God? 

When I think about prayer, it can be both convicting and encouraging. I know everyone says that any talk of more prayer is always convicting. But the season of life we’ve just went through and the events of 2014 for our family have been some of the most difficult in all aspects of life. Yet, even through these events, I wasn’t pressed to prayer as I should have. I was pressed to feel sorry for myself. I was pressed to complain. I was pressed to anger. I was pressed to frustration. I was pressed to doubt. But I didn’t respond with prayer near as much as I should have. Therefore, it is particularly convicting, not merely generally convicting. But at the same time it is encouraging to know that God isn’t mad at me or that I’ve missed the boat on what God wants to do. With prayer, I believe all of us simply need to stop and pray. I have been trying to do that more in the last couple of months. 

We must remember that the changes that we desire for our own hearts as well as those around us must be a sovereign work of God at the heart level among them. I cannot change anyone at the core heart level. I cannot bring heart change. I cannot get us to perform tasks enough or serve enough or read enough or teach enough or add nights of ministry that will bring about the change we desire. God, will change hearts through prayer. We need an emphasis on John 15:5, “Apart from Me, you can do nothing.” Our own minds and our present culture are so busy that it seems counter-productive to slow down and spend many minutes each day—much less an hour or two each day in prayer and meditation. 

Our problem in not seeing more people come to Christ is not because of a lack of programs or staff positions, but instead it is a lack of love.1 We think we love people. But we don’t. We’re selfish with our time. Too selfish to pray and believe and then clarify the gospel with them. Too selfish to pray and weep over their souls. That is not love. We like to think we’re loving, but we’re not. The type of love we need—we can’t come up with by a decision on our part. We need a miracle at the heart level to change us to where we truly have heavy hearts for the lost around us and around the world. God can give us this type of heart. God is the supplier. But He does this type of thing in answer to prayer. 

So what if we as followers of Christ did just the opposite? Instead of more time planning, strategizing, organizing, scheduling, preparing—what if we spent more time praying that small amounts of those areas would suffice the spiritual awakening that God might bring about around us? Prayer is the medium of communication God has designed for repentance. Why not that? 

Sankie P. Lynch 

Assoc. Pastor of Discipleship and Young Families

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info

John Piper Brothers, We Are Not Professionals 'Brothers, Let Us Pray'

Is Parenting Becoming a Religion (Part 2)

 Last week was Part One of Tim Elmore's blog  that was a two part blog written on Feb 10 and 11, 2015. Here is Part Two below. Is parenting becoming a religion?

"Yesterday, I blogged about how parenting has become a “religion” in America, where children have become the absolute centerpiece of the home and nothing negative can be said about them. Yep. Some time between our childhood and the moment we had children of our own, parenthood became a religion. As with many religions, complete, unthinking devotion is required from its practitioners. Nothing in life is allowed to be more important than our children, and we must never speak a disloyal word about our relationship with them. If someone says or does anything contrary, they are not welcomed into civil discussion but persecuted and judged as a heretic. Hmmm. Sounds like an unhealthy religion to me.

We all know, however, that parents are the key to young people. Parents and kids are joined at the hip. Although freshmen are officially adults, colleges now cater to parents, knowing they must please them if they want to keep the customer. The average parent is in touch with their college student between 7-11 times daily.

Some employers are now catering to parents, too, having conversations with a mom or dad over the interview they just had with their newly-minted college graduate. Supposedly, nearly one in eight young job candidates now bring a parent to the interview.

And if that wasn’t enough, I recently saw a TV commercial in which the U.S. Army was attempting to recruit potential soldiers. But instead of targeting the potential recruit, they targeted their parents in the message. Yes, not the actual candidate who’ll be joining, but mom and dad. The message? Your son or daughter doesn’t actually have to do something violent. There are plenty of military jobs that are safe. In my opinion, this is a picture of a growing trend where vendors assume mom and dad will continue to treat their adult children… as children.

The Facts of the Matter

Let me share with you why this is a problem:

1. More and more from Generation iY are moving into adulthood unready. An over-functioning parent disables their child in the end. Kids get stuck.
2.  The primary reason for this is we’ve failed to help them navigate their journey. We’ve not been healthy leaders who both “support” and “let go.”
3.  We’ve come to believe that our kids must always feel wonderful about themselves and should never experience the negative feelings of failure and disappointment life brings.
4.  This conclusion leaves kids without tools to function in the adult world. Their childhood looks nothing like adulthood, so they return home.
5.  All along, they needed caring adults who were both responsive and demanding. Sadly, we assumed they were fragile, or that we’d ruin them if we got tough.
6.  In the end, we believed: if we are too tough, we have failed to love them well. Unfortunately, this mindset has set them up to be ambushed by the realities of adulthood.

Puzzle Pieces and Box Tops

The truth is, every student needs caring adults (teachers, coaches and parents) who collaborate in their messaging. Kids need to hear about Puzzle Pieces and Box Tops. This is a new Habitude that will be released in 2015 and reminds students of this truth: It is almost impossible to put a puzzle together (especially if there are many pieces) if you don’t have a box top to see the big picture. The only way you’ll know where to place a piece is to see where it fits, and the only way you can see where it fits is to see the whole picture. In light of this truth, we must communicate to our young people:

“You play an important role, but you’re part of a bigger picture… and you may not be the center of it. You may play a supporting role, but that’s OK. It is more rewarding to play a role in a much bigger story than to be the center of a tiny, one-person show.”

Reminders About What Real Love Looks Like

1. If I really love my students, I am honest with them. I don’t paint a dishonest picture about their giftedness or beauty. I speak lovingly but truthfully.
2. If I love my students, I’ll care enough to offer them clear direction, even if it’s unpopular at the time. It’s more important to be their leader than their buddy.
3. If I really love my students, I don’t always give them what they want but what they need. I recognize they’ll choose ice cream over vegetables, so I help them make better choices until they’re ready to do so themselves.
4. If I love my students, I want them to respect me now even more than love me. I know they will appreciate me at age 30, so I’m willing to lead them now so they grow into healthy adults.
5. If I really love students, I will help them see the long-term ripple effect of their decisions. I teach them to “pay now and play later.”
6. If I really love students, I provide discipline, but more than that, I teach them to discipline themselves so someone else doesn’t have to.

Did you know that most Japanese schools don’t have janitors? Instead, the children do the cleaning daily to associate cleaning with morality. They believe it builds a work ethic, where as we Americans would see this as child abuse.