A Noble Disguise

“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” – François de La Rochefoucauld

Over Labor Day weekend my family and I had the opportunity to host my in-laws. Though they were only looking for a place to sleep for a couple nights and some time to visit with us, I tried my best to make our house ‘father-in-law ready.’ Truthfully, there were a handful of minor home repairs that had gone untouched for months. The fact that Pops was coming into town gave me that extra motivation to finally do something about them. I took care of the ones I could handle and called on local handyman to do the rest. He did good work for cheap and I felt good about the situation. I had covered the major blemishes and was ready to be hospitable.

Now before I continue with the rest of this, I will explain why the above is significant. To be clear, my father-in-law has never said anything to me that was cruel or disrespectful. In fact, he has loved me and helped me to feel like family since day one. The problem is that he can be a tad intimidating and I can be a bit insecure. He knows a lot about guns and cars; he’s savvy with tools – a real do-it-yourselfer. Meanwhile, I’m quite the opposite. I’m the anti-handyman that’s frightened of guns, barely knowledgeable enough to put gas in the car and air in its tires – a real call-for-help kind of guy. So in some weird way I figured that I could avoid any issues that tapped into my self-doubt by simply taking care of our repair list beforehand. I was determined I was going to do better than the last time they visited. During their previous trip to visit our garage door was literally falling apart (as in bolts falling off the door hinges) each time we attempted to raise it. I mean, who doesn’t love home ownership?

Anyway, my plan was working. The guest shower was fixed and operable; our daughter’s door handle was tightened; the leaky sink downstairs was good to go. Everything was going according to plans, until the afternoon of their second day with us when our air conditioner decided to freeze up. As the temps were hitting 97 degrees outside, because it was low on refrigerant, our A/C was struggling to keep things under 80 degrees inside. “Great!” I thought. “All that work and now there is something different to deal with.” Yes, after all that time, money, and energy spent wanting be seen as a competent and capable, and we still had a problem.

Sure, there was no way I could’ve known the timing of what eventually happened, but that’s when the Lord started to show me how the scenario was quite symbolic of my life. For as long as I can remember, I’ve striven to please people. I’ve tried to be good enough; I’ve mightily toiled to be accepted. And the times that I’ve come up short, well, if it would appear noble to try again, then I would. If missing the mark meant embarrassment, I’d simply hide, pretend, or cover-up my failure in hopes of being observed in a more favorable light. The intentions were rarely wicked, yet they were nonetheless fraudulent. No matter my skill level, my mistakes were eventually found out. Our warts and pimples cannot be hidden forever.

As it was with our home, so it is in life. There will always be work to do. Some of our trials are unavoidable, yet others are self-induced. Sometimes things will get messy and more times than not, our plans will be foiled. However, if we are to learn and grow from each setback, we must confess where we’ve gone astray. We cannot continue to pretend our issues don’t exist. To carry the illustration out further, if I know I have a list of repairs, household chores that I’m trailing behind, and I know that these will eventually pile up and cost my family more in the long run, why wouldn’t I ask for help? Why would I not admit my struggle? And if the same is known about my own soul, why keep it quiet? Closet sin and struggle will eventually outgrow its hiding place. And when it hits the family hearth, family heartache is soon to follow.

To return to my people-pleasing tendencies for a moment, when people actually seem pleased, are they content with the real me or the me I am pretending to be? Do I even realize the mask I’m wearing? Why is there so much fear of being known? Why is there so much pride to conceal? What a relief it would be to let go of it all! How freeing it could be to take off the cape and admit my weaknesses! Friend, do you see the business at hand? This has nothing to do with hospitality, home repair, or relationships with in-laws. Rather, this concerns an essential element of life. We all need an environment where we have others to lean upon, to confide in, to trust and share our burdens with. Life is to be lived together. Yes, life happens best when it happens within an intentionally, relational community.

When it comes to our souls, our spiritual homes, there is no handyman to call. There is the Spirit that lives within us, One who sanctifies our hearts and transforms our lives. And God within us is capable of all things. Yet even the Holy Spirit does some of His best work in us through Christ’s community. He draws us to the Father, enables us to follow, and then reveals that we are better together. While I suppose it would be nice to look in the mirror and see someone that is completely self-reliant with absence of any struggle, I’m grateful to see me for who I am – a sinner saved by grace, still just as needy as ever, being challenged and refined through relationship with others. Oh that we might see our need before we become disguised to ourselves.

Matt Fowler
Assoc. Pastor of Missions & Students
matt@nbchurch.info
@fattmowler