Cancer, Weight, and Undeserved Glory

I used to always like Yale Avenue in Tulsa. 

About four months ago at 101st and Yale we found out we had lost our fourth baby. 

A little over a week ago at 61st and Yale we found out my mother has stage four lung cancer with metastatic lesions in the brain. 

We’ve spent this last week moving. My mother is moving in with us immediately so she can meet with Doctors and we can evaluate some of her options here in Tulsa and come up with a plan. We found another house that has quite a bit more room and a fourth bedroom that allows her to have her bedroom a little further from the boy’s room and a room that my sisters can stay in when they come to help care for her. 

I’ve noticed a weight in the last year. Jamie and I were talking a couple of nights ago about our boys and how we’ve seen some changes recently since all of this has hit in the last couple of weeks. When we informed the boy’s teachers about some of the transitions we’re going through they had noticed a difference as well. 

As I thought about all the changes the boys are experiencing and seeing how it plays out in their behaviors and emotions I paused to think about how stressors affect us adults as well. 

When you look at those scales that list out the top stressors in people’s lives here are some of the top ones:

Death of immediate family member

Terminal Illness

Loss of child

Resignation/Loss of long-held position/job

Transition or a move to a new city

Transition to new job

Children change of school

Loss of close family or personal relationships

As I paused to think about how the boys are handling some of our transitions and situations I wondered how it may be taking a toll on us. 

Over the past year we left a long-held position at another church where we were connected to many people, we transitioned to a new position at New Beginnings, we moved to a larger city, we moved to a different house, our children have transitioned to new schools and new friends, we lost a baby at fourth month of pregnancy, we’ve just found out that my mother has terminal cancer, and now we’ve moved to another new house. Add to that, like everyone else, there are always relational ups and downs with friends and family members. That’s why I said earlier that I feel some weight. 

I say those things not because we have “horrible” circumstances. We really don’t. In fact, we have probably better circumstances than 98% of the world with the availability/possibility of medical care, healthy children, clean water and food, an incredible house, vehicles instead of walking, and other simple creature comforts like air conditioning and ice—of which I am a big fan! 

THE WORLD WE LIVE IN

A few nights ago I received a message from a close friend working overseas who is trying to see Christ’s name treasured in a hostile, spiritually dark and desolate place, who told me some of their extremely difficult situations they are facing. They may not be able to stay in areas they have worked for years to be able to see churches planted for the worship and glory of Christ. They may have to shift plans and possibly even come back to America. Their hearts are held in Christ’s—and His heart has led them to a people who don’t even see what treasure they bring. As I got his message, I stopped and thought of what they are facing compared to us, as I sat in our nice comfortable bed in the new house. 

His last comments in the message were “We’re living by faith, not by sight. And it’s hard when all you see is dark!! That’s reality, but we’re hoping in the greater reality!” His next message told of some other missionaries who have had such difficulties with visas and the governments that they’ve almost had all they can take. My friends words lift my eyes and head up to that greater reality. Cancer for my mom and eventual death is not really the end. There is a greater reality ALL AND ONLY BECAUSE OF ONE MAN—JESUS CHRIST—AND WHAT HE ACCOMPLISHED IN HIS LIFE, DEATH, AND RESURRECTION! There is a better day, no, infinite, eternal days, coming for my mom, for our family, for my friend, and for you. 

This morning I saw on the news where the US is firing missiles into Syria. Again, darkness and war are everywhere. 

Other stories focus on the death tolls in other countries with ongoing war and attack. 

The darkness could seem to be overwhelming on a grand scale. 

The next story was covering the girls who has been missing for the past few days. Her parents stood at a press conference bearing the pain and affliction their souls are feeling as their daughter has disappeared. 

As I met my sisters at the Tulsa Cancer Institute we sat in the waiting room watching person after person walk by with frail, broken, weakened bodies, slowly losing their hair and weight. Each body a reminder that this body is a vessel that is perishable and fragile. Each person’s eyes revealing the look of dreaded nausea that chemo and radiation deal the body. 

Cancer hospitals scream the truth from the Bible that “your life is a vapor.” The darkness of death seems to linger in places like this. 

As we sat in the waiting room I received another text from a close friend telling me the news of a friend in our former church who is probably barely 40 yrs old who is in his last few hours on this planet. They found out only three months ago of his cancer. He has three children the same age as my three boys. He’s truly one of the nicest and simplest men I’ve ever met—truly a great dad and husband. 

Again, there has to be something weighty and luminous behind the fog of darkness that our eyes so easily fix upon. 

So we, as a family, really have it great relatively speaking. God’s grace is overwhelming in our lives! And yet still, we could stop and stare at the situations around the world both near and far—and have a tendency to lose heart and lose hope.

In seeing these other hardships and much, much worse throughout our city and our world—all of a sudden stresses of kids practices or unloading moving boxes or issues to deal with at work or personal desires that don’t have time to be fulfilled all take a backseat. 

So I write this not to gain your sympathy—because Jamie and I feel so incredibly loved, encouraged, and supported by SO MANY FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND LOVED ONES! We feel like some of the most loved people on the planet. We are constantly amazed by so many people who pour out love and grace towards us—and in that we are truly amazed at God again!l

I write this because I need to daily remind myself of the important tangible things that life MUST be about and the grace-flowing intangibles that God offers to those who look to Him as we all face trials and difficulties. 

I write this because I truly believe that all situations in life are supposed to be pointing to a weighty glory—something we cannot fully grasp, especially in the moments when shock hits our life—but something of substance at the core of our heart and mind that secures us and still allows a small smile of hope to lift our hearts. 

Where do we find hope when this is a present reality? Is there somewhere other than within ourselves that can actually help us in our pain and afflictions? Is there someone there stronger than ourselves—stronger and more faithful than simple human endurance?

I’ve turned to the words from God in 2 Corinthians 4 many times. These words are powerful—not as merely inspirational words—but they have a filling of supernatural resources that are raw and straight from the Godhead. These words point to the Person, Christ, who allows the same words to change our hearts and perspectives. It is truth from God that overrides our feelings and thoughts. 

If you would pause here and take the time to read these words from Scripture and then take the few moments to listen to the words John Piper says towards the end of this song it may strengthen you and help you not to “lose heart” in a time when that’s what you would tend to do. (Go to the 3:20 point in the song to hear Piper's exhortation)

See 2 Cor. 4:5-18

[5] For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. [6] For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

—So when God decided to send hope and light into our hurting and difficult world—it came in the form of the living Person, Jesus Christ, and knowledge/truth about Him. 

—We don’t turn to ourselves or our own power within us—we turn and trust and look to Christ and cry out for His strength and grace to sustain us. 

[7] But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. [8] We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; [9] persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; [10] always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. [11] For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. [12] So death is at work in us, but life in you.

—The power in persevering faith is God Himself. Our difficulties, trials, and suffering are a part of God’s sovereign purposes of letting us identify with Christ’s suffering (“always carrying in the body the death of Jesus”). 

—But all of “death” we carry around is not final—again because of what Christ also did in His resurrection. 

[13] Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, [14] knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. [15] For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

—And we must look beyond our present difficulties and sufferings to something much more beautiful and grand. Our faith and belief, in God’s design through difficulties, that His grace would extend to more and more people and result in worship and praise to God.

[16] So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. [17] For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, [18] as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

—So, there is pain going on. There is difficulty being experienced. There is suffering throughout the world and personally in our lives. But God is not finished with His work. God is not finished with His beautiful plan of salvation extending to all peoples throughout the earth. 

—Though we see and experience “wasting away,” we remember that these elements of life are “light and momentary” and are “preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” That means there are things we cannot see going on NOW, and things that will happen LATER, because of what we’ve been through as we walk with this King in a foreign home. 

—So we look not to what is seen. We fix our eyes on Him. He is not unaware of our current situation. He is not busy. He is not indifferent. He is not overwhelmed like us. He was abandoned so we would never have to be abandoned by God. 

—We are “not crushed…not driven to despair…not forsaken…not destroyed.” 

—But for our sake, Jesus was crushed, was driven to despair, was forsaken, and was destroyed so that I would never have to be. So that my mom would never have to be. So that my friend in darkness across the world would never have to be. So that all those in the world who call on Him would never have to be separated from God eternally. 

—Therefore, WE DO NOT LOSE HEART! ——Only because of Jesus and what He has already accomplished.  

In the song, “Though You Slay Me,” by Shane and Shane, this line keeps flowing in my mind:

“My heart and flesh may fail…the earth below give way…and with my eyes…with my eyes…I’ll see the LORD!”

With the short list of afflictions and trials listed above from simply receiving two texts and watching the news it can cause the heart to fail and seem like the earth is giving way

Here is what John Piper says at the 3:20 point in the song (again I would suggest listening to it in the song):

“Not only is all your affliction ‘momentary,’ not only is all your affliction ‘light’ in comparison to eternity and the glory there, but all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain from the fallen nature or from fallen man, every millisecond of your misery, in the path of obedience, is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that. 

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. 

It wasn’t meaningless. It is doing something! It’s not meaningless! Of course you can't see what it’s doing—don’t look to what is seen. 

When your mom dies…when your kid dies…when you’ve got cancer at 40…when a car creams into the sidewalk and takes her out…don’t say it was ‘meaningless!’ 

It’s not. It is working for you an eternal weight of glory. 

Therefore…Therefore…DO NOT LOSE HEART. But take these truths and day by day, focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach His word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.”

How do you not “lose heart?” How do you not lose heart when so many painful things surround us? It’s definitely not by pulling up your emotional bootstraps and just getting through. That isn’t the purpose. That isn’t the meaning. That leads us to greater ideas of self-sufficiency, self-pride, and self-trust. And at the end of the day—even those respected and honored people who pull themselves out of horrible circumstances—one day—death will come for them as well. You cannot escape it regardless of your personal mental toughness and self-sufficiency. Death wins in this lifetime—only because we were all created for an eternal life—not merely life on this earth. 

I’m writing today about weight. And I’m writing today about glory. I’m writing today about an eternal weight, an immeasurable, unknowable element, not even understood or comprehendible in this lifetime. There is this fluidity in God’s economy of substances that are intangible to the touch, but overwhelmingly profound in their feeling and presence. So, as it were, we’re describing an invisible, floating-like, quality that we breath and feel and experience and know as reality—even though it is trusted upon by faith. And these qualities, provided and flowing from the internal essence of God Himself, are what secure us and walk us through perseverance and into a land of hope when all seems dark and deadly and horrific. 

Cancer is no victor. War is no winner. There is a true Victor who will return to claim all His bride and completely and ultimately re-create her into an eternal vessel of praise for His glory. 

The death and resurrection of Jesus make weighty elements in everyday life become a reality of “light and momentary” glimpses in a broken world needing a Redeemer and Savior. 

Join me in exalting and clinging to Christ when life hits you with things that would tend to make you lose heart. 

Sankie P.  Lynch

Pastor of Families

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sankie@nbchurch.info

Staying Hungry

“I was starving for You, not Your works.” – Augustine

That described me to a tee. Unfortunately, I had no clue that I was there. I was scavenging through life’s pantry just searching for something–really anything that might satisfy. Popularity and relationships suppressed my hunger for a time; certain academic achievements and athletic accomplishments along the way were helpful in disguising the real appetite that lay beneath. And though I had never really claimed great wealth before, I had enjoyed plenty of toys and trinkets to know that they too would fall short of filling my deepest craving.

So I visited the religious market. I snacked on the smorgasbord of self-righteousness and tried the diets of the devout. And though I appeared to be well fed on the things pertaining to life and godliness, I had hunger pangs for more than I had yet tasted. Despite my ability to emulate His people, I missed the point. That is to say, I missed Him. I was intently skimming the Master’s menu, when what I needed was the Master Chef Himself.

“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.” Pascal’s declaration from centuries earlier finally resonated within my soul, and by God’s grace, I finally observed the bread of life broken for me (John 6:35, John 6:47-51, Luke 22:19). The famine had lifted and the never-ending banquet had commenced.

Knowledge of God was no longer mere hearsay; I was experiencing his glorious riches firsthand. Like the Samaritans to the woman in John 4:42, it was no longer because of the words of others that I believed; no, I had personally encountered the love of our merciful Savior. He alone had filled my inner void. Yes, He was what I had been longing for the whole time. Though I’m convinced of this, I still find there’s a struggle.

See even though I’ve tasted the Lord’s goodness, my feeble heart is prone to forget. Unless I’m reminded of the gospel and propelled by it to pursue time at His table, I am easily tempted to dine at the empty pubs of personal gain. Occasionally I’ll even look to some of His best gifts, seeking fulfillment from them, instead of Him – even though I know it is He alone that provides. I love being husband to Brittany and daddy to Brooks, Chan, and Mati. I cannot believe that God would allow me to steward such treasures. I’m also blown away that God would call me to preach and pastor as an instrument of righteousness in the work He is doing. Yet, if I seek to be filled solely by the various roles I play, I will starve. If I savor any of those titles above my precious position as child of the King, I do so in error. For since Christ alone sustains, there is no substitute for Him! His richest blessings, be it family, friends, or whatever, are given to whet our appetite for more of Him – they beckon us back to His table.

Friend, the soul desperately desires a feast that neither you, nor I, nor the sum total of our many cupboards can satisfy. Might our spiritual stomach seek the Savior for every ounce of our sustenance. May we hunger for and delight in His goodness…and might we be reminded that He continues to graciously direct others to His precious banquet hall. Oh, may His Spirit draw all who are far off near that they might taste and see that He is good (Psalm 34:8)!

Father, help us to sense our dire, needy state, and inflict upon us struggle, even starvation if necessary, ‘til none but Your will and glory, be left upon our plate…

Matt Fowler - NBC Family Pastor of High School

God's Timing and A New Grand Baby Boy

Have you ever stopped to think about little things like timing?

I was in a car accident about 10 years ago in downtown Tulsa. I was crossing an intersection at 3rd St and Detroit. Detroit is a one way street with three lanes going North. I was on 3rd Street going West and had a green light. There were two cars stopped at the light on Detroit. As I entered the intersection and proceeded through, a car came flying into the intersection from the open 3rd lane on Detroit, running the red light. The car hit my front drivers side tire and quarter panel and went through the intersection. The damage done totally destroyed my front end. The insurance company totaled my car.  I estimate the driver was going between 35 and 45 miles per hour through the intersection at the time. If I would have entered that intersection literally a couple of seconds earlier, that car would have hit me square in the drivers side door and I have no doubt I would have been seriously injured or killed.

What if I would have walked just a little faster to my car that day? What if I would have left work just a few seconds earlier? I thanked God for his grace that day.

Fast forward to last Wednesday morning. The alarm went off at 4:30am. The plan was to get up and take my my wife Monica to the airport. She was flying to Massachusetts for a conference. When I got up, I noticed that I had some text messages. My daughter Bridgette had text message saying she was in labor at the hospital her water had broke. Message received at 12:01am. Second message was that baby was coming soon, and she was progressing fine. Message received at 1:33am.

You know how you are when you get up in the morning. I was first trying to read these texts without the light on in the bedroom. Secondly, I need bi-focal's, so I struggled to read the messages and had to re-read them to make sure I was seeing the time the messages were sent and then it hit me. HOLY COW, my daughter is having a baby right now!!! We were not expecting this to happen so soon. Her due date was Sept 26th. This was Sept 17th. So, I turned to Monica and told her that Bridgette is having her baby right now and she says "Well, looks like I'm not going to the airport, because we are going to Iowa to see Bridgette and our new grand baby." Monica was able to make arrangements with her other business partners to handle the conference without her and I was able to do the same with things for me at the church.

So, what would have happened IF I had my phone turned off that morning? Or what if I didn't check my phone for messages and just placed it in my pocket like I normally do and we drove off to take Monica to the airport? Monica would have missed out on our trip to Iowa to see Bridgette and our new grand baby boy, Aidan James. That is a moment she would have never been able to get back. And we thanked God for his grace that day.

God's timing is always perfect. Ask Abraham how close he was to thrusting a knife into his son Issac. Genesis 22: 10-12 " Then Abraham reached out and took the knife to slaughter his son. But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, Abraham, Abraham! He replied, "Here I am." Then He said, "Do not lay a hand on the boy or do anything to him.

Ask the Israelite's when they were fleeing Pharaoh's army headed toward the Red Sea when the Lord opened the see for them to pass and then closed it back up on top of Pharaoh's chasing army. Exodus 14:26 "Then the Lord said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand over the sea so that the water may come back on the Egyptians, on their chariots and horsemen." 

Pay attention to the little things. Thank God for His grace and for His timing. 

Teach us to number our days...

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

Simply put, life is demanding. Attempting to balance responsibilities and relationships can be extremely challenging. It calls for time and energy resources for certain, but the unseen emotional weightiness that accompanies each can often require far more. Life is heavy and complex; there are so many moving pieces, and yet seemingly so few moments for thoughtful reflection. One can call a timeout for processing’s sake, but guaranteed the rest of the world will keep right on going.

It can be downright overwhelming, and if I’m honest, that’s where I find myself this morning. The “to-do” list is ever before me. I feel behind on projects at work and at home. Yet, as I diligently work toward getting caught up, I struggle to move at the desired expedient pace because my heart and mind are flooded with so many thoughts. I’m not sure what to do with it all at times, nor do I know how to articulate it. I just long to be found faithful, so I desperately plead for God to intervene and do that which only He can. As always, He offers direction in His word…

Like a warm blanket for a tired and weary soul, the Lord sends reprieve and delivers guidance through Moses; teach us to number our days. As Scripture reminds us elsewhere, our days are fleeting (Ecclesiastes 11:10). Though some hours and weeks seem as though they’ll never end, the truth is this: life is short and our days are limited. Might we make the most of what we have left and prioritize and structure our lives in healthy awareness of our transient existence.

Lord, teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. The request for such self-recognition is based upon a desire for God to develop within us a deeper experiential knowledge of our King and a faithfulness that exalts His name and accomplishes His will. Perhaps God allows us to feel the hour at hand fading so that we will in turn look to Him for help. On the days that our finite, temporal nature is apparent to our souls and we are too overwhelmed to know where to go next, might we be reminded of the source of our wisdom and strength – our all-powerful, all-knowing, enduring Savior.

Father, teach us to prioritize our lives in light of the cross. Oh, how we need wisdom and direction! May we always sense our desperation for You as you grow us in Your grace and truth. For our joy and Your glory, this is our prayer today.

Matt Fowler - Family Pastor of High School

What could Adrian Peterson have done differently?

Adrian Peterson's mug shot.

The topic of discipline, specifically spanking, has been a hot topic this week, after Adrian Peterson [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrian_Peterson], former running back of the Oklahoma Sooners and current running back for the Minnesota Vikings, was arrested and ultimately suspended for child abuse.

Prosecutors contend that Peterson abused his four-year-old son with a tree branch. Peterson reportedly whipped his son so severely that it caused injuries to the child’s back, legs, and backside. There were also defensive wounds to his hands. The wounds were obvious for days later

But this isn’t a story about “discipline.” This is a story about a broken and angry man assaulting his son. Without question, Peterson was wrong and must be held accountable for his actions. But as responsible parents we must be aware of the growing cultural assault on all forms of childhood discipline. There have been multitudes of blogs that have advocated alternate measures for discipline like “time outs” or “taking away privileges.”

Discipline is essential in training our children to become vibrant, godly disciples of Jesus. What could Adrian Peterson have done differently? I encourage you to watch this brief video by Dr. Timothy Paul Jones that addresses the topic. Watch this brief video.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
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Gospel-Driven Parenting

We’ve just finished two weeks of a twelve week class that we’ve titled “Gospel-Driven Parenting.” I taught the first two weeks and Matt Fowler will be teaching this next Sunday. 

Why teach a 12 week class on parenting? 

Why did you name it “Gospel-Driven Parenting?”

Is this some of the same lessons that have been taught previously with our Family-Equipping Model (Faith Map; Faith Talks; Faith Walks; Faith Mission)? 

Last year, we set up two months each year where I would speak to parents (Feb & Sept), Matt would speak (Mar & Oct), and Jeff as well (Apr & Nov). I chose to split my months with two options—weeks 1& 2 or weeks 3 & 4—with each option having the same two lessons. Parents were able to choose which two weeks they would attend. Those were received well, but some parents had stated they would like more of this type of teaching and more discussion on some of the practical steps. The reality is that those two lessons equaled about 2.5 hours every six months of teaching time. And there is so much information you’re trying to deliver to parents that it can be a rush of information dump—and not much time left for discussion and questions. 

Two hours every six months is not quite what we believe will truly help change the current culture of spiritual discipleship within most homes. For those parents who are truly desiring to lead their families and see the next generation treasuring Christ—this would not be considered adequate training and equipping. 

Therefore, we decided to develop a 12-week class where all three Family Pastors (Matt Fowler, Mike Krebs, myself) would be teaching for about 45 minutes and then leave around 20 minutes for questions and discussion. 

Here’s a quick glimpse of some of the stuff we’ve covered so far in the first two weeks:

What is your goal in parenting? 

What are some possible goals for many parents out there?

What is your goal for your family?

But let’s step back and ask, What is God trying to do in my own heart and life as a parent? 

We spent some time looking at what the Bible reveals to us about our own hearts.

The culture around us, academia, and some misleading teachers of the Bible tell us that people are by nature “good.” And we need to simply believe that there is a God and that this God wants us to try to be good, moral agents. We’re told to discover the good deep inside of us and use that to help the world. 

That is not from the Bible. 

The Bible teaches us that though God created every single person “in His image,” that image of God in every person has been corrupted and marred by sin at the core of our nature. Sure, even lost people see someone in need and help them. But all our works do nothing in atoning for our core sinful hearts.

We are not already “ok” with God needing to simply give a nod to Him and acknowledge that He exists. Satan and every demon see and understand clearly that He exists. It is a matter of seeing our sins as an immeasurable offense to a gracious, just, and holy God. We are separated because of our sins, therefore we must agree with God and confess to God that we hate our sinful state and that we want to stop sinning against Him. That is referred to repentance. So, we agree with God we are sinful—and because we see Him as magnificent we want to stop sinning against Him—turning back to Him and turning away from our sins (repent). We need forgiveness of all our sins and we need perfect righteousness and holiness (guilt free/as if we had never sinned against God’s law) that Jesus provided in His perfect submission to His Father’s will and living a life where He never sinned. We also need a new heart that is enabled by the Holy Spirit of God to now obey and enjoy God’s law. 

All of this—the perfect obedience required by God’s law (righteousness) and forgiveness of sins was provided by Jesus’ life, death on the cross, and resurrection. 

That is not something you “find deep within yourself” in order to make yourself a better person. And there is definitely nothing deep within you nor any good deeds you could perform to reconcile yourself to God or to make God accept you. 

We find our acceptance from God wrapped up in the gospel message of Jesus Christ. 

How does this factor into how we parent then?

We looked at Deuteronomy 6 where we see God’s design and desire for parents. We also looked at Ephesians 2 to see the true state of all people—“dead in trespasses and sins,”—yet the beauty and hope of the gospel, “BUT GOD…being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us (IDENTITY—not pride but humbled—not self-love but loved by God—not self-esteem but unshakable identity), even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved…”

And we looked at the hope of Ephesians 4 to see what should be happening to see people brought to maturity in Christlikeness. 

These were some foundational Biblical examples that we must be looking into as a true mirror for our own hearts. 

What is God revealing to you about your own heart, your own desires for control, your desires for pleasing and impressing other people, your desire for extremely obedient children? 

What if God is wanting some extremely obedient parents who only do what He’s already revealed in Scripture for them to be doing? 

It may be that God really wants to expand your understanding of the gospel’s implications on your own heart as you come seeking Biblical teaching for your children. 

SO LET’S START WHERE GOD WANTS TO START—NOT WITH YOUR CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOR—NOT EVEN WITH YOUR CHILDREN—BUT WITH YOU—THE ADULT BELIEVING PARENT. 

We discussed two polar ends of the parenting pendulum: 

Legalism/Extreme Law <----------> License/Extreme Freedom

Some parents believe that rigid, behavior-focused rules are what will produce good Godly kids. 

Other parents believe that allowing kids the freedom to “express themselves” and find their own way through having no constricting rules is the way to produce Godly offspring. 

Add to that the press in academia and our culture for self-esteem, pride, and self-love. 

Interestingly—all of those philosophies of parenting fall short of what the Bible calls us to as parents. In most cases, parents are reacting to what they experienced from their parents or going to the far extreme opposite of what their parents did. 

What if parents discovered that the Bible does not point us to legalism nor license? Instead it points us to Jesus Christ who came “in grace and truth.” We’re not supposed to choose which one we prefer. And many times it’s a blindspot in our lives as to which way we lean. 

What if parents discovered that self-love and pride are actually the opposite message at the core of the gospel? 

We want our parents and our children to develop identities that are wrapped up in the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Think about it—what are you and your children dealing with…

—shy kid cant build friends —prideful & arrogant kid —cutting kid

—depressed kid —sad kid —damaged abused kid

—attitude kid —complaining griping kid —disrespectful kid

—rebellious kid —sexually engaged/sexually confused kid

THE ANSWER FOR ALL OF THOSE IS A LIVING MAN—JESUS CHRIST—AND HIS CROSS.

—Not self-esteem —Not popularity —Not a boyfriend/girlfriend

—Not personal achievement in sports/academics/the arts —Not comparing against other kids

But helping them learn to base their IDENTITY IN THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST!

—That means looking at themselves and others—and being captivated by what Jesus has accomplished for them in His LIFE, HIS DEATH, HIS RESURRECTION, and HIS SOON RETURN.

WE’RE NOT WANTING PERFECT KIDS—WE WANT GOSPEL-DRIVEN PARENTS WHO REPRODUCE DISCIPLES WHO TREASURE CHRIST. 

WHEN KIDS HAVE ATTITUDES/BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS

—EACH LITTLE INCIDENT IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A “HEART TALK” ABOUT THE GOSPEL

—TO HELP THEM THINK THROUGH WHAT LED UP TO THEIR SINFUL RESPONSE

—WHAT THIS SHOWS THEM ABOUT THEIR HEART

—WHAT JESUS HAS DONE ON THEIR BEHALF AT THE CROSS

—AND HOW AGREEING WITH GOD ON THEIR SIN, REPENTING, AND SEEING JESUS AS THE ALL-SUFFICIENT HOPE FOR CHANGE SHOULD BE THEIR CORRECT RESPONSE. 

We want to train our children to think through and process their life and daily (hourly) decisions with the gospel as the grid and lens they look through. 

We must restore the “main thing” to be the MAIN THING—LOVING THE LORD WITH ALL OUR HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND STRENGTH. 

Sankie P. Lynch

Pastor of Families

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info