Is Parenting Becoming a Religion (Part 2)

 Last week was Part One of Tim Elmore's blog  that was a two part blog written on Feb 10 and 11, 2015. Here is Part Two below. Is parenting becoming a religion?

"Yesterday, I blogged about how parenting has become a “religion” in America, where children have become the absolute centerpiece of the home and nothing negative can be said about them. Yep. Some time between our childhood and the moment we had children of our own, parenthood became a religion. As with many religions, complete, unthinking devotion is required from its practitioners. Nothing in life is allowed to be more important than our children, and we must never speak a disloyal word about our relationship with them. If someone says or does anything contrary, they are not welcomed into civil discussion but persecuted and judged as a heretic. Hmmm. Sounds like an unhealthy religion to me.

We all know, however, that parents are the key to young people. Parents and kids are joined at the hip. Although freshmen are officially adults, colleges now cater to parents, knowing they must please them if they want to keep the customer. The average parent is in touch with their college student between 7-11 times daily.

Some employers are now catering to parents, too, having conversations with a mom or dad over the interview they just had with their newly-minted college graduate. Supposedly, nearly one in eight young job candidates now bring a parent to the interview.

And if that wasn’t enough, I recently saw a TV commercial in which the U.S. Army was attempting to recruit potential soldiers. But instead of targeting the potential recruit, they targeted their parents in the message. Yes, not the actual candidate who’ll be joining, but mom and dad. The message? Your son or daughter doesn’t actually have to do something violent. There are plenty of military jobs that are safe. In my opinion, this is a picture of a growing trend where vendors assume mom and dad will continue to treat their adult children… as children.

The Facts of the Matter

Let me share with you why this is a problem:

1. More and more from Generation iY are moving into adulthood unready. An over-functioning parent disables their child in the end. Kids get stuck.
2.  The primary reason for this is we’ve failed to help them navigate their journey. We’ve not been healthy leaders who both “support” and “let go.”
3.  We’ve come to believe that our kids must always feel wonderful about themselves and should never experience the negative feelings of failure and disappointment life brings.
4.  This conclusion leaves kids without tools to function in the adult world. Their childhood looks nothing like adulthood, so they return home.
5.  All along, they needed caring adults who were both responsive and demanding. Sadly, we assumed they were fragile, or that we’d ruin them if we got tough.
6.  In the end, we believed: if we are too tough, we have failed to love them well. Unfortunately, this mindset has set them up to be ambushed by the realities of adulthood.

Puzzle Pieces and Box Tops

The truth is, every student needs caring adults (teachers, coaches and parents) who collaborate in their messaging. Kids need to hear about Puzzle Pieces and Box Tops. This is a new Habitude that will be released in 2015 and reminds students of this truth: It is almost impossible to put a puzzle together (especially if there are many pieces) if you don’t have a box top to see the big picture. The only way you’ll know where to place a piece is to see where it fits, and the only way you can see where it fits is to see the whole picture. In light of this truth, we must communicate to our young people:

“You play an important role, but you’re part of a bigger picture… and you may not be the center of it. You may play a supporting role, but that’s OK. It is more rewarding to play a role in a much bigger story than to be the center of a tiny, one-person show.”

Reminders About What Real Love Looks Like

1. If I really love my students, I am honest with them. I don’t paint a dishonest picture about their giftedness or beauty. I speak lovingly but truthfully.
2. If I love my students, I’ll care enough to offer them clear direction, even if it’s unpopular at the time. It’s more important to be their leader than their buddy.
3. If I really love my students, I don’t always give them what they want but what they need. I recognize they’ll choose ice cream over vegetables, so I help them make better choices until they’re ready to do so themselves.
4. If I love my students, I want them to respect me now even more than love me. I know they will appreciate me at age 30, so I’m willing to lead them now so they grow into healthy adults.
5. If I really love students, I will help them see the long-term ripple effect of their decisions. I teach them to “pay now and play later.”
6. If I really love students, I provide discipline, but more than that, I teach them to discipline themselves so someone else doesn’t have to.

Did you know that most Japanese schools don’t have janitors? Instead, the children do the cleaning daily to associate cleaning with morality. They believe it builds a work ethic, where as we Americans would see this as child abuse.

Warning to Professionalized Pastors

In John Piper’s book, Brothers, We Are Not Professionals, he writes to warn pastors of the danger of becoming so “professionalized” in the various avenues of ministry. 

I read through this book a few years ago, but now it’s a required reading for one of my classes. We had to read through it and write out some helpful applications we gained from the reading. 

Piper says this, “We pastors are being killed by the professionalizing of the pastoral ministry. The mentality of the professional is not the mentality of the prophet. It is not the mentality of the slave of Christ.” 

Now, he is not saying that pastors should not handle themselves in a professional manner. He is saying that the essence of ministry and declaring hope to a broken world naturally leads to heavy hearts, carrying other’s burdens, and dealing with the broken-hearted. 

He goes on, “Our business is to weep over sins (James 4:9). Is there professional weeping?…to deny ourselves and take up the blood-spattered cross daily (Luke 9:23). How do you carry a cross professionally?” 

He sounds this alarm because of the tendency for pastors to try to be more “professional” in their talk and image and style than they are as shepherds concerned about their people’s hearts. 

Over the last fifteen years, there has been a spike in conferences, trainings, and books that promise to develop your leadership and professional skills as a pastor. You can look on the Christian best-seller lists to see that “leadership” books have been some of the most popular areas for over a decade. 

This doesn’t mean that any forms of professional service are wrong. People should have an expectation for pastors to do their job with a certain level of professionalism. But there is a difference between performing your job duties with levels of professionalism and those who live to impress people with their ability to compete on the world’s stage of prominence. 

Piper reminds us that we are “aliens” and “sojourners” awaiting our true home. Our citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3:20). But are we leading our people to think in that reality and live in that reality? 

How can you professionally mourn with those who mourn or weep with those who weep? 

How can you professionally be poor in spirit? 

This is a great warning to be watchful of the draw in our hearts to be too attached, too esteemed, to popular, or too professional in this world. 

Sankie P. Lynch

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info

What are we waiting for?

“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.” Ecclesiastes 11:4

Is it possible to overthink a situation? Can one wait so long as to completely miss an opportunity? Well, it has been my experience that it is. As a matter of fact, one of the things I’ve learned about myself in recent years is that I have a strong tendency to act this way. The bigger the decision feels, the more likely I am to overanalyze it; I’ll mull it over multiple times, and eventually I’ll put it off. Essentially, it plays out like this: I’d rather not make a decision, than make a bad one. And while on certain occasions this works to my advantage, generally speaking, it’s not a valuable trait in my repertoire. And here in Ecclesiastes, Solomon clearly warns against waiting for “all the stars to align.”

Scripture gives us an illustration of an overly concerned farmer that will not sow, for the conditions are not right for him. The wind appears to be a tad too strong; the dark clouds seem severe and possibly too ominous. And since the timing doesn’t feel right, the job never gets done; the seed is never planted; therefore, there are no crops to reap. And this is precisely the point: if we are postponing for the perfect conditions, pausing for the most favorable of circumstances, watching for that “just right” moment, we could quite easily spend the rest of our days waiting. We may well have our eyes in the clouds and our wet finger held to the breeze, with nothing to gather when the harvest season draws nigh.

Now to be clear, this passage is in no way discouraging discernment, for wisdom weighs options, prudently positions, and strategically structures for success. Is it recommending rash and radical resolutions? Of course not! What this verse does caution against, however, is the idea of never moving forward. Farmers have a specific window of time to till and plant, if they are to reap a worthwhile return. And in a similar way, you and I have been granted an allotted period to accomplish our God-given tasks. The Lord has called us to join in His redemptive work of reconciling all things unto Himself. He has invited us to bring Him glory by sharing His gospel and being disciples that seek to make disciples, both locally and abroad. Unfortunately, we are often far too comfortable with sitting it out in hopes of clearer skies tomorrow.

Whether our field is at home, our place of business, or any of the places in between, we must get to work. Truth is this: that difficult discussion will never sound like fun. That uncomfortable scenario will always seem a bit scary. The schedule change will never happen until it finally does. Those well-intended, intentional moments spent with your family will remain a dream until they are given the opportunity to become a reality. You and I long to share the good news, we desire to be bold and adventurous in our faith. Then it might be time for us to put our hand to the plow and push hard toward our prize. Storms may scatter the seed we've been given, but at least out there, being tossed toward the soil, it will finally have a chance to take root and fulfill its purpose.

Yes, there will be exterior distractions; life will cause plenty of delays. Maybe the enemy is staging attacks to deter us from our divinely delivered duties, but then again, maybe it is just us – our fearfulness, our timidity, our laziness, our need for control that gets in the way. Of course, it might not be either of those scenarios. Perhaps the Lord is simply leading us to lean on Him, to press into Him, and trust Him. I mean consider the problem of having to always see the next step, of constantly making sure all the ingredients are perfectly in place. That type of living removes the necessity of faith. Truth is that sometimes God just calls us to the kitchen. He’ll give us the recipe when we get there – the words, the courage, and directions, whatever is needed. But we must sow to reap, and we must don the apron to cook in His kingdom.

Matt Fowler
NBC Family Pastor of HS
@fattmowler

Parenting In Your Sweet Spot!

When I was growing up my family used to do put together jig-saw puzzles. We would set the puzzle pieces on a card table and then piece by piece, put the puzzle together. The jigsaw puzzle provided us with something to work on together. We would laugh and chat. We would encourage each other and cheer on one another for finding a missing piece. But there was another thing we did almost every time

When the puzzle was close to being completed someone, sometimes everyone, would hide a piece so they could have the joy of being the one to complete the puzzle. But, you guessed it, if there are always 4 pieces missing then we all lose the joy. Being the youngest, I would occasionally lose the piece I had hidden. To say, “That was a problem for my family, especially my older brother,” is an understatement!

Parenting can be such a complex puzzle sometimes. You think you are doing the right thing, then the piece you thought would fit, doesn’t fit. There always seems to be a puzzle piece missing. You do something to encourage joy, and you experience disappointment instead. The child that you care for hears some of the harshest words you have ever spoken come out of your mouth. You find yourself shirking your responsibilities because you don’t want to be angered, or let down.

• Do you ever feel like a failure as a parent?
• Are you looking forward to the teen years?
• Do you still have some unresolved negative feelings toward your own parents?

These are difficult questions.

I prepared this little graphic for you to encourage you to stay in your sweet spot, as a parent.

Is Parenting Becoming a Religion?

This is another great read from Tim Elmore's blog  that was a two part blog written on Feb 10 and 11, 2015.
I have included Part One today and I will include Part Two, next Thursday, March 12th.

"I just finished speaking at a school, where I did an event for students, faculty, parents and community leaders. It was refreshing to talk to such engaging audiences, both adults and kids. After my parent workshop, one mom approached me with a comment that stopped me in my tracks. She said, “Don’t you think part of our problem today in America is that parenting has become a religion?” Wow. Her remark made me pause to think. I think I agree.

Let me tell you why. We’ve all seen the signs of this emerging “religion” over the last thirty years:
 • Baby On Board Signs on the back of the mini-van.
• “My Kid is a Super Kid at ABC Elementary School” bumper stickers.
• Trophies and ribbons are given away just for playing on a team.
• Blockbuster movies where kids not only the stars… but also the heroes.
• Entire restaurants and TV networks devoted solely to children.
• Television programs all about parenthood as the primary theme.
• Parents acting like “agents” at school plays or little league games.

Yep. Kids are front and center in our minds. Anything less is politically incorrect. Children have actually become the new “scorecard” for our success as adults, and now, parenthood is acting like a religion. Why and How I Think It Began I remember watching early Baby Boomers surrender to narcissism. In the 1960’s, young adults gave in to a pursuit of finding themselves through carefree living, drugs, and rock and roll. Millions of them grew to regret it and returned to more traditional lifestyles of marriage and family. They began raising children with the mantra: “Do as I say, don’t do as I did.” They determined to do a 180-degree turnaround.

Afterward came Generation X, who also watched the self-absorbed early life of the Boomers and decided that as they raise kids, they’d do the opposite. They would focus on raising children who are happy, who have high self-esteem, and who are safe within their nurturing arms. Having been the children of those early Boomers, they reacted by focusing on being good parents. Children became the obsession of adults, and most of us unwittingly joined the religion. If you know me, you know I absolutely love kids—that’s why I work with them.

So I feel a need to call out this elephant in the room: Making kids the center of attention is not healthy for them or you. No doubt, there are benefits to making parenthood a “religion.” It reminds us of our priorities—children need us to invest our time developing them.

At the same time, there are vivid pitfalls as well:
• Adults who don’t feel free to honestly express their feelings about kids are less likely to resolve problems with their kids at home.
• Kids who are raised to believe they are the center of the world have a tough time entering adulthood, where that special status evaporates.
• Couples who live child-centric lives often lose touch with each other and tend to have nothing in common as kids leave home. (No wonder kids return.)
• Young people don’t have the maturity to handle the weight of their parents’ happiness rising and falling with their performance.

May I tell you what I see this “religion” doing to the fabric of our lives?
1. It’s hindering relationships between teachers and parents.
2. It’s ruining marriages, where children step in between spouses.
3. It’s hindering neighborhood sports programs, dividing parents over kids.
4. It’s negatively impacting employers who can’t find career-ready grads.

Call me a heretic, but I think it actually helps (rather than hinders) a child’s emotional security to see their parents prioritize their love for each other, as husband and wife. In this safe haven where they see this modeled, they become secure and don’t feel the need to be the source of everyone’s happiness. Children take their proper role as part of the family… not the “star” of the family."

Come back for Part Two next week!

AN INCOMPARABLE WEIGHTY AND STRATEGIC TIME

JOHN 17

I just finished speaking at a Perspectives Class a couple of weeks ago. Perspectives is a class focusing on God’s global mandate throughout the Bible to take the gospel of Christ to all the nations. (I believe Perspectives is a must for every Christian—find one near you!)

The lesson I taught was Lesson #4: God’s Mandate to the Nations. I wanted to share a section out of what I taught that night. I attempted to bring out what the Bible reveals about Jesus’ heart as He was facing the cross. John 17 

A.W. Tozer once wrote that “the most important thoughts that a man thinks are his thoughts when he thinks about God.” 

He was speaking to the reality that our view of God, whether high and exalted, or low and common, impacts every perspective in our lives. 

—If we could get one of the most intimate glimpses of a person—any person—it might be their heart crying out to God as they know they are facing death. —With this one Person, distinct and set apart from all other men—What would His heart cry be in this most secret and intimate time alone with His Father as He is facing death? 

—Jesus has lived among HIs disciples for over three years now. They have walked with Him daily. They have heard hundreds of hours of His teachings and lessons. 

—They have seen Jesus responding to His harshest critics. They have seen Jesus responding to God-fearing peoples. They have seen Jesus responding to the marginalized and outcast of society. 

—They have seen Him turn water into wine at a wedding party. They have seen Him walk on water. They have seen Him heal people with sicknesses, deformities, demons, and leprosy. They have seen Him raise people from the dead. 

—And now we come to the end. Jesus knows His time has come that God’s will for His life come to the part where He will be betrayed and captured and crucified. 

**At the end of such a powerful story and powerful life—What would be the weighty matter on Jesus’ mind as He knows what will happen in the next few days? 

**With all that His mind could be going through—What is it His mind is fixed and focused on? 

The Answer: His disciples. 

At such a crucial and incomparable weighty and strategic time—Jesus’ heart is fixed on His glory and the Father’s glory being displayed through these lowly men’s lives as they were captivated in Christ. 

John 17:1  “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son may glorify You.”

Jesus is well aware of the dreaded cross He is about to face. He has discussed His upcoming betrayal and death several times at this point with His disciples. None of them fully grasping the weight of it. 

Yet, facing that hour, He says, “Glorify Your Son.” That is an insanely ridiculous statement if not uttered through the very Son of God. It is not “glorifying” for any father to crush their innocent son to death for the guilt of others. Yet Jesus equates His future sufferings and death as a means to glorify not only Himself—but His Father as well—“that Your Son may glorify You.” 

John 17:3  “Now this is eternal life; that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.”

Many a preacher and person have described eternal life in completely different ideas. Many people think the highest goal of eternal life is being re-united with former loved ones. Others need juvenile accounts to assure them that heaven is going to be fitting enough for them. 

Jesus has a clear view of eternal life: It is knowing God the Father and the Son He has sent…period. Those who understand this God do so because they have understood the Son and the Son being sent for one purpose. That purpose was to seek and save the lost and reconcile God and man even though man’s sin had separated each one of us an eternal placement apart (2 Cor. 5:21). 

The purpose of Jesus coming was as a propitiation to purchase salvation(1 John 2:2; 1 John 4:10)—His innocence taking on the wrath of God for our guilt of sin. Those who understand that deeply view heaven along with Jesus as the immeasurable privilege of savoring time with this Godhead “face to face” for all eternity (1 Cor. 13:12). 

Therefore, in Jesus’ summation, the greatest treasure of heaven is not the scenery nor people nor loss of pain nor even absence of sin. The high and exalted glorious treasure and pleasure of heaven is God Himself. Nothing else. Not “God…and.” Not “God…plus.” Clarity. Immeasurable intrinsic weighty glory. God Himself is the reward. 

So Jesus starts out this beautiful prayer asking for God’s glory to be displayed and with a clarity on what true eternal life is. 

John 17:4 “I have brought You glory on the earth by finishing the work You gave Me to do.”

Notice Jesus is not speaking or referring to His work of atonement on the cross. Later on, in Jesus last words, Jesus says, “It is finished,”(John 19:30) and then dies. At that point, the “finished” work is justification. At that point on the cross, Jesus clarifies a different completed work. The completed work of justification (salvation) bought by Jesus’ death was a one time event. Jesus’ cross “work” is the most intensively astounding event that has happened in all of eternity. God, the perfect, holy One, died. 

Holy God died for wretched, filthy, murdering, lying, molesting, raping, gossiping, thieving, jealous, arrogant, proud, self-righteous, drunken, sexually immoral, debased, religious and non-religious man. That is the result of Jesus “finished” work on the cross. 

But back in our text, John 17:4, Jesus stresses another work He has “finished” for the glory of God. It is pouring His life and teachings and attitude and treatment of others into the hearts of His closest followers. John 17 reveals Jesus’ elevated and brilliant plan of investing in a few that is still spreading to this day. 

In the next 22 verses, Jesus refers specifically to His closest disciples over 45 times. That’s right. Over 45 times. Some people have thought this prayer was focused on the world and all those who would ever be reached by the gospel. But Jesus even clarifies twice, “I am not praying for the world” (17:9) but instead is praying specifically for His disciples, and later distinguishes by praying “for those who will believe in Me through their message,” (17:20). 

Three years earlier, Jesus had chosen these twelve men to be His closest companions. He had called them to “be with Him.” Jesus calls them to follow Him and become “fishers of men” (Mark 1:17).  

Later, after His crucifixion and resurrection, as He is about to ascend to heaven, Jesus tells them that they are to “be My witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8). 

Essentially, Jesus is letting them know that their lives are now going to be all about Him. And this fits since His earlier estimation of that which entails eternal life is the reward of God Himself. Therefore, if eternal life is all about God, life on this planet would be all about God as well. 

Jesus’ focus and heart is revealed in His prayer. He has revealed by spending the greatest majority of His time, teaching, and life as pouring into men—not organizing events for people to gather around. Jesus envisioned a movement and force that “the gates of hell could not prevail against” (Matt. 16:18). The “gates” Jesus spoke of were not on the offensive. In Jesus’ mind, His Kingdom would be on the offensive taking back captives that are held in darkness behind the “gates.” 

Jesus didn’t expect those behind the gates to come out on their own or even desire to without a clear gospel message that would free them. He expected His Kingdom to advance the gospel by making disciples just like He had commanded (Matt. 28:18-20) and just as He Himself had exampled. 

It cannot be put any more clearly. What could Jesus possibly have done to get us to see that making disciples—investing in a few people—with gospel intentionality with our eyes looking upon all of lostness as an area of mission. It was supposed to be communities on mission instead of thinking the mission is creating community. True community will develop, but in process of continuing to make disciples of all peoples. We don’t stop once we’ve developed a little bit of community—whether that a few hundred or a few thousand. 

Jesus’ life revealed that making disciples was His plan for extending the gospel message to all peoples. 

Jesus’ prayer in John 17 (and others) reveals His heart’s desire to see His message internalized in captivated followers who would live for one holy passion in all peoples. 

Jesus’ command in Matthew 28 and Acts 1:8 reveals His command on high from the Father, empowered by the Spirit, to make disciples of all peoples and nations. 

So, how are we doing at this clear task?

How much of our time is spent in the busy-ness of Christianeze?

Are you making disciple by investing in a few?

Maybe these help us answer the question, Am i really captivated in Christ and what He has done? 

Let us examine our hearts and lives to see where we betray and live in disobedience to this mandate. Let us repent and pray for the Holy Spirit to stir us. Let us say no to the good things to be able to say yes to investing in a few. 

Sankie P. Lynch

www.nbchurch.info

www.nbfamilies.info

sankie@nbchurch.info