As his father picked him up and carried him out of the auditorium the little boy was wrestling with his father and trying to free himself. The little guy, with perfect clarity plead with his father so that every ear heard, , “Daddy don’t beat me. Don’t beat me daddy!” He continued the pleading all the way down the center isle until the door to the auditorium slowly closed. The sounds of his pleading was drowned out by the snickering of the congregation. The sermon was essentially over at that point.
Little boy wins. The father had no intention of “beating” the little boy. There is nothing funny about child abuse. I think the crowd chuckling was due to the fact that every parent in the room had experienced the power of the well time defiance from a two-year-old.When children defy their parents through a bitter battle of wills both parents and kids suffer.
- Do parents feel better if they can cause their kids to feel badly about their defiance?
- Do parents feel better if they sit passively and observe their little tyrant taking over?
- Do parents feel better if they raise entitled, bossy, self absorbed kids with very little regard for authority?
- What can we learn about grace and forgiveness?
- What can we learn about discipline and correction?
| Hebrews 12: | Romans 2:3-4 |
| Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had natural fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. | Do you really think—anyone of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same—that you will escape God’s judgment? 4 Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? |
| TRUTH: The purpose for discipline is holiness not just behavior modification. The fruit of discipline should be peace and righteousness. Parents must express love for the offending child. Loving, gentle correction is essential. Recklessly inflicting pain out of anger is abusive. | TRUTH: It is the attitude of the parent during correction that speaks most loudly to the child. Discipline should be given in wisdom, love and kindness not haste, irritation or rage. |
There are times when parents must intentionally engage their children, especially when their kid’s behaviors cause the parents to want to avoid their children. Parents must simultaneously invest – time, attention, energy, authority, wisdom, discipline, and grace – particularly when their don’t deserve it. Parents must show kindness and love when their children are certain they should receive the parent’s wrath.
Children need to know from their parents that although their actions are not acceptable, they are dearly loved and their parents always want them close unconditionally.Parents must simultaneously give discipline and loving grace because this reflects the absolute paradox of divine love - the way God loves instead of loving the way the world loves.
Love like this shapes the heart of a child and the parent toward being able to begin to comprehend the incomprehensible love of the Heavenly Father.
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| Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor twitter.com/philsallee facebook.com/phil.sallee philsallee.info nbchurch.info nbfamilies.info |
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