"Uh, pardon me sir, but..."

While recently at a large gathering, I observed an older gentleman that had exited the restroom with his fly undone. Because I would have wanted to know had it been me, I casually walked up to the man and made him aware of his situation. He received the information with grace and humility. He seemed genuinely grateful that I had told him. You know, that’s not always the case though. On multiple occasions I’ve noticed similar scenarios (food in a beard, toilet paper stuck to a shoe, nasal issues, etc.) only to discover that it would have been better to keep the observation to myself. Folks (myself included) are easily embarrassed and prone to being defensive, making excuses, and avoiding uncomfortable issues altogether, especially when it pertains to spiritual things.

No, it wasn't Sir Paul that I confronted.

The story above got me thinking… How do I handle those times when someone offers careful correction or gentle rebuke? Usually not well, and I’m not alone on this. Spiritually speaking, it is as if we’d rather walk around with our pants unzipped than acknowledge that we might have missed something. Why is that? Why is it so hard to hear that we may possibly be in error? Well, I can’t speak for you, but in my case, the root issue is always pride.

Somewhere along the way, I get to thinking that I am important and useful in my own strength. Somehow I begin to believe the success I’m enjoying has been brought about through my own hard work. Anything that questions that or threatens the way I’m feeling about myself is unwelcomed. Though I’d never admit it in the moment, I feel that I’m deserving of good things. In my own "wisdom," I have something special to offer the world, so people ought to listen up. Which means this: if my theology is off, or my work ethic is lacking, or grace is absent from my actions and attitudes...and someone tries to let me know… I probably won’t receive it well, because at some point, I started believing the lie that I could pull this whole thing off without Christ.

It is hard to type the above paragraph, realizing just how stubborn and shortsighted I can be. Quite frankly, it is embarrassing. Obviously this will continue to be something I’m forced to wrestle with but I have started to make some headway. First of all, I know that not every critique is accurate. Many are often associated with one’s own agenda or personal preferences. So, I try to take criticism from folks that I don’t know well with a grain of salt. I am learning to bring friends in for this kind of evaluation – my wife, my colleagues, the trusted men in my life… “Hey, do you see this in me?” Or “Did you take that a certain way?” Their input is valuable and reliable.

Secondly, I acknowledge that being vulnerable is hard. Exposing your heart to anyone (even your spouse) can be difficult at times. I mean, one must consider, what will they do with this information? What will they think of me? What if they’re right? Trusting someone with sensitive information and not knowing their response is scary. However, what is the alternative? Not being known? Just cruising through life with my own biased opinion of myself? Even with a heavy dose of daily Scripture, if I am reading and processing solely in isolation, with no community to help me digest what I’m learning, I will soon be in danger of confusing my own voice for that of the Holy Spirit.

Lastly, and this is a hard one, I’m being reminded of the implications of always having an excuse. To have a defense ready each and every time I’m challenged implies that I’m a finished project no longer in need of God’s grace. I no longer need His divine growth and sanctification. If I’ve graduated beyond reproof and correction, I’m essentially saying that I’m a completely polished product. The big problem is that either makes God a liar, suggesting the cross was unnecessary, or it shows me for the fool that I am – one desperately in need of forgiveness and mercy. 

I pray we might each find a place where we can truly be known – a place where our blind spots can be identified. Oh might we learn to receive admonition from friends as what it truly is: God’s grace toward us, granting us opportunity to grow for His glory.