To show me His love (again)...

I’ve often questioned God. My questioning has had little to do with the world’s pain and suffering. Scripture has given me a framework for understanding the brokenness of our fallen planet. Additionally, I see in His word that God has a much bigger and better plan at play. I know He’s good and try my best to lean into that when life gets hard. However, I really struggle with His grace, particularly His incredible goodness to entrust me as a parent of four. So my questioning of the Almighty has often gone something like this: “Lord, why, in Your infinite wisdom, have You allowed me to be a dad? I know You’re omniscient and all, so did You just accidentally overlook my scouting report? Did You forget how You made me? God, I’m clearly not cut out for such a task!” I’m curious, have you ever wondered this about yourself?

My wife and I recently found ourselves in the midst of a really hard conversation with one of our children. Our child (which shall remain unnamed) had been disobedient and the root of this kid’s rebellion not only broke trust with us as parents but revealed that this child’s confidence in us was not as strong as we had thought. Brittany and I believed we had built a “safe” environment in our home, that we had laid a solid foundation for future discussion. We thought our children felt they could talk to us about anything. Well, evidently not. No exaggeration, there were portions of this chat with our child that were excruciatingly painful and difficult to navigate. I found myself again asking God, “Why?”

The irony in it all is that God gently provided an answer. It was not an audible voice that I would liken to Morgan Freeman, but it was certainly a clear response. As we considered what this child’s transgression uncovered in our relationship, it was as if God held a mirror up to my own soul. As I was sitting at the table thinking through the scenario with my wife, it hit me. I was so upset and hurt about what had happened. Why wouldn’t this child just trust us? Do we not have much greater knowledge and experience? Is this not what we had warned would happen? Has our love not been proven? For crying out loud, we are for this child!

Then suddenly it dawned on me. Does my disobedience not communicate a similar message to my Father? He has never lied to me; He has never led me astray. His word speaks of His goodness and grace - how He is for me and not against me - how He is good and does good, and promises good to those who love Him. Why would God allow a broken, faulty, beggar like me the privilege of raising His children? To show me His love! How patient is the Father! How kind! How long-suffering He must be, to put up with my wayward heart. I’ve tasted of His mercy, drank deeply from the well of His grace, only to return to the empty cisterns of this world - the sinful defaults of my flesh.

As I agonized over the apparent betrayal of our child, my heart began to hurt for the ways that I’ve been Judas to my Jesus. And there in the middle of this mess, the God of grace began to bring healing. The impossibility of the moment we were in started to feel much more manageable. Because of our experience from previously tough dialogues? No, of course not. The weight of our burden lightened as my wife and I were reminded of this simple truth: He loves our kiddos more. Even on our best days, we will step out of line. We will disappoint them. We will inadvertently fail our children daily, for as long as He’s ordained. But He is perfect. He is worthy of complete trust. Just as He has proven His faithfulness to us, over and over, He will never let them down.

The more I know the Father, the better equipped I am to fulfill the duties of “dad.” The more aware I am of God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness, the far more likely I am to share the same with others. Though I regret the sin that has placed us in this season, I’m grateful for the lessons that we’re learning together. And I’m blown away by the One that would allow it all to happen, if for nothing else, just to show me His love (again).

Matt Fowler
Associate Pastor of Missions & Students
matt@nbchurch.info
@fattmowler

The God of All Grace

“…the God of all grace…” 1 Peter 5:10

What do we do when there's nothing we can do? When we make a mess that cannot be cleaned up, what's next? How do we respond when there's not a redo? When mulligans, second chances, and take-backs are not offered as an option, what else is left?

I ask because this is more than hypothetical. This was recently our reality. We made a mistake that could not be undone. We missed an opportunity that was a one-time deal. There was nothing we could do to right our wrong.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever wounded a loved one with your words? Has "I'm sorry" ever felt insufficient? Have you ever pushed things too far? Have you ever forgotten an important date or event? Have you ever been careless or just accidentally blown it? If it couldn't be fixed, if reconciliation couldn't be found, then you can surely relate.

So how did we respond, you ask? Well, honestly, we grieved. Filled with frustration and disappointment in ourselves due to our self-inflicted loss, we cried. We searched for tangible ways to make things better and came up empty. Our attempts were futile. Time had expired and our chance had passed, so we did the only thing we could... We asked for mercy.

In this particular scenario, much grace was extended our way. Forgiveness was offered and the world apparently will not come to an end on account of our blunder. Nevertheless, this fact remains: we cannot fix our past failure.

"Man Matt, you're being really vague." Well, that's because the details are beside the point. We fouled up and will likely live long enough to let folks down again. Maybe I'll share the specifics sometime later on down the road, but it's still, as the kids say, “Too soon!”

While I would gladly fly Doc Brown's Delorean back in time a few days if I could, I must admit that I'm grateful for what this failure has reminded me. This is exactly where I once stood with God. In fact, it is where we all would be, if not for Christ. Without Him we are utterly helpless. We are dead in our sins. The ability to reach reconciliation does not reside in us. We have erred and if left alone, face an insurmountable deficit. I was completely powerless to improve my situation with the holy and righteous God of the universe.

I’m not saying that I couldn’t ask for forgiveness – that I couldn’t repent and plead for mercy. I’m saying that’s all I could do. I could not undo my sin. I couldn’t take back my selfishness. I couldn’t retract the worship I had given the idols of my heart. I could not become faultless. Plain and simple, I was guilty.

Yet, what’s even more remarkable is that the only thing I could do (repent), I didn’t want to do. So while my wife and I messed up this past weekend, knew it immediately, and desired to make things right, on my own, I would never have desired a restored relationship with God. Scripture tells us that none come to the Son unless the Father draws them (John 6:44). Again, I was dead in my trespasses (Ephesians 2:1-3).

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved – and raised us up with Him and seated us in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast (Ephesians 2:4-9 ESV).

Truly, how wonderful is this truth! Dead, disobedient, rebellious, and deserving of wrath, yet now through Jesus’ blood, we’re recipients of His grace and mercy. Again, I have much regret for falling short and injuring ones we so dearly love. At the same time, my appreciation for God’s love and unmerited goodness has been rekindled on account of our slip up.

And what if that’s the point? What if we are allowed to blow it from time to time so that we might remember our great salvation? What if we are occasionally brought low to turn our eyes to the heavens? Would a regular recollection of God’s grace help us be more gracious to each other? Would it perhaps enable us to grant a little more grace to ourselves?

May today’s struggles and missteps serve as arrows pointing you to Him, the God of all grace.

Matt Fowler
Associate Pastor of Missions & Students
matt@nbchurch.info
@fattmowler