I have just finished three out of four trainings for parents of Genesis Preschool and Genesis Kidz in our Parent Equipping Class. I’ve been so excited to finally get with many of the parents who have children in those two areas. It is so encouraging to see so many parents truly desiring to lead their families according to God’s plan laid out in Deuteronomy 6:1-9.
With both groups of parents I’ve asked the question, “How many of you grew up in homes where you were truly discipled by your parents in the Deuteronomy 6 fashion?”
Out three classes and over 60 people there has been one person to raise their hand.
Now, that doesn’t mean that those adults were not raised by well-intentioned Christian parents. Many of these adult parents were raised inside the church walls. But the point is Deuteronomy 6 lays out God’s intentions for producing spiritual offspring who treasure God as the most significant thing to live for.
So WHY have so many parents not looked to God’s design for raising their children?
There are a number of contributing factors—but here’s two of the most concerning:
- Shifts in Culture
- Church Leaders Accommodating Culture
Here’s what I mean by that.
- First, shifts in culture have allowed parents to become so preoccupied with a plethora of limitless activities that there is no longer a central “main thing” they are trying to point their children to live for. Deuteronomy 6 lays out the “main thing” to be “The LORD is one; Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” When our kids graduate and leave home to start their own lives—they need to know that was the “main thing” to live for no matter what vocation and location they arrive at.
- Second, churches have failed to acknowledge to the parents their God-ordained responsibility of being the ones who lead their children spiritually. Instead, churches have tried to accommodate busy consumeristic trends and slip in twenty minutes of teaching about God on Wednesday nights and during Sunday school hour.
- Furthermore, churches have not equipped, trained, nor brought encouragement and accountability for those parents to fulfill their role in spiritually raising their families. Churches began to ask, “What does it take to keep people coming?” Or “What would it take to get more people to come?” Instead of asking, “What has God told us to communicate and train believers to do as image-bearers in Christ’s Kingdom in a culture separated from God?” The answers to those questions take people in two completely different directions.
{Two resources with much information on both of these factors: Timothy Paul Jones Family Ministry Field Guide (Indianapolis: Wesleyan Publishing House, 2011). And Randy Stinson & Timothy Paul Jones ed. Trained in the Fear of God: Family Ministry in Theological, Historical, and Practical Perspective (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2011). }
So, how did these shifts in culture and church accommodation come about? Below are some factors that I received in a class (Leadership & Family Ministry) at Southern Seminary that lays out how we have arrived at this current era in the western church.
HISTORICAL, SOCIAL, AND CULTURAL FACTORS
In the Hebrew/Jewish culture, the father was ACKNOWLEDGED/EXPECTED to be the spiritual leader of the family.
This was carried over from Judaism when those of “the way,” early Christianity, began to develop. There was already, in Judaism, an expectation for parents to train their children in the fear and understanding of the Lord. Now, that included a more complete understanding with Jesus and His cross as the complete fulfillment of that teaching.
Early writings: (Didache, Polycarp, and letters of Barnabas) reveal that it was common for the parents to be intentional in leading their children in the ways of the Lord.
Shepherd of Hermes (mid 2nd century) “God is angry with you in your neglect of spiritual training of your children in the home.”
John Chrisostom “Just as we see artists in great precision, so we must care for these wonderful statues of ours. Being sculptors we remove what is unhelpful and add to what is lacking…so that we may fulfill their purpose. Give up your leisure time to fashion tees wonderful statues God has given to us…make them athletes for Christ…”
Martin Luther (1500’s) “We must improve and elevate children as it was done of old, where it was the job of the father to give more care and equipping to his children than of his own body.”
Richard Baxter (Puritan Pastor/Theologian) “Spiritually leading your children will not only spare you much labor, but multiply your labors incredibly.”
Jonathan Edwards (Pastor/Theologian) “Every family should be, as it were, a little church. Family education and discipleship are some of the chief means of grace.”
HISTORY OF CULTURE & YOUTH/CHILDREN
(How did we get to this point?)
Horace Mann (1852) He pressed that every child must go to public schools in Massachusetts. “Education if equal for everyone, will draw property after it in all occasions. It is the great equalizer of conditions of men, the balance wheel of the social machinery.”
Compulsory Education: It becomes a place, for the first time, where young kids become more influenced by their peer group (same age) instead of the family and a wider group of adults. (Apprenticeship fading)
Adult / Child Interaction: Up to this point, parents expected maturity for children was to be able to interact and respond with people of different ages, especially adults. After this shift in culture to children being separated for schooling, it became the expectation for them to interact with only their peers.
**Do you see what is happening? Children are outside of the home and outside of the parent’s supervision and influence now more than ever. Children are interacting many more hours per week with children on their peer level without the influence of a parent throughout the day. This is a huge shift in the culture at this time.
Tax Dollars: (1870’s) The Supreme Court rules that high schools would be free of charge for all to attend. Education is free. Whether you sent your children or not—your taxes funded it. This was a big shift with lots of controversy. Public schooling is now paid for by taxes.
G. Stanley Hall (1844-1944) He is a writer with enlightenment influenced thinking. There were two views popular at that time on evolution—1) Darwinian Evolution; 2) Lamarkian Evolution. Darwinian believed that the strongest will prevail. Lamarkian believed that certain traits would be passed on to children (father is a blacksmith/or butcher—children will have stronger arms, etc). This was proven wrong quickly. But G. Stanley Hall took this and applied it to raising children and specifically preteen and teen children. He believed, in his evolutionary leaning, that adolescents are in a “wild cave man” period of development. He taught that societies should allow kids to wander far and long enough to find the best habitat and experience things for themselves to be able to know what they want in life. This is the poster child for “Freedom Without Responsibility.” This relaxed view letting them find their own way with no responsibility and low expectation became the norm.
The Great Depression: Truancy laws were imposed to move youth out of jobs and into schools in order to provide jobs for adults. This was mainly in more urban areas. This resulted in a huge number of youth being placed in school systems with a large number of their peers. This new and growing peer culture was surrounded by others with the same maturity of other peers with little interaction of a majority of adults. Parents (adults) became separated from their children in growing numbers—huge numbers.
RECAP: So far, we’ve seen taxes paying for public school and large masses of children moving to the public system, youth removed from the work force to provide jobs for adults and at the same time provide safety in child labor laws, laws that require children to be in public school or other educational environment but not the working class, and deep, complex, far-reaching implications on the amount of time that young people spent with the adults in their lives. Time together as a family is being changed drastically.
World War & Urbanization: As men came back from war and needed jobs, there was a large number of people that began migrating from rural areas to urban areas. Jobs were provided in larger cities and families began to move that way. Now we have more parents working away from the home in factories and other jobs, while at the same time growing numbers of children who would no longer follow their parent’s footsteps or career field. It would now be opportunity for them to “select” jobs that may be completely different than their father and grandfather’s work.
Industrial Revolution and Capitalism: On the tails of the Great Depression, World Wars, and Urbanization, we saw a “pull up your bootstraps” mentality that vowed never to allow us to sink into a depression ever again. The economy and capitalism began to take shape like never before. This focused attention and drive to succeed financially and capitalistically was met with great success. But the drive for more opportunity and individual success also came at a great cost spiritually.
Capitalism & Discretionary Spending: The success of capitalism led to a new realm of spending, discretionary spending—which in turn, led to more success in capitalism. The cycle of supply and demand was changed forever when hard-working people now had children, for the first time, with opportunity and provision to choose products that fit their own generational desires. For the first time, there was now money (for many) to provide much stuff that were “wants” and not necessarily “needs.” This was the first generation to get “spending money.” This is the dawning of “age-focused marketing.” Marketers found a completely new demographic to make money off of—products for children and youth on a much greater scale. These factors led to a new era in American culture with complete individualistic opportunity.
Baby Boom & Middle Class: (1946-1964) Alongside the successive conquering of a Great Depression, two World Wars, Urbanization, the Industrial Revolution, and Capitalism, we have a new middle class that is able to spend much time pursuing and gaining individual items and goals.
Generation Gap: Marketing turns to a generational focus. Each generation becomes increasingly disillusioned by the entertainment and social pleasures of the other generations surrounding them. The “yuck factor.” Parents were appalled and grossed out by some of the things youth began to spend their time on. Youth and children thought the things adults spent their time doing was incredibly unappealing. Older generational relationships (grandparents) were looked at as out of touch and irrelevant. Greater separation was happening between their likes and dislikes as entertainment based consumerism greatly influenced time spent away from other family members. Entertainment became increasingly generationally focused and then completely individualized.
All of these factors greatly influenced the church and the way churches began to adapt to bring in specialized and generationally appealing methods.
These are seemingly insurmountable cultural norms--but they don't have to be the norm for your family. Take back your home and take back your family's focus for the glory of God and a spiritual legacy that will have eternal enjoyment!
Sankie P. Lynch
Pastor of Families
www.nbchurch.info
www.nbfamilies.info
sankie@nbfamilies.info
Truth
is that this is a basic and fundamental need that we all share. We desire to be
known. We long for a place that we can be vulnerable. Even though we occasionally
have trouble identifying this need, it is there. The root of self-promotion and
shutting down from the world are the same. Deep down we just want to be valued.
We want to be heard, understood, and accepted in our most raw and real
form. While no one besides God knows me
better than my wife, I am fortunate enough to also be known well by others. As a
family we are blessed to share life with other families. We have groups of
people that know us and love us and they support us in a variety of ways. This kind
of appreciation is reciprocated and helps foster an environment of
transparency. 
