It Don't Have to Change!

Kyle, Julie, and C.C. Partin

This is a photo of the Partins. The beautiful brown-haired girl, is my oldest daughter, Julie. The absolutely gorgeous little girl is my granddaughter, C.C.. The dude is Kyle my son-in-law. I give Kyle a hard time. I tease him continuously. I joke with him constantly. Incessant teasing and joking is a generational family flaw. I inherited this genetic defect from my father. It is our familial misguided way.

Over the years, Kyle has transitioned from level to level in my family - from Julie’s college friend, to Julie’s boyfriend, to Julie’s fiancée, to Julie’s husband, to the father of my granddaughter. I have pulled Kyle’s leg every step of the transition. I wanted to tell you a story about a Sallee family Christmas tradition. Maybe this Christmas time story will take an edge off the stifling summer heat. Maybe you will decide to start a Christmas family tradition.

Both of these options are good.

When our kids were younger we had a set of Christmas traditions that were better for young kids (icing sugar cookies, tree decorating, singing carols, etc.). As our kids aged our traditions became more mature. Carol and I agreed to start a new Christmas tradition. It was Carol’s idea. Each Christmas one member of the family would take their turn to design and make a homemade Christmas ornament. The ornament would come with a devotional which that year’s family member would present. We started that tradition from the oldest to the youngest then we would start the rotation over again.

As our daughters met and married really good Christian men, we decided that they would present the ornaments and devotionals as family units. We didn’t want to put any new in-laws on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable their first Christmas at our house. Kyle was the first outsider to participate in the Sallee family tradition. It would have been expected for him to watch at allow Julie to take the lead. She had experienced this Christmas tradition many times. As a biological family member and oldest daughter, our artistic daughter Julie had created ornaments and led devotionals. Why would Kyle want to subject himself to the scrutiny and teasing of the Sallee family?

I must admit I was surprised when Kyle jumped at the opportunity to create an ornament and lead the devotional. The ornament he made was a beautiful display of a baby bird leaving the nest. He hung the ornament on the Christmas tree. He explained how he felt honored to be trusted to lead his new family in California. He agreed that he knew how difficult it must be for us to watch our little bird fly to California. Then he jumped up and ran upstairs. I was thinking to myself. “Where was he going? Did he exit prematurely out of fear and embarrassment? Is the devotional over? It was going so well.” Just then Kyle returned with a guitar. He asked us to sing with him a song we had never heard. Our part was “Ooh.” He nailed it! We weren’t too bad either. You can hear the song Kyle led in the video below. You can read the lyrics too.

"It Don't Have To Change"

John Legend and the Stephens Family

Oh do you remember (ooh)
When the family was everything? (ooh)
Oh do you remember? (ooh)
It was so long ago and so much has changed (ooh)
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
Wanna go back to those simple days (ooh)
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
But now we've grown and gone our separate ways

Times is hard (times is hard)
And things are a changin'
I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

Do you remember (ooh)
Back at Grannie's house on Christmas Day? (ooh)
Help me sing...
Do you remember (ooh)
How we'd gather 'round and sing all day? (ooh)
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
To playing basketball and football games
I wanna go back (go back...ooh)
To yesterday but it's not the same

Times is hard (times is hard)
And things are a changin'
I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

Times is hard (times is hard)
And things are a changin'
So I pray to God
That we can remain the same
All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change
No it don't have to change

Needless to say tears followed the devotional. The tears were mixed. Some were sad tears because we love these little birds so much and they have flown to another nest far away. Some were tears of joy because our little birds have found godly husbands to lead them to become godly families. Some were tears of worship because, no matter how far away these little birds live, “our love don't have to change.”

Kyle did that Christmas day what every father must one day do. He swallowed his pride, he took a risk, he climbed out on a limb, and focused our hearts where they belong. The ornament is hung in the tree each and every Christmas. I will never forget that devotional.

Thank you Kyle for leading my daughter well. Thank you for being a great example to me. Thank you for tolerating my teasing and jokes. I am thankful for you more everyday.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
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nbfamilies.info

Rest is best

After hearing indistinct voices and the closing of multiple car doors, I awoke and looked at my phone to see the time. It was 2:38am. Though this may sound very early, it indicated to me that we were running late. We were supposed to have awakened 2 hours earlier! Three other guys and myself had planned on hitting the trailhead by 1am. We had a 7 mile hike / climb ahead of us before we would reach our first of two summits and needed to make sure we were down below tree line well before the forecasted afternoon rains. Because we had somehow overslept, I was unsure of how our plans might be affected. It was in this brief panicky moment that I saw a picture of my own life.

The previous three days had been pretty action-packed. We had traveled many miles, trekked to some amazing heights. We were sore and fatigue from our first few hikes, and this looked to be our most challenging climb. We needed to get up super-early to accomplish the task before us. Instead, we overslept. This situation felt familiar. I often find myself thinking the same kind of things in my weekly schedule. "We better start moving, keep on doing, work a little harder, or else goals won’t be met."

The irony I discovered later on that afternoon is that an extra two hours of rest is just what we needed. We hit the trail as refreshed as we could be, given our situation; we moved briskly and purposefully with a steady pace. It seemed the time of rest had brought a sense of urgency. And believe it or not, we not only summited both peaks, but we made it back down in time for lunch – aka, way ahead of schedule – the original schedule. Rest was best.

I thought that our late start would be detrimental to our plans, yet rest was on our side. It was almost as if the Lord had caused our alarms to fail or our ears to not hear. Not that He had our summiting accomplishment in mind. I’m not sure The Lord is all that impressed with our amateur mountaineering skills, but I’m quite certain He wanted me to see the shadows those mountains cast that afternoon. For I have approached the past few seasons of life with an attitude similar to what I initially expressed that morning. “I must get up early for this, stay up late for that, push a little bit harder, for just a while longer…”

Yet what I learned is that the same things not only get completed with rest, they can be done well and accomplished with a better attitude when one has rested. Now, you must know that I’m referring to far more than just physical rest. Sleep and relaxation are good; they are blessed and necessary. But there is a rest that cannot be found in a Sunday afternoon nap or in a weekend spent lazily reading from a hammock. And this rest is for every soul that’s weary. It’s for the saint that is sinking; it’s reserved for the prodigal that has turned back home. It is this rest that I need. It is this kind of rest that your innermost requires as well.

Friends, my focus has been blurry here lately. I’ve looked too much to what I’m doing and when I’m doing it and less upon why this striving ought to be desired and how this pursuit is even made possible. If the Spirit of Christ and the power of His resurrection are not the very things that propel me forward, then I’m missing it. If I fail to rest in the finality and sufficiency of His atoning work on the cross, any alleged victories are merely claimed in vain. Godly rest in Christ produces a genuine sense of rejuvenation; it refreshes and fills us; it emboldens us with a sense of urgency; it reveals that our days are fleeting and to be lived for something more.

Lord, help me to slow down. Father, help us all to long for more than a Saturday of sleeping-in. May we want more than a mere extended vacation. God, allow us to rest in You. Open our spiritual eyes to see the goodness of godly rest. Help us see its availability and abundance. Rest is best! May we hear it, believe it, and experience it today, for our joy and ultimately, for Your glory.

Matt Fowler
Associate Pastor of Missions & Students
matt@nbchurch.info
@fattmowler

The Curse of the Blue Icing

Kyle, Julie, and C.C. Partin

This is a photo of the Partins. The beautiful brown-haired girl, is my oldest daughter, Julie. The absolutely gorgeous little girl is my granddaughter, C.C.. The dude is Kyle my son-in-law. I give Kyle a hard time. I tease him continuously. I joke with him constantly. Incessant teasing and joking is a generational family flaw. I inherited this genetic defect from my father. It is our familial misguided way.

Over the years, Kyle has transitioned from level to level in my family - from Julie’s college friend, to Julie’s boyfriend, to Julie’s fiancée, to Julie’s husband, to the father of my granddaughter. I have pulled Kyle’s leg every step of the transition. I wanted to tell you a story about a Sallee family Christmas tradition. Maybe this Christmas time story will take an edge off the stifling summer heat. Maybe you will decide to start a Christmas family tradition. Both of these options are good.

When our kids were younger we had a set of Christmas traditions that were better for young kids (icing sugar cookies, tree decorating, singing carols, etc.). As our kids aged our traditions became more mature. Carol and I agreed to start a new Christmas tradition. It was Carol’s idea. Each Christmas one member of the family would take their turn to design and make a homemade Christmas ornament. The ornament would come with a devotional which that year’s family member would present. We started that tradition from the oldest to the youngest then we would start the rotation over again.

As our daughters met and married really good Christian men, we decided that they would present the ornaments and devotionals as family units. We didn’t want to put any new in-laws on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable their first Christmas at out house. Kyle was the first outsider to participate in the Sallee family tradition. It would have been expected for him to watch at allow Julie to take the lead. She had experienced this Christmas tradition many times. As a biological family member and oldest daughter, our artistic daughter Julie had created ornaments and led devotionals. Why would Kyle want to subject himself to the scrutiny and teasing of the Sallee family?

I must admit I was surprised when Kyle jumped at the opportunity to create an ornament and lead the devotional. The ornament he made was a beautiful display of a baby bird leaving the nest. He hung the ornament on the Christmas tree. He explained how he felt honored to be trusted to lead his new family in California. He agreed that he knew how difficult it must be for us to watch our little bird fly to California. Then he jumped up and ran upstairs. I was thinking to myself. “Where was he going? Did he exit prematurely out of fear and embarrassment? Is the devotional over? It was going so well.” Just then Kyle returned with a guitar. He asked us to sing with him a song we had never heard. Our part was “Ooh.” He nailed it! We weren’t too bad either. You can hear the song Kyle led in the video below. You can read the lyrics too.

"It Don't Have To Change" John Legend and the Stephens Family

Oh do you remember (ooh) When the family was everything? (ooh) Oh do you remember? (ooh) It was so long ago and so much has changed (ooh) I wanna go back (go back...ooh) Wanna go back to those simple days (ooh) I wanna go back (go back...ooh) But now we've grown and gone our separate ways

(aah) Times is hard (times is hard) And things are a changin' I pray to God That we can remain the same All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change No it don't have to change

Do you remember (ooh) Back at Grannie's house on Christmas Day? (ooh) Help me sing... Do you remember (ooh) How we'd gather 'round and sing all day? (ooh) I wanna go back (go back...ooh) To playing basketball and football games I wanna go back (go back...ooh) To yesterday but it's not the same

Times is hard (times is hard) And things are a changin' I pray to God That we can remain the same All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change No it don't have to change

Times is hard (times is hard) And things are a changin' So I pray to God That we can remain the same All I'm trying to say is our love don't have to change No it don't have to change

Needless to say tears followed the devotional. The tears were mixed. Some were sad tears because we love these little birds so much and they have flown to another nest. Some were tears of joy because our little birds have found godly husbands to lead them to become godly families. Some were tears of worship because, no matter how far away these little birds live, “our love don't have to change.”

Kyle did that Christmas day what every father must one day do. He swallowed his pride, he took a risk, he climbed out on a limb and focused our hearts where they belong. The ornament is hung in the tree each and every Christmas. I will never forget that devotional.

Thank you Kyle for leading my daughter well. Thank you for being a great example to me. Thank you for tolerating my teasing and jokes. I am thankful for you more everyday.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
nbchurch.info
nbfamilies.info

A Transparent Look Into My Sinful Thoughts

I imagine from the title of this blog you are either going to read this with apprehension or excitement in learning something evil about me so that you can bring it up to me later to humble me. Regardless, either way, I hope not to let you down.

So I had a doctors appointment this morning for a six month check up to monitor my Gout. Yes, I have that. It wasn't by choice. I inherited it. So, I take a pill daily to keep my uric acid level low, so that it won't destroy my joints.

My appointment was scheduled at 8:40am. The appointment usually takes about 10-15 minutes, or at least it has in the past. This morning when I check in, I find out that my doctor has changed to another doctor. I'm not really happy about that because I liked my doctor, who was very proficient in seeing my on time and getting me in and out pretty quickly. So, I'm waiting in the "waiting room" and sure enough, I wait and I wait and I wait. I wait until 9:20am when my name is finally called. I go back and get my weight checked, shown to another room, have my blood pressure checked by a nurse, asked a few questions and told the doctor will be right in. So, I wait and I wait and I wait some more until about 9:45am when the doctor finally arrives.

Now let me tell you about my sinful, selfish, thought process for the past hour. "Great, they changed my doctor. I am probably going to have to wait forever, just for him to tell me, things look great. Go get this blood sample and here are your prescriptions. I bet he's going to tell me I have to come and see him 4 times per year instead of twice per year. That's going to cost me. I bet he won't allow me to get my prescription filled without coming in to see him EVERY 4 months! What the heck is taking SO long?? Every time a nurse comes out to the waiting room SOMEONE ELSE get's called back. I had an 8:40am appt! Why even schedule it at 8:40am if they are going to call you back until 9:20?!?!? I don' have time for this! I have work to do! I have a BLOG to write!!This is wasting my time! How disrespectful! If this was a business ALL of the customers would be walking out! Sure, take me back to a room and let me wait for another 25 minutes!!!! I don't get it! Look at the degrees on the wall. He must have served in the military. Great! I wonder if he even knows what he is doing? I see references to God on the wall. He's probably a "health and wealth" gospel guy!"

Here is a picture of my friendly waiting room face. I took this selfie and texted it to my wife to give her a laugh and it did.

Yes, those were my thoughts. Pretty sad thoughts from a "loving and caring" pastor.

So the doctor finally walks in. He was very polite. He apologized for the wait. He introduced himself. He began to ask me the normal questions. Then he asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was an Executive Pastor at a church in Bixby. He smiled and thought that was great. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was feeling great, my health was great and I felt really blessed by that because there are so many people out in that waiting room that are really hurting.(So get me out of here, so I can get back to work, is what I was thinking)

He went on to ask more health related questions and then he said, "I have a couple of patients who use the word "blessed" like you did. If you don't mind I have a couple of stories to tell you. Do you mind? He was genuinely excited to share his personal stories. I said "No" go ahead. He told me that he had a really good friend that he served with in the military, who most recently found out he had stage 4 brain cancer. He longed to see this friend to catch up with him, but since he has a family of 5 and his friend lived far away there just was never a good time to get to see him. Then the doctor told me that he had taken his family on a cruise vacation and when they were docked in Barcelona, he ran into his friend that he hadn't seen in years, on the boat, docked in Barcelona! He was able to reunite with him. He said, I just really felt God had blessed me with that opportunity to get to see him, and to catch up with him, especially after learning about his health.

The other story, was about his family. He was really having a stressful time with his two year old son. They have 5 children ranging in ages from 16 down to the age of 2. It was one of those days. He said I just prayed that God would help me through this stressful day. He said he placed some butter into the microwave and then he showed me this picture. He said this is what came out.

He said it brought a smile to his face that changed his attitude the rest of the day. I asked him if he would to text me that picture and he did. He then went on to ask how often I would like to get my prescriptions refilled. Is every 90 days OK? I said YES! that would be great. He said, you look to be in great shape. Do you think it would be OK to set our next appointment for 1 year, unless you need to see me earlier, that is fine too? I said next year would be GREAT!

I felt horrible inside for all of those things that I had been thinking and feeling. Here was a doctor who served 9 years in the military, was an obvious Christian, it showed in the pictures on the wall, in his caring voice, in his boldness to share some stories about, regardless of what you think, are a couple of special moments that he "sees" God in his life, and I'm not going there if you don't, I'm not making a judgement either way, I am just telling you the story as it happened. I'm just glad he's my new doctor. I could tell he cared about my health, but he also cared about whether to take my money 4 times of year, when he knows, I don't need to be in there 4 times of year. And he cared enough to walk to change our conversation and share his God stories with me. When I left, I thanked him for his service in our military

So, where were my fruits of the spirit this morning? 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galations 5:22-23

Thank God, I can ask for forgiveness for my lack of patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Thank you, Lord Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins today. Please forgive me for my lack of patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Help me to learn from this experience today, so I can handle myself more like you, next time. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

God's Plan for Chan the Man

He was born weeks premature and spent the first 13 days of his life in the NICU. His bumpy start made him susceptible to multiple respiratory viruses. So his earliest years involved a handful of overnight stays in the hospital. Eventually his lungs became stronger and despite some minor hearing loss from severe infection, he has grown and developed so much that those days of sickness and struggle are now only distant memories.

His personality was seen early on...

Because of his July birthday, Chan has always been one of the youngest in his class. For some of the reasons I mentioned above, he was often behind in early elementary school. In fact, there was considerable thought given to holding him back to do first grade again. Similarly to his childhood illness, academic adversity is also only faintly seen in the rear-view, as today Chan is thriving scholastically.

Mama & Chan watching baseball

There is more that could be shared but this is not the time or place. Let’s just say that there were challenges to his childhood and moments of fear he should have never had to face. That being said, it is amazing to see where Chan is today. He is one of the most tender and compassionate children I know. Yes, I am biased without a doubt, but I have also known many children and students, and I must tell you, this guy is a stinkin’ sweetheart. Brittany and I often talk about how we will not be surprised if one of these days Chan tells us that he is headed overseas for missions.

He is deep-thinker and deep-feeler, and emotionally responsive well beyond most his age. Sometimes these emotions are precious to see, while other times they serve as a reminder of all he’s experienced. I bring these things up today because they are in the forefront of my mind and heavy on my heart. There is something about seeing one of our kiddos turning 10 that makes me super-sentimental and contemplative. A lot has happened over the years, but one major constant emerges in my reflection.

Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed Chan!

I do not write about Chandler’s hardships to highlight how hardworking of a kid he is. I don’t reminisce on his early physical ailments to speak of his resilience. While he is in a solid-school district and part of a gospel-centered church family that loves him dearly, neither can claim responsibility for his scholastic and spiritual growth. Additionally, my wife and I have no place to boast, for we do our best just to stay out of the way.

Chan & his best buddy J in Haiti

No, the one constant, the one thing that has remained throughout our middle-child’s life, is God’s grace. How did he make it out of the hospital? What turned on the lights of understanding for him? Why were his spiritual eyes opened to come to a saving knowledge of Christ at the young age of 8? How can the Spirit stir Chan, even though he’s a pre-adolescent? Grace, grace, grace, and more grace!

Today we celebrate far more than Chandler’s birthday, we rejoice at God’s faithfulness through the years. We enjoy one of the treasures we have been entrusted to raise, and we praise the One who has given him to us. Every day is special, yes, each day a gift from God. Yet sometimes we need pause and reflect a little bit longer; occasionally deeper contemplation is required. Through ups and downs, highs and lows, sickness, health, success, and failures, God’s grace has covered it all, and He promises that His goodness will govern every unforeseen step that lays ahead. As I think of our Chan Man and God’s plan for His life, I’m reminded of a line from that classic hymn, “’Tis Grace has brought (him) safe thus far, and Grace will lead (him) home.”

Right before Chandler's baptism...

Matt Fowler
Associate Pastor of Missions & Students
matt@nbchurch.info
@fattmowler

Top Six Reasons for VBS

The Year of New Life from New Beginnings Church on Vimeo.

VBS stands for Vacation Bible School. 50 years ago, I started attending VBS when I was a little boy. I have the golden, spray painted, macaroni plates to prove it. OK, to tell the truth, the golden plates disintegrated later in the fall. But the memories are still fresh in my mind.

When am I finished with VBS? Why would so many youth and adults carve a precious week out of their summer to be involved in VBS? Why would these adults take 3-4 hours, during the hottest week of the year, to pretend they were going on an exciting 5-day hike up a mountain, yet never leave the building? Why would a church agree to spend so much effort and money to conduct a one week experience for kids?

Here are my top 6 reason for VBS

1. The Kids.
Our children are bombarded by thousands of images and cultural values like no previous generation. Our kids need to hear and observe the uniquely counter-cultural reality of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They need to have experiences and memories that point them to the truth of the Gospel. Carol and I have no better experience to invest our time and energy into the children at New Beginnings each year than VBS. Our children and our grandchildren are one of our most precious treasures. They are the #1 reason for having VBS.
2. The Volunteers.
From the leadership who administrate this extensive week to the foot soldiers who work in the trenches with the children, I am thankful for our VBS volunteers. This could be described as a long, hot, difficult week. But you would be surprised at how willing and able our volunteers make this week go. New Beginnings had over 80 adult volunteers dressed and played the part of hikers to made the 5 day trek up Mount Kilimanjaro.

My wife, Carol, personally re-writes the opening and closing assembly strategy to fit our capabilities and achieve the goal of the week. A lot of people are not aware that Carol wrote VBS curriculum professionally for several year for Lifeway Christian Resources. She volunteers many hours, for New Beginnings, designing a plan that will be fun, be engaging, and emphasize the main teaching focus. Then she produces and directs the opening and closing assemblies. It is always spot on. The finished product looks easier than effort it took to plan the assembly. She amazes me. I’m so thankful for her. But I am also aware that there are many other planning, enlisting help, training helpers, producing, strategizing, and directing - choreography, drama, games, crafts, and snacks. All the volunteers gave a winning effort!

3. The Relationships.
Carol and I got to spend time with people we only get to see or greet on Sundays. We finally are able to learn names and establish associations. The interaction between volunteers is priceless. I loved watching our people laughing, telling stories, and leading children together. Friendships were starting and deepening. Relationships were taking root, growing, and bearing fruit. If the church is a family then VBS is the family summer vacation.
4. The Fun.
There is always a lot of laughter at VBS and this year was no exception. The songs, the skits, the games, the crafts and the snacks were fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Fun is not the goal and purpose of VBS, but fun sure help us achieve the goal and purpose. The funis one of the reasons that keeps the kids and the volunteers coming back every year.
5. The Creativity.
Snacks, games, crafts, bible lessons, and Opening and closing assemblies were each characterized by focused creativity. Each activity creatively points to the daily bible verse and central truth of that verse. Each volunteer assumes a role and plays a part in the theme of the week. Everyone pitches in with their own flavor of creativity.

Under the creative direction of my wife, I assumed the role of “Tambo” the new Camp Kilimanjaro tour guide. I acted in ways that were not traditionally, “pastoral,” (singing, drumming, dancing, rapping, etc.) but hopefully these actions were both creative and memorable. It is my prayer that the kids and volunteers who observed my antics will understand that I want to point the kids to Jesus and His Word. And I want the kids to know that their pastor loves them.

6. The Opportunity.
There are few better chances to invest in the lives of kids than VBS. The opportunity can be demanding, cost time and energy, and require a dedication and commitment that cannot be described as passive or lazy. But the time and effort are always worth it. Always!

Thank you NBFamilies for remaining committed to raising vibrant disciples of Jesus.

Dr. Phil Sallee, Pastor
twitter.com/philsallee
facebook.com/phil.sallee
philsallee.info
nbchurch.info
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"Parents: Stop Defending Your Child's Bad Behavior"

This article below is taken from Tim Elmore's blog dated today, July 16, 2015. What you will read below should shock you and challenge you if you are a parent of teens or younger. How many times do you see this happening on the news and/or social media? This type of behavior has become the "norm" in our society, not the "abnormal". Who is to blame? Some parents are raising the next generation. Some parents are "molding" the next generation, whether they take that responsibility seriously or not. Some are "molding" who their children will become as adults. 

What about you? Are you defending your child's bad behavior? Do you make excuses for it? Do you blame others for it? How does scripture and your faith lead you in guiding your children or does it? Proverbs 22:6 says to "Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 

Parents: Stop Defending Your Child’s Bad Behavior!

July 16, 2015 — 

A 2013 Labor Day party of 300 teens turned into a crime. As many as 300 high school students broke into the New York home of former football great Brian Holloway and vandalized it. They painted graffiti all over the walls, urinated on the floor, and stole property. What’s crazy about this incident is that Brian and his son could watch it in real time on social media, as the teens tweeted out pics of their criminal activity as it happened. Needless to say, six of them were arrested on charges, and police said more arrests were expected. Perhaps hundreds more.

This act of vandalism and burglary is pitiful, but I suppose someone might say in response, “Ah, too bad, but… teens will be teens.” What troubles me most is how their parents reacted. Brian Holloway offered to drop all charges if the kids would simply apologize and clean up the mess. It didn’t happen. He invited parents to come and discuss the evidence of illegal drugs and alcohol at the party. The invitation fell on deaf ears. “I expected 100 parents to show. Only one showed up,” he told ABC News.

With no one apologizing for the crime or the drinking and drugs, Holloway re-posted the pictures the teens took—the ones out on social media already—on a website: HelpMeSave300.com.

Parents Acting Poorly

That’s when the parents got ugly. Rather than apologize to Holloway for their children’s behavior, some parents have contacted their lawyers to see what legal action they can take against the former Patriots offensive lineman, local affiliate ABC News 10 reported.

Did you catch that?

The parents’ greatest interest wasn’t correcting their children — it was protecting their reputation. They hoped to prevent it from spreading too far and wide on social media. I’m sorry, but you can’t have it both ways, moms and dads. Your kids are growing up in a world where bad behavior gets posted online. (Often by the perpetrator!) Further, we live in a world where technology enables us to track down crime more swiftly than ever. They had every reason to come clean. Instead, here is what these parents taught their adolescent children:

• When you commit a crime, don’t make it right. Cover it up.
• When you commit a crime, just don’t record it. It gets messy.
• If you do post your crime on social media, just enlist an attorney and defend your behavior by posing as a victim.

These teens will be adults soon. Look at what we’ve taught them about adult behavior. It’s shameful.

Correction Over Protection

The best way we can prepare students for the world that awaits them is not to prevent their permanent posts from being re-posted. The best thing we can do is to lead them to make restitution for their misconduct to their victim (in this case, Brian Holloway) and to let the social media reactions take their course. Teens can learn no greater lesson than to feel the consequences of social media on bad behavior… if you care at all that they stop.

We’ve migrated into a culture that only looks out for number one, not for the interests of others. We care more about how we “look” than about right and wrong. In our fear of social media posts or even litigation, we fight for our own reputation and image. It’s become our prime goal, even higher than justice.

If you think this is an isolated incident in New York, think again. Our 2014 research of 17,000 public high schools students revealed that ethics weren’t even on the radar screen for most teens. Adults have somehow taught them to cover up what’s wrong instead of teaching them to do what’s right.

The Landscape vs. The Selfie

We all know what a “selfie” is. It’s that photo we take of ourselves when we’re having a good hair day, or when we’re doing something fun that we want to capture. A landscape, in contrast, is a bigger picture. It’s a photo we take when we step back and can see more than a single person. We see the horizon. When it comes to life, we’ve got to help kids see the landscape, not just the selfie.

What Parents and Faculty Can Do:

1. Expose them to realities that enable them to see the big picture. Help them to empathize with the plight of others, not just themselves.

2. Discuss getting beyond legality (the bare minimum) to morality (our highest aim). Teach them to take the high road with others.

3. Walk beside them as they face consequences for their wrong action, but don’t remove them. It’s the best way to teach how life works.

4. Steer them to practice the opposite of what the parents did above: justice, empathy and responsibility over self-preservation.